Shynael nodded and said with a snort, "And don't tell me that I'll become a pack horse again."
"No, I got it for decoration,"
the_wolfs_howl wrote:Shard shot to a sitting position, ignoring the mud sucking at his hair and back.
Maybe it is just me but I didn't catch what Shynael was referring to when he said "Don't-let-me–do–that–ever–again!"
"I don't remember my mother mentioning it. But...." He glanced furtively at Shard, then quickly looked away again. "South...is dragon country, right? Do you think it has something to do with that?"
Shard considered this with a frown. No human in living memory had ever ventured into dragon country. There was a mutually-accepted, albeit unspoken, boundary separating the two countries. For a dragon to cross onto human territory, or a human to enter the land of the dragons, meant instant death. But...was he truly a human anymore? Was Shynael truly a dragon? Shard hugged his knees up against his chest, and whispered, "I guess we'll just have to find out."
Esoteric wrote:Of course, I sometimes wonder if the secret to your success lies in the fact that you don't know what's going to happen next either!
There's dragon territory and human territory? Wow, this is important information to be coming so late in the story. Doubtless I assume it's because you're developing the story as you go along and that's understandable. But it means you'll have to go back and address a few things...like why Shynael's mother dared venture into human territory. Also, the dragon hunters seeking dragon's for apothecary profit now seem a little strange. It's a sudden change from a 'dragons are reclusive monsters but they are encountered from time to time' situation to...I dunno, The Village. XD Yeah, okay maybe not quite. It's fine if you want to create this separation of territories, but I'm just saying you should go back and set it up a bit earlier because it feels very, sudden.
Or maybe I'm reading too much into this 'territory' thing? If I'm misunderstanding this, tell me.
Then she turned to face Shard, and he felt as though he had been slapped in the face.
He had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life: long, black eyelashes; the narrow, pointed eyes of the West; full lips nearly as red as her armor; high cheekbones in a princess-like face.
the_wolfs_howl wrote:Oh, and I was thinking: Maybe I could somehow say that while Shard thinks she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, she wouldn't necessarily be amazingly beautiful to everyone else. Does that make sense?
the_wolfs_howl wrote:How do you think I should write the whole thing about Shard being the only one who thinks she's amazingly beautiful? I mean, should he ask someone, "Isn't she beautiful?" and all that, or.... Well, what do you think?
Esoteric wrote:Well getting another human's opinion could be a little difficult, since there aren't many people around (her and the other guy who won't talk to him). You could, however, have him bounce the idea off Shynael, who of course, being a young dragon would not only lack an eye for human beauty, but be completely uninterested. You could probably get some funny dialogue about it between them. (Has Shynael even encountered a human female before? He might even be thinking she's a very strange looking man right now for all we know!)
~darkelfgirl~ wrote:Hehe, I half-expected to see elves in the forest (you know, with the treehouses and stuff).
Ooh, Advent's an interesting character. Seems like a bishie to me ^^ *elfy giggle*
XD Oh yeh, now Shard realizes how messy he is when he sees the woman. Guys.
Great update ^__^.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 48 guests