Hi everyone,
I might as well make a separate thread for this webmanga.
Home is a side story of the current KingdomCome webmanga I currently have running. It doesn't feel like it yet coz these same characters haven't appear in KCome yet haha...(it'll be quite a while, sorry guys). This story stands pretty well alone though.
Description
Genre(?): Everyday life/drama
Target audience: Shoujo? Female teen readers? Guys can read it too. haha
Brief description: Francis is a nonchalant introverted top student in school. He meets an old childhood female friend who seems to be the worst type of friend ever; she smokes, drinks, parties in clubs and dresses up scantily. Francis insistently pursues his friendship with her, which would eventually lead to challenge his family's church and beliefs.
Ratings
Age: 13+
Violence: 0 - There’s nothing I recall worth mentioning
Language: 1 - I might have let a d-word slip every now and then. I need to double check this.
Sexual Content: 3 - Subtle hints of a forced act
Nudity (or skimpy outfits): 2 - Some female characters may wear sexy outfits for the purpose of the storyplot
Bad Religion: 0 - The closest this will ever get to bad religion is characters who believe in something else apart from the Christian God.
Updates: SERIES COMPLETED - 07/07/2005
Link: [url]http://kcome.psychoteers.com/home.html[/url]
Home Webmanga
67 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
I can't wait to see the rest of it (> ^^)>-
ShiroiHikari - Posts: 7564
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989
Woohoo! I have been waiting for this for awhile.
It looks awesome.
I would have only minor complaints, but nothing big. I have a question: Are Miranda and Francis bf/gf right now? You're doing better and better each time you place panels up. I see real growth with your mangas. You handled life problems realistically and I'm so glad you didn't sugercoat it and make it unbelievably hokey. Also, I'm loving the way you draw Miranda and Francis. At first, his hair freaked me out, but now it makes him look very original.
And, the Lord has greatly blessed you, Mave. I look forward to seeing your stuff for a long time.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Very good... and yes I am one of those guys.
Though I have some serious concern toward your webmangas Mave. Particularly in KC, you have some fluidity problems. Such as in Chapter 4, Doug leaves the store and then Linda somehow pops up on to the next page. I guess one could call this "poofing" (as in the poof of smoke usually associated with disappearances and appearances in a magic act). It seems jumpy and jerky many times to me. Don't ever assume the reader knows what you are thinking.
Since I stated that problem from KC, here is a solution to it: After Doug leaves, Kim goes about to mop (or whatever his job needs him to do). The bell above the door rings and Linda walks in. Kim doesn't notice her at first because he is still deep in thought over what happened earlier. Et cetera.
Your manga should flow through pages like water. Think between the pages.
EDIT: Hmm... I seem to have forgot why I would be making such comments. Truthfully, what I want to do with my life is to help writers and mangakas with their works. In as much, I plan to be an editor and publisher. That makes me see things from various different viewpoints when it comes to manga and writing. I see the overall feel and it almost seems organic to me. I guess you could say I see the life of the work.
I have always known you have great potential (I have no potential at all when it comes to actually drawing manga
). I am just making sure that you can fully express that potential.
*Rereads comments and then his explaination*
... Gah!
Please don't think I am trying to be pompous, I really want to be a help! You really don't know me, so it was rude of me to just spout out my opinion. Gomen Nasai. I had not mean to be offensive.
Though I have some serious concern toward your webmangas Mave. Particularly in KC, you have some fluidity problems. Such as in Chapter 4, Doug leaves the store and then Linda somehow pops up on to the next page. I guess one could call this "poofing" (as in the poof of smoke usually associated with disappearances and appearances in a magic act). It seems jumpy and jerky many times to me. Don't ever assume the reader knows what you are thinking.
Since I stated that problem from KC, here is a solution to it: After Doug leaves, Kim goes about to mop (or whatever his job needs him to do). The bell above the door rings and Linda walks in. Kim doesn't notice her at first because he is still deep in thought over what happened earlier. Et cetera.
Your manga should flow through pages like water. Think between the pages.
