Divorced?

[steenajack]

Mine are also happily married....I think for about 19 or 20 years?.....

[Fish and Chips]

My parents have been happy married for some time now (25-odd years or something).

Furthermore, if I can be even half the man my dad is, I'll have considered my life well spent. I've got a ways to go...

[Yuki-Anne]

I think my parents are going on 32 years? Some years more happily than others, but overall, I think they're pretty happy.

[rocklobster]

My parents have been married ever since I've known them. (Although actually, I have a stepmom. My real mom is...well, I can't really say much good about her, so I will decline from speaking about her) They've been legally married for about 33 years I think.

[Sapphire225]

My parents have been married for 20 years now, about to go on 21 in June.

[Davidizer13]

My parents have been married for over 21 years now, and they're still deeply in love, with three kids who love them back. So far, I've turned out all right, so they've done at least two things right.

[Arya Raiin]

For me my parents are married but my dad's looking to leave in another year. If not, they still have plans to divorce once I'm out of highschool. :/

[MrKrillz0r]

My parents are married, although fighting is something that happens daily I know they are happy together.

[Syreth]

Married? Yes. Happily? Maybe.

[Scarecrow]

Married... but I feel sorry for both. If I were my dad, I'd have left my mom. Although, my dad isn't the best husband either so maybe that's why she is the way she is now. Not that he does anything physical to her but her needs are not met so she makes a scene for attention and acts quite selfishly a majority of the time. To the point of where if I were my dad, I say see yeah. But he is not innocent... he's not very understanding of peoples emotions or see the big deal in surprises or randomly doing something romantic. He's a boring old fogy and always has been since I've known him. I never thought he was that great of a dad.... never had any great emotional investment in us and so I never had an emotional investment in him. But I can live without him... my mom on the other hand can't...

So yeah, I wish they would have gotten divorced cause I don't think either are happy. Mom needed a more emotionally invested man who liked to do stuff with her rather than just sit around after work and read the paper and go to bed. But I feel sorry for him too because I'd be annoyed out of my mind if I were him. But then it's kind of his fault in the first place. But if he tried really hard to be a good dad/husband and she was still this selfish and demanding, I'd say bye....

Yes I've learned a lot from my parents marriage Maybe that's why I'm still single...

[Furen]

Together! They love each other so much (their pass time is teasing me [I guess that's fair ]) they're going on their 18th I believe... in may, as well as my mom's b-day and mothers day.

Addition: The remarried parents thing scares me as it's stated in Deut 24:4 (NKJV) ""Then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she had been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance."

[Scarecrow]

I wouldn't worry... First the whole thing says if she divorces, then marries another man and divorces in between and then comes back... no. Second... these laws are written to the Hebrews. Not us... we are under the Law of Christ, not the Law of Moses (Romans 7:6)

[Nate]

The remarried parents thing scares me

It shouldn't scare you, as we don't follow that law anymore. Same reason why if a guy rapes a woman he goes to jail instead of marrying her like Deuteronomy 22 says.

Anyway Scarecrow is right, you're missing the first three verses. What Deuteronomy 24 is saying is a man divorces his wife. She goes and marries another guy. The second husband divorces her. Then, she goes back to the first husband and marries her. That's what Deuteronomy 24 says shouldn't happen. If a man divorced his wife, and she stayed single but then later they remarried, that was perfectly fine.

But again, I don't think there's even a problem with what Deuteronomy 24 says anyway these days. Keep in mind as well the way Deuteronomy 24 puts it, which is "If a man doesn't like his wife and sends her away." One, I would think as a Christian, you would immediately see the problem in that verse saying a man can divorce his wife just because he feels like it, given what Jesus said about divorce. :p Two, remember women have more rights these days than they did back then. As far as I can tell, women did not have the right to initiate divorce under Mosaic Law. Only a man could divorce his wife, a woman could not divorce her husband. However, we treat women a bit differently than they did, and women are allowed to file for divorce these days. And there are no laws in the OT covering a situation where a woman divorces her husband, because that wouldn't have been able to happen.

[ST. Attidude]

My parents have been married for 36 years and counting. Sure, they don't get along 24/7, but there's no sign that they would even think about splitting, not after all that they've been through.

[Furen]

alright, thanks for that guys, now I'll have to think about that, but I still don't agree with divorce, I understand why people would leave, but I don't believe there would be any reason for people in a bound covenant would decide to go against it (though I'm not married so...)
But thanks Nate and Crow.

