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Postby goldenspines » Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:40 pm

xblack_x_rosesx wrote: I REALISE I am weak. And to be honest, HE'S not Christian, but half the time I'll be all over him, and he'll have to be the one to say we should stop. It kills me that I don't know what to do.

xblack_x_rosesx(post: 1307639) wrote: We've only started recently. We spent almost 2 years in a relationship WITHOUT it. It's just... strengthened our bond? Which is why its hard to stop.


This probably needs to be brought up. There is a very important passage in the Bible concerning relationships with non-believers.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." -2 Corinthians 6:14-16

Even if the non-believer is an overall great guy, the verse still applies. You can't be righteous and still be intimately "yoked" (or attached) with one who doesn't hold the same beliefs and love for God that you do.

From my standpoint, you seem to be in a place where you don't want to lose this guy because you love him very much, so you try to keep him happy with you, even if it means putting God second in your life and often doing something that makes you feel guilty later.

Ultimately, you're the one to decide what to do about the relationship; or rather, whether you want to pursue God or this relationship first. You're treading very dangerous ground, Roses. A relationship cannot succeed unless both parties are on the same page. And, you cannot pull this guy towards God by yourself even if you tried (since only God can change people's hearts), and most likely, the guy will be pulling you away from God in the process since you have a very strong emotional attachment to him.

The reason that I am being brutally honest with you, Roses, is because I don't want you to fall into the same inescapable trap that I've seen so many of my friends have fallen into and have ruined their lives and marriages because of it. :\


As always, you are in my prayers.
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Postby shooraijin » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:16 pm

It's just... strengthened our bond?


This is my point exactly.
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Postby Dr.Faust » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:52 pm

I can't give you advice but I'll pray. By the way you are attraticve and don't ever for get it.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:25 pm

Mr. Rogers (post: 1307630) wrote:Did I mention this is a complicated issue that will require the knowledge of a counselor or a wise, experienced married couple? ^_~

Seeing a counselor is good, but you have to remember that they can't make
it all go away. Yes, they can help you with suggestions and whatnot, but it's still on you guys to make the changes ^__^
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Postby animechica » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:20 pm

Mr. SmartyPants (post: 1307623) wrote:Not wanting to sound like I'm siding with him or anything, but let's all remember that we don't know Neko and her fiancee very well so it may be best to not be quick to pass judgment like this...


I wasn't saying anything remarkably different from anyone else, I said she should go to counseling first... and besides, the rest of the things are what she herself said...

I know all we can really do is give our opinions and support, and pray for the people here. I was just putting in my two cents, because I know when I have a problem and I tell someone about it, I want to hear what they think, not just "That sucks, but go to counseling."
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Postby chibiphonebooth » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:08 pm

[quote="goldenspines (post: 1307675)"]This probably needs to be brought up. There is a very important passage in the Bible concerning relationships with non-believers.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." -2 Corinthians 6:14-16

Even if the non-believer is an overall great guy, the verse still applies. You can't be righteous and still be intimately "yoked" (or attached) with one who doesn't hold the same beliefs and love for God that you do.

From my standpoint, you seem to be in a place where you don't want to lose this guy because you love him very much, so you try to keep him happy with you, even if it means putting God second in your life and often doing something that makes you feel guilty later.

Ultimately, you're the one to decide what to do about the relationship]


I'm going to have to agree here. and I know from first hand experience. (besides the sex part.) But i was in a relationship for a good 8 months, and while he was a "good guy" to me at the time, he was not a christian. and he was open to christianity and thought it was interesting and asked me questions from time to time, but there was no change in his heart. Eventually, i chose the relationship over God, and put Him on the backburner for a while. All the while, i was being hurt constantly by this other person. I was being let down and guilt-tripped.

roses, sin is supposed to feel good. that's what makes it sin. It would be easy to go against temptation if it felt wrong the whole time. But there's a part that feels good about it- and thats what makes us constantly sin. We are all sinners here, including me. I fall for certain temptations all the time. for example, i have a hard time with constant worry and shutting down and shutting out. and it feels good in a way, to be able to numb myself to feelings and thoughts. But its still hurting me. I am 100% sure sex feels good- i mean, thats why its always thrown at us from the media and everything. But I'm still standing by my opinion of you taking a break from him. I think you need to clear your head and try to evaluate how you feel in certain situations with him.

i'm praying for you.
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Postby Bobtheduck » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:18 pm

I want to be relationship apathetic again. It was one of the best things I was able to accomplis to really not care about relationships. I accomplished it for MONTHS. That suddenly went away. I want it back. I will have a lot more fun with my life if I'm not worried about whether I'll be with someone or not. I have other things I need to think about.

Life is complicated enough without the neurosis of romantic interaction. I've never understood the female mind (or anyone's mind, for that matter) so if I can live the rest of my life not caring about a romantic encounter, not needing to flirt (or try my best imitation of it), not needing to check every female's stats to see if we'd be compatible... I'd be better off for it, as would all of my friendships.

