Afraid to Speak Your Mind?

[Kunoichi]

Was just wondering for the sake of my own curiosity, who was afraid to speak their mind? Whether that is on here, in chat rooms, on a phone, in class etc.

I'd have to say Yes for me. Granted is a lot due to my own insecurities and fear of being judged, especially in church settings etc.

[KougaHane]

I'd say yes for the most part in real life, but on the internet no, because I can hide behind the fact that no one on the internet really knows me. It's a bad habit of mine I'm trying to break, because I know my fear stems from a serious low self-esteem issue which causes me to believe that I can't say anything intelligent at all.

[Atria35]

Yes, because I know that I have differering opinions about things than a number of members here. And I don't want to get a strike for saying so, or isolate myself since I disagree with some of the members that I've gotten to know better than others.

[Okami]

Not so much online, but certainly in the "real world," yeah. Some people I'm okay with, I can say whatever, whenever. To others, I can tend to say a lot that I would want to say to them to someone else, but never to that person. I'm struggling to work with it and speak up when needed, though, because some situations have gone too far, too long, with myself being trampled. I'm tired of being insecure.

[Dante]

I'm not afraid to speak my mind. Of course that's not the same as not adding my opinion where I feel it's not desired .

[Midori]

I'm not generally afraid to speak my mind; often it seems that way because I don't have a mind to speak.

[ShiroiHikari]

In real life, I don't speak up much. On the internet, it depends on how strongly I feel about the topic at hand.

[Rusty Claymore]

No. But I usually don't speak my mind anyways because in my limited experience, just about everyone is dead set in their opinions and I'm not the sort of person who carries enough weight to change them (not to mention they prolly aren't interested in my pov anyways... XP). It's obvious though when someone is being open to suggestion, then I do speak my mind. XD

[CrimsonRyu17]

I'm not afraid to, not at all, I just know when not to exhaust any effort to have a discussion with ignorance. Usually, anyway.

Then there are the fairly serious topics that I don't like discussing despite my strong opinions about them. Only when a hint is given that the other person shares my opinion and/or is open-minded is when I bother to speak my mind.

Which unfortunately doesn't happen very often on this board.

[armeck]

it really depends, but for the most part, no. i am very honest. i do joke a lot, but when i am serious, i say what i mean and i mean what i say

[Tsukuyomi]

At times, yes ^^ I'm one who tries to avoid conflict, so if I know what I have to say may cause such thing, I won't say it.. Although, it depends on how strongly I feel about something. At times, it's just that I get ahead of myself at times and my words get all jumbled, so I end up not posting lol

[ABlipinTime]

Yes, because I know that I have {differing} opinions about things than a number of members here. And I don't want to get a strike for saying so...

Same goes here.
On the other hand, I can say some things about my likings and interests that I don't talk to other people about in person because of the anonymity (or "anomnimity" as I often say).

[FllMtl Novelist]

Whenever I see a big issue come up in a debate, I prefer to watch and see what people on both sides say. One reason is, I think if I spoke up I'd be shot down pretty quickly. Counters seem to only occur to me days after somebody says something. XD The other reason is, I like watching the debate. I like making my own observations, and judging for myself which perspective is right or wrong. It's nice because my Dad's not peeking over my shoulder saying "See what that guy's saying??"

Not that I'm brainwashed or something, but it's nice to watch or read something without one very specific interpretation hanging over your head. XD

So, I guess I'm partially afraid to speak my mind, but on the other hand I like just watching what others have to say.

[Ella Edric]

For the most part Im not. But it also depends on the situation. But mostly Im not. Im a very honest person. Especially when it comes to my faith. It also depends on my situation... If i was in China with a bunch of soldiers with guns and someone said something offensive about Christians Im not sure it would be worth it to say something and get myself shot. lol

[Furen]

Very seldom do I not speak my mind, I think people should be honest, even if it hurts, that's just what I believe.

[Nate]

Gee I wonder, considering I'm now pretty much enrolled in college because the person on the other end of the phone was like "Hey how would you like to go to this college seems great huh let's work on your application now" and I just kind of was like "Uh huh sure sounds good" because I didn't have the willpower to say "Wait hold on a sec let me think about this."

[That Dude]

I'm more afraid to speak my mind online than in real life. I can be afraid a bit, but generally I'm not.

[Radical Dreamer]

It really depends on the scenario for me. XD If I'm with close friends or family, I don't have a problem speaking my mind. But if I'm around people who are intimidating to me, I am far less likely to speak up. XD It sort of depends on the situation and how important the things I want to say are, as well as what I think the results of what I say will be. XD In other words, I end up thinking a lot about the things that I want to say before I say them--maybe a little too much. XD

That said, I'm always outspoken on the interwebs, if only because I'm able to think about things before I write them out. XD

[Strafe]

My entire life is one large artificial pretension that schemes and claws for positive attention. If I ever spoke my mind, there exists the chance that it could be denied or disagreed with, and I am terrified of what would happen in that case. I fear that my plans would be destroyed if I voiced them to people in authority. I fear that whatever image I uphold would be shattered as soon as I show my thoughts to my peers. On the internet, I am infinitely more pretentious, as I want to make myself appear a certain way since I am unhappy with my real self. Maybe I would find acceptance if people saw a good, though fake, side of me. And this whole sob story is pretentious too because it is seeking attention. Ignore it please.

[Hiryu]

Some things are best left not spoken.