[RefractedAhav]

I was conceived out of wed-lock but my parents married soon after. There anniversary is like only four months before my b-day. I used to believe that I was the only reason they got married in first place and often felt like I ruined their lives. They don't fight as often now, but to say that things are "running-smooth" would be like burring one's head in the sand. Still things are a lot better than the used to be and they will be celebrating their 26th this year.

Lessons learned from all this:
1. wait until marriage
2. don't argue in front of the kids
3. don't include the children in your fights
4. If you mess up, don't assume you have to get married. Though technically "the right thing" it can be practically the wrong thing to do. Fortunately things have not been as bad as they could and my parents really do care about each other and us, but it doesn't always work out that way. Aim for rule one, if missed return to God and let Him tell you what to do.

at least that's some of what I've gotten out of the chaos that occurred in my fam in years past.

[Nate]

I understand why people would leave, but I don't believe there would be any reason for people in a bound covenant would decide to go against it (though I'm not married so...)

There's plenty of valid reasons. Abuse, for example. If someone is being abused by their spouse, they should divorce. And the Bible has always said divorce is perfectly fine in the case of adultery.

I'd also say divorce is a good thing if the couple cannot get along at all. I'm not talking about fights every once in a while. I'm talking about if there is constant tension, and the couple is completely incompatible, then they should divorce. You could argue that they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, but that kind of judgment doesn't solve anything and comes off as holier-than-thou. I mean who of us can honestly say they haven't done something they thought was a good idea at first but it turned out to actually be a bad idea?

Divorce can actually be a good thing. Like I said, it can help someone who is a victim of abuse get away from their abuser, and it can be a remedy to a marriage that has fallen apart. But it gets misused and abused like anything else in this world.

[RefractedAhav]

Scripturally Abuse and divorce are the only reasons permissible for divorce. This may sound as a holier than though statement, but people shouldn't take relationships so lightly. I know many failed marriages started with both people meaning well, but many others begin with one or the other thinking mainly of themselves. Also I think that a lot of planning should go into the marriage it's self and not just the ceremony. There's a lot of talk about financial planing before marriage, but that's only part of what should be discussed. I think even things such as dieting, fasting, denominations should be talked about thoroughly and agreements made in these areas before vows are ever exchanged.

There's a book that I've been meaning to finish reading and return to some friends of mine that's really good from what I've read so far. It's called His Rules, and I recommend it to anyone who plans on ever getting married. It's written by Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Tousaint. In fact I'm going to read some more of it tonight before I go to sleep.

You know what's odd about this thread though? The church I went to today just happened to be talking about this very issue. I'm not even in a relationship and yet twice in one day I stumble into discussions on divorce. I wonder what God is trying to say to me.

[Nate]

Scripturally Abuse and divorce are the only reasons permissible for divorce.

Divorce is a permissible reason for divorce? :p

Eh I typo all the time too. You meant "adultery" though if I'm not mistaken.

And sorry, but yeah, it does come off as holier-than-thou. We're all human. Human beings change, and we're not perfect. People can do everything right and still end up messing up. Everyone here has experienced it I'm sure. You can plan all you want to, but things don't always go as planned.

People can go through premarital counseling, talk about everything, date for a long time before they get married, meet the other one's parents...and you know what? They might still not work out after the marriage. Stuff happens sometimes, and sometimes, relationships become unworkable. In that situation, divorce is best. You can try and argue the benefits of living separately while still remaining married I guess but at that point you're pretty much divorced in your hearts even if not legally.

Like I said, stuff happens. People change. And again, I'm not talking about fighting every once in a while. All couples will do that. And I'm sure there are couples who get into a couple of fights and think that it's time to divorce. And that's not the case at all. It's very easy, with divorce so readily available, to give up on a marriage before it's proved itself beyond repair. I won't deny that. But there are times when a marriage will fall apart, and it can't be saved.

You can say "They should have planned better!" but my point is you can make all sorts of plans and they don't always work. You can do everything right and STILL end up failing. Even if you want to blame them, okay, fine, but that doesn't change that the marriage is harmful and needs to end. It's kind of like, let's say you're riding with a friend and he runs out of gas. You can sit there and say "You should have filled up your tank earlier, you brought this on yourself by your poor planning." Okay, great, you're right. But blaming him doesn't change the fact that he still needs gas. Blaming him isn't going to magically fill his car up with gas. And blaming people for rushing into a marriage when they weren't ready, or even if they WERE ready and things fell apart for unforeseen reasons, isn't going to magically make their marriage all better, and isn't going to do anything except upset them.

There are many reasons people do things. Rather than judge them or look down on them, it might behoove us to take the time to understand why they did what they did, instead of just assuming and pretending we know better.