Oh, and if I could shut the hormones down, too, in addition, I'd be happy about that. I would be perfectly happy as a complete asexual. There is so much more to life, and I don't know I'd really want to pass my genes on. That may almost be cruel. All of my potential suitors would be better served finding some better genetic material to build their children on. I can offer something that doesn't involve any of that, and that is really what I should be focusing on...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evcNPfZlrZs Watch this movie なう。 It's legal, free... And it's more than its premise. It's not saying Fast Food is good food. Just watch it.
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Postby Reon » Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:35 am

Bobtheduck (post: 1307723) wrote:I want to be relationship apathetic again. It was one of the best things I was able to accomplis to really not care about relationships. I accomplished it for MONTHS. That suddenly went away. I want it back. I will have a lot more fun with my life if I'm not worried about whether I'll be with someone or not. I have other things I need to think about.

Life is complicated enough without the neurosis of romantic interaction. I've never understood the female mind (or anyone's mind, for that matter) so if I can live the rest of my life not caring about a romantic encounter, not needing to flirt (or try my best imitation of it), not needing to check every female's stats to see if we'd be compatible... I'd be better off for it, as would all of my friendships.

Oh, and if I could shut the hormones down, too, in addition, I'd be happy about that. I would be perfectly happy as a complete asexual. There is so much more to life, and I don't know I'd really want to pass my genes on. That may almost be cruel. All of my potential suitors would be better served finding some better genetic material to build their children on. I can offer something that doesn't involve any of that, and that is really what I should be focusing on...


Hey Bob =D
I wanted to share something with you to help encourage you.
I took the time to upload a CD onto the website Imeem. Its a short one hour sermon and I think it hits your thoughts dead on topic. You will have to create an account but I HIGHLY suggest it - You depicted how I felt a little awhile ago, this is the sermon that made me feel this way a long with reading the Bible and what God was showing me.
(And bro, God has his best for you - Don't put yourself down about genes or anything along those lines. Let God show you what he wants for you, whatever that may be <3)

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(NOTE: You might not even have to register)
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Link to Sermon
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http://www.imeem.com/behindblueeyess/music/mP3_3MqL/dating-mr-mrs-right/
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Postby xblack_x_rosesx » Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:34 am

"1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
We puzzle over the mystery this verse hides, because it is obvious that other sins can grossly affect the body. Elsewhere the writer himself acknowledges that the profound way sex affects the body – making two people one flesh – is a mystery.


Ephesians 5: 31 “ . . . and the two will become one flesh.” (32) This is a profound mystery . . .
Whereas the weakest Christian is one with Christ, the nicest non-believer belongs to the devil and as such is evil and profane. So if a Christian has even the briefest sexual encounter with a non-believer, the resulting union is a spiritual perversion on the level of bestiality. And if the partner is a Christian, the result is akin to the terrifying sin of profaning the holy of holies."


The whole him not being Christian thing (see above, taken from a website) is what is confusing me a lot TOO.
I mean, I've been told by a couple different people that just by BEING with Matt, in ANY physical sense, is a sin- BECAUSE he's not a born-again-Christian. I mean, Matt's not... NOT religious, yknow? He's just confused, and not sure what to believe. He was Christian at one point, but a lot of stuff in his life went really wrong really fast and he found it difficult to keep faith. He still believes in God, but like me, he's just confused about what makes a christian christian.
I'm TRYING to help him through it, but its really not... my gift, I guess :p

What was I getting at....
hmm...

Ohraa. I guess BECAUSE I figure I'm sinning just by BEING with him, which I'd do regardless, I may as well have sex with him.
Yeah, I'm digging myself into a hole.

[For the record, it's rarely his idea to have sex, and its always him who makes us stop before we go too far. He doesn't.. guilt me into anything, or force me into anything. It's entirely my decision, thats why I feel so effin terrible about it, because I willingly sin. Its not even me just... falling into the "heat of the moment passion and temptation". Most of our sex acts are premeditated in my mind, which makes it so much worse. I don't know how to stop... FRIG. I hate myself.]

This entire situation just keeps getting more confusing. I mean, originally I was all "hey, I have a problem- I like sex WAY too much. It's a sin. Sex should be to consummate two people who will spend the rest of their lives together- it shouldn't be something that a young woman should be doing on whim cos she feels like it. I need to stop." But of course cold turkey has never worked for me, the whole "gradual stop" thing DOES.
But now its like theres no point in me even trying anymore.
Whatever I do I'm screwed.
Yknow, unless I break up with him, which I would never do, I'm just not going to please anyone.

..
I WANT TO BE A SLOTH.
A simple sloth.
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Postby Fish and Chips » Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:18 am

xblack_x_rosesx (post: 1307584) wrote:We HAVE tried seperation. Not in a "break" sense, but in the sense where we both... gave each other space, and just hung out and talked. Nothing physical- we didn't even see each other that often.
It was hard, but it seemed to be going well. This all happened after the first time we had intercourse, because we both felt so wrong and dirty about it, and we both agreed we needed distance.

