Women pursuing men

[Sheenar]

Never been asked out, so I don't have any weird experiences...

Though I did get hit on while riding the MetroRail in Houston last August --by a couple of middle-aged men. I was reading a book and they kept telling me what a beautiful woman I was and to smile.

[Maledicte]

Never been asked out, so I don't have any weird experiences...

Though I did get hit on while riding the MetroRail in Houston last August --by a couple of middle-aged men. I was reading a book and they kept telling me what a beautiful woman I was and to smile.

Ugh, I hate it when I'm told to smile. A) it's none of their business why I'm not smiling and B) THE SUN IS IN MY EYES. OF COURSE I AM FROWNING AND SQUINTING.

[Kaori]

[quote="shooraijin (post: 1476803)"]The flip side is that insisting on going dutch can make it sound like you're forcing the date to be casual (and can also give the impression you're not really interested or don't want things to proceed, though by the same token it's a great way -- no sarcasm here -- to imply it if you actually do want out]
Really? So if going Dutch implies non-interest, then do you think that the guy should always pay for everything? It just strikes me as being wildly unfair for the financial burden of dating to fall solely upon the guy, especially if both people are working adults.

If that isn’t what you’re saying, then how do you suggest things should be arranged (other than going Dutch) so that the guy doesn’t always have to pay for everything?

Here’s a question for everyone else--I’m kind of curious, since this is Shooraijin’s opinion and I haven’t seen other people chiming in to agree or disagree--does everyone see going Dutch this way, or do some people have a different opinion?

[Atria35]

Here’s a question for everyone else--I’m kind of curious, since this is Shooraijin’s opinion and I haven’t seen other people chiming in to agree or disagree--does everyone see going Dutch this way, or do some people have a different opinion?

I don't see going Dutch that way. I see it as polite- no more, no less. Epsecially in this economy, where it can get very expensive very fast to always be treating the girl, and kind of sexist to boot. I'm also a person who's very much into reciprocating, so if a guy did treat me, they'd be sure to either get treated to a meal on my expense later, or get some sort of repayment in baked goods or a meal over at my place (since I watch my cash and it's expensive to eat out >.> ).

[Thunder Caya]

Actually, I would be amazingly freaked out by that, even if I did like the person in question.

Not talking like here, we're talking love. If you were with a woman you loved, and she asked you before you came around to asking her, then you wouldn't marry her?

[Maledicte]

I don't see going Dutch that way. I see it as polite- no more, no less. Epsecially in this economy, where it can get very expensive very fast to always be treating the girl, and kind of sexist to boot. I'm also a person who's very much into reciprocating, so if a guy did treat me, they'd be sure to either get treated to a meal on my expense later, or get some sort of repayment in baked goods or a meal over at my place (since I watch my cash and it's expensive to eat out >.> ).

Same. Also, I really enjoy cooking and baking, and it's a way of showing my appreciation for someone.

If it's a casual date, I don't see anything wrong with going dutch. If it's a meal to mark a special occasion (birthday, just got a job, etc) then it'd just be the nice thing to do to pay for the other person. But, if you're really into each other, then of course you're going to buy the other person's meal/drink just because you like them.

[SailorDove]

Nevermind, ignore this post.

[ShiroiHikari]

Not talking like here, we're talking love. If you were with a woman you loved, and she asked you before you came around to asking her, then you wouldn't marry her?

Yeah, this is what I was trying to say. I didn't mean like "Hey, I'm a girl and you're a guy so let's get married". I meant like if two people have been dating for a couple of years and were in love and the girl popped the question to the guy instead of the other way around. If I proposed to a guy I loved and he said no, I think I'd be pretty hurt.

With the Dutch thing, I think the best thing to do is just be straightforward about it. If you don't feel okay with him paying for everything then just say so. Make it clear that you like him but you just don't feel comfortable with him spending money on you ALL the time. However, I do think it's a good idea to let the guy do things for you sometimes if he can afford it. Men in general seem to like being able to give/buy things, in my experience.

[shooraijin]

Not talking like here, we're talking love. If you were with a woman you loved, and she asked you before you came around to asking her, then you wouldn't marry her?

