Hitokiri's Music

[Hitokiri]

"Venus of the Desert Bloom"

In a whithered embrace,
Awake thy ever desert bloom
Dost thou dance in twilight tears.
Thy silent dirge of gloom
Echoes upon thy fears.
Thy desert bloom; without a face.
Crumbles to dust in thy dreams.
Thy body released from thy seams.
Frozen in a bemused stare.
Takes thee by thy eyes.
Tortured innocence; oh so fair.
A saint among thine lies.

In dreadful curses
Thou long for thee to hold.
In gold and silver; rust and mold
Thost pays thee for thy sin.
A slayer of thine kin.
A sword in hand; a lover in another.
Carrion birds pluck out her eyes
While she's adorned by flies.
Oh what joy for a candle to smother!

Chorus
Do thee feel me?
Do thee move me?
Feel thy pleasure that thy dost deprive.
Monsters make war upon my doors
While my heart yearns for crystal shores.
Oh I want to survive!

Demons of holy light
Feast on thy tender flesh.
Watch thy ever bloody moon-ray.
Purity dies in the mesh,
Should thy go or stay?
Screams steal into this holy night.
Thy ever desert bloom; save thee
From thy sins that thou dost flee.
Claws rip apart thy breast,
Thy Venus; a darkening veil.
Hither she now comes to rest.
Day dost perish and night dost fail!

Chorus

A candle blown away.
Forlorn thou dost dance
In a city of mortal decay.
Enraptured in deadly romance.
Romantic murder in thy heart.
We praise thee in damnation
While thee cries in thy void apart.
O' hark thy sighs of condemnation.
Thy abhorrent children wail
While thy beauty hides behind thy veil.
O' sweetness of lies,
Come hither and die!

Chorus

Be thy desert bloom and walk never more.
Venus of the desert bloom.
Guides thee to thy earthly gate.
Decorated with thy ever doom
Indulged with voluptuous hate.
Velvet hearts in darkness thy tore.

The Darkening Tree

Through the muddy water
I see you oh so clearly.
My mind began to faulter
From the vision you held so dearly.
Now this burning in my soul
Drives me to the point of violence.
In your heart there is a gaping hole.
So I weep in it's crevices in silence.
Through the muddy water
I see what bears your name.
Yet I bind myself all the same.
In this blight, I do fear
For this decay is all to near.
This nightmare is my play.
Don't touch me; I want to stay.

And so the heavens split on high.
Angels dismembered in the light.
The wind; in it's agony does sigh.
Thus heaven was casted into night.

Chorus
I drank from your crystal youth.
I found what I was really looking for.
For she is my petal admist the storm.
My sheath who stays my hand.
In her I find rest and sleep.
And a light that does not shine.

Through the crystal water
You have begun to fade.
I kiss her like a daughter
That my seething joy has made.
Now I laugh at your insanity
For your lies reach not these ears.
All you life for is your pathetic vanity.
Full of vain moans and jealous tears.
Through the crystal water
I waded into the clear stream.
I saw you there or so it may seem.
She disturbed the surface of my mind.
With this I go and leave you behind.
We depart this soulless void
Where with my heart you toyed.

And so the heavens split on high.
Angels dismembered in the light.
The wind; in it's agony does sigh.
Thus heaven was casted into night.

Chorus

So my feet will go on and on and on and on
My soul will depart on and on and on and on
In the crystal water I still see her face.
My hand reaches out to hold.
The sweet but bitter love I do taste.
"I love you" I was told.
So my heart will love on and on and on and on.

Why do you scream and scorn me.
You still hold onto you dreams.
Yet I am starting to truly see.
Amidst your howls and screams.
You are not truly for me.
You fabricate every lie.
You just want me to die.
She is my flower; my light; my love.
My doe; my joy; my dove.
She is my everlasting light
Oh master of hate.
Puppeteer of fear.
Scion of the darkness.

Chorus.

Like the autumn leaves.
She falls slowly to me.
But what does your dream achieves?
Because you cannot see.
The hate blinds your eyes.
And darkness clouds your mind.
Your sweetness appeal dies.
A love grows in me; so great a find.
Through the eternal water
I saw you drown.
Into the deeps your hatred goes.
Into the light I depart.
And to her does go my heart.

Through the eternal water...

[Anna Mae]

Hey, I'm glad to see more poetry from you.

