Still not feeling accepted around others...

[Vilo159]

Ever thought about paying more attention to what people in general are interested in and possibly trying it out for yourself? Not everyone is a die-hard Magic: The Gathering nerd.

Not that you can't be a Magic nerd, but don't make that what you advertise yourself as. Keep your old interests while exploring new ones that most people are more open to.

[dothackzero]

Anyways, it sounds like God wants me to get know the girls I do know as friends. I know, it sounds sooooo diffrent from what you guys are already telling me. :p

[K. Ayato]

Stop assuming that what you hear is God talking to you. You've already admitted in past posts that you're not sure whether or not He's speaking to you through someone or some kind of communication medium. And let's not forget your other thread where you admitted you don't have as deep a relationship with Him as could be.

I think you should start there first before assuming He's the one telling you to be friends with girls you encounter.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid ... =1&theater

[Xeno]

Funny how "god" is also now telling you to stop being a misogynist after we all tell you to stop being one.

[Yuki-Anne]

If you really want to know what God wants for you, read your Bible, pray, "Not my will but yours be done," and stop trying to determine what God is saying based on what you feel/want at the moment.

[dothackzero]

Anyways, I'm planning on calling a girl that I haven't talked to in a few month to hang out with me and a couple of my friends. Hopefully that'll go well. And hopefully I won't loss my nerve and wait another couple months before I call. Basically she isn't someone that I'd normally see through out the week... Which makes things a little harder to deal with...

[dothackzero]

But yeah, it just seems like things are going nowhere. I tried to talk to a girl today, and I just ending doing some the dishes for the chruch today. >_<

I mean, I know God wants me to make the first move, but when I do... It just seems like things keep going wrong...

[armeck]

maybe I'm not following but like 4 posts ago you said "God wants me to get to know girls as friends" now your like "God wants me to make the first move" I feel like these contradict.

[Xeno]

"God" doesn't want you to do anything. You are the one telling yourself all of this stuff. That's really unfortunate that you had to do dishes for your church and didn't get laid afterward by some busty girl who goes to the church with you, but stop constructing ridiculous fantasies/situations where things happen. People don't just FALL into relationships, heaven forbid you might have to actually...TALK TO SOMEONE FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME ABOUT THEIR INTERESTS! Oh no, that would be unthinkable. Because they have to be interested in YOU! But you apparently don't care if they're more interesting than a nice hair color and good cup size. If you ever find someone I will be amazed. I'll be even more amazed if she doesn't kill you in your sleep one night because of how you'll inevitably treat her. God hasn't promised you a wife. The universe hasn't promised you one. The Earth hasn't promised it either. You're the only one who has promised yourself anything. Accept the fact that the way you are now, you are going to be alone, for a very, very long time. And quit being so pathetic about it.

[dothackzero]

"...TALK TO SOMEONE FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME ABOUT THEIR INTERESTS!

That's honestly mostly what I'm looking for a start. But I can't really even get that.

[K. Ayato]

Just open your mouth and form words. Is it really that hard?

[armeck]

or you could let her talk if you struggle with making small talk

[K. Ayato]

All your excuses are getting you nowhere.

[goldenspines]

Beginner's Guide to Small Talk
by goldy (self proclaimed expert at small talk)

Protip: The proper etiquette of talking to other people is to put their interests ahead of your own. You are the one intruding on their time because you want to talk to them, so be considerate of their time/feelings. If they don't want to talk, then don't force them to, but be friendly and courteous. Give them space, but don't be a jerk and ignore them if they don't want to talk to you at first.

First step
- Find the person you want to talk to. If they are not busy, say a nice "Hi!" ("Hey" or "Hello" are also acceptable variations). Don't yell or raise your voice and standing about 5-6 feet away when you greet someone is best (if you want to get super technical about it)
- If the person you want to talk to is busy, you can do one of two things. Wait until the person is not busy and say your greeting OR say your greeting politely (wave/smile at them/nod in their direction/etc.) and wait for the person to be available to talk.

