I am in need of a few prayers for maturity and wisdom for a friend...

[rocklee24]

First of all, I just wanna say that I have been a member since 2006, and I am SOOO glad to be back. This is my first message in NINE years.... sooo,yeah. NOT in my twenties anymore. LOL...

Anyways... I am in need of some prayers... as im going through a bit of a dilemma...

I've met this girl online two weeks ago from the Czech Republic, and we became friends. We've told each other our likes and dislikes concerning sports, movies, television... and Star Wars. But above EVERYTHING else, she is a child of The MOST HIGH GOD. But she is in need of a start of a new relationship with someone who is a more mature in faith. Last year, she broke up with her ex boyfriend for several years because he cares most about his career than to settle down. She grew impatient with him because it's been this long and she's ready to settle down, and she's been praying for this, but that man still won't take it seriously and chose his career over her. So that relationship ended and her world fell apart.

So that's where I come in, to comfort her in her time of need, but later in the long run, in time, our friendship, if it's God's will, could develop into something more...

She went through several disappointments and there are times in her life that that she was absolutely sure that God answered her prayers, and that she was blessed, but it ended in disaster. She told me she couldn't understand why and her faith in God has the tendency to shake. Doing my darndest to comfort her, I told her that she is strong in the Lord because of the things she went through but can persevere if she continues to trust in God. Then she says that there are moments in her life that she really puts ALL of her trust in the Lord after praying longer for one specific thing. and things starts to move forward in a happy pace, and she was so close that she can feel that it was God all along, but at the last minute, it ended abruptly in the worst way possible, and she was in a very dark place... that was the relationship and possible family that she wants to create that never happened (as *I* understood it). She got very hurt and asked God over and over, Why? Why, God, Why? What are you telling me? What does all this mean? That's where it affected her trust in God ...

And that's where I brought up Ephesians scripture, the armor of God. That it's the enemy that is hindering her faith. the enemy is doing this. She then asks what's the enemy, the fake feeling that she feels God in it? Then I quickly assured her that it's NOT fake, at all. that i'm just sharing what I went through that the enemy of God will attack our faith. Sometimes, as I understand and believe it, when we get closer to God in getting things we have been praying for, the enemy, the dark spiritual forces, will watch closely and mess it up. Thus we are living in a spiritual warfare. And I explained further on how this relates to the problems she's facing, as it SHOULD relate to the problems we ALL face right now.

And then that's the part where I got in trouble. She got VERY confused. She asked me if it feels like the prayers have been answered in a few months but something big happened and it ends the way she doesn't understand, then what should she think about? Then my mojo went to a screeching halt. I panicked and asked her to forgive me if this sounds confusing... then she ended the conversation because she has family coming over.

I think there is something more that I don't know about her yet, and I have a feeling she might tell me. I REALLY want to help her because I care for her SO much, but at the same time, I don't want to bite my tongue either!

Please, anyone, if anyone have advice on what I should say, anything would help... I really don't want to screw this up. Or if there is no advice to give me, that's fine as well... please just pray for me, and for her. Thank you so much for your time...

[goldenspines]

Welcome back to CAA.

Not sure how much help I'll be, but I can give advice based on how this girl is feeling towards God (as far as you've described, that is), since I can relate. I also have often put my heart and soul and trust praying to God for something. Praying, crying, and begging God for something very important to me only for it to end with a resounding "no" and utter disappointment. This hurts. It's like a yelling at the sky, pounding the ground, and ripping out your heart sort of hurt and an ache in your entire body and soul that never seems to go away. If God loves me so much why didn't He answer my prayer positively? I thought that's what He wanted me to do. I trusted Him SO MUCH to do this for me and He didn't. He turned His back on me.
I think that's where our vision is skewed. God is not so simple and cruel as to simply always give us what we want when we want it (though sometimes He does and that always ends up bad for some reason. XP). If He did that, we would never be happy in the long run. Plus, we wouldn't even need trust if God just gave us whatever we wanted when we ask.
But basically, faith in God comes from trusting that He can see what we can't in the future and being okay with what He decides, regardless of the outcome. Our goal as Christians is not to figure out where God wants us and what He wants us to do, nor to try to act on our own in the "name of God". Our goal is to keep our eyes on Him, even if it means things not going the way we want them to or getting hurt, regardless of how hard we pray for x, y, or z things. We have to trust that He wants the best for us, something better than even we can think of.
Does this mean prayer is worthless then? Not at all. Prayer is what allows us to talk to God and grow in our relationship with Him. Communication is important in every great relationship. Plus, no prayer to God ever goes unanswered. Even if the answer is "no" or "not yet", it's still answered. If you are willing to dismiss God so easily just because He didn't answer your prayer how you wanted, the best thing to do is re-evaluate your relationship with God and seek Him above all else. He's not a vending machine. Though, it is fine to ask God for things, but not to the extent of treating Him like he's a genie or something. Again, the goal is not to guess what God wants us to do or to force our own ideals on Him and what He SHOULD be doing, but rather to seek Him and He will direct our path.

