In need of some prayer please...

[TopazRaven]

Okay, I've just been having a lot of conflicting feelings about Christianity lately and I fear I might be loosing my faith in God. I definitely don't want this to happen, but it's just...I feel like there is so much about me that doesn't fit in with Christian thought and living. The more I read the bible or Christian stuff on the Internet, the more my head swirls with all the different rules and moral codes there are and I know I don't follow even half of them. People keep telling me," Don't view Christianity as a religion or a book of rules," but how am I supposed to not to? There are so many rules that most conservative Christians might agree you HAVE to follow if you want to get to Heaven. When I read about the different Christian denominations, it really makes me realize how divided this faith is. So many Christians have different views of God, Heaven, hell, salvation, the ten commandments, immorality, etc. Which belief is supposed to be the right one?

Not to mention my own personal beliefs and moral code tend to differ from some. I guess in the end you could label me a liberal Christian and I've heard plenty say before (not on this site mind you, I'm not trying to point a finger at anyone) that a liberal Christian isn't a Christian at all. To give you all an idea of what my belief system is exactly I'm going to list some stuff below. Some of this could be considered mature, so please don't read if that sort of thing bothers you.

1.) I do not think premarital sex is always wrong. I don't support unbridled promiscuity in the least, but if two people are in a monogamous relationship and care about each other then I fail to see the problem. As long as the action is consensual of both participants, safe-sex is practiced and does not physically or emotionally hurt the other person. I know most Christians view sex as a holy covenant and something that should only be preformed between a man and his wife, but I'm sorry, my brain apparently doesn't think that way. Personally, I plan to save myself for marriage, but this is more due to my own moral code rather then the fact I am a Christian. I am a very paranoid and untrusting person. If I came to love and trust a man enough to want to be with him in that way, then naturally I would want to get married and spend my life with him. I just get really mad when some people get all self-righteous and mouth off about people who have or had premarital sex like they are the filth of the Earth or something.

2.) I don't think homosexuality is wrong. Many of you might want to bite off my head for this, but I don't. As humans I don't think it's our right to oppress someone for who they want to be with or are attracted to. I know there is the whole, "hate the sin, love the sinner," bit, but the point is I don't think homosexuality as we know it today is a sin. Period. If it is, God forgive me, but any other way it is He that is the only true judge and it is He who will decide where they belong once they die. Not you, not me and not any other human. I was raised to not discriminate against others, no matter their religion, race, gender or sexuality.

3.) I'm a pervert. There isn't any other way of getting around it. I watch somewhat crude TV shows, I laugh at crude jokes, I listen to crude music at times, I am crude. Don't take this to mean I go around watching pornography, because I don't. In fact I've expressed before in a post how I wish it didn't even exist, but I won't get into that any further. I'm a pervert any other way though.

4.) I'm a selfish, obnoxious and mildly arrogant person. I do care about other people, but often times there are just some people I don't like. Do I wish them ill will? No, but I don't love everyone else like a good Christian should either.

5.) I don't exactly rest on the 7th day or the Sabbath as it is called if I am correct. I am going to start going back to Church on Sunday, but isn't the original 7th day Saturday anyway? So technically aren't we all breaking that commandment?

6.) I'm not sure I really believe in demons. Yeah, I'm kind of scared one will come and get me one of these days, but another part of me kind of finds the idea ridicules.

7.) I don't believe the bible is inerrant, in fact there are plenty of passages and stories in the Old Testament that I really think where just that, stories.

8.) I probably watch TV and am on the Internet more then I should be. I also really really like food and that's gluttony, is it not? I eat a lot...

9.) I curse terribly at times, I've used the Lord's name in vain (though I do apologize afterwords as it tends to just slip out), I've lied before and probably will in the future as well.