Probably not, no. The way I see it is, marriage also implies some sort of agreement about the roles the man and woman have in their relationship, and proposing to me would make me wonder if I had seriously gotten that part wrong. So I'd have to say no, because clearly I'm not in the more traditional relationship I thought I was.

On the Dutch part, I've only seen girls respond, not guys. I think that's whom you really want an opinion from, since it's a question over what going Dutch communicates to the other party (especially on a first date).

[Yamamaya]

I'd find it rather odd that the woman was proposing to me. I would probably say yes if I loved her although I would find the whole situation very awkward. I'd feel like I had done something wrong by not proposing first.

[Yuki-Anne]

In my experience, insisting on going Dutch communicates to the guy that you don't have confidence in his ability to make enough money. Which was actually a really hurtful, demoralizing thing for the guy I was dating, I think. A lot of guys invest a lot of self-worth into their job and their ability to provide. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it's true.

It's probably okay to offer to go Dutch, but if he says he wants to pay, I'd say from personal experience don't fight it. Insisting on going Dutch when he says he wants to pay communicates that you don't trust the guy, for whatever reason.

As for girls proposing... eh, I'd say leave that up to the guy, too. Culturally, it's still too weird. Of course, if I steadily dated a guy for six or seven years without him proposing, I'd have some questions about that relationship...

Ooh, ooh, weird experiences? Can I play?

There was that time the creepy African guy spent ten minutes asking me out, and got into a shouting match with a Japanese guy right in the middle of it. He kept inching closer to me and I kept inching away. We must have moved ten or fifteen feet during the course of the conversation. He was also comparing me to other white girls, size wise. "This ozza white garul... she bigga than you, though... Anyway, she try to call me an say, 'Let hang out' but she give me no warning, I'm a woaking man, I need to know in advance, so anytime you want to have dinna or somethin, jus call me, but let me know in advance..." O_O SO uncomfortable.*

There was that time the cashier at Wal-mart hit on me by saying my BLACK shirt was GREEN and then talking awkwardly about his favorite baseball team (for which the colors were neither black nor green. what the...?!).

And then there was that guy who introduced himself by pointing at a bottle of soda and saying, "Ko-ra?" Then he gave me an obviously old stuffed animal and ended up proposing over facebook. But you all know that story anyway.

*I would like to stress that I in no way have any problem with Africans in general. I have African friends from my college days who are really awesome people.

[Atria35]

There was that time the cashier at Wal-mart hit on me by saying my BLACK shirt was GREEN and then talking awkwardly about his favorite baseball team (for which the colors were neither black nor green. what the...?!).

Maybe he was colorblind? o.O"

I haven't had any experiences with actually being asked out, but about a year ago I went to pick my friend up from her job at the movie theater. At the table in front of me were three teenage/highschool guys, and as I was sitting at my table, reading my book, I noticed that they were glancing over at me and whispering to eachother.

I decided to listen in, and heard them saying that I was hotter than... someone's mom. I don't know who's, I don't care, but if they were trying to get my attention from that, it didn't work >.> I was 22. I really HOPE that I was hotter than a mom! Thankfully, I saw my friend just a few moments later and hurried over to meet her.

[ShiroiHikari]

It's probably okay to offer to go Dutch, but if he says he wants to pay, I'd say from personal experience don't fight it. Insisting on going Dutch when he says he wants to pay communicates that you don't trust the guy, for whatever reason.

That's what I was trying to say.

[Yamamaya]

Maybe he was colorblind? o.O"

I haven't had any experiences with actually being asked out, but about a year ago I went to pick my friend up from her job at the movie theater. At the table in front of me were three teenage/highschool guys, and as I was sitting at my table, reading my book, I noticed that they were glancing over at me and whispering to eachother.

I decided to listen in, and heard them saying that I was hotter than... someone's mom. I don't know who's, I don't care, but if they were trying to get my attention from that, it didn't work >.> I was 22. I really HOPE that I was hotter than a mom! Thankfully, I saw my friend just a few moments later and hurried over to meet her.

