Prayers for Haibane Shadsie

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Prayers for Haibane Shadsie

Postby MillyFan » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:04 pm

Could you all please pray for her? She needs your prayers in regard to a family situation, a possible career change, and depression. . . :sniffle:

Please especially pray for her talking with a counselor soon, and for her meeting with her boss in making a request to write for the paper she works as a freelance artist for at this time. :)
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Postby Gypsy » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:42 pm

I've been praying, but I'll certainly continue to do so. Thanks for letting us know, Milly.
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Postby Shinja » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:43 pm

sure thing!
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Postby shooraijin » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:53 pm

Can do.
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Postby Haibane Shadsie » Wed Jan 07, 2004 8:30 pm

Well... thanks... just... pheh... I don't know if my depression will ever go away. Struggled with... myself... all my life and I've been going downhill for years. Just seems like prayer don't work sometimes.

I just found out something about my dad tonight, though.. a few minutes ago... was going to get something from the kitchen... he told me of a time in his life when he was suicidal. (maybe telling my parents of my thoughts of death was not a good idea...) Told me that he couldn't stand to stand before Jesus with all the wounds he took for us (and him personally) and say that he did that with his gift of life... and he hugged me. :)

But... I didn't tell him that my thinking was: "Well, I'm a failure at everything, anyway... why not that?"

I don't really want to die, though... I just want to... get some sucess that I DON'T screw up for myself as I usually do. Yet... I fear that I'm not able to do that...

Hmmm... I think my dad might be trying to slowly convert me to Mormonism, though. When he and mom go back to their retirement property, he's leaving me a Book of Mormon with some passages marked that he wants me to read. I am worried about reading anything from that, given my current spiritual state (I don't feel too holy or wise right now), but I worry that if I don't give them a read sometime, that he'll be really dissapointed. He says he's not trying to convert me, only to "educate" me... still... I'm a little scared. I still haven't listened to that CD that was sent to me... (SpiritSword sent it, I think). I will before I read anything from the Book of Mormon, though. Still... I worry about getting into any kind of argument with Dad over... this stuff.. he's an old man... I don't want to argue with him.

The family situation MillyFan is talking about is more... financial.. and my psycho, lazy, selfish, greedy brother. (Another thing I have in common with Vash... I have a scary brother who's not "all there").

As for the despression, before anyone goes thinking it's some kind of "spiritual attack"... I regret to inform you... it's ... my life. I've been having self esteem issues since long before I was saved... since I was a little kid... and thinking sometimes it would be nice to die since I was around 11 or so... maybe earlier. I've just kind of... been going downhill ever since, I think.
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Jan 07, 2004 10:25 pm

Shadsie, I will continue to pray for you. What's going on with you is so outside of what you might think. I really believe you have a problem that needs medical help if depression has been bothering you this long. I know everyone wants to put a spiritual label on it, but God, I think, works in so many ways. Possibly all this attention you're getting here on CAA for your depression is God telling you, you have to go outside of yourself. You have to maybe seek medical help and find out if there is a chemical imbalance and what medications you may need. I struggled with deep depression for most of the 90s and found out there was a medical reason for it.

Whatever you do, don't go toward The Book of Mormon. It is, and always has been false. Stick to God's word. I think you know, obviously by what you've said, that it's not a book for you to be reading. Listen to that little voice inside that's telling you what the truth is - because that is probably the Spirit of God.

If you'd like, pm me and I'll share some more stuff with you. I'll keep praying.^_^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Kokhiri Sojourn » Wed Jan 07, 2004 11:03 pm

I'm praying for you, Shadsie.
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Postby Haibane Shadsie » Thu Jan 08, 2004 12:29 pm

I do take a mild medication. Doesn't seem to be working anymore.
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Postby Locke » Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:06 pm

i will
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Postby Rogie » Thu Jan 08, 2004 5:35 pm

I'll be praying.
Zar wrote:Praise God for all things awesome. Life ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But sanctify the Lord your God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
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Postby Mr. Rogers » Thu Jan 08, 2004 5:50 pm

will pray
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Postby chibi_chan » Fri Jan 09, 2004 4:44 pm

will do :)
happy go luck monkey!
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akai tsuki wo nagameteta kara nakitai hodo boku no fuan wa
itsumo kioku no katasumi ni kasabuta mitai ni nokoru yo
itai kurai kirei datta kedo hikari no naka no boku no kage wo
ano takai kanransha de dareka ga waratta ki ga shita

hitsuji no kigurumi wo kita mama yaseta otoko no ko ga odokete
haku iki wo shiroku sasete inoru youni te wo awaseta
ano ko to sora no aida ni wa toumei na nanika ga aru kara
kitto negai wa todokanai sukoshi samuku naru yuuenchi

nanimokamo uso ni naru daremo inaku naru

boku no naka no boku wo itsuka katai GARASU bin ni tsumete
hi no ataru niwa no kadan ni koneko to issho ni umeyou
mizutamari ni utsuru kao wa tsumetai ame de gushagusha ni
chigireteitta ato ni tada no iro ni kawaridashita yo

maboroshi no BERU ga nari keshiki ga kasumi daseba
nanimokamo uso ni naru daremo inaku naru

boku no naka no boku wo itsuka katai GARASU bin ni tsumete
hi no ataru niwa no kadan ni koneko to issho ni umeyou
mizutamari ni utsuru kao wa tsumetai ame de gushagusha ni
chigireteitta ato ni tada no iro ni kawaridasu yo

yasashiku gin'iro no ame ga machi no subete ni furisosogu
michi no haji de sagashiteita boku wo yatto mitsuketa
isu no ue ni hana no ue ni ashi ga nai roba no senaka ni
komakai ame ga furisosogu boku no ue ni mo _____.
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Postby Spiritsword » Fri Jan 09, 2004 6:23 pm

I have and will continue to pray for you, Shadsie.
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Postby lobsterbucket » Fri Jan 09, 2004 8:19 pm

We are all here you buddy. God sends people into our lives to help us through the tough times. Everything has a purpose no matter how bleak it may seem. I've learned that only recently.

Life and love,
Daniel
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Postby Haibane Shadsie » Fri Jan 16, 2004 5:59 pm

Um... continue, please? I'm sorry to be selfish... self-centered little female dog that I am... but... I'm not doing too well depression-wise.
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Postby MillyFan » Fri Jan 16, 2004 7:07 pm

:hug:
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