EDIT: Hmm... I seem to have forgot why I would be making such comments. Truthfully, what I want to do with my life is to help writers and mangakas with their works. In as much, I plan to be an editor and publisher. That makes me see things from various different viewpoints when it comes to manga and writing. I see the overall feel and it almost seems organic to me. I guess you could say I see the life of the work.
I have always known you have great potential (I have no potential at all when it comes to actually drawing manga
). I am just making sure that you can fully express that potential.
*Rereads comments and then his explaination*
... Gah!
Please don't think I am trying to be pompous, I really want to be a help! You really don't know me, so it was rude of me to just spout out my opinion. Gomen Nasai. I had not mean to be offensive.
-
Lochaber Axe - Posts: 730
- Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:26 pm
- Location: Where my mind forms a nexus...
Lochabar Axe wrote:Particularly in KC, you have some fluidity problems. Such as in Chapter 4, Doug leaves the store and then Linda somehow pops up on to the next page. I guess one could call this "poofing" (as in the poof of smoke usually associated with disappearances and appearances in a magic act
I didn't think that was a problem at all, Loch. I've seen much worse on titles published by Tokyopop - "Kill Me, Kiss Me" comes to mind:stressed: . In a manga world, Kim is still in the store, so time passage is assumed. I wasn't confused, and I thought Doug was well gone by the time Linda came in the store. And, it was on a seperate page, which broke it up as needed.
Anyways, Mave is still in an amateur class, with tons of potential. She is doing one of the best jobs I've seen on this forum as far as mangaka'ing goes. I think you understand that from what I read in your edit.
BTW, the scene between Doug and Kim was my favorite.
And isn't this thread about the "HOME" manga? I've already commented on that.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
And isn't this thread about the "HOME" manga? I've already commented on that.
And that was where I made a mistake. I hate it when I put my feet in my mouth like this. I really hate it when I do this.
I want to help, but it always turns into me sounding like a jerk.
-
Lochaber Axe - Posts: 730
- Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:26 pm
- Location: Where my mind forms a nexus...
Lochabar Axe wrote:I want to help, but it always turns into me sounding like a jerk.
I don't think you sounded like a jerk. We all view things differently, and I think as much as your idea would help with fluidity, the way it is doesn't take from it. I honestly don't think all the work she's put into the one page of panels would be worth scrapping and changing over this. It's kind of the way it is, and is fine if it stays that way.
I think you were just trying to be helpful, nothing wrong with that. ^___^ ;; I'm sure Mave could answer much better than me, though.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Hey, don't sweat it Loch, I took no offence whatsoever (as I told Chloe once, it takes A LOT to offend me hehe). I know that you're sincerely trying to help and I appreciate that. If you feel more comfortable, you can always PM me. I always welcome constructive comments and opinions.
Fluidity: I must admit the first thing on my mind was "Hmmm? That's something new" hahaha <---clueless artist. To tell the truth, when I write manga, I never have a script written out. *all writers, pls gasp*
I just spontaneously draft out the panels and work from there. I hope readers will voice out something if they see a problem in the flow. hehe I'll keep your point in mind whenever I work on more mangakaing. ^^ I've got so much space for improvement and I found out that the best way for me to learn is by trial and error.
Editing panels: The current way I'm making manga pages does not allow much flexibility in editing (that's bad >_<) because I do it page by page. I first draft out the panels on A4 size paper, ink them and scan them. Using PShop and my tablet, I clean up the inks and start adding the text and tones by layers. I keep the original psd file (just in case, I need to edit something small, mostly script-wise) and make another smaller copy in jpg (all layer combined then). <---the latter is what you all see. I wonder whether there's a method that would alllow me to make editing more easy. There's a reason why I haven't really gone back to edit my older chapters. Gee, I ought to post this at the manga artists/writers thread.
Oh Chloe, by the way to answer your question, Francis and Miranda are not girlfriend/boyfriend at this point. I will apologize in advance, there is no/very little romance in this series, believe it or not. I think I can't write romance. Is that a good or bad thing now? haha
If you feel more comfortable, you can always PM me. I always welcome constructive comments and opinions.