Second step
- After the greeting, begin the conversation. Some good lines to start with is, "How are you?" (more formal, for people older than you or people you don't know very well yet) "What's up?" or "How's it going?" (less formal, for peers or friends), though these tend to gain the response of "Good." or "Fine." so you can go further and ask, "How has life/school/job been lately?"
- This step is where research will do you well. Unless you are meeting someone for the first time, you probably know something about them. Use this knowledge to fuel your conversation. For example, if you knew someone had a big math test the other day, you can ask, "How did your test go? Was it hard/easy?"

Third step
Continue the conversation. This one can be one of the hardest steps, but it's gets easier the more you do it. The most important thing to keep in mind when you are talking to someone is that, to you, they are the main topic. You are talking to THEM and thus you need to give them prompts to talk rather that simply just talking yourself.
- Ask questions. Usually it's good to start with something simple, like movies ("Have you seen any cool movies lately?"). Or if you know a person's interests, ask about them more in depth. e.g. If you know someone likes reading, ask them what books they've read lately and if there are any good ones they would be recommend. I don't care if you hate reading, ask it anyways. Branch out, try something new.


But again, conversation with someone is NOT about you. It's about the other person. Thus, put them before your own interests in a conversation and you'll have a lot easier time. Like, don't be nervous about "I don't know how to make the first move to talk to people." or "I don't know how to ask someone about their interests". The main thing is your mind set. If you go into a conversation only thinking about yourself and your own needs, you won't get anywhere, because I'm sure you can agree, trying to listen to someone who doesn't care one way or another about you is not very fun.

Thing is, you may just have to start out with conversations that only consist of the First and Second steps, but don't be stressed or frustrated about it. That's what small talk is. But the more people become familiar with each other (like, if you take the time to say a friendly "hi" to someone every week/day/on a regular basis, they'll become more familiar with you. It's not rocket science, man), the more they'll be comfortable to talk longer than just greetings.

[/no one probably cares, but if it helps someone somewhere, I'll be okay with it]

[ADXC]

I appreciate the guide Goldy. XD I often have trouble getting to know new people so this handy guide should help out. Normally I follow these steps in some way, but it quite often takes FOREVER to get to step 3. I'm an introvert so that's probably why and because I'm mostly self-centered. <_< Anyway, this guide is definitely helpful for "anyone having difficulty with relating to others" in learning how to put others first in conversation and it should be to anyone else having trouble with small talk.

[dothackzero]

I'm an introvert so that's probably why and because I'm mostly self-centered.

Yeah, it must be the curse of being an introvert... Not knowing how do small talk because we always want to dive in deeper into everything, and we become self centered because we don't know how to interact with other. Well, atleast that's the way I see it.

But yeah, thanks Goldy I'll have to try it out.

[DaughterOfZion]

Stop giving the rest of us introverts a bad name. It has NOTHING to do with how bad you are with people or how much of a horrible and self-centered person you are. ALL introversion-extroversion dictates is whether you gain energy from being alone or around people.

Stop using labels to excuse your refusal to do some real "soul-searching" and change yourself.

[dothackzero]

So then small talk acts as the bridge to the deep stuff? and Maybe for someone like me, it'll let my own barriers down so I can be more of myself around them?

[K. Ayato]

Stop guessing and start doing. All your asking and excuses isn't moving you forward, ain't it?

[Xeno]

So then small talk acts as the bridge to the deep stuff? and Maybe for someone like me, it'll let my own barriers down so I can be more of myself around them?

Or maybe it'll cause velociraptors to rain from the sky with flamethrower jetpacks attached to them.

Just do what we've been telling you to do for the last five plus months.

[Ally-Ann]

I'm an introvert so that's probably why and because I'm mostly self-centered.

Yeah, it must be the curse of being an introvert... Not knowing how do small talk because we always want to dive in deeper into everything, and we become self centered because we don't know how to interact with other. Well, atleast that's the way I see it.