10.) I don't really believe God always takes an active part in our lives. I do think he is always watching us and he perhaps helps to get us on the right path at times, but for the most part I believe he lets us live our own lives and make our own choices without any divine intervention

So with that being said, will God really let a person like me into Heaven? I do believe in Jesus as my lord and savior, but considering the way I am is that enough? I don't feel as if I could die to myself to be one of God's people. Like I said, I'm very selfish. I put all my hope in Jesus to bring me to Heaven, as He is the only way, but I'm afraid He finds me unworthy. Meanwhile, what I'm really asking for here is just prayer. I don't want to start arguments and conflict, I only posted the reasons above so you could all understand why I'm feeling confused. I don't think there is anything anyone could do or say to change my mind about some of the beliefs above. I'm just wondering if I can really be considered a Christian when I am this way and prayer that I will become stronger in my faith and soon. Thanks everyone.

[Hiryu]

Topaz, if anyone were to make a topic like this, I'm sure their list would be just as long as yours. The fact of the matter is, absolutely no one deserves to go to heaven. We all deserve hell for our sins. God is a holy god and will not let any sinful thing enter his domain. Yet, God doesn't want anyone to go to hell at all. That is because he loves his creation, and by his own grace he sent his own son to die on the cross so that anyone who believes in his son will not perish but have eternal life.

So you're not a "cookie cutter" christian. Not everyone is. People will have their differing opinions and views about the world and religion and what not. God gave us free will. We are not robots, designed to think in a certain way only.

Do not judge yourself too harshly.

The bible may look like a big book of rules, some of which don't apply to us anymore. The biggest thing you have to worry about is loving your neighbor. If you can love God, you can love his creation. If you love your neighbor, you can love the creator.

I must disagree with you on the fact that you think homosexuality is not wrong. The bible states that God did not intend to have a man or a woman have sexual relations with the same sex. If he did, he would've made Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. Sodom and Gomorrah were guilty of this.

Indeed, we must hate the sin, love the sinner.

[TopazRaven]

Topaz, if anyone were to make a topic like this, I'm sure their list would be just as long as yours. The fact of the matter is, absolutely no one deserves to go to heaven. We all deserve hell for our sins. God is a holy god and will not let any sinful thing enter his domain. Yet, God doesn't want anyone to go to hell at all. That is because he loves his creation, and by his own grace he sent his own son to die on the cross so that anyone who believes in his son will not perish but have eternal life.

So you're not a "cookie cutter" christian. Not everyone is. People will have their differing opinions and views about the world and religion and what not. God gave us free will. We are not robots, designed to think in a certain way only.

Do not judge yourself too harshly.

The bible may look like a big book of rules, some of which don't apply to us anymore. The biggest thing you have to worry about is loving your neighbor. If you can love God, you can love his creation. If you love your neighbor, you can love the creator.

I must disagree with you on the fact that you think homosexuality is not wrong. The bible states that God did not intend to have a man or a woman have sexual relations with the same sex. If he did, he would've made Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. Sodom and Gomorrah were guilty of this.

Indeed, we must hate the sin, love the sinner.

Homosexuality is not why Sodom and Gomorrah where destroyed though. They where destroyed because they where selfish, hateful people who only cared about their own well being and where harmful to others. Just saying. Like I said, I don't want this to turn into an argument/debate about if any of the subjects I listed above are right or wrong. To put it simply, I just want someone to pray for me. Selfish and whiny as that may sound.

Thank you for your support though Hiryu, wither you agree with me or not on certain topics I very much appreciate that you took the time to post on my thread and offer me some support.

[Hiryu]

I suppose they were selfish and hateful, but Jude has this to say about the fabled towns:

In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. Jude 1:7

[TopazRaven]

That wasn't just homosexuality though, it was all sexual sins. Not just one. And this is what Ezekeiel has to say.

Ezekeiel 16:49-50:"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."

And Jeremiah,

Jeremiah 23:14:"...among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible: They commit adultery and live a lie. They strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his wickedness. They are all like Sodom to me; the people of Jerusalem are like Gomorrah."

Meanwhile though, this is the last I'm going to say on the matter, because I don't want to break any rules here or start a big argument, so let's please drop it after this?

[TGJesusfreak]

I am praying for you Topaz.

