Stress

[TheMewster]

I know I have already discussed all of the issues here. My problem is that they're getting worse.

First off, I'm worried that I am an idolater and won't get to heaven because of idolatry that I'm not even sure I'm doing. There are two things in my life that I'm worried about: School and gaming. I'm worried that I'm putting school before God because I spend more time on homework and in school than I do on God and His Word. I don't miss church to do homework, I'd rather just take a power grade as a sacrifice to Christ. I'm also worried about it because I tend to ignore my friend Jordan for schoolwork, and I've read that relationships are supposed to be above these things.

My biggest idol worry is gaming. Yes, I've already complained about it, but here's an update: I extended my original fast because I couldn't remember how long I was supposed to keep it, and I couldn't stay on the fast (though I had went a month without gaming and gotten pretty darn close.) I also tend to get ticked off when my friend Jordan interrupts my gaming time to talk or text, and I have to drop what I'm doing to be with her. Some days I'll go without gaming (thanks to school) but lately I've spent entire days gaming. Oh I get my Bible reading plans done, but I know I tend to treat God like a checklist of chores even though I love Him. I tend to look for pleasure in gaming rather than God, which I've read is a bad thing. I've skipped studying for tests to play games like the Sims 2.

My wonder on the idolatry thing is whether these things are idols or manifestations of existing sins like laziness and selfishness. All I know is that gaming is an idol I have to give it up permanently. Otherwise it'll just become a problem again. I don't know how I would repent if school was an idol, and I'm afraid to find out.

My greatest concern is that I've been getting a lot of intrusive thoughts lately. I've already told y'all about it but its gotten worse than ever. I think they are my main cause for worrying about things being an idol. They tell me to give up gaming an it sounds like God, but its 'to be saved from my sin' and 'to atone for my sin.' They tell me that Christ cannot atone for my sims like idolatry, that I must do it myself. They tell me that they want me to drop out of school and marry an abusive husband to be saved. I know thats crazy, I'm just being honest and telling you what they tell me. They tell me that breathing is a sin and sleeping is a sin since I do it more than I pray and read my Bible and that I need to study my Bible for 5 hours per day to atone for my sins. (Don't worry guys, I'm not going to act on these things and repent of breathing.) Theu tell me that the Bible is a lie and that God isn't real. Because its so repetitive and so often I find myself almost brainwashed into believing these things.

I don't know whether this is a demon, a chemical imbalance, or Jen I pray my mind is just trained into thinking these things from the demons (after all this has been going on for several months or more.) I already took the dream catchers, the Shojo Beat magazines (they have horoscopes and Vampire Knight) out of my room. I am seriously thinking of trying to get one of my youth leaders to perform an exorcism on me (and I'm scared about it as HECK because I'm afraid it'll hurt.)

My last source of stress is grades, specifically in AP Environmental Science. I've got a 10-page research paper due a week from today (THANK GOD IT IS THANKSGIVING BREAK), I have a 90 last time I checked, and I'm afraid with how bad I'm doing on tests it'll drop to a B or C. I know I spun like I have it made on grades, but I'm kind of a perfectionist with the colleges I plan to try to get into and all. (My main choice has an average acceptance GPA above 4.0)

On the bright side, I'm trying to memorize Scripture now. Pray that I'll be able to find the time to work on that, especially when school is back in.)

Thanks for putting up with my issues. Please pray for me and give me some advice.

[QtheQreater]

Okay, short opinion on the gaming. If you think it's a problem, stop doing it. At least make your gaming equipment inaccessible for the time being, especially if you want to be able to focus on something else in a serious manner.

You aren't demon possessed. You don't need an exorcism. I assume you haven't been throwing yourself into a fire or anything like that. What you are experiencing, if it has anything to do with the demonic and not just you trying to give yourself a reason to feel guilty, is just demonic suggestion. What you need to do is learn to recognize that if what you are thinking (or what the voices are saying, if you prefer) is not biblical and not true, then they don't matter and you need to not dwell on them. They aren't going to make you do anything; you have that choice yourself.

Again, you are not demon possessed, you're just making yourself paranoid about that possibility.

Go ahead and find someone who is more spiritually mature than you and ask them to pray with you about the thoughts. God tends to work through that kind of humility.

Praying for you.

[TheMewster]

Thanks. I'm already trying to not game until I get half of each homework assignment I have done, and trying to abstain from the Sims 2 for the entire break. I'm actually curious and excited to see whether I can or not.

Not dwelling on the thoughts is one of the primary reasons why I'm trying to memorize Scripture. When Satan tries to tell me something I can pwn him like Jesus did in the desert.

[Atria35]

Spending more time on homework than on Scripture is not idolatry. It's something that you need to do to survive in this world. Jesus didn't say to follow him and have no useful skills so you could starve, it was use your talents to help those around you. School is a great place to learn and discover various interests you have, which you can use to help other people. Math to science to English to foriegn languages.... most everything you learn and do in school can bring you closer to God in ways that you don't expect.

So turn your thinking on your head - you're learning skills that can help God. That is just as important as Scripture. That is the sort of thing Jesus preached about doing.

So don't fret about spending more time on schoolwork, because you NEED that time to learn those skills and prepare for the rest of your life serving God.

[Xeno]

Everything Atria said.

I thought you moved pasted this ridiculousness Mewster. You have no demon posseson or any of that jazz. If video games are a distraction then stop playing them, but school work is QUITE important right now for you. Putting it to the side because you're afraid Jesus has a big frowny face about you learning to do arithmetic and how to read good is more than a little crazy. You'll be fine.

[TheMewster]

Thanks, guys. The advice (and my meds!) really helped. I think I'll give up gaming until I get my research paper and the rest of my homework done. Now that I've calmed down some (I was really stressed and worried from these intrusive thoughts when I posted this), I think that gaming isn't really an idol. I think my problems are a manifestation of heart problems like procrastination, laziness, and selfishness. All I know is that I'm NOT going to let whatever these intrusive thoughts are from bring me down. I'll just memorize Scripture so I can rebuke them, and pray, and try to meditate on positive things.

Oh, and I never meant demonic possession. I just meant demons trying to talk to me and bug me. I just thought the exorcism would make them shut up. Plus it could just be a chemical imbalance. My doctor is upping the dosage of my meds so when I get that in it should help. Thanks.

[DaughterOfZion]

"I don't know whether this is a demon, a chemical imbalance, or Jen"
Whose Jen? Or was that a typo?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You are not an idolator.

Trust me.

Now next time you have an anxiety attack on this, just remember that you're not an idolator. We all know you are not. You also know you are not. So you're not!

[Atria35]

how to read good

Well. Read well.

Life skills at work!

[TheMewster]

I have no idea what Jen was supposed to be. 0_o You gotta love autocorrect.