Decision...

[Nightshade X]

I haven't been here in a while... frankly, I don't know where to begin in this request of mine. I suppose it would be best to begin with a background story.

I have been in leadership with my church's youth ministry for the past 5 years now. It's been great, to be honest... but things have been changing for a while now. I'm not the same person that I was five years ago. Neither are my fellow leaders. Perhaps it's that change that has worked to produce the distance that exists between us now. I know a lot of it is my fault... I've been a distant person, and that tends to happen when I know people up to a certain amount of time. I just do that. I have my theories as to why that may be, but that's not part of the story. Ask if you like.

The reality of the situation hit me pretty hard today. I had a meeting with the youth pastor tonight and it made me realize just how distant I've really become... and that even the youth have taken notice of it. He asked if there was anything wrong, any issue that I may have had with him or the rest of the leadership team... and the only thing that I could say is that I find myself being unable to relate or connect with any of them on a relational level. The meeting was a pretty heavy blur to me... but the feeling that I came away with is that I need to make a decision: whether to make a greater attempt to really connect with the youth and the leaders of the ministry... or step down from leadership.

On one hand, it seems like a somewhat natural development. I mean, I have felt myself drifting away from activities with the youth (though I didn't quite realize how much until tonight) in favor of doing things with people (Christians and not) closer to my own age. I thought it was a natural occurrence... like I was simply gravitating toward groups of people who were more accepting than the rest of the youth leadership of my quirks and strange interests... but it seems, in the eyes of those around me in ministry, I'm in the wrong here... because, on the other hand, I've been neglecting those who have been placed in my care.

I'll admit right away... I'm not a very good leader. I've been moody. I've been distant. I've not been careful with my interests around them. I've been distracted by many things when I should have been more attentive... Still, my staying in or stepping down from the ministry is something that's really up to God to determine. It's too important of a decision to leave up to me, and I really need to hear from Him.

If you've read up to this point, thank you. Please ask questions where you feel you need to... but, most importantly, please pray for me. I'm... fearful of the outcome, wherever it goes... but this is a decision that simply must be made.

[goldenspines]

I'll be praying, Nightshade X. Those types of decisions are never easy. I'm sure God will give you the strength and insight no matter what decision is made.

[Hiryu]

Try to reconnect with them, or atleast a few. Surely you can find someone to befriend, someone who has similar interests as you. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.

[Atria35]

Praying you figure out what to do!

[Nightshade X]

Thank you for your support in prayer, guys. I think I have a decision... and I'm going to step down. I figure that it's time to trust that God is leading me in the right direction in this. Also, if this isn't God's leading, He's big enough to fix it. Either way, I'm trusting in Him and moving forward.

Thanks again!