The Holy War, Part two

[Matthew]

For a while I've been haveing truble finding a way to contiue with my story... But this morning it just came to me... Injoy the beggining of part two of my story "The holy war".
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All over the Country, people are being treated like dogs, while the forces of darkness are calling in all favors, claming all debts that are promised … The world is falling into a darkness it’s never know for over 2000 years… Not scene since the days of old, Adam, Noah, Moses, David, And Jesus Christ. People are sinning ageist the father, worshipping the evil…still, there are some, some who remain true to God’s name, they are fighting right this minute… against all hope, they still fight.

Most of mankind has fallen to the dark, ether by choice or by a debt… others are twisted by foul things, but still we fight, out number and alone, we still fight…

“Cameron, hurry up! Thayer right behind us!” Cried a young girl as they run through the woods of northern Virginia, there friend stayed behind to slow them down, but it has done little good.

In the heart of Texas, people are being gathered into county jails or wherever there is room, the ‘AA’ will use… But still there is some holding their ground ageist the impending evil… While most are scattered and alone, one is uniting God’s people, a shepherdess of man…

New York, there is a quiet that was never meant to be, streets empty, families broken, people, sacred, but there are some who will fight, a girl, lost in the city, being hunted by her former friends… Still, she presses on…

Kansas, the story is the same, pain, sorrow, fear, Still, there is hope, a young man fights with his inner being, one side, losing his faith, the other, fighting to keep it.


Wherever you are, you are alone, yet, with faith, you are closer then ever before…
The holy war, has begun…

The Holy war,
The fight for faith.

[Matthew]

It begins



The sound of running is all that can be heard in the streets of New York, as a girl try’s to stay alive, she has been on the run for nearly 4 hours, being chased by her once close friends. “Come on Kitty, don’t run! We wont hurt you, promise!”

Says one of the people chasseing her.

“Why are you doing this? What happened to you guys?”

She asks under her breath, nearly giving out to the strain…

Slowly, she makes her way down a dark street to hide, as she makes her way down the ally she hears the group fallowing her once again, she quickens her pace down the Street, as she reaches near a small bounding with a low level roof five people jump down in front of her, fear takes her as she falls to her knees as she wonders how all this could have happened…

Five hours earlier…



“Kitty, Kitty! Where are you? I thought we were going out tonight!”

“Oh! Is that you Abby? Just a sec, ok? I checking my e-mail… Darn it!”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Oh, it’s this darn dooms-day gang thing… Ever since they hacked the web nothing’s worked right!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean… Did you hear Thayer planning on another attack soon? It’s all over the news… Every things going to bloody hell if you ask me”

“Did they say where at?” Opening her bedroom door: out steeps a young girl wearing black pants with chains from hip to pocket and a small lather jacket to match, her hair was shoulder length, dark brown, almost black in color.

“Wow girl! Planning on meeting someone now are we?” Complements a young girl wearing similar clothing but black lather shorts instead, with a British bandana wrapped around her left leg.

“No! I just like looking good!” Kitty said with a grin.

“Luve, you look good no matter what you’re wearing! Now, where shell we be off to? The movies? The mall? Maybe the arcade? Where?”

“Umm, the mall first I guess.”



“Jolly good! I needed a new Jacket! This one is really starting to get to small…”



“So, now what?” Asked Kitty after walking the mall for little over an hour.



“How’s the Arcade sound? I here they got the new dancing game in.” Abby said: Wearing a brand new lather jacket.



They agreed and headed of toward the arcade at the back of the mall, passing several stores on the way. Walking past a hunting goods store Abby notices a bunch of teenagers hanging around the fire exit but she took no heed.



“Great! Look at this line… We’ll never get to play at this rate… now what?” Kitty asked, disappointment in her voice.



“Well, want to see that new action Movie? Oh, what’s it bloody called? ”



Before Kitty could answer there was a loud explosion from the center of the mall, another and another, fire was now starting to catch, people started running, only to find the exits had been chained.



“What the bleep was that!” Abby yelled, mostly out of fear.



“I don’t know… Are you ok? Your not hurt, right?” Kitty asked, dazed a little.



“Yeah, but we need to get out of here!” Kitty agreed and they started running to the exit, only to find them locked with thick metal chains.



“Great, now what…” Kitty said with a sigh.

A moment later She saw something that horrified her to no end, the flame was growing and was consuming anything… and anyone in its path…



“We have to go through it…” Kitty said, her voice unsure voice.