I warn you of this. Jesus wants you to choose him out of love, not out of obligation. Jesus wants you to fall in love with him. And as we all know, when you love someone you give things up for that someone. Make sure that youre willing to die for him out of love. And make sure youre trying to persue him with all of your heart. Thats really all the advice I can give. I'd rather not start and arguement with you either >.>;;

But for the record, I am not conservative or liberal christian. Christianity isnt about rules, but it also inst just doing what you want. it is following Jesus. It is a relationship. When God tells us not to sin he says it to HELP us. He is not making a bunch of rules for us to follow, he is basically saying "dont slam your hand in the car door. It's not good for you"

sin isnt good for you. Therefore God doesnt want us to sin. That's it. Just trust in God. He only wants the best for you and to spend all eternity with you. But he wants you to choose him first.




ANYWAY, I am sorry for my ranting again. I am praying for you hard Topaz. PM me if you need to rant or talk or whatever. ^^; I will be happy to listen to you Topaz. Really I will.

[Nate]

Topaz it's like you examined my brain and typed out everything I think exactly because seriously I agree with you 100% on everything I posted.

But then people on here don't seem to think I'm a Christian either so maybe my saying this only makes you feel worse. @.@

[TopazRaven]

I am praying for you Topaz.

I warn you of this. Jesus wants you to choose him out of love, not out of obligation. Jesus wants you to fall in love with him. And as we all know, when you love someone you give things up for that someone. Make sure that youre willing to die for him out of love. And make sure youre trying to persue him with all of your heart. Thats really all the advice I can give. I'd rather not start and arguement with you either >.>]

I didn't feel like you where ranting at all, just telling me how you feel and giving me your advice. I guess...I just really don't know how one dies to themself in order to live for the Lord. At this point in my life I really don't feel like I've done this yet. I love Jesus and I'll always be grateful to him, but I don't feel as if I love him enough like most everyone else on this site does. It makes me feel terrible and all icky inside.

Topaz it's like you examined my brain and typed out everything I think exactly because seriously I agree with you 100% on everything I posted.

But then people on here don't seem to think I'm a Christian either so maybe my saying this only makes you feel worse. @.@

Not in the least, if anything it makes me feel a little better to not be the only one who feels this way. I was beginning to think I was an alien or something.

[Atria35]

You are not the only Christian that thinks like this. You've got another person who feels very similarly to you in all these respects. There's no such thing as a perfect Christian, just like there's no such thing as a perfect person.

One of the best things I go by is "Test all things and hold fast to that which is good" 1 Thessalonians 5:21. When I have a belief that I feel goes against common Christian beliefs, I study my reasons for believing so. I study the Bible and pray. Sometimes I come away feeling/knowing that I am wrong, and change. Sometimes I study and pray, and come out feeling that God supports my beliefs.

But I do not try to be perfect, just the best Christian I can be.

[Lynna]

I'll be praying!
Also, I agree that christianity is not about rules. If being perfect was the way too get to heaven then no one, absolutely no one, would go to heaven. We are saved by God's Grace, not by what we do.
I might disagree with some of your beliefs, but You're a Child of God, just like me, and that's what really matters*hugs*

[fermy6]

TopazRaven just know that many of us have different views on different things....even Paul said that the only thing he was sure about was him and Christ crucified...the rst was up for debate.....Im sure this is one of the reasons God sent Jesus to die for us....so that whoever believes he is Lord and God raised him from the dead WILL be saved....so even if what you believe is wrong (and im not gonna say it is since Im also learning) u seem to be sincere in what you belioeve, and I dont think God will judge you if you were wrong....hope that helps:thumb::thumb:

[TopazRaven]

Thanks everyone, you really all have been a great help. I have a lot to think about.

[freerock1]

Lifting you up in prayer. Remember that we all have to seek God and walk with Him for ourselves. It's not based on rules that other people come up with.

Colossians 2:9 says, "Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ."