Fluidity: I must admit the first thing on my mind was "Hmmm? That's something new" hahaha <---clueless artist. To tell the truth, when I write manga, I never have a script written out. *all writers, pls gasp*
I just spontaneously draft out the panels and work from there. I hope readers will voice out something if they see a problem in the flow. hehe I'll keep your point in mind whenever I work on more mangakaing. ^^ I've got so much space for improvement and I found out that the best way for me to learn is by trial and error.
Editing panels: The current way I'm making manga pages does not allow much flexibility in editing (that's bad >_<) because I do it page by page. I first draft out the panels on A4 size paper, ink them and scan them. Using PShop and my tablet, I clean up the inks and start adding the text and tones by layers. I keep the original psd file (just in case, I need to edit something small, mostly script-wise) and make another smaller copy in jpg (all layer combined then). <---the latter is what you all see. I wonder whether there's a method that would alllow me to make editing more easy. There's a reason why I haven't really gone back to edit my older chapters.
Gee, I ought to post this at the manga artists/writers thread.
Oh Chloe, by the way to answer your question, Francis and Miranda are not girlfriend/boyfriend at this point. I will apologize in advance, there is no/very little romance in this series, believe it or not. I think I can't write romance. Is that a good or bad thing now? haha
-
Mave - Posts: 3662
- Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:00 am
I hate to post and say so little, but I do want to appreciate Home and mark this thread for reference in the case of future chapters.
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
I never intended for you to edit anything. Since you are not pushing for publication right now you should have as much practice as you want. Once you do plan on publishing... thats a different story 
. I would be honored if you pass it by me so that I can tear it... err... proofread it . Remember, even an amateur editor like myself will correct things which could ease you further to publication. On the point of my earlier remarks, it was more on a what-you-can-do-better-in-the-future kind of criticsm.
Oh and about not writing romance, honestly unless you have knack for it, please don't try. PLLLLLEEEEAASSSSEEE!!! [joking]
I'd rather have no romance, than a sappy one.
Note: If I think there is something that needs immediate editing, you will know. At least, through pms of course. heh...
Oh and the whole jerk thing, I was in a self-deprecating mood. Its a bad habit of mine sometimes.
. I would be honored if you pass it by me so that I can tear it... err... proofread it . Remember, even an amateur editor like myself will correct things which could ease you further to publication. On the point of my earlier remarks, it was more on a what-you-can-do-better-in-the-future kind of criticsm.Oh and about not writing romance, honestly unless you have knack for it, please don't try. PLLLLLEEEEAASSSSEEE!!! [joking]
I'd rather have no romance, than a sappy one.
Note: If I think there is something that needs immediate editing, you will know. At least, through pms of course. heh...
Oh and the whole jerk thing, I was in a self-deprecating mood. Its a bad habit of mine sometimes.
-
Lochaber Axe - Posts: 730
- Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:26 pm
- Location: Where my mind forms a nexus...
Wehehehehehe. XDD Hehehe.
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. XD The manga reads so much like a Taiwanese soap opera that I really can't help chuckling from time to time. Everything's there - "girl with best friend," "boy with gang," the "chance" encounters, the "rescues," the girl going feminist at times, and of course, how stuff happens so coincidentally like the whole world's on a cloud. It's not hard-hitting (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but it's still so much fun. ^^
Oh, and my absolutely favorite line: "But I wonder why he's helping us...Maybe he likes one of us or..." XD That was golden. Great work!
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. XD The manga reads so much like a Taiwanese soap opera that I really can't help chuckling from time to time. Everything's there - "girl with best friend," "boy with gang," the "chance" encounters, the "rescues," the girl going feminist at times, and of course, how stuff happens so coincidentally like the whole world's on a cloud. It's not hard-hitting (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but it's still so much fun. ^^
Oh, and my absolutely favorite line: "But I wonder why he's helping us...Maybe he likes one of us or..." XD That was golden. Great work!
*Insert witty saying here*
-
SwordSkill - Posts: 412
- Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:07 am
- Location: Philippines
I just realized that I had mentally transposed Home and Kingdom Come in my head, and I haven't read the second part of it. This situation was remedied fairly quickly...
As for the new chapter, I'd have to say that I like it better than the first. The characters seem more defined, which helps greatly in a work such as this. Also, the general arc is becoming more clear, and it seems different from what I had expected after the first. This is a positive thing.