“You must be loseing your bloody mind! We’ll be cooked alive!” Abby protested but to no alive.



“Look, I don’t like it ether… But there’s really no other way, the exits are blocked, the steeps to the roof are on the other side of the mall, and the people are turning into a mob!”

With a sigh Abby agreed, they ran over to a water fountain and started pouring water everywhere they could, when they were as wet as possible, they took each other.


“Remember, do NOT let go! No matter what! And… if you do lose grip--” Abby started.


"Dont turn back..." Kitty areed. Looking deeply at one another one last time, tears in both girls' eyes, and hands still locked to gather, they ran head first...
into the flame.

[Matthew]

It was so hot… They could feel the flames licking their skin, if it wasn’t enough for the flames to be burning them, then the smoke burning their eyes and lungs was.

They were about half way through the mall now, the sound of people screaming had started to die down a bit, and witch wasn’t a good thing. They could hear bolts and nuts swelling and popping lose under the high presser caused by the heat, the roof was making a slight cracking noise do to the restraints giving out.

Still holding hands, the girls, made there way to the steeps, ‘We must be close…’ thought Abby, starting to lose hope, completely unaware that they were heading deeper into the flame.

“Hold on!” Kitty cried as Abby started losing her hold. “Please, don’t let go! Please…” stopping for a moment, Kitty try to reinforced her hold on Abby’s hand but she pushed kitty away.

“It’s no use, we’re going to burn to death in this hellhole, at least now you’ll have a better chance of making It-” Coughing, she was unable to complete her sentence. Barely able to see, Kitty felt her way back over to her friend, and slapped her firmly on the face.

“You’re a fool if you think I’m leavening here with out you! Now give me your dang arm!” A little shocked at being hit by her friend Abby stretched her arm out to Kitty and got back up, looking at one another the best they could through the smoke, they were off again… But still, with the fight, Kitty had lost her bearings, knowing nothing else to do; she closed her eyes, and prayed.

‘Lord, I know I haven’t talked with you and given you your glory as much as I should and for that I’m… sorry, but I’m talking to you now in my time of need, please, protect me and Abby, and help us make are way out of this fire, please… forgive me lord and give me one last chance…’

Out of no where, A hand found it’s way onto her shoulder, Kitty couldn’t see where it came from do to the smoke, but she felt a warm feeling that grew from her heart and encompassed her entire body, not from the fire, but somewhere else, with out a second thought she knew she could trust this hand and fallow it where ever it went. She couldn’t help but to think to her self ‘Thanks, God’.

[true_noir_chloe]

I told you I'd be back at the other thread, but I'll comment here. I see you're trying hard. Is writing difficult for you? Because, it is very difficult for my daughter who has ADHD. She reads ALL the time, but still writing is her disability and she struggles. She has great stories and ideas in her head just like you, Matthew.

I know you asked on your other thread how to be a good writer and you were really wondering why nobody has remarked on you writing. This is my two cents:

First of all, do you like to write? I mean, do you really enjoy it? If you do, then I'd be happy to help you as much as I can.

There are three things I always tell everyone to improve on your writing. 1. Read, and I mean read good, quality stuff, not just mangas (although, they're good, but they don't teach you proper prose) 2. Write. You know the slogan, "just do it." 3. Study writing. I'll start you off by saying go to the library and find the Writer's Digest, "Elements of Fiction Writing" series. It's easy reading, simple and to the point. It's perfect for high school kids and even college. I don't want you to get involved in the Grad school books yet.

Where I realize you need the most help is, although your ideas are probably in your head, once you place them on the paper (keyboard) they get all jumbled and convoluted. No one is reading your stuff because it's very hard to understand. You keep bouncing around with no real stability and everyone is confused. As the writer, you need to paint a picture with words. It has to flow and you, the writer, need to walk the reader, me, through your story by sentence structure, well-placed dialogue, and character development. You need to take your character from point A, to B, and so on.

If I were you I'd read the books I told you about first and then try your hand at writing. Start with the book on Setting by, Jack M. Bickham. It tells you how to, according to the front of the book, create and sustain a sharp sense of time and place in your fiction.

I hope this will help you somewhat and I'll check back. Feel free to pm if you need anything else.

[uc pseudonym]

First off, an administration message: Keep all parts of one story in one thread. Because this story is back after a long time, I'll allow it to go, as it really isn't hurting anyway. Just so you know for the future, or anyone else who might be reading will be informed.

I'll be copy-ed for this section soon as well, when I get the time.