[ShiroiHikari]

My entire life is one large artificial pretension that schemes and claws for positive attention. If I ever spoke my mind, there exists the chance that it could be denied or disagreed with, and I am terrified of what would happen in that case. I fear that my plans would be destroyed if I voiced them to people in authority. I fear that whatever image I uphold would be shattered as soon as I show my thoughts to my peers. On the internet, I am infinitely more pretentious, as I want to make myself appear a certain way since I am unhappy with my real self. Maybe I would find acceptance if people saw a good, though fake, side of me. And this whole sob story is pretentious too because it is seeking attention. Ignore it please.

That sounds miserable. Life's too short for that kind of thing. Be yourself, dude.

[SailorDove]

To speak or not to speak, that is an ongoing conundrum. Whether tis nobler to use discretion with one's own thoughts or to boldly proclaim what one believes one ought to say, I must confess I know not.

But, my dad's father, (former police officer), had a saying, "Words are like bullets, you can't take them back."

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Hahaha. I'm often way too open. Often times I need to shut up. XD

[Shao Feng-Li]

I try and live by the fact no one knows how much of an idiot you are if you keep quiet. And even when I do know something factual, I often get out argued XD

[Midori]

I like this thread, in terms of being able to get to know everyone better. Let me address a few points here.

Yes, because I know that I have differering opinions about things than a number of members here. And I don't want to get a strike for saying so

I'd like to announce that you won't get a strike just for having different opinions, even if everyone disagrees with you. Having different opinions is part of what makes humanity versatile. You will get strikes for starting fights with those opinions, however. So as long as you are respectful of other people's opinions, and are not so proud of your own opinions that you mercilessly reject all others, you won't get a strike. I'm not saying that you won't have to worry about other members arguing with you, I'm saying that you won't have to worry about being punished by the moderators. This brings me to the next point (one that's more personal to me rather than moderator business):

But I usually don't speak my mind anyways because in my limited experience, just about everyone is dead set in their opinions and I'm not the sort of person who carries enough weight to change them.

And even when I do know something factual, I often get out argued

This is the unfortunate truth of the internet, or rather of society in general. In an argument, the person who's better at arguing wins, not the person who's right. So many people are so dead-set in their opinions and closed-minded that they won't let you get a word in edgewise. I've felt this way so many times in all sorts of situations before. We're trying to make this website a place where this doesn't happen so much, and we are better about this than much of the internet, but it's one of the hardest things to prevent. In fact it's one of the reasons we disallowed theological debates when we did. Our changing of that rule comes with a great hope that all of us can be open-minded and not get into fights. I'm not sure how well it's working, but I can see some good coming out of it I think.

This is a personal plea to everyone who is a trained debater, who's taken argument classes and has studied writing, and those who are naturally persuasive: please be tolerant of those like me who are not as clever with words and persuasion; please let us speak what we believe without making us feel bad for saying it.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'm going to say this as respectfully as I can. I don't say this with malice, but just so I guess we can all check ourselves. And I'm not exempt from this for sure.

So many people are so dead-set in their opinions and closed-minded that they won't let you get a word in edgewise.

I fully agree with Midori here. And I will also say that I see this A LOT here on CAA. Especially when it comes to matters of faith, politics, and other stuff.

[blkmage]

In an argument, the person who's better at arguing wins, not the person who's right.

So many people are so dead-set in their opinions and closed-minded that they won't let you get a word in edgewise.

These two things are not the same thing.

This website is a forum and is (or should be) primarily used as a place for inducing discussion and discourse. The problem is not that people are better at arguing and in fact this should not be a problem. The problem is in the second thing, where people aren't arguing in good faith.

The reason why the person who is arguing always wins even when they're not necessarily right isn't because they're shutting people down who aren't able to argue. It's because they're able to present their ideas and arguments in a clear and logical fashion. If you are unclear or don't make sense, how can I consider what you're saying? Should I be guessing at what you're trying to say and put words into your mouth?

I will call someone out if they say something that makes no sense and I expect the same to happen for me.

I don't think we want to tolerate poor argumentation. Rather, we should be encouraging people to be making their points more clearly and get better at discussing stuff. What I think you mean is that you want the tone and tenor of discussion to change, because being presenting well thought out arguments and preserving a civil environment aren't mutually exclusive.

Oh yeah, also, I talk much more on the interwebs because that is what interwebs are for.

[Kunoichi]

I'm actually really surprised at the amount of discussion this created. I have to say I see points I agree and disagree with. I think its "okay" for people to discuss ideas, viewpoints etc and perhaps one person will seem to have things more "logically sound" than another. Doesn't mean the person is right or wrong or that there is even a "winner".

I thought about this topic more and do find I speak my opinion more when I am in person than when I'm on forums etc. I do not know why that is except that usually I am having discussions with people I know and while they may not agree with me, they respect the validity of my opinion.

Then again (and this is not aimed here but rather other sites I've been too) perhaps I have met way to many online trolls :/

[samurai10]

It depends on two things. one, Whether that person who i disagree with is a friend or a stranger, and two, how strongly i feel about the topic being discussed.

total strangers i am so not afraid to speak my mind. but with friends, i'm more hesitant, because i'm scared that if i argue with them, they won't like me any more, and will stop being my friend. with friends, i tend to argue gently. but with strangers, i can and will argue fiercely.

then again, i'm a total dweeb at debating, so, sometimes, i just let it pass.

[Cognitive Gear]

Recently, I've tried to be very careful about how I come across when sharing my beliefs and opinions. Does it really matter if I "win" or save face if it comes at the expense of someone else, or if I don't convince anyone of my position? Can I really say that I am willing and able to offer people real love and help when they need it if I can't even be bothered to keep what I say in check?