my love my fate

[Althaia]

well here i am again with a song/poem you all know the drill

my love, my fate

i feel as though my heads spinning
my heart beating so quickly
i feel warm inside

is this love?
am i truly and honestly in love?
or is it my fate to stand here in the shadows
and watch him go

i am not to say a word
for i cannot risk the rejection
from my love

is it my fate?
to stand here in the dark
wondering, oh, wondering
"will he ever notice me?"

NO i will not stand by and wait
i shall go up to him
i shall tell

but then i see him playing
playing the piano and my voice stops
i can hear the sorrow and pain he has as he plays

i run to him and hug him and say
"everything will be alright"
even though i don't know for certain if thats true

but at least he is happy now
and if he is happy then i am happy

this my love
my fate


i think this is my longest yet constructive cricticism accepted

[Tsukuyomi]

I liked it girl Keep it up girly

[Anna Mae]

my loveI'd stick a comma here just for clarity. my fate

i feel as though my head's spinning
my heart beating so quickly
i feel warm inside

is this love?
am i truly and honestly in love?
I suggest putting "or" at the beginning of this line to draw the contrast. is it my fate to stand here in the shadows
and watch him go by Dangling preposition, if it bothers you.

i am not to say a word Interesting line
for i cannot risk the rejection
from my love

is it my fate?
to stand here in the dark
wondering, oh, wondering
"will he ever notice me?"

NO i will not stand by and wait
i shall go up to him
i shall tell

but then i see him playing
playing the piano and my voice stops
i can hear the sorrow and pain he has as he plays

i run to him and hug him and say
"everything will be alright"
I would put a transitional phrase here such as "Even though" i don't know for certain if that's true

but at least he is happy now
and if he is happy, i am happy

this my love
my fate

Nice story. I was wondering if the bit about the piano came from personal experience.

[Althaia]

thanks you all and yes anna mae it does

[Althaia]

heres some from awhile back

the day
the day my lord died on the cross
i thought all hope was lost
but then i felt an overwhemling sense of joy

and i realized he died so we could not die for our sins
he died so we would not be on the cross
atoning for our many sins

as i stand at the cross i think back to the days of old
where christ and his disciplies
where loved by the people and hated by the phrasies

and i realized that thourgh Christ so many were healed
such as mary magdalen and the blind man
and the woman who was nearly stoned

but he said before the could
"those without sin cast the first stone"
and i wonder

are those who are without sin really without sin?
or do they lie to themselves and others about their sin
but i know they cannot lie tothe Lord for the Lord has seen and heard all

on that day i was saved
saved from sin
and saved from a life without hope

the voice
the moon full
i am watching
the clouds roll across
i hear a roar
i begin to run
i don't know what i am running from
i just run as i continue
i hear a voice calling out
"don't be be afraid i will protect you"
i stand my ground
a thing of pure evil steps out into the moonlight growling
a light shines from within
the thing runs and cowers in the trees
as i get closer it burns
ever so slowly
it burns so not even
the bone is there
the voice again calls out saying
"help me shine brighter by using your gift"
and at that i sing
i sing of this light i hear and see and feel
as the darkness ebbs
i feel a sense of calm in the air
thats when the voice says
"thank you my daughter"

forgiveness
all those i see
i forgive
all those i don't see
i forgive
all the ones that cannot see me
i forgive
and the innocents
that cannot help
being in the wrong place
at the wrong time
i forgive
all those guilty of crimes
i forgive
all the sick
i forgive
and all the well
i forgive

the love of a rose

as i fall i hear you call my name
calling me over my cries of shame
saying "come to me and you are forgiven"

when i heard those words
i was filled with hope
and cried for joy

i then knew i was loved by
The Rose of Sharon
he took my sins
as his own

he gave me salvation
when i never deserved it
i wish that all people could experience
the joy of the love from the rose

the Great i am.....
my Father
My Savior
and my Friend

who has stuck by me
no matter the danger
of sin and death

he the Rose of Sharon
how beautiful a name as this
i wish that all the people
could hear his sweet name
the Rose of Sharon

[Anna Mae]

In "the day" the line
and i realized he died so we could not die for our sins
caught my attention, especially the word "could." Jesus offers the gift of salvation, but we do not have to receive it.

I would like to hear about your inspiration for "the voice".

I like your use of color in "forgiveness". I found your ending interesting, the bit about forgiving both the sick and the well. Would you elaborate on that?

Have you heard Michael W. Smith's song "Above All"? "the love of a rose" reminded me of it. I like how you have so many poems about your faith.

[Althaia]

pm me about the voice

about the forgiveness poem i meant that no matter who you are or how came into this world as long as your in Christ, God will forgive you

and thanks ^_^

[Althaia]

okay heres another one

the dream

[color=purple]As I lie asleep I dream
I dream of a man and
a monster one in the
same they are one
[/color]

[color=purple]They come towards me
trying to frighten me but
I am not frighten
[/color]

[color=purple]I have a light
a light they don't
I have the light of...
my holy father
[/color]

[color=purple]My God he protects me
keeps me safe from the man
then as I wake I see the light
shining over me
[/color]

[color=purple]I realize the dream
was not a dream
but my life
[/color]

[color=purple]Continuelessly the man tries
to keep me from God
but in vain he tries
for God is the one
[/color]

[color=purple]The one who protects me
the one who protects all
from the spirit who tries
to turn us to sinful deeds[/color]

[Althaia]

heres another one you all enjoy

the heart

the heart is what keeps us living
the heart is where our love begins
the hearts where our soul lives and
where our brokeness begins

i have seen the ones who say they love
their wifes but inside they are longing
for a purpose other then loving them
they lead double lives one loving and caring
one hating and schemeing

the heart is what keeps us living
the heart is where our love begins
the heart is where the soul is and
where our brokeness begins

the ones we love are part of us but
do we truly love them?
do we truly what to protect them?
what is it today that makes us all mad with
power?

the heart is what keeps us living
the heart is where our heart begins
the heart is where our soul is and
where the brokeness begins

there are those who what power to control the world
there are those who want power to heal
but they are all the same that same power
corrupts and distorts all the well intended things
these people thought of

the heart is what keeps us living
the heart is where our love begins
the heart is where the soul is and
where the brokeness begins...

[itch]

These poems are so heartfelt. *sniffles* They apply to many people's lives. I hope you continue to write them.

[Althaia]

thanks

[Anna Mae]

I liked your idea in "the dream".

I'm noticing a pattern in your titles...

I liked the chorus of "the heart":
the heart is what keeps us living
the heart is where our love begins
the hearts where our soul lives and
where our brokenness begins
I noticed that you varied it each time.
Also, the way every other stanza is italicized looks nice on the page.

[Althaia]

hmm theres a pattern if so i have never noticed -.o and thanks yeah the dream is a companion to the voice if you read carefully you see similarities i put in to both of them

[Anna Mae]

Except for "my love my fate" and "forgiveness," they all follow the form: "the [noun]"

[Althaia]

ah i see now well when comes to titles ^_^; not so good with that so i just call it "the" and whatever the main theme of the poem is but did you see the similarites between the voice and the dream

[Anna Mae]

I did notice the parallels. The two poems make a nice set.

[Althaia]

thanks