I myself was raised in a strong Christian family. But my grandparents (whom I believe were true Christians) held some legalistic beliefs that have influenced their descendants' Christian walks--and not really in a positive way. Most of my family members on this side are Christians and hardly any of them today practice what I'd consider legalism. But for me it's still a struggle to know where the line is between God's true commandments and man-made legalistic commandments, between the true conviction of the Holy Spirit and false guilt from the devil or from my own mind. (From talking to others in my family, I'm not the only one who struggles this way.) And I certainly relate to what you said:

I guess...I just really don't know how one dies to themself in order to live for the Lord. At this point in my life I really don't feel like I've done this yet. I love Jesus and I'll always be grateful to him, but I don't feel as if I love him enough like most everyone else on this site does. It makes me feel terrible and all icky inside.

But I'm learning and trying more to cast my cares on the Lord and let my walk with God be defined by Christ and His Sacrifice, not by the rules or practices I've been taught. Of course I'm not saying that just any old action or lifestyle is pleasing to God. But God doesn't want us as Christians to live our lives in continual fear or guilt that we've failed Him. He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

And as far as your "controversial" views on certain topics... Of course not everyone is going to agree with all of them; I can't say I do. But I'd encourage you to pray that if you are wrong on certain views, God will correct your views in those areas. In fact, I think all of us would do well to pray this kind of prayer. I've come to believe that no human being has 100% correct views and theology. I certainly don't feel I do. And if, by some chance, some human being does have all the right views, he or she is stumbling in another area, because the Bible tells us that if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves.

Hopefully this is of some help and encouragement. Like I said, I'll be lifting you in prayer.

[Kunoichi]

Topaz, I actually can relate to this ALOT. Something I've been praying about alot actually because I get so scared that because I mess up so much that I'm gonna get to that book of life and be written off from it.

Something to remember though, people that are in the Bible..not one of them was perfect except Jesus. I mean David who was a man after God's own heart, was a adulterer, had several women and had a man killed.

The thing is, while i totally get why the commandments and rules would have you feeling the conviction of imperfection. In a way, I think that they are given to us two fold.

1. Because the commandments will lead to more joy in our life which God wants us to have.

2. To make us realize how much we can't earn our way to heaven.

Romans has alot of good insight into this (personally) and speaks about how even if you live "perfectly" by the law, doesn't mean you will go to heaven. You aren't washed from sin because you deserve it, none of us are. We are because Jesus died for it and wanted to be with us that much.

Heaven by Randy Alcorn that I'm reading (only in the first 100 pages though) speaks on this exact topic. I don't know if it would help you but just putting it out there.

praying that you will have comfort, strength, peace and that you will remember God is on this journey with you.

PM too if you feel that would help xxx I have a bit more thoughts on this because I am going through it but I'm really out of it and tired so I don't even know if this post will help or make sense but I hope it does.

[TopazRaven]

Thanks Kunoichi and freerock1, you have most definitly been helpful. I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion though while I might not be wrong in my beliefs, it is also very possible that I am not right either. Saying I am 100% right would be both a lie and insulting to God. Only He knows the true answers to all the questions in this life and I hope once I die that I'll receive the undeserved honor of talking to Him about it. I honestly just hate the thought of anyone burning in hell, in eternal torment, especially since most of my family and friends don't think of the Lord often. I want them to be in heaven just as much as I want to be in heaven and it's something that really worries me, especially since my parents are getting older. My thoughts on hell are rather in conflict as well at this time, what with there being so many different views and opinions on the matter. Meanwhile, once again, I won't know for sure until I am dead and I can only pray God will accept my family and friends into heaven as well as myself. So pray for them as well please. Thinking about hell and how I or my family/friends might not get in really makes me feel sick and scared, so I hope I can manage to come to terms on what I believe on this and I hope God will help me.

[Radical Dreamer]

Praying for you, Topaz! A lot of people have said this already, but I think it's important enough to re-state: the main idea behind Christianity is a balance of grace and truth. We don't deserve anything, much less to have eternal life with our creator, but through God's grace in sending Jesus, we have that. In spite of who we are, sinners at the core, we have our salvation through faith alone.