But yeah, thanks Goldy I'll have to try it out.

Being introverted isn't the same as anti-social and self-centered. I'm an introvert as well, but I still love to be around people and talk to them if I feel comfortable around them, and maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not self-centered. Same goes for two close friends of mine that are introverted as well. They're two of the kindest, most caring, funniest, and selfless people I've ever met. The fact that you're labeling me and my friends as self-centered because we're introverted is offensive. You can call yourself self-centered if you like, but don't call the rest of introverts that, because we're not.


So to echo what DoZ said, quit using labels as your silly excuse and just do what everyone's been telling you to do. Don't throw all the advice out the window, but for heaven's sake, don't overthink it. Just do it. If you make a mistake, oh well. Deal with it and move on. But with all this advice, I'd be half-surprised if you did make a mistake.

[ADXC]

I'm an introvert so that's probably why and because I'm mostly self-centered.

Yeah, it must be the curse of being an introvert... Not knowing how do small talk because we always want to dive in deeper into everything, and we become self centered because we don't know how to interact with other. Well, atleast that's the way I see it.

But yeah, thanks Goldy I'll have to try it out.

Being introverted isn't the same as anti-social and self-centered. I'm an introvert as well, but I still love to be around people and talk to them if I feel comfortable around them, and maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not self-centered. Same goes for two close friends of mine that are introverted as well. They're two of the kindest, most caring, funniest, and selfless people I've ever met. The fact that you're labeling me and my friends as self-centered because we're introverted is offensive. You can call yourself self-centered if you like, but don't call the rest of introverts that, because we're not.

I wasn't saying introverts are self-centered. I was saying that "I" was self-centered in addition to being introvert.
We use conjunctions for a reason and that is why I had that word "and" in my statement. I know Introverts are not self-centered. In fact, I am not always self-centered. There are times where I am very much kind and helpful to others that are in deep need. However, whenever I'm by myself, I tend to be more self-focused which leads to my being more self-centered than others are. It's a sin I deal with and I'm sure others deal with it as well, but that can be ANYONE. So that's not putting social leanings in a selfish box or any kind of box for that matter. Being an introvert is not bad; it's just that we get our energy different from extroverts since they prefer to get their energy while around being others. However, as I meant to say, being introvert in and of itself, is not saying one is self-centered.


EDIT: Ok, so I read my last statement of my last post and if you were referencing that too, I'm sorry. That was wrongly putting introverts in a box which I try to stay away from. Please accept my apologies.

[Xeno]

I wasn't saying introverts are self-centered. I was saying that "I" was self-centered in addition to being introvert.
We use conjunctions for a reason and that is why I had that word "and" in my statement. I know Introverts are not self-centered. In fact, I am not always self-centered. There are times where I am very much kind and helpful to others that are in deep need. However, whenever I'm by myself, I tend to be more self-focused which leads to my being more self-centered than others are. It's a sin I deal with and I'm sure others deal with it as well, but that can be ANYONE. So that's not putting social leanings in a selfish box or any kind of box for that matter. Being an introvert is not bad; it's just that we get our energy different from extroverts since they prefer to get their energy while around being others. However, as I meant to say, being introvert in and of itself, is not saying one is self-centered.


EDIT: Ok, so I read my last statement of my last post and if you were referencing that too, I'm sorry. That was wrongly putting introverts in a box which I try to stay away from. Please accept my apologies.

Um, Ally was addressing dot's misunderstanding you, not your post itself. Unless of course you were trying to say exactly what he interpreted it as and just spent this post backpedaling. Chill out bro.

[ADXC]

Well, she included my post along with his, so what was I supposed to think?

[DaughterOfZion]

She was just quoting dot's post which happened to be quoting your post. You did the exact same thing. You quoted your original post along with dot and Ally-Ann's posts and no one thinks your replying to yourself as well as Ally and dot.

[ADXC]

Ah well, then I guess it's just a mistake of interpretation on my part. XD Ehehe, sorry about that everyone. (^_^;)


Carry on.