[RefractedAhav]

Divorce is a permissible reason for divorce? :p

Eh I typo all the time too. You meant "adultery" though if I'm not mistaken.

And sorry, but yeah, it does come off as holier-than-thou. We're all human. Human beings change, and we're not perfect. People can do everything right and still end up messing up. Everyone here has experienced it I'm sure. You can plan all you want to, but things don't always go as planned.

People can go through premarital counseling, talk about everything, date for a long time before they get married, meet the other one's parents...and you know what? They might still not work out after the marriage. Stuff happens sometimes, and sometimes, relationships become unworkable. In that situation, divorce is best. You can try and argue the benefits of living separately while still remaining married I guess but at that point you're pretty much divorced in your hearts even if not legally.

Like I said, stuff happens. People change. And again, I'm not talking about fighting every once in a while. All couples will do that. And I'm sure there are couples who get into a couple of fights and think that it's time to divorce. And that's not the case at all. It's very easy, with divorce so readily available, to give up on a marriage before it's proved itself beyond repair. I won't deny that. But there are times when a marriage will fall apart, and it can't be saved.

You can say "They should have planned better!" but my point is you can make all sorts of plans and they don't always work. You can do everything right and STILL end up failing. Even if you want to blame them, okay, fine, but that doesn't change that the marriage is harmful and needs to end. It's kind of like, let's say you're riding with a friend and he runs out of gas. You can sit there and say "You should have filled up your tank earlier, you brought this on yourself by your poor planning." Okay, great, you're right. But blaming him doesn't change the fact that he still needs gas. Blaming him isn't going to magically fill his car up with gas. And blaming people for rushing into a marriage when they weren't ready, or even if they WERE ready and things fell apart for unforeseen reasons, isn't going to magically make their marriage all better, and isn't going to do anything except upset them.

There are many reasons people do things. Rather than judge them or look down on them, it might behoove us to take the time to understand why they did what they did, instead of just assuming and pretending we know better.

I ment to say adultery. Sorry It's been a looonng week

[aliveinHim]

My parents are married. They've been happily married for almost 20 years. They are really happy together. I've never seen either one yell, bicker, or fight with eachother. They never call eachother by their first names. I nearly start crying when they don't call eachother mommy and daddy. Sure they have disagreements but they will never argue.

[Nate]

They never call eachother by their first names.

...what? That's just bizarre. Do you live in a Bill Watterson comic strip?

[Atria35]

I'm rather with Nate on that- it's strange to not actually use names when they're referring to eachother. After all, 'mom' and 'dad' are titles. And they're equals, and presumably close to eachother, so I'd assume they'd use names.

[Nate]

If I had a wife that never called me by my first name, I'd think she hated me.

[aliveinHim]

...what? That's just bizarre. Do you live in a Bill Watterson comic strip?

Nope (but I have wondered what Calvin's parents names were. They don't even call eachother mommy and daddy).

[Nate]

Nope (but I have wondered what Calvin's parents names were. They don't even call eachother mommy and daddy).

Bill Watterson specifically made sure to never have the parents refer to each other by name, since the strip was more or less meant to be seen through the eyes of a six year old, and most kids that young don't know their parents' names.

It was one of the reasons why Calvin's Uncle Max never showed back up, because he said it was difficult to write strips with Max interacting with Calvin's dad and to not be able to refer to him by name.

[ShiroiHikari]

Married couples never calling each other by their first names is considered weird in the USA. However, in Japan it seems to be par for the course. I mean, over there, wives call their husbands "anata", which means "you", which would be considered insulting over here.

Ah, cultural differences.

[Cognitive Gear]

...what? That's just bizarre. Do you live in a Bill Watterson comic strip?

Due to the magic of stereotypes, I've always imagined that old deep-south red-neck married couples called each other "Ma" and "Pa".

Not that I believe this is actually true, but I always wondered if the stereotype came from somewhere.

[aliveinHim]

Bill Watterson specifically made sure to never have the parents refer to each other by name, since the strip was more or less meant to be seen through the eyes of a six year old, and most kids that young don't know their parents' names.

It was one of the reasons why Calvin's Uncle Max never showed back up, because he said it was difficult to write strips with Max interacting with Calvin's dad and to not be able to refer to him by name.

I laughed at the Uncle Max strip. I like it when he asks if he was in jail.

[WhiteMage212]

My parents celebrated their silver anniversary (25 years) 2 years ago and are still together. I hope my husband and I can follow their example, as well as that of his parents and my maternal grandparents, also still together .

Sounds like an xbox live achievement XD