Women pursuing men

[aliveinHim]

I've alway wondered how many relationships are actually like that. I've heard lately that there have been more women proposing. I've wondered why. What if a man doesn't want you and you're a girl. Do you do the pursuing?

[Sapphire225]

There are tons of them. I'm not one of them, but some of my friends do. But keep in mind that their is that gender stereotype that men chase women is normal and women chasing men is not normal. Makes no sense to me.

[ShiroiHikari]

There was a "tradition" for the longest time that girls could not ask guys out. Thankfully, that's started to change. Some guys would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Okami]

There was a "tradition" for the longest time that girls could not ask guys out. Thankfully, that's started to change. Some guys would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and there's nothing wrong with that.

^ This.

[aliveinHim]

Why do some people think it's wrong for a girl to pursue a guy? I've been told that if a girl shows interest in a guy, the guy would run away in the opposite direction. People tell me all the time that a guy will come when you stop looking.

[K. Ayato]

Regardless of whether or not it's the guy who's pursuing, there's gonna be someone on the sidelines with eyebrows raised.

[TGJesusfreak]

I see it like this. The problem is that when a girl persues a guy it's dangerous. Is it wonrg? no. Do I dislike it? no. The simple fact is that girls are relational. They think about their family and relationships a lot (so I hear other girls tell me anyway). but men arent, they are a bit more physical in their heads (hence why they get into fist fights and most girls dont very often XD). I am a guy and I can tell you that for me, when a girl persues me it's fine and all, but as a guy I am tempted to take advantage of that (I never would take advantage of course)....

I guess what i am saying is that when a girl is really persuing a guy a LOT. It tempts him. So i think there's a happy balance.

before any of you say anything I know I know, there's is a difference between being desperate and persuing. But imo there is a rather fine line at times.


I just wanna say that i dont see anything wrong with a girl persuing a guy. Sometimes that's what it takes! XD I wouldnt have parents today (I wouldnt exsist actually) if my mom hadnt persued my dad a lot XP.

[ShiroiHikari]

So basically you're reinforcing the stereotype that all men are rapists and all women are seductresses. Glad we've made that clear.

[Sparx00]

Don't go there, that's not what he meant at all.

[K. Ayato]

TG, how much is too much?

[Midori]

It is true that men and women are slightly different, and tend to think in different ways, but only on average. That overall trend has to be taken into account, but I think it has less importance than the specific personalities involved.

...That's as specific as I'll get on the issue. I would like to remind you all to not assume the worst of others, and to be respectful. Don't try to bring about misunderstandings.

[Vega]

There was a "tradition" for the longest time that girls could not ask guys out. Thankfully, that's started to change. Some guys would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and there's nothing wrong with that.

I agree with this. Some men, like me, who are tremendously lazy will simply wait and hope for the girls come to them. Despite that not being very successful that mindset surely does exist.

[Nightshade X]

I see it like this. The problem is that when a girl persues a guy it's dangerous. Is it wonrg? no. Do I dislike it? no. The simple fact is that girls are relational. They think about their family and relationships a lot (so I hear other girls tell me anyway). but men arent, they are a bit more physical in their heads (hence why they get into fist fights and most girls dont very often XD). I am a guy and I can tell you that for me, when a girl persues me it's fine and all, but as a guy I am tempted to take advantage of that (I never would take advantage of course)....

I guess what i am saying is that when a girl is really persuing a guy a LOT. It tempts him. So i think there's a happy balance.

before any of you say anything I know I know, there's is a difference between being desperate and persuing. But imo there is a rather fine line at times.


I just wanna say that i dont see anything wrong with a girl persuing a guy. Sometimes that's what it takes! XD I wouldnt have parents today (I wouldnt exsist actually) if my mom hadnt persued my dad a lot XP.

I think I get why he's saying to be careful. If I'm reading this right, it's less of a matter of perpetuating the stereotype that all men are rapists and all women are seductresses.

I read it more like this: the pursuit of men by women is fine. How else would a man know that she's interested and it's okay to respond? The problem comes in where a woman might be a little too intent in her pursuit. It's happened to me before where a woman was extremely flirty and I took it as a sign that it was okay to go further than she intended us to go.

In a sense... he's more saying to be careful about the method of your pursuit and be clear on the intent, because the risk of miscommunication still applies.

Did I get that right?

[Atria35]

I hope you did, Nightshade, because I took it in a similar way to Shiroi.

I think it's fine for either sex to pursue whomever they want. I have never been asked out- the two dates I've been on have been simply because I got up the gumption to ask.

[Yamamaya]

This feels like the tenth thread we've had on this topic.