Yes, there are certain ways that Christians are expected to act, but nothing happens immediately. Christianity as I have come to understand it is not an immediate transformation for most people. For some, perhaps, but for most of us it's a journey, and we have a long way to go before we're acting like Jesus, and even then, we're only human and we all slip up. We're always being molded by God to be who He wants us to be, and that never happens immediately, if even quickly. Furthermore, legalism is not what Jesus was about (in fact, he often spoke against it, and only preached angrily when he was preaching to the Pharisees and their legalistic and judgmental practices), and "following every rule" shouldn't be the most important thing to us as it isn't what scripturally saves us.

Anyways, I will definitely be praying for you!

[Sheenar]

I have some unconventional views myself, Topaz. The thing about Christianity is that nobody (except for Jesus, of course) knows all the answers --being a believer is a journey that lasts for a lifetime and then into eternity. We will always be learning and growing.

So allow yourself a little grace, my friend.

Christ's blood is enough for whatever we've done in the past, are doing now or will do in the future. And His grace is sufficient for us in our weakness.

[TopazRaven]

I've taken the time to sit down and calm down a little. I've read over some bible passages on the Internet about the great love and forgiveness God has for all mankind, and I think I'm on my way to being sure about certain things I think about. Thanks everyone for keeping me in your prayers and offering me so many kind words! I know I'm getting very whiny and reptative with all these silly problems of mine.

[K. Ayato]

Nonsense! Speaking for myself, it's actually refreshing to find someone asking a lot of questions like you have been. Gives the opportunity to stop and really ask why I believe things the way I do . Been in the same boat as you. Feel free to PM me anytime .

[Mr. SmartyPants]

"If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. If I wish to preserve myself in faith I must constantly be intent upon holding fast the objective uncertainty, so as to remain out upon the deep, over seventy fathoms of water still preserving my faith."
-Søren Kierkegaard

No belief is as substantiated as another. Subjectivity is truth and truth is subjectivity. The opposite of faith is not doubt; it is certainty.

I hope you can maybe take this to heart. Then illogical inconsistencies and whatnot only become of secondary importance.

[ABlipinTime]

.02

to Topaz:

I have a very strict moral code that I follow, and be glad to explain to you why I feel such things as premarital sex and homosexuality are sins. However, I'm pleased to find that most people on the forum are directing your attention to what is really important: loving God. Love God, and He'll reveal things to you day by day. He'll reveal what He wants from you, His plan for your life, the promises He has in store for you, etc. Even though God may have a strict set of rules, He doesn't dump everything on us all at once. If that were the case, every other step we make would be a wrong move. Why? Not because God is all bossy, but because we'd rather do things OUR way rather than follow HIS Way. Simply put, focus on God and love Him first.

God bless and may He fill your curious mind with answers!



to Mr. SmartyPants:
I'm not going to debate with you about this, but the opposite of faith is not certainty. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I don't believe that you can have faith in something if you can't doubt it to be untrue. You believe it even though you don't see it. Hence you're doubting because you don't see it! =p

[Nate]

be glad to explain to you why I feel such things as premarital sex and homosexuality are sins

Psst, speaking as a guy who has been constantly chatting in PM with Topaz for the past month or so, I'll give you a big tip: that's exactly what she DOESN'T want you to do. XD

I mean I know I'd find it pretty annoying if I said "Baccano is the worst anime ever made!" and had my PM inbox filled with ten PMs of people telling me "NO IT IS THE BEST ANIME EVER MADE YOU ARE WRONG AND HERE ARE A BUNCH OF WORDS AND WEBSITES TO SHOW YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE."

Also, I don't think Baccano is the worst anime ever made. I've never even seen it. It was just an example. XP

the opposite of faith is not certainty. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Then it wouldn't be called faith, it would be called "certainty." If I may.

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability. This is not the same as certainty. I have faith in Robert Gould's ability to kick field goals in football. But he doesn't always make them. I'm not 100% certain Gould will always make a field goal. But I have faith that he will, despite the fact that he hasn't always made them in the past, nor is there a guarantee that he will make the next field goal.