Other than that... go Pastor Mark? He's honestly my favorite character...
As for the new chapter, I'd have to say that I like it better than the first. The characters seem more defined, which helps greatly in a work such as this. Also, the general arc is becoming more clear, and it seems different from what I had expected after the first. This is a positive thing.
Other than that... go Pastor Mark? He's honestly my favorite character...
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
This manga is awesome, its like its bya professional artist. Anyways, I love this manga! Megatokyo is still the best. ph33r m3
-
initialdfreak - Posts: 105
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 6:58 pm
I may have already said it, but I don't have an issue with manga notes either. They let us in on some of what you're thinking, which is a good thing. And even if you don't think you're a professional, you might as well act as if you already are.
I find this funny. No offense intended to anyone.
initialdfreak wrote:This manga is awesome, its like its bya professional artist. Anyways, I love this manga! Megatokyo is still the best. ph33r m3
I find this funny. No offense intended to anyone.
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
Yay! new chapter. I liked it very much, Miranda going ninja (okay not exactly but close enough) on Pastor Mark was great, and the line when all of Francis's friends are at his house making noise and one of them says 'you silly boy' cracked me up ... in a good way. Other than that I guess I can only add that I like the Manga notes, they offer so much perspective on what's going on in the author's mind.
-
Ducky - Posts: 289
- Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:13 pm
- Location: Kentucky
Hi everyone,
I finally got Chapter 3 done. @_@ <--- dead Mave lol
Pls visit my website [url]http://www.kcome.net[/url] to access it, if you have any problems finding it from there...erm, let me know, I'll be terribly ashamed then.
hehe let's see what can I say this time? Once again, I changed the text. (-_-)\ I can already hear everyone yelling "Make up your mind on the fonts already!" I'm using AnimeAce font this time. Everything is in capslock since most manga tend to use that anyway. Do let me know if this font is suitable. If so, I will standardize that from now on and work on changing the fonts in the previous chapters.
I crammed in more events in this chapter so you may feel the panels are a little tight. But I had to in order to complete everything within 5 chapters. That's the problem that occurs when you had something pre-written out and then you decide to change things along the way. Am I hearing someone else say, "oh yeah"?
Art-wise, you may notice some slack in the inking. To tell the truth, my Sakura pens are running out so I had to switch to a common type of ink pen. As you can imagine the tip isn't as good and I had problems controlling the blots. >_<;;;
Eh...what else? Well, I hope everyone finds this chapter OK. I hope I managed to demonstrate Miranda's background well enough coz I will be focusing on Francis and his father in the last 2 chapters. Alright, enough chatter. Please read it and let me know what you think.
Feel free to answer the following:
1) How is the font?
2) Inking? Do you think I did OK in the shadings and backgrounds?
3) Any changes in your impression of any characters after reading this chapter (Miranda, Pastor Mark, Francis's mother)?
4) Have I mispresented any common Christian beliefs yet? (this question makes me the most nervous)
4) Anything too cliche so far?
Thanks! *bows*
I finally got Chapter 3 done. @_@ <--- dead Mave lol
Pls visit my website [url]http://www.kcome.net[/url] to access it, if you have any problems finding it from there...erm, let me know, I'll be terribly ashamed then.
hehe let's see what can I say this time? Once again, I changed the text. (-_-)\ I can already hear everyone yelling "Make up your mind on the fonts already!" I'm using AnimeAce font this time. Everything is in capslock since most manga tend to use that anyway. Do let me know if this font is suitable. If so, I will standardize that from now on and work on changing the fonts in the previous chapters.
I crammed in more events in this chapter so you may feel the panels are a little tight. But I had to in order to complete everything within 5 chapters. That's the problem that occurs when you had something pre-written out and then you decide to change things along the way. Am I hearing someone else say, "oh yeah"?
Art-wise, you may notice some slack in the inking. To tell the truth, my Sakura pens are running out so I had to switch to a common type of ink pen. As you can imagine the tip isn't as good and I had problems controlling the blots. >_<;;;
Eh...what else? Well, I hope everyone finds this chapter OK. I hope I managed to demonstrate Miranda's background well enough coz I will be focusing on Francis and his father in the last 2 chapters. Alright, enough chatter. Please read it and let me know what you think.
