Broken Girl Seeks Redemption

[Griffin]

Hi.

As many of you know, its been a long time since i have been on here. I needed some time to think. But nothing in my life seems to want to let me.

One thing on top of another.

I broke a guy's heart to be with two twits in a row. and he forgives me. all the time. no matter what i do.

I broke the first twit's heart because i never really loved him......he was here, adn now, and i couldnt wait for the one God pointed out to me. He forgave me, too. But i cant face him.

The second guy broke me. I honestly was deeply moved by even his presense. then he told me his girl meant more than me. So i became like acid towards him. he found a way to make me permanantly regret meeting him. Now he hates me for the slam backs. and the beating on him. and all i can do is feel so broken and empty.

then, to cover all this up from my friends that live around me *my pen pals knew more about what was going on* i started to lie all the time.

I seek people to pray that i can get back on track. My Boyfriend, the same as he did when he wrote the post "God" on the Testemonies, loves me. And hes coming to live here soon. I want to be the best christian I can be, and be the best girlfriend because I am a christian, and because I am God's first, and God's daughter would not treat him as i have.

[CDLviking]

Sounds like forgiveness is needed all around. You need to forgive those who have hurt you, and you need to seek and accept forgiveness from those whom you have hurt. I pray that you receive the strength to do this.

[Staci]

To add on to what CDL said - you also need to eventually forgive yourself if you truly wish to find peace. Your boyfriend sees something in you worth forgiving and worth fighting for. Seek that within yourself and I am sure things will begin feeling better already.

I shall pray for your added devotion to the Lord and to your fellow. Good luck!

[cbwing0]

I will pray for you and the three young men that you mentioned.

It's good that you have found someone who will forgive you. Some of the most important aspects of love are forgiveness and self-sacrifice, both of which are rare today.

[kaji]

Lioness,

I comend you on talking about your relationships. Love can be a hard thing, but like many other problems in our lives they can not be solved if brushed aside. There in a dark corner they may be passed by, but never are they gone.

I would chalenge you to talk to the people around you who care for you, about what has really happend, spacificaly the ones that apply to your statement ("then, to cover all this up from my friends that live around me *my pen pals knew more about what was going on* i started to lie all the time.") Even if discussing it with them doesnt turn out the way you wanted it to, God will lift a weight off your shoulders knowing you have confrunted this portion of your strife.

I am also confused about the part where you said, "then he told me his girl meant more than me." Does this mean he was "seeing" both of you at the same time? What a twit.

Also wondering about, "So i became like acid towards him." Do you mean, that you became a drug in his life? Something that he was addictied to? Or were you a volitile chemical that would burn at the touch?

Every one before me has had excelant advice. But to add a small note. You dont have to partake in any relationship (that is, of the boyfriend/girlfriend kind).
You dont need to date some one for them to love you, and it sounds like your current boyfriend understands that. Some times taking a break from the whole thing can be the best thing to do. God is strange in the way that some times he gives you what you always wanted when you are not looking for it. Trust in him and he will lead you the arms of your One.

Remember the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, and yes, unfortunately longsuffering.

You have my prayers.

[Griffin]

To answer CDLviking: I have sought, and recieved the first guy's forgiveness, and that of my boyfriend. The second guy is not willing to let the past be the past. he is unwilling to forgive me, even though i have sought after it with tears and begging. I know that in the BIble it says not to come to the Lord's altar while anyone is upset with you *leave your gift at the altar and reconcile with him* so its been hard to talk with God. I tried. he doesnt want to forgive. he wont even talk to me.

to Kaji's first question: yes, he was. He was unwilling to choose for a long time, and then i ended up losing him to her.

To his second question: I was acid, the addictive substance at first. then when he hurt me i became the corosive, violent, volitile chemical that burns that which it comes in contact with.

To Kaji on the last point: thank you for your prayers, and I agree. Tamahome (my boyfriend) would wait for me for eternity. I have not been really dating him *we live in diff states* its been a long distance thing. so i am having my break right now. when he comes to college here.....then we will pick up where we left off. Only this time, he has asked me to be his Fiance. *grins* and i felt all my heart and soul tell him yes. I know that God wanted me to be with him because he is the one that God kept around me....kept him with me....through this all.

[Griffin]

Almost forgot: Thank you all for your prayers!

CBwing: yes. God has found me the exact person i need: tamahome was willing to wait for me, and willing to reaccept me into his arms right away, without even being mad about what happened!

[kaji]

My wife and I have known each other for over 8 years. Durring that time we were friends, we dated, we were friends again, and then the obvious (We got married). All the while God kept us each others lives. But it was not easy. I have always lived in NH, while my wife lived just out side NYC. Very differant places, fairly far from one another.

Through it all we both knew, some how, that God kept on putting us together for a reason. How wonderful it is to know God is looking out for you when you least expect it.

Im sure, whether you end up married to this man, or not, God would have taught you countless lessions from this whole ordeal. I pray that you grow stronger in your faith to Him from it all.

-kaji

-kaji

[Griffin]

Thank you. I believe that God is trying to teach me patience *i didnt wait, and hurt one, got hurt by the second* and to listen *had i asked his advice i would have been with Tama the whole time*

thanks for writing in.

[CDLviking]

The important thing is that you asked him to forgive you. Don't feel bad about going to the Lord, forgiveness is an obligation for the Christian. you have fulfilled your role, if the other guy is still resistant to forgive you then that is his failing not yours.

[Griffin]

oh. so my end is done. good. *feels relief*

[CDLviking]

You still have to accept forgiveness when it does come, but yes.

[Spiritsword]

I will pray.