2. belief that is not based on proof. This one is pretty self explanatory. If I have no proof of something, I cannot be certain of it. I can be pretty sure, but I can never be 100% sure. For example, I have no proof that you aren't a super advanced artificial intelligence programmed to approximate a human being. I've never seen a picture of you, never talked to you, never met you in real life. So I have no proof that you are a human being. But I have faith that you are, despite that I have no evidence. I can't be certain; this is where faith comes in. If I was certain you were a human being, it would no longer be faith. It would be knowledge.

And after that we get into other definitions that don't really apply. XD

[TopazRaven]

.02
I have a very strict moral code that I follow, and be glad to explain to you why I feel such things as premarital sex and homosexuality are sins.

Psst, speaking as a guy who has been constantly chatting in PM with Topaz for the past month or so, I'll give you a big tip: that's exactly what she DOESN'T want you to do. XD

I do appreciate the offer Blip, but Nate is right. For now in least. Don't take this as me brushing you off or saying your opinion doesn't matter, far from it actually. My problem is I have a hard time accepting opinions that differ from mine at times and I can end up getting pretty nasty. This is something I seriously have to work on as a Christian.

Not to mention, I often get confused when I hear to many different opinions on something. I really need to sit down, do some serious study in the bible and sort these things out with God so I know where I really stand on such things. I also need to learn what other people says matters and that I need to accept and respect others. I think the reason I get so testy is because I'm still so confused. You know what I mean? I have a temper to begin with.

With time I hope I'll grow into a better Christian so I'll be able to have a completely respectful and enlighting conversation with those who differ in opinion then me. I don't want to be a troll.

[TopazRaven]

Edit: Oh snickerdoodles...just when I was starting to feel a little better about myself and where I stand in my faith, I've fallen downhill again. I decided that it wasn't really fair of me to just state my opinions above without hearing the other side and why people consider these things sin. My mind hasn't changed, but now I feel like I have a one-way ticket to hell after reading up about it all. What if I am wrong? I'm never going to know if my personal opinions/beliefs about everything are right or wrong until I'm dead and it's to late then. It's said you wont inherit the kingdom of God if you lust and such and like I said I'm a pervert, it's not something I can just erase, it's part of my personality. I don't feel like it's God making me feel this way, but other people and a general fear of hell. I feel so unstable, I'm honestly close to tears. Would God still allow me into Heaven when I have a differing opinion like this on certain subjects then other Christians? Will Christ's blood really cover me in all my sinfulness with the way I am? I don't know what I could do but sit in a dark room and try to surpress every thought in my head. I don't feel as if I died to myself to live for Christ. I feel like a lier for trying to be a Christian when I'm so selfish and I have these different opinions, but I do want to be close to God! People have pretty much told me I'm no better then an athesit before (not on this site mind you.) I hate to sound so whiny and needy, but it's not like I actually even have anyone off the Internet I can even talk to about this. I guess this is another reason I need a therapist. I'm going to talk to my mom about it when she gets home from work tomorrow. I'm just so tried of constantly being afraid. I need medicine I guess. Also, please relalize I know I don't deserve Heaven any other way.

[mechana2015]

Where are you reading up on stuff like this?
It might assist us in talking to you if we knew what sites or books you're referencing. There are sites or whole groups of people out there who's theology and mission are built on emotional manipulation. Constant fear is often a byproduct of a run-in with people like this.

There are more than a few Christians on this site (all of them) that are NOT the ideal that people (especially the more legalistic people) tend to tell us we should be. The fact that you can acknowledge that you are selfish, or that you have issues is much better than just trying to cast judgment on the people around you, as many do.

[TopazRaven]

Where are you reading up on stuff like this?
It might assist us in talking to you if we knew what sites or books you're referencing. There are sites or whole groups of people out there who's theology and mission are built on emotional manipulation. Constant fear is often a byproduct of a run-in with people like this.

