My entire short story.

[Gabriel 9.0]

Just take note that I was bored at the time I wrote this and was kinda pressured.

Anyway here is the link to my first work of writing:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/53489327/

[Gabriel 9.0]

Bump

[Esoteric]

Well, um, to be honest it doesn't read much like a story. It's reads like a detailed synopsis...summarizing what was said and done with a very detached feel. This is a good start, and you could certainly turn it into a exciting, engaging story with a bit more effort. It has promise, it just needs work.

[Gabriel 9.0]

Well, um, to be honest it doesn't read much like a story. It's reads like a detailed synopsis...summarizing what was said and done with a very detached feel. This is a good start, and you could certainly turn it into a exciting, engaging story with a bit more effort. It has promise, it just needs work.

Thanks for the comment, I figured it needed more effort in it.