I'm trying to write poem's but I'm nervous!

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

I've tried to write stories but i carn't seem to make a good fantasy story so i moved on to poetry instead,
i was wondering if anyone could help me with my poem's, please

this is my first poem

As the rain splashed and trickled down my face,
I dance, wondered in enlightened grace,
Worries in my mind, driven by doubt,
If I don’t ask for help, I’ll get kicked out,
In my room, that’s so small,
No one is in there, no one at all,
As my shadows dance, and speak to me,
I yell and shout “I don’t want me!â€

[Siren of Lyrics]

[quote="Yuna-Tairyl Kc"]I've tried to write stories but i carn't seem to make a good fantasy story so i moved on to poetry instead,
i was wondering if anyone could help me with my poem's, please

this is my first poem

As the rain splashed and trickled down my face,
I dance, wondered in enlightened grace,
Worries in my mind, driven by doubt,
If I don’t ask for help, I’ll get kicked out,
In my room, that’s so small,
No one is in there, no one at all,
As my shadows dance, and speak to me,
I yell and shout “I don’t want me!â€

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

thank you so much for the comment
a title, erm hows Against Myself for a title? if you could think of a much better title please tell me
Aother poem...

Being in love.

Being in love is just like christmas,
to open our hearts is to open a present,
Being in love is just like easter,
each kiss is oh so sweet,
these are my dream's i have at night,
untill the morning awakens me,
the sun is warm and oh so bright,
as the sun drifts into the endless ocean,
we danced under the orange moon,
we poored out rivers of emotion,
and then i realised my dream's came true.

any comments or suggestion's because this was only a five minute piece

[Rachel]

hey cool poems. keep up the good work.

[true_noir_chloe]

I like your poems a lot. You have so much emotion in them. I'm not a poet like the previous two who commented, but I know I like what you wrote. ^_^

[Saint Kevin]

Good poems, really. Don't be nervous...just try. Some poems might not come out like you want, but you should keep at this, you definitely have potential.

I might have to write some poems in here pretty soon...it would be nice to see guys writing poetry for a change.

[Icarus]

Comments: Good Job
Suggestions: Post More.

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

lol post more, okay

A bit more than friendship

I see him here i see him there,
he reminds me of a five petaled flower,
he loves loads,
he loves me not,
i carn't help thinking of him alot,
he loves me dear,
he loves me not,
i carn't help thinking of him alot,
his names a secret,
and i hold him deep in my heart,
my dearest friend we'll never be apart,
when i'm down,
when i'm bleek,
a searching friend is out to seek,
when he's near, my heart sings,
when he's far, my heart has a crystal tear.

why don't you post yours on too? i'm very interested in what people's poetry is like.

[Icarus]

I have posted mine, just to say it before Chloe does. See the diamond disco. Interesting poem.

[Rachel]

yeah check out the diamond disco. jonny's not that bad. hehe. also if you want, you could check out seasons. i'd like to know what you think of my stuff. i'm not really the best at it, but i do try. peace yo and boycott standardized testing.

[Reverie]

I like your poems very much. ^_^
Don't be nervous about writing them...they'll come to you.

[Mimichan]

Hi^_^ I am sorry I didn't notice your thread before. Your poetry is very nice. I hope to read more of it.

[Kesshin]

You know, this story reminds me of when I started writing my own writing thread, particularly the title. I soon found out you don't need to be nervous (the people here are so nice). Just do your best!
BTW, I like your poems a lot. ^^ Keep it up, you've got talent!

[true_noir_chloe]

>>I have posted mine, just to say it before Chloe does. See the diamond disco. Interesting poem.

Yes, Icarus is one of the great poets of CAA. You can learn a lot reading his poetry. Also, his sister, convoybutterfly's "seasons" here is great. They are a talented family.

Post some more, Yuna.