"Venus of the Desert Bloom"

In a whithered embrace, Good beginning.
Awake thy ever-desert bloom
Dost thou dance in twilight tears. Is the period in lieu of a question mark intentional?
Thy silent dirge of gloom
Echoes upon thy fears.
Thy desert bloom; without a face. Interesting line
Crumbles to dust in thy dreams.
Thy body released from thy seams. Also an interesting line
Frozen in a bemused stare. Good image
Takes thee by thy eyes.
Tortured innocence; oh so fair.
A saint among thine lies.
Throughout this poem you're a bit heavy on the period application.

In dreadful curses
Thou long for thee to hold.
In gold and silver; rust and mold Good juxtaposition. The rhyme is also well placed.
Thost pays thee for thy sin.
A slayer of thine kin.
A sword in hand; a lover in another.
Carrion birds pluck out her eyes
While she's adorned by flies.
Oh what joy for a candle to smother! I don't understand this line.

Chorus
Do thee feel me?
Do thee move me?
Feel thy pleasure that thy dost deprive.
Monsters make war upon my doors
While my heart yearns for crystal shores.
Oh I want to survive! I like your chorus.

Demons of holy light Hm?
Feast on thy tender flesh.
Watch thy ever bloody moon-ray. Another good image
Purity dies in the mesh,
Should thy go or stay?
Screams steal into this holy night.
Thy ever desert bloom; save thee
From thy sins that thou dost flee.
Claws rip apart thy breast,
Thy Venus; a darkening veil.
Hither she now comes to rest.
Day dost perish and night dost fail! Good line.

Chorus

A candle blown away.
Forlorn thou dost dance
In a city of mortal decay.
Enraptured in deadly romance.
Romantic murder in thy heart.
We praise thee in damnation
While thee cries in thy void apart.
O' hark thy sighs of condemnation.
Thy abhorrent children wail
While thy beauty hides behind thy veil.
O' sweetness of lies,
Come hither and die! Your assonance in these last two lines is effective. I can just hear someone singing it.

Chorus

Be thy desert bloom and walk never more.
Venus of the desert bloom.
Guides thee to thy earthly gate.
Decorated with thy ever doom
Indulged with voluptuous hate. I haven't heard this adjective used for "hate" before, but it works.
Velvet hearts in darkness thy tore. I also like the velvet hearts.

I especially enjoyed the imagery you used in this poem. I like the feel that you achieve.

[Anna Mae]

The Darkening Tree I haven't really found the connection of the title to the rest of the poem.

Through the muddy water
I see you oh so clearly.
My mind began to faulter Unless you're doing a play on words that I missed, I think you mean "falter" instead of "faulter."
From the vision you held so dearly.
Now this burning in my soul
Drives me to the point of violence.
In your heart there is a gaping hole.
So I weep in it's crevices in silence. To me, a gaping hole and crevices do not correspond.
Through the muddy water
I see what bears your name.
Yet I bind myself all the same. Bind yourself to what?
In this blight, I do fear
For this decay is all to near.
This nightmare is my play.
Don't touch me; I want to stay. Ominous
I'm enjoying your rhyme scheme.

And so the heavens split on high.
Angels dismembered in the light.
The wind; in it's agony does sigh.
Thus heaven was casted into night. This stanza causes me discomfort.

Chorus
I drank from your crystal youth.
I found what I was really looking for.
For she is my petal admist the storm.
My sheath who stays my hand.
In her I find rest and sleep.
And a light that does not shine. Your departure from the rhyme scheme is effective.

Through the crystal water
You have begun to fade. Good contrast from the beginning.
I kiss her like a daughter
That my seething joy has made. "Seething joy"?
Now I laugh at your insanity Interesting contrast
For your lies reach not these ears.
All you life for is your pathetic vanity.
Full of vain moans and jealous tears.
Through the crystal water
I waded into the clear stream.
I saw you there or so it may seem.
She disturbed the surface of my mind. Well placed, amid the water language
With this I go and leave you behind.
We depart this soulless void
Where with my heart you toyed.

And so the heavens split on high.
Angels dismembered in the light.
The wind; in it's agony does sigh.
Thus heaven was casted into night.

Chorus

So my feet will go on and on and on and on
My soul will depart on and on and on and on Good use of repetition
In the crystal water I still see her face.
My hand reaches out to hold.
The sweet but bitter love I do taste.
"I love you" I was told.
So my heart will love on and on and on and on.