It's probably because to teenage guys, any girl over 18 is considered a strange netherworld between teen girl and momdom, or something like that.

Well they weren't trying to impress you, I can say that. They were whispering for a reason.

[Atria35]

It's probably because to teenage guys, any girl over 18 is considered a strange netherworld between teen girl and momdom, or something like that.

Well they weren't trying to impress you, I can say that. They were whispering for a reason.

Oh, them boys! Because their voices were pretty clear and got louder as they talked and kept looking over, I just assumed they wanted me to hear. It would be a relief if they didn't, because they seriously weren't going to get me to come over with such smooth lines like that one!

[TopazRaven]

So many creeper moments you guys and girls have had. I'm glad I've never had anything to bad. Ok, more awkward moments from me!

I remember once in middle school during gym glass me and my friend asked to use the bathroom. All the kids where outside playing softball I believe it was, the forced sport of the day. I stink at softball so I wanted to get out of it. After using the bathroom me and my friend hid in the gym with some other girl instead of going back out. We started having a comversation and I noticed the other girl kind of just kept starring at me. I mean, I was talking to my friend really and she was welcome to join the coversation, but she kind of just sat there all quiet and starred at me the whole time. Then out of nowhere she told me I had pretty eyes. I said thanks. I didn't think it was weird at the time because I was a naive teenage girl and I'm still not sure if she meant anything by it. I did start to wonder why she starred at me so much after class though.

[That Dude]

One time when I was younger, I was playing basketball at the school court outside my house with some friends and this middle school looking girl decided to start watching our games, and while I was still playing asked me out...I told her no, but she insisted she was my girlfriend the rest of the evening and she wouldn't leave me alone the rest of the time and insisted on calling me her boyfriend until I headed home.

It was kinda weird...

[ShiroiHikari]

I must give off "stay away from me" vibes or something because I've never really had experiences like you guys have. The closest I can get is this one time I was playing DDR at the arcade back when I was like 23, and some high school boys that were also hanging around playing were trying to talk to me a little. One of them asked me how old I was and I told him, and he was like "no way, really?". He kind of backed off after that.

[Yamamaya]

:lol: Oh, them boys! Because their voices were pretty clear and got louder as they talked and kept looking over, I just assumed they wanted me to hear. It would be a relief if they didn't, because they seriously weren't going to get me to come over with such smooth lines like that one!

Well that's also a possibility. I didn't realize their voices were getting louder. Although teen boys have a tendency to think that people can't hear them when they can. I can be guilty of this at times. XD.

But in all honesty, I find it hilarious that they said something like that. "Hey girl, you're hotter than a mom!" Now if these guys all had really hot moms, that comment might make sense, but other than that it's not smooth at all.

[Radical Dreamer]

The closest I can get is this one time I was playing DDR at the arcade back when I was like 23, and some high school boys that were also hanging around playing were trying to talk to me a little. One of them asked me how old I was and I told him, and he was like "no way, really?". He kind of backed off after that.

LOL That happened to me recently. XD This guy who looked like he was around 16 approached me at a show, introduced himself, and then after asking if I liked the band that I was there to see (...why else would I be at a show? XD), he asked how old I was. When I told him I was 21 (I was at the time), he looked really surprised, apologized, and walked away. XD It was quite strange. XD

[Nate]

The only time I've had girls flirt with me when I was out in public was because they thought (correctly) that I had no experience with girls and the slightest bit of attention from them would get me to give them money.

The sad part is, they often succeeded.

[USSRGirl]

Yay! Awful dating stories! This has now become my kinda thread. :| I have no wonderful, inspiring or sweet romantic or lasting relationship stories to share, but creeper stories? I got tons. I'm lucky that way. -___-;;

Most recently... some random, sketchy looking dude came to my work (I'd peg him as being in his 40's O__O) asking to talk to some girl that did not work there. He asked my coworkers (I believe the name was something like "Breanne") about her and no one who works there has ever heard of this woman (I've been there a year now... all of my coworkers have been there longer than me so... I doubt she exists). Yet claims to have had a long conversation with her... He then proceeded to hit on my coworker who used a customer as an excuse to leave. He then proceeded to hit on me and invite me to a concert at a bar. I happened to have some metal artists up on youtube at the time and this made him think I was into "hard core music" apparently. Needless to say, I did not go. I have learned not to play youtube at work. The guy talked like he was high... and it was a weekday afternoon so I'm hoping it was too early to be drunk and then stumble into an art gallery of all places. @__@ It was creepy and I'm considering training my coworker's dog who hangs out under my desk sometimes to attack.