Feel free to answer the following:
1) How is the font?
2) Inking? Do you think I did OK in the shadings and backgrounds?
3) Any changes in your impression of any characters after reading this chapter (Miranda, Pastor Mark, Francis's mother)?
4) Have I mispresented any common Christian beliefs yet?
(this question makes me the most nervous)
4) Anything too cliche so far?
Thanks! *bows*
-
Mave - Posts: 3662
- Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:00 am
I dont have much to say, just.... YOUR SO COOL MAVE!!!
*Grabs popcorn and goes back to reading Maves Webmanga*
*Grabs popcorn and goes back to reading Maves Webmanga*
Depend on it. God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply. He is too wise a God to frustrate His purposes for lack of funds, and He can just as easily supply them ahead of time as afterwards, and He much prefers doing so.
- J. Hudson Taylor
- J. Hudson Taylor
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
-
kaji - Posts: 1281
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2004 7:09 am
- Location: Chicago
Yeah! I liked it alot! Great job, Mave!
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
-
Mangafanatic - Posts: 4918
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:00 am
- Location: In La-La land.
Excellent update, Mave! Francis's mother was cool with the pinching and the mini bonfire. I think everything is great, tones, font and inking. I don't see anything I disagree with as far as representing the Christian beliefs. I actually really liked the way you showed Pastor Mark's reflection on what he was intending to say to Miranda, and then how God opened his eyes a little wider. It said volumes about how Christians are still just humans, but with God acting within our lives, we'll be given insight and compassion according to His will.
I think everything is great, tones, font and inking. I don't see anything I disagree with as far as representing the Christian beliefs. I actually really liked the way you showed Pastor Mark's reflection on what he was intending to say to Miranda, and then how God opened his eyes a little wider. It said volumes about how Christians are still just humans, but with God acting within our lives, we'll be given insight and compassion according to His will.||Skipping Tomorrows Webmanga||
"A ship in harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for." - John A. Shedd
"A ship in harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for." - John A. Shedd
-
Gypsy - Posts: 4056
- Joined: Tue May 27, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Hyrule
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
Hey.... this chapter made me happy lol. The part with Francis fighting with his brother and the part where his parents were burning the cigaretes was hilarious.... as to your question things:
1-I liked the font....very readable
2-I didn't see anything wrong with the inking and shading
3-Pastor Mark- he rocks ... and his little exchange with Miranda was well characterized by his later reflections on it ... that made him a richer character and gave insight to some really cool motivation.
Miranda-I felt a lot more sympathy/empathy for miranda in this chapter. giving up the front and revealing some of her insecurities to francis and his family really gave her character depth ... it made her more likable.
Francis's mum-I didn't have much oppinion of her either way before this chapter, now she strikes me as a really cool lady. The way she dealt with the boys' fight was great.
Francis-the last few panels with him confronting miranda about her change of behavior were intriguing and I'm excited to further see the implications of his actions and thoughts there.
4-As far as I can see no Christian beliefs have been misrepresented. The only thing that I wonder about at all is the extreme reaction to the cigarettes, but it was a great frame and it isn't too far from reality in most cases so no real issue there.
5-No poorly done cliche that I can spot.
1-I liked the font....very readable
2-I didn't see anything wrong with the inking and shading
3-Pastor Mark- he rocks ... and his little exchange with Miranda was well characterized by his later reflections on it ... that made him a richer character and gave insight to some really cool motivation.
Miranda-I felt a lot more sympathy/empathy for miranda in this chapter. giving up the front and revealing some of her insecurities to francis and his family really gave her character depth ... it made her more likable.
Francis's mum-I didn't have much oppinion of her either way before this chapter, now she strikes me as a really cool lady. The way she dealt with the boys' fight was great.
Francis-the last few panels with him confronting miranda about her change of behavior were intriguing and I'm excited to further see the implications of his actions and thoughts there.
4-As far as I can see no Christian beliefs have been misrepresented. The only thing that I wonder about at all is the extreme reaction to the cigarettes, but it was a great frame and it isn't too far from reality in most cases so no real issue there.