*Waits for Nate to post, "Where are these women?"*

[Nami]

Guys, that's not what TG meant. At all.

I refer you to our wonderful Mod; Midori. What he said. Don't assume.

As for myself, I'm classical, I don't want to pursue a man, because to me that says, he's lazy and he doesn't really care about me. Now, if a man cares for me or shows me interest, and I am equally interested, then I'd be happy if he pursued me. I believe Men should pursue Woman. But hey what do I know? I'm only 20. Which, apparently, anyone under 21 is considered rather stupid by everyone in the world. Its agitating really.

This feels like the tenth thread we've had on this topic.

*Waits for Nate to post, "Where are these women?"*

AHAHA!!! You made my day Yama!

[Yamamaya]

As for myself, I'm classical, I don't want to pursue a man, because to me that says, he's lazy and he doesn't really care about me. Now, if a man cares for me or shows me interest, and I am equally interested, then I'd be happy if he pursued me. I believe Men should pursue Woman. But hey what do I know? I'm only 20. Which, apparently, anyone under 21 is considered rather stupid by everyone in the world. Its agitating really.

Let's turn that statement around. "I don't care about that guy because I won't pursue him. I'm lazy." You would consider that to be a pretty unfair statement right? Well, how do guys feel? Unless you're an extrovert, it can be hard at times to "pursue" women. We're the ones putting our egos on the line, so why shouldn't women do so as well?

It's equality yo.

(Sorry if that sounded harsh. I didn't intend it as an attack against you).

[PrincessZelda]

There was a "tradition" for the longest time that girls could not ask guys out. Thankfully, that's started to change. Some guys would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and there's nothing wrong with that.

I agree with this. There are some guys that are just so freaking shy that if the girl doesn't make some kind of move it'll never work out.

[ShiroiHikari]

You know...there is such a thing as shyness, and men can be afflicted with it the same as women can. I think that men get unfairly maligned for being shy or unassertive. If you want an aggressive man, then sure, you should probably wait for one to come along and ask you out. But a lot of "nice guys" are not particularly assertive and sometimes would rather be pursued, and it doesn't make them lesser men. I don't think a guy should have to pretend he's something he's not in order to snag a lady.

[K. Ayato]

In response to Nami, not all men are deemed lazy if the girl they're interested in makes the first move. Most guys are downright scared to death (if not painfully shy) when comes to expressing interest in a girl. Having the girl make the first move does take a lot of pressure off. But as Nightshade X pointed out, there is the risk of the girl taking things too far.

My take on this? I don't care who makes the first move. As long as they can both stand on both two feet and pull their weight in the relationship, who cares?

[Yamamaya]

You know who's the most aggressive guy ever?

Gaston.


Is that really the type of man you want? Every time you say yes, Shinji cries.

[Nami]

Let's turn that statement around. "I don't care about that guy because I won't pursue him. I'm lazy." You would consider that to be a pretty unfair statement right? Well, how do guys feel? Unless you're an extrovert, it can be hard at times to "pursue" women. We're the ones putting our egos on the line, so why shouldn't women do so as well?

It's equality yo.

(Sorry if that sounded harsh. I didn't intend it as an attack against you).

No, no, you are quite right. I'm just very old fashioned. Don't get me wrong, if I liked a guy, I would definitely show the signs. But I wouldn't pursue him head-first, into a relationship that has the potential to be emotionally damaging for both of us. Oh believe me, I've seen the way women treat men who pursue them. It makes me sick. However, like I said, old fashioned and actually, I perfer a good bantering with a guy. I don't want a knight.

It's cool bro!

You know who's the most aggressive guy ever?

Gaston.


Is that really the type of man you want? Every time you say yes, Shinji cries.

This made me laugh. I don't like aggressive guys. :/ they're usually jerks.

@K-chan and Shiro: ^^ I understand about shy guys, and if that's the case then it means it was meant to be. I was just saying what I thought. I didn't mean Girls couldn't pursue, but I think, when I hear "pursue" I think, girls who literally throw themselves at men and go hardcore after them. Sorry, I know that's not what you all meant. ^^; so if that's the case, then yes, I think girls should pursue the guy! In fact I find it adorable!

[Jaltus-bot]

I hope you did, Nightshade, because I took it in a similar way to Shiroi.

I think it's fine for either sex to pursue whomever they want. I have never been asked out- the two dates I've been on have been simply because I got up the gumption to ask.

I just want to know one thing. "Where have all the cowboys gone"?

[K. Ayato]

You forgot one thing, Yama. Gaston was a narcissist.

[Fish and Chips]

As for myself, I'm classical, I don't want to pursue a man, because to me that says, he's lazy and he doesn't really care about me.