Other incident of creeperdom that comes to mind was this dude I sort of "knew" from one of my classes. He was constantly asking me to hang out. Wrote his number on my lab book... at random. I happened to be walking to class one time and he told me - for the record, a compliment is all about delivery guys... say it in a random, creepy fashion to a girl who doesn't know you well and it won't work - I had "really beautiful hair." I said something like "uh, thanks?" And shortly after he told me about how he smokes pot and wants it to be legalized and I should try it. >.>;; I avoided him like the plague after that... not to get controversial on the pot issue, but the whole scene was just uncomfortable.

[Thunder Caya]

My horrible dating story comes from the only casual date I have ever been on, and is what taught me never to date casually.

I liked a boy and he liked my sister. This happened often. Eventually I told him I liked him, and then eventually when I got over him, he suddenly decided he liked me. He bugged me about going on a date with him so I agreed. I was 16. We went to go see POTC.

He had a girlfriend. I thought he had broken up with her. He hadn't. He pestered me out of my first kiss, then just continued on with his girlfriend.

The one he wronged was her, not me. We were seeing each other casually, so he was under no obligation to be exclusive with me. He was obligated to be exclusive with her. I never date casually now because even though some people will cheat, if you don't demand exclusivity (is that a word?) then you really have no one to blame if you don't get it.

[LadyRushia]

Hahaha, I have a couple creeper stories, but they're not really all that creepy and both of them happened over Facebook.

One time, this fella I was friends with messaged me and told me I was the perfect girl because A) we both lived in the same state, B) I'm a girl, and C) I'm an anime fan. That didn't really creep me out too much, but it was still kind of weird. A few months later, I had posted some status about being in my room and telling people to call or text me. This same fella replied "I would text you but I don't have your number." Then, a different fella replied "Well, I would call you. Calling is better than texting." Next thing I know, these two fellas are having a battle on my Facebook status and fella number 2 is talking to me on Facebook chat telling me to tell fella number 1 to "back off of his kool-aid."

Needless to say, I was THE MOST confused. This is why I don't like handling these things on Facebook.

Another interesting thing that happened on Facebook was that a guy who I thought was gay told me he liked me completely out of the blue. I think the only reason why he said anything at all was because he was transferring the next semester, and I thought he was gay because my roommate, who was also his close friend, told me he was.

And most recently, one of my friends has a friend at home who has never met me before but wants to add me on Facebook because I am a Christian girl who likes anime. I declined not because I think he's creepy (I don't) but because I've already learned that Facebook relationships don't translate to real life if you don't know the person offline first. I'd rather meet the guy in person and then add him on Facebook. He has yet to come up to school to visit like he said he wants to, but he "gave me permission" to have his phone number, which my friend gave to me and I have done nothing with. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I'm not gonna give my phone number to someone I haven't talked to in person yet.

There's also my one guy friend who seems to always have a crush on me whenever he doesn't have a girlfriend. Of course, he's had a girlfriend for the past two years now so I'm in the clear as far as that goes, XD. Back in high school, I "dated" said friend for like 6 hours and broke it off before lunch because I felt like I was gonna throw up all day after it was "official." I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to feel sick when you start a relationship, XD.

[Atria35]

Hahaha, I have a couple creeper stories, but they're not really all that creepy and both of them happened over Facebook.

AH! You reminded me- this didn't happen to me, it happened to one of my great friends. We were in England for the semester, and she'd been on Faceboo in the school library. She forgot to log out.

Next time she got back on, she found a message from some random guy who wrote in her status, 'Hey, you're pretty hot. Wanna go out with me sometime?' and left his name and phone number.

Needless to say, she never contacted this guy and was extra-careful about logging out from there on in.