[dothackzero]

Beginner's Guide to Small Talk
by goldy (self proclaimed expert at small talk)

Protip: The proper etiquette of talking to other people is to put their interests ahead of your own. You are the one intruding on their time because you want to talk to them, so be considerate of their time/feelings. If they don't want to talk, then don't force them to, but be friendly and courteous. Give them space, but don't be a jerk and ignore them if they don't want to talk to you at first.

First step
- Find the person you want to talk to. If they are not busy, say a nice "Hi!" ("Hey" or "Hello" are also acceptable variations). Don't yell or raise your voice and standing about 5-6 feet away when you greet someone is best (if you want to get super technical about it)
- If the person you want to talk to is busy, you can do one of two things. Wait until the person is not busy and say your greeting OR say your greeting politely (wave/smile at them/nod in their direction/etc.) and wait for the person to be available to talk.

Second step
- After the greeting, begin the conversation. Some good lines to start with is, "How are you?" (more formal, for people older than you or people you don't know very well yet) "What's up?" or "How's it going?" (less formal, for peers or friends), though these tend to gain the response of "Good." or "Fine." so you can go further and ask, "How has life/school/job been lately?"
- This step is where research will do you well. Unless you are meeting someone for the first time, you probably know something about them. Use this knowledge to fuel your conversation. For example, if you knew someone had a big math test the other day, you can ask, "How did your test go? Was it hard/easy?"

Third step
Continue the conversation. This one can be one of the hardest steps, but it's gets easier the more you do it. The most important thing to keep in mind when you are talking to someone is that, to you, they are the main topic. You are talking to THEM and thus you need to give them prompts to talk rather that simply just talking yourself.
- Ask questions. Usually it's good to start with something simple, like movies ("Have you seen any cool movies lately?"). Or if you know a person's interests, ask about them more in depth. e.g. If you know someone likes reading, ask them what books they've read lately and if there are any good ones they would be recommend. I don't care if you hate reading, ask it anyways. Branch out, try something new.


But again, conversation with someone is NOT about you. It's about the other person. Thus, put them before your own interests in a conversation and you'll have a lot easier time. Like, don't be nervous about "I don't know how to make the first move to talk to people." or "I don't know how to ask someone about their interests". The main thing is your mind set. If you go into a conversation only thinking about yourself and your own needs, you won't get anywhere, because I'm sure you can agree, trying to listen to someone who doesn't care one way or another about you is not very fun.

Thing is, you may just have to start out with conversations that only consist of the First and Second steps, but don't be stressed or frustrated about it. That's what small talk is. But the more people become familiar with each other (like, if you take the time to say a friendly "hi" to someone every week/day/on a regular basis, they'll become more familiar with you. It's not rocket science, man), the more they'll be comfortable to talk longer than just greetings.

[/no one probably cares, but if it helps someone somewhere, I'll be okay with it]

Yeah, thanks. After being able to use it in practice it really was a help. Though it seems that in reality small talk is only a tiny percent of the problem, the real problem is the lonelyness it's self. Er basically things went great at church today. It just seems like things go better when I'm not depressed from being lonely.

[Xeno]

Apparently dealing with human emotions is an overload for you. I hear cats provide great company for people who are incapable of connecting with others on even the most basic level. Just have to make sure you feed and water it, or it'll die.

[Davidizer13]

Hey Dot, go back and watch that YTMND of you we dug up, the one with the funky beat. Whoever made it, their impression lof you was apparently that everything in your life revolved around girls and the acquisition thereof.

But that was posted in '06. 7 years ago.

Reading your posts now, I'm getting the same impression.

From my point of view, you're the same person you were seven years ago.

What do you make of that?

[shooraijin]

Apparently dealing with human emotions is an overload for you. I hear cats provide great company for people who are incapable of connecting with others on even the most basic level. Just have to make sure you feed and water it, or it'll die.

Hey now. Blunt is one thing, and probably appropriate in this thread, but this is getting below the belt.