Why do you scream and scorn me.
You still hold onto your dreams.
Yet I am starting to truly see.
Amidst your howls and screams.
You are not truly for me.
You fabricate every lie.
You just want me to die.
She is my flower; my light; my love.
My doe; my joy; my dove. The broken alliteration is good.
She is my everlasting light
Oh master of hate.
Puppeteer of fear.
Scion of the darkness.

Chorus.

Like the autumn leaves.
She falls slowly to me.
But what does your dream achieves?
Because you cannot see.
The hate blinds your eyes.
And darkness clouds your mind.
Your sweetness appeal dies. Odd line
A love grows in me; so great a find.
Through the eternal water
I saw you drown.
Into the deeps your hatred goes. I would make "deeps" singular.
Into the light I depart.
And to her does go my heart.

Through the eternal water... I've been trying to figure out if there are more than two people involved or if the temporal is not in chronology.

I do not grasp the meaning, though.

Either your writing is better than I remembered, or you have improved; let's go with the latter. I really enjoyed both of these.

[Hitokiri]

Well thanks

I am starting to put more feeling and I guess poetical sense into it. Hence the rhyming schemes and such. I also canned the grotesque lyrics. I didn't like them. I like these more.

Anyways, "Venus of of the Desert Bloom" is basically about the concept of being alone and barren. Usually, a desert is barren but suggesting thier is a flower (bloom) indicates that thier is someone alone. The Venus hear draws towards the nude "Venus" series in the Renaissance and such. I was taking art history at the time haha. I would like to do more "venus" lyrics.

"The Darkening Tree" is about a romance between a former lover but disovering it wont work and finding another love (wether it be someone else or like...a concept.) as well as tearing away from the former life you had with that person and starting a new life. Thus the title "Darkening Tree" suggests a tree or a union between two people with intermingling branches (also think of two lovers carving thier initials into the trunk) and it slowly growing dark and omnious because of the fact the love is growing dark itself.

The line: And so the heavens split on high.
Angels dismembered in the light.
The wind; in it's agony does sigh.
Thus heaven was casted into night.

Draws back to my previous poetry which could of been considered anti-christian. However, it does have a purpose. It shows how something so lovely, heavenly, and perfect like love can still be broken apart.

[Anna Mae]

Ah, I see now.

[Hitokiri]

"A Rebirth Reverberate into Love"

Chorus
I am dead forever
To be seen; never
These bonds I wish to sever.
O' God kill me please.
I am dead forever.
To be seen; never.
These bonds I wish to sever.
O' death love me please.

Thee is thy herald of rage.
Lo! I dance upon thy threshing-floor.
Thou bride of decay;
thou dress thee tore.
Thee sins I repay.
Inside thee restrictive cage.
I lost my love star.

Thee love star; I praise.
Greatest of joy; greatests or mirth.
In a glory thy watched thee fall.
Pain be pain and in thy birth;
I watch in awe.
I wander in thine loving maze.
I hold my love star.

Chorus

But now thine love is dead forever.
Thine love star will be never
By thine side as once before.
I call thee name is the deepest gloom.
O' wretched mother and whore;
Usurper of light starys on my door.
******* mother of light.
******* father of night.
My love star did fall.
Beyond my loudest call.
Now I lay dying.

Chorus

Fly o' miserable god;
To thine thone of empathy.
What I saw there was dead,
My paradise; my love.
Death, sieze me!
In thine night, I beckon thee
Slay me as thou slew Cain.
I beg thee death;
and death begs me.
My mortal coil
My mortal heart.
My love star falls to the deeps.
And I wail for her.

Chorus
I lay dead forever
To be alive; never
This life I wish to sever.
O' god hate me please.
I lay dead forever.
To be alive; never.
This life I wish to sever.
O' death renew me please.

For lo I lost my love star.
In my arrogance.
I lost her.

"The Heart Whom Yearned for Shadows (working title)"

Farewell to light.
I bid thee adieu.
Welcome o' night.
Make me like new.
The everlasting moon.
The catatonic swoon.
I lay limp on thy door.
I lay naked on thy floor.
Bride of the twilight.
Tender child of midnight.

Father of light; of greed.
I spit in thee face.
I turn from thy vilest deed.
In making me a slave.