5-No poorly done cliche that I can spot.
-
Ducky - Posts: 289
- Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:13 pm
- Location: Kentucky
Hah, I'm going to "try" and copy Ducky's questionnaire. XDXD
1. Font was great. I like this one the best.
2. Inking and shading is very good - you do get better and better
Spiritually, I think Gypsy worded it perfectly, and the rest we chatted on IM about, so you know that I think you are handling this part the best. ^________^
I think all the characters are jelling fantastically.
I am even enjoying this more than Kingdom Come. I think that could be because of the realness of Miranda and the sincerity of Pastor Mark.
Very, very good new chapter, Mave. Keep it up! ^_________^ *hugs*
1. Font was great. I like this one the best.
2. Inking and shading is very good - you do get better and better
Spiritually, I think Gypsy worded it perfectly, and the rest we chatted on IM about, so you know that I think you are handling this part the best. ^________^
I think all the characters are jelling fantastically.
I am even enjoying this more than Kingdom Come. I think that could be because of the realness of Miranda and the sincerity of Pastor Mark.
Very, very good new chapter, Mave. Keep it up! ^_________^ *hugs*
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Update ^__^;;
Greetings, everyone. It's been many months since I've last updated this series.
Chapter 4 of Home is finally out and I would like to declare all my manga chapters as pilot chapters since I do make editings to the chapters from time to time.
I have the link in the very first post of this thread or you can visit my website, http://www.kcome.net
It's 4 a.m. right now and I can't really think of any smart comments or questions to ask for now (lol). I worry that I may have done a bad job with this chapter especially in making the characters realistic. I'm also aware of some potential grammatical errors. Either ways, pls feel free to let me know what you think. I'm open to hear any suggestions. An advanced thanks to everyone who checks this out!
Ok, time for bed. XD;;;;
Chapter 4 of Home is finally out and I would like to declare all my manga chapters as pilot chapters since I do make editings to the chapters from time to time.
I have the link in the very first post of this thread or you can visit my website, http://www.kcome.net
It's 4 a.m. right now and I can't really think of any smart comments or questions to ask for now (lol). I worry that I may have done a bad job with this chapter especially in making the characters realistic. I'm also aware of some potential grammatical errors. Either ways, pls feel free to let me know what you think. I'm open to hear any suggestions. An advanced thanks to everyone who checks this out!
Ok, time for bed. XD;;;;
-
Mave - Posts: 3662
- Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:00 am
MAVE!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!
-
Warrior 4 Jesus - Posts: 4844
- Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
- Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.
I didn't expect this so soon, actually.
I don't feel that way. Most new characters felt pretty realistic to me. Miranda's conversion felt completely normal, though I don't know how it would feel if reading straight through the chapters in one sitting. I particularly liked Francis' skepticism.
While I wasn't going over this with a fine toothed comb, one thing did strike me. On page 13, Miranda says "I'm sorry Francis. I will keep joining the youth group..." While I think "joining the youth group" is technically correct, it strikes me as awkward phrasing. I'd suggest "coming/going" or something similar instead of "joining."
Mave wrote:I worry that I may have done a bad job with this chapter especially in making the characters realistic.
I don't feel that way. Most new characters felt pretty realistic to me. Miranda's conversion felt completely normal, though I don't know how it would feel if reading straight through the chapters in one sitting. I particularly liked Francis' skepticism.
Mave wrote:I'm also aware of some potential grammatical errors. Either ways, pls feel free to let me know what you think. I'm open to hear any suggestions.
While I wasn't going over this with a fine toothed comb, one thing did strike me. On page 13, Miranda says "I'm sorry Francis. I will keep joining the youth group..." While I think "joining the youth group" is technically correct, it strikes me as awkward phrasing. I'd suggest "coming/going" or something similar instead of "joining."
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
*Read chapter four of "Home"* AHHHH!! NO!!
[spoiler]His dad can't DIE!![/spoiler]
*sniffles in the corner* Mean Mave. . .
[spoiler]His dad can't DIE!![/spoiler]
*sniffles in the corner* Mean Mave. . .
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
-
Mangafanatic - Posts: 4918
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:00 am
- Location: In La-La land.
67 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 40 guests