Or, he's realized the terrible truth, that women are the Most Frightening Creatures Known to Man in the History of Since Ever.

[Midori]

You know...there is such a thing as shyness, and men can be afflicted with it the same as women can. I think that men get unfairly maligned for being shy or unassertive. If you want an aggressive man, then sure, you should probably wait for one to come along and ask you out. But a lot of "nice guys" are not particularly assertive and sometimes would rather be pursued, and it doesn't make them lesser men. I don't think a guy should have to pretend he's something he's not in order to snag a lady.

Exactly. I'm pretty much never gonna chase after a women except in a very passive fashion, so if she doesn't do some of her own chasing, I'll never get hooked up. That's why I think individual personalities are more important than general behavioral trends.

[ShiroiHikari]

You know who's the most aggressive guy ever?

Gaston.


Is that really the type of man you want? Every time you say yes, Shinji cries.

You should win some kind of prize for this.

[Atria35]

But I wouldn't pursue him head-first, into a relationship that has the potential to be emotionally damaging for both of us.

That can happen no matter who does the pursuing. Emotionally damaging relationships don't only happen in the ones where the women pursue the man.

As for asking out guys, well, I really suck at reading the signals that a guy is interested. I mean, seriously. Unless he goes around waving a flag... which is why I've missed out on at least one potentially awesome relationship. So that's why it's hard for me to ask. I still did it.

[Jaltus-bot]

You know...there is such a thing as shyness, and men can be afflicted with it the same as women can. I think that men get unfairly maligned for being shy or unassertive. If you want an aggressive man, then sure, you should probably wait for one to come along and ask you out. But a lot of "nice guys" are not particularly assertive and sometimes would rather be pursued, and it doesn't make them lesser men. I don't think a guy should have to pretend he's something he's not in order to snag a lady.

Are there many Christian men who are nice guys without being this sort of "nice guy"? Men should be a little more assertive than women, since they should have more testosterone.

I wonder if sometimes guys are taught to not pursue dating women much. What do you guys think? Is that too much of an off topic question to ask, because I was reading Boundaries in Dating, and it referred that very popular book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and one person who was at seminar with Dr. Cloud (Boundaries author) and asked if dating was biblical. This was so different than Dr. Cloud had come across before that he wasn't sure he had heard right. I have heard things against dating from other Christians (please forgive my focus here) and the idea that we should only do courtship, so if you are not ready to consider marrying someone, there is no reason to go on a date from them. I don't often hear of this distinction in the secular world, but have heard of it and read of it from Christians. What think ye?

On a related note, perhaps women are getting fed up with waiting for men to ask them out and that is why they are pursing men more often? I know my generation is marrying later than the ones before us.

[mechana2015]

So basically you're reinforcing the stereotype that all men are rapists and all women are seductresses. Glad we've made that clear.

Don't go there, that's not what he meant at all.

I think I get why he's saying to be careful. If I'm reading this right, it's less of a matter of perpetuating the stereotype that all men are rapists and all women are seductresses.

I read it more like this: the pursuit of men by women is fine. How else would a man know that she's interested and it's okay to respond? The problem comes in where a woman might be a little too intent in her pursuit. It's happened to me before where a woman was extremely flirty and I took it as a sign that it was okay to go further than she intended us to go.

In a sense... he's more saying to be careful about the method of your pursuit and be clear on the intent, because the risk of miscommunication still applies.

[quote="Nami (post: 1471661)"]Guys, that's not what TG meant. At all.

I refer you to our wonderful Mod]

Unfortunately TG sort of stepped on a rhetorical land mine here. The argument that 'guys are more physical, so girls better watch out' has been going around for hundreds if not thousands of years and in recent history has been used to justify nearly any injustice against women, including not allowing them to work, wear pants or ride in a car with a man they aren't married to, all because it's 'to protect them from men'.

It's also usually used to imply several things, including that women are incapable of making rational decisions when confronted with a lustful man, and that all men are incapable of self control regardless of individual convictions and therefore each gender should only be allowed to interact with the other so long as the women are accompanied by a man who has sworn fidelity to them.

TG may not have meant it that way, but that sort of phrasing carries a lot of historical weight. Again it was one of the primary reasons women were deemed unsuitable for the workforce at one time, and used as an excuse for arranged marriages as well. Many people nowadays would find such implications doubly insulting to women and men and a use of the worst examples as the stereotype for each gender, a stereotype that many people had hoped was long dead but keeps cropping up. It would be nice if it just meant 'be careful', but it's been used for so much more than that, and until it is not used as an excuse to push women away from men sheerly due to their genders, there will still be people that react as Atria and Shiroi did.