[Htom Sirveaux]

For a few years there, I kept catching the eye of either teenage girls or older-middle aged women. (I had a 65-year-old female coworker once tell me I "sound sexy over the phone.") It really did not help at all in terms of me feeling better about being perpetually single.

The only time I ever went on a date for funsies was when a friend of mine suggested I do a double/blind-date thing with him and a girl he was seeing, and a friend of hers that they wanted to introduce me to. I don't consider myself a shallow person, but the moment I saw her I thought, No. Please don't let her be my blind date. Yep.
Well, she wasn't a bad person, but nowhere near girlfriend material. I think another friend of mine ended up dating her, which was fine by me.

As to the matter of who pays for what, so far I've covered the majority of expenses for my girlfriend and me, except the one time when we ate at Chili's and it turned out I had no money on my card, so she paid.

[goldenspines]

I like how this thread has turned into the "Share you're past experiences in dating or with creepy people who wanted to go out with you!" This thread became more fun.
It can go more back on topic if anyone wants, but I personally have no complaints about it. >_>;

I don't have much to share in the area of dating since I scare most people away with a stern expression that I seem to always have plastered on my face. When I was younger and not as bitter about life, I suppose I had a few experiences I can share.

One time, this dude who was 5 years older than me (I was 16 at the time) asked for my cell phone number. I didn't have a cell phone at the time, but I was using my dad's (since my parents don't let me go anywhere without a phone). As funny as that would have been, I wasn't going to give the guy that number. XD
He even followed me outside to my car. >_>;; I finally had to smile and shut my car door in his face and drive off. XD;

I also get creepy guys following me around at anime cons sometimes. I found a lost wallet for a guy once and apparently someone told him I found it for him, so he came up to me and gave me a hug and said "I love you." This wasn't too bad, but he continued to follow me around the rest of the con, it was a bit creepy. XD; So much for doing a good deed.


In regards to "who should pay for stuff on the date", I'd give advice, but I tend to be a selfish moocher. At least when it comes to food.
I guess a good rule of thumb is, if you want to be nice, you can, but draw the line at more expensive things. Or, at least when first starting in a relationship, avoid super expensive stuff anyways. It's polite to maybe pay for someone's meal maybe every so often (or on special occasions, like their birthday. This applies to both guys and girls). But for the most part, go do something on a date that you both can afford and still have fun.
Mainly, it's not (or shouldn't be, imho) a set rule that it's only the guy's responsibility to buy a meal for a girl they're dating. I mean, that's like saying only guys can hold doors open for people. :\

/rambling

[Yuki-Anne]

Lol, some of these stories are awesome.

Oh, the stories about someone's work made me remember...

This one time when I was working at Radio Shack this chubby 40-something Hispanic guy with bleached hair (read here: HE LOOKED AWFUL because a. people with dark hair should keep it dark, because dark hair is beautiful and b. his hairstyle was way too young for him) stood, like, two feet away from me while I was helping another customer and asked me, "How you doin'?" Luckily, my coworker started helping him. I finished up with my customer and went back to stand behind the counter, when my coworker and Mr. Creepy came to the counter to check out. He asked my coworker to go get something, and whenever I would glance at him, he would grin at me. Eventually I went to the back to... erm... restock something.

And this other time I was washing the windows and absentmindedly singing to myself (HUGE mistake. It only attracts cute birds when you're a Disney princess cleaning somebody else's house. When you work in a Radio Shack near ghetto apartments, well...) when some guy who CLEARLY was already on the way to the liquor store across the parking lot stopped and asked me where the liquor store was, then asked me what company I worked for, two of the dumbest questions I have ever heard in my life. I think he'd already been hitting the sauce that day. Anyway, it was creepy.

[shooraijin]

I've had a couple of female patients hit on me, but fortunately they got the idea quickly that both for personal and professional reasons there was no way on God's green earth it would be in any way reciprocated.

[broly146]

Recently I have been followed by a group of junior high girls and it is kinda creepy. Yestrerday one came up to me and asked if I could go out with her, but I told her she was too young and I am already seeing someone (recently got a girlfriend)