Chorus
Oh, how I wish to surrender.
Oh, how I wish to become yours.
I thought I knew everything.
Now this song I do sing.
Intertwine with thine black heart.
Embrace me, embrace me.

Midnight of blackest rain.
This hatred does stain
The very veins of my heart.
Now I pull anxiously apart
From the greedy day.
Hearken my words o night
In your solitude I wish to stay
To play in your dreadful blight
In thy doleful stream.
I live my dream of blackest dream.

Father of light; of pride.
I scorn your very name.
I no longer try to hide
The hatred for you.

CHORUS

In red we painted.
In black we fainted.
And in white
We forgot our light.


In progress...

[Anna Mae]

"A Rebirth Reverberate into Love" [Your subject-verb agreement here puzzles me. Dow you mean "A Rebirth Reverberates into Love"?]

Chorus
I am dead forever
To be seen; never
These bonds I wish to sever.
O' [The apostrophe can be omitted, actually.] God kill me please.
I am dead forever.
To be seen; never.
These bonds I wish to sever. [I'm enjoying your rhyme scheme.]
O' death love me please.

Thee is thy herald of rage. [Do you mean "Thou art" instead of "Thee is"?]
Lo! I dance upon thy threshing-floor.
Thou bride of decay;
thou dress thee tore.
Thee sins I repay.
Inside thee restrictive cage.
I lost my love star. [I'm not quite sure you're using all of the Old English correctly. Either way, it's mildly confusing. However, it does create a chaotic effect that could be used intentionally, especially when put to music.]

Thee love star; I praise.
Greatest of joy; greatests [Huh?] or mirth.
In a glory thy watched thee fall.
Pain be pain and in thy birth;
I watch in awe.
I wander in thine loving maze.
I hold my love star.

Chorus

But now thine love is dead forever.
Thine love star will be never
By thine side as once before.
I call thee name is the deepest gloom. [Potential typo?]
O wretched mother and whore;
Usurper of light starys on my door. [Stars, I assume?]
******* mother of light.
******* father of night.
My love star did fall.
Beyond my loudest call.
Now I lay dying.

Chorus

Fly, o miserable god; [I would recommend using "oh" in this line.]
To thine throne of empathy.
What I saw there was dead,
My paradise; my love.
Death, seize me!
In thine night, I beckon thee
Slay me as thou slew Cain.
I beg thee death;
and death begs me.
My mortal coil
My mortal heart.
My love star falls to the deeps.
And I wail for her.

Chorus
I lay dead forever
To be alive; never
This life I wish to sever.
O god hate me please. [De-capitalization noted]
I lay dead forever.
To be alive; never.
This life I wish to sever.
O' death renew me please.

For lo, I lost my love star.
In my arrogance.
I lost her.

[I really enjoy your chorus.]

[Anna Mae]

"The Heart Who Yearned for Shadows (working title)"

Farewell to light.
I bid thee adieu.
Welcome, o' night. [By addressing "night" directly, you change it to a proper noun. Thus you should probably capitalize it.]
Make me like new.
The everlasting moon. [I understand your use of fragments here, but you should probably punctuate these two lines differently.]
The catatonic swoon.
I lay limp on thy door. [I would suggest a different preposition such as "against".]
I lay naked on thy floor.
Bride of the twilight.
Tender child of midnight. [Same thing again with the fragments]

Father of light; of greed,
I spit in thy face.
I turn from thy vilest deed.
In making me a slave. [I don't understand this preposition as it fits in the rest of the poem.]

Chorus
Oh, how I wish to surrender.
Oh, how I wish to become yours.
I thought I knew everything.
Now this song I do sing.
Intertwine with thine black heart. [To whom/what is this command addressed?]
Embrace me, embrace me.

Midnight of blackest rain. [Again with the fragments--I can see how they are useful in setting the tone, but would appreciate different punctuation.]
This hatred does stain
The very veins of my heart. [Interesting imagery--good.]
Now I pull anxiously apart
From the greedy day.
Hearken my words o night
In your solitude I wish to stay
To play in your dreadful blight
In thy doleful stream.
I live my dream of blackest dream.

Father of light; of pride.
I scorn your very name.
I no longer try to hide
The hatred for you. [Explanation, por favor.]

CHORUS

In red we painted.
In black we fainted.
And in white
We forgot our light. [Interesting ending.]