As a disclaimer, this all is only my own personal belief on things, so take it with a couple grains of salt.
And as one who speaks from mere 24 years of experience of things never ever going the way I wanted them to, letting your feelings guide your faith in God is a very sad place to be and will do nothing but hurt and confuse. Life will not always be happy, we were never promised that in God's word, but that doesn't mean God doesn't love us or is ignoring us or, my personal favorite that I liked to use when I was upset, that God is making me feel pain on purpose. One promise we can hold true to is that God loves us and that will never change.

I'll be praying things work out.

[Kraavdran]

Hey, welcome back to the CAA.

Before I continue, I feel the need to give you some disclaimers:
1) I have no idea what she is going through. Nor do I know much about the Czech Republic. This being said, I might be speaking out of an ethnocentric/situational ignorance. So, for the purpose of this conversation, I am answering as if a friend of mine (from America) was having difficulties to the extent I perceive your friend having difficulties (This could be incorrect, but, from your post, I get the feeling that she is upset at God because things have not gone according to how she wanted them to happen in terms of spouse... and perhaps other things in that realm). This being said, my answer might not apply if her situation is more extreme than I perceived. So, please take this with a grain of salt (or two).
2) I only have 24 years of experience, so I can't fully relate to your friend's experience.
3) I might be projecting a "typical American" persona on her, so the things I address may not actually apply to her specific case.

ok, with that said, let me tell you what conclusion I have come to about prayer. I'll take you through the journey I've went on. I think, if my assumptions are correct, it might help.

My early belief (until just a few years ago, really) - The underlying narrative. I believed that God was an outside force to whom you prayed/begged for things (both important and not important... for wisdom/guidance and for happiness). So, you would "transmit" your wishes to God (making certain to give adoration as a proper compensation). God would receive those wishes and, depending on how He felt, would determine whether He wanted to give you what you asked for (or, if you were praying for healing for a friend, He would determine whether or not you were worthy to have a prayer answered AND if your friend was worth healing). This is not how the system works. In this system, there are two primary issues that can't be reconciled. First, there is a problem with me. If God is good... but He does not answer my prayers... then there is something innately wrong with me. I am not worthy of His kindness. Or, assuming we see ourselves as good, then there must be something wrong with God because He has not done what He can to help us. Either way you look at it, from this narrative, prayer is useless. If your prayer is unanswered, it is either something wrong with the person who prays... or there is something wrong with God. Your friend might be experiencing one (or both) of these conclusions.

As a result of these beliefs, it was only a matter of time before I quit praying. And, in fact, I virtually ceased praying. Perhaps returning only in times of desperation. After all, God was on His throne... far removed from me. I tried to reconcile these things... typically looking at Job for comfort: bad things happen and that is ok... who am I to determine whether it is right or not.

Then, early this year, I visited a new church that began answering that. There isn't actually something wrong with us... nor with God. An analogy that works best may be God as soil. If we are plants, all connected, then God is the soil in which we can be rooted. In this way, He can't not nourish us. In this way, He is not some distant king who decides whether we are worthy of His help. He provides us with foundation, nutrients, and water. In this manner, no matter what happens to us, God is there with us, supporting us. No matter what bad may befall us, God is still there to nourishing us and helping us recover. For me, this is a much healthier way to look at God. Prayer, then, is still helpful. We can still ask for things... we can still pray for healing. We can still pray that God encourages and promotes healing in those we love. Whether these are realized in the way we expect or not, I don't' know. Bad things will happen, but at least bad things are not happening to us in a world where God has abandoned all comfort. We just have to realize that.

Anyways, I hope that all helps. It has certainly helped me a tremendous amount. I'm still wrestling with what prayer would look like... but I think that this is a much healthier foundation than where I was at (and where I assume your friend is at... but I can't be certain of that).

To be honest, I don't know how to talk to your friend about this topic. She sounds upset at God (or, possibly, herself... or both) and in the middle of mourning. In this situation, it might be best to simply listen to her. Mourning can't really be hurried or "fixed." It is a process. Having someone listen, in those situations, might be best solution for healing... she might not necessarily need advice (although it seems contradictory). If you are uncertain, I would recommend just asking what she thinks that she needs. Reconsidering one's beliefs might have to come later, if that is the issue. Again, I am uncertain. So take this with several grains of salt. And, whether it is correct or not, I will try to keep you both in my prayers: for healing and encouragement.

[ClaecElric4God]

I have nothing to add. Goldy and Kraavdran have both put it very well. Know that I am praying for you and this young lady.

Also, welcome back! Nice to meet you.