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

heres another poem for everyone..

the key is aloss

the wind, soft but always harsh,
and my heart is carried in a locket,
the angels of heven hide the key,
and said theres only one love for me,

as the wind blows,
as fire burns,
as the rain falls,
im still wait a while,

i wonder around in search for hope,
my friends and family ask how i cope,
i turn and say don't worry for me,
for i hold enough worries for you and me,

at last the day day cleared fine,
i walked and walked and lost track of time,
when i bumped into the man who looked at me,
and i glanced at his neck,
and saw the key.
one of the longest poems ive written in a long time.. what do you think of it.

[Icarus]

Very nice.

As an aside, in my last post, I meant that you had written an interesting poem, not that mine was.

[Kesshin]

Good job, Yuna. Keep it up.

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

well here's another poem, it started out to be a song thing but i did not work out.

Life Ain't Black 'N' White

I told a secret to the wind,
It answered back and it was right,
I painted all the colours of the wind,
Even missed out white,
You helped me with all my problems,
And you pushed yours aside,
Ipainted with all the colours of the wind,
Even missed out white,
I even missed out black because life ain't back 'n' white!
I'll meet you in heaven,
I'll follow you to hell,
Your stuck to me for all enternity,
So don't worry,
I told a secret to the wind,
It answered back and it was right,
I painted all the colours of the wind,
Even missed out white
I even missed out black because,
Life Ain't Black And Black 'N' White
life ain't black and.......
white.

6/10/2003

enjoy

[The Grammarian]

You're pretty talented, Yuna. Not to give you a big head or anything.

[Zilch]

My suggestion to write poetry is to take what you're feeling and put it on paper. It doesn't have to rhyme, just get a feel and rythmn to it.

[Reverie]

I especially liked "the key is aloss." Once again, Yuna, nice poems!

[Icarus]

Pretty good poem.

I agree with what Vash said, rhyming isn't everything in poetry.

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

Our Candle Of Love

Our Candle Of Love,
Is Burning With A Blaze,
Our Loving Shaddows,
Are Dancing On The Walls,
You Whispered In My Ear,
" Will You Marry Me"
Even Though I Think Yuor Crazy.
I'll Only Say Yes To You,
Our Foot Steps In Our Hearts,
Will Stay Forever,
Nothing Can Break Us Apart,
So Don't Even Bother.

how do you like this one?

[Icarus]

Not bad for the most part, but the last line doesn't fit the tone of the rest.

[true_noir_chloe]

Keep it up, Yuna, you're doing better each time you write. That's always the hardest part - to keep going. It's like playing the guitar. After a few months your fingertips are in so much pain you wonder why you took up the thing, but a year later and a layer of callouses, you're playing pretty decent and enjoying the sound coming from the thing. And, it's you playing that great music. Write some more. ^_^

[Zilch]

Sad thing is, I can relate to the guy's side in that story...then...she broke up with me after 6 months. Ah, well, life goes on. Good stuff, keep writing!

[Kesshin]

So Yuna, going to write more soon? ^^

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

sorry it's been so long, my internet was playing up on me
well i've wrote another poem i hope you like it

Alone with an angel


Am alone along the beach of uncertainty,
The sun set, calming my emotions,
Am alone with endless empty thoughts,
The sounds of my heart echoes with in me,

I sat on a bench in the park, alone,
A feather fell from the heavens, an angel?
I felt a pair of eyes, piecing my soul,
My heart pounding for every second past,

My courage brought me to my feet,
My hand holding the feather of long hold dreams,
With each step I took was a breathe I held with in me,
Who brought a kiss to me, who is the one with white wings,
Was it a dream?

A hand appeared in front of me,
“take itâ€

[Yuna-Tairyl Kc]

hi sophie,

Friends and Family

as much as i hate my sister,
i don't want any harm to her,
we fight with envy, we fight for honor,
but we still love each other,

as i walk an endless waltz,
along the summers beach,
i still think of friends,
as a life with out friendship,
may perish and die,

but still i have a sister,
and i still have friends,
to me thats important,
here my friends and my family.


ps sopho, your fan pics are on my website okay....