There are more than a few Christians on this site (all of them) that are NOT the ideal that people (especially the more legalistic people) tend to tell us we should be. The fact that you can acknowledge that you are selfish, or that you have issues is much better than just trying to cast judgment on the people around you, as many do.

I'll admit, I was just looking through sites on Google. I can't really reference any to you right now as I can't remember each particuler site. Thank you for your kind words. I just hope God might be able to show me something, anything, someday soon. I think I must drive Him crazy with my fear-based ramblings. I drive myself crazy obviously. I've never claimed to be 100% right on my own personal opinions, as a human there is every chance I'm wrong. About everything accept the existance of God/Jesus I would assume. I think what I think because I feel I am right, but one should never rely simply on their own feelings and logic about everything. I think all I can do right now is surrender myself to Jesus and trust that He will save me and hope all the answers to my questions will be revealed to me in time.

[mechana2015]

I would maybe try to see if you can find some other way than shotgunning requests at google. There are some very harmful and false websites out there, as well as some PARODY websites that can seem persuasive and real but are just as I said, parody. Caution would be the word of the day and I'd suggest that you start cross checking sites with people you trust, and possibly snopes as well. Goodness, even Westboro "Baptist Church" has a website, so be careful where you look for this stuff.

[TopazRaven]

Thank you kindly Mechana. I'll admit I'm a bit of an addict for Google when I'm in need of some information. I was basically attempting to not bother anyone else here on CAA and find stuff on my own. I'm a bit afraid to debate with/listen to differing opinions at the moment because I fear I'll get nasty. I have a very testy temper at times. Though I realize now the only way to get better at this sort of thing really is to talk to others and listen to what they have to say. I never have been good at debates though anyway.

Edit: Also, just going to note I've managed to calm down a little. I'm really beginning to wonder if I might be a bit bi-polar with all these massive emotional mood swings. One minute I'm alright the next I could be crying because I think I'm going to hell. Honestly, I confuse myself.

Another thing I want to make clear is, please know that I do have reasons for my differing beliefs/opinions, I'm just not very good at explaining them. I'm quite firm on my belief about homosexuals. What I am having problems with here is the subject of sex in itself and lust. If I am wrong about these things, then I am afraid I am upsetting/offending/angering God. Yet I don't feel as if I am wrong, but once again one can not rely solely on 'feeling'. Or else we would all probably be running around and acting like wild animals. Don't think I haven't looked up these issues in the bible either, because I have. I haven't read the bible cover to cover yet, but when I need to know about a particular subject there are plenty of ways to look up passages on the Internet, so don't think me completely uneducated please. It's just that so many things did automatically click as sins in my head when I read about them in the bible: adultery (that is if you consider adultery simply to mean a married person sleeping with someone other then their spouse, which I do.), idolatry, rape, murder, incest, stealing, cheating, lying, prostitution, blasphemy, cursing God, hating people, judging/condemning others, greed, etc. Yet with some other things it didn't click at all.

I can personally testify that cheating at something, lying, greed, cursing, hating someone and judging others are all sins I'm guilty of. However, I try hard not to do these things (I don't think I'll ever steal again, it makes me feel really bad I did it once before in the first place) and I always say I'm sorry and ask God's forgiveness. However, if I don't think something is a sin then I can't ask forgiveness for it and so I won't be forgiven if it really is sin right? Leaves me with a problem then doesn't it? There will always be that what-if. I never claim to be 100% right ever, I let the Lord know I'm sure I could be wrong and I'm sorry if I am. I try to explain to Him why I feel the way I do, but then I'm sure he already knows. He knows everything about me after all. *Shakes head at self*. Alright, I need to stop talking now. Thanks again to everyone for the kind words, prayers offered and advice. I'm off to bed.

[K. Ayato]

This is just my 2 cents, but it sounds like most (if not all) your questions regarding what you're coming across while reading Scripture can be better explained by a pastor or other person on staff at a church. They may be able to help clear up your misunderstandings.

I'm with mech. Please be extra cautious as to doing research on your own. There's a lot of weird stuff out there.