But... the whole seperation thing backfired. I was trying to focus on God, he was trying to focus on... I don't know, but he was trying to focus on something, and then when we were both hanging out at my house, we just looked at each other, without saying a word, got in his car, drove out to his place.... and slept together.
It was like, BECAUSE we'd stopped doing the small physical stuff, we just... jumped each other at the first opportunity because we both wanted it so bad.
No, Bri, no. That's not what I meant.

You need to put some space between the two of you, and keep yourselves at a distance for some time. "Just hung out and talked," is missing the point. Though you've shouldered yourself with the responsibility for this, he's still going along for the ride. You say he's generally the one who stops things before they go too far, but he's still allowing them to progress to a certain point. That's not responsibility.

It isn't a sin to be around him, however, know that if you're trying to change him you could be treading on dangerous ground. Lots of people have had relationships or even married each other thinking they could change their partners. The results of this are generally a mixed bag.

I echo Roger's sentiments concerning seeking professional guidance. The worst thing you can do in this situation is excuse it till it ends anyway.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:23 pm

xblack_x_rosesx (post: 1307759) wrote:Ohraa. I guess BECAUSE I figure I'm sinning just by BEING with him, which I'd do regardless, I may as well have sex with him.
Yeah, I'm digging myself into a hole.

That may be so, but you can always rise out of it ^__^
[For the record, it's rarely his idea to have sex, and its always him who makes us stop before we go too far. He doesn't.. guilt me into anything, or force me into anything. It's entirely my decision, thats why I feel so effin terrible about it, because I willingly sin. Its not even me just... falling into the "heat of the moment passion and temptation". Most of our sex acts are premeditated in my mind, which makes it so much worse. I don't know how to stop... FRIG. I hate myself.]

No, don't hate yourself 8( Everyon makes mistakes ^__^ We just need learn from them and rise above them :)

Define "Too far", please ^^? You used the word "rarely". This means he sometimes does "initiates".. things. Does he see how much this hurts you? Even if it is you who's the one who starts everything.. He could be the one who resist and walks away (not walk away from the relastionship, but the situation at hand. I'm not saying it should be up to him. You should do this too.) >_>
This entire situation just keeps getting more confusing. I mean, originally I was all "hey, I have a problem- I like sex WAY too much. It's a sin. Sex should be to consummate two people who will spend the rest of their lives together- it shouldn't be something that a young woman should be doing on whim cos she feels like it. I need to stop." But of course cold turkey has never worked for me, the whole "gradual stop" thing DOES.
But now its like theres no point in me even trying anymore.
Whatever I do I'm screwed.
Yknow, unless I break up with him, which I would never do, I'm just not going to please anyone.

You should never stop trying, Bri ^__^ Not trying at all is just giving up u_u It doens't sound like you want to give up.. Or, do you?
..
I WANT TO BE A SLOTH.
A simple sloth.I WANT TO BE A SLOTH.
A simple sloth.

Heehee, I'm sure you'd make a cute sloth XDD
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Postby goldenspines » Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:35 pm

xblack_x_rosesx (post: 1307759) wrote:The whole him not being Christian thing (see above, taken from a website) is what is confusing me a lot TOO.
I mean, I've been told by a couple different people that just by BEING with Matt, in ANY physical sense, is a sin- BECAUSE he's not a born-again-Christian. I mean, Matt's not... NOT religious, yknow? He's just confused, and not sure what to believe. He was Christian at one point, but a lot of stuff in his life went really wrong really fast and he found it difficult to keep faith. He still believes in God, but like me, he's just confused about what makes a christian christian.
I'm TRYING to help him through it, but its really not... my gift, I guess :p

What was I getting at....
hmm...

Ohraa. I guess BECAUSE I figure I'm sinning just by BEING with him, which I'd do regardless, I may as well have sex with him.
Yeah, I'm digging myself into a hole.

[For the record, it's rarely his idea to have sex, and its always him who makes us stop before we go too far. He doesn't.. guilt me into anything, or force me into anything. It's entirely my decision, thats why I feel so effin terrible about it, because I willingly sin. Its not even me just... falling into the "heat of the moment passion and temptation". Most of our sex acts are premeditated in my mind, which makes it so much worse. I don't know how to stop... FRIG. I hate myself.]

This entire situation just keeps getting more confusing. I mean, originally I was all "hey, I have a problem- I like sex WAY too much. It's a sin. Sex should be to consummate two people who will spend the rest of their lives together- it shouldn't be something that a young woman should be doing on whim cos she feels like it. I need to stop." But of course cold turkey has never worked for me, the whole "gradual stop" thing DOES.
But now its like theres no point in me even trying anymore.
Whatever I do I'm screwed.
Yknow, unless I break up with him, which I would never do, I'm just not going to please anyone.

..
I WANT TO BE A SLOTH.
A simple sloth.


You seemed to have missed the main point in my last post. I encourage you to please read through it again.

Forget the sex issue for a second and think hard about this relationship in general. Being "yoked" and very emotionally attached with a non-believer or even someone who's "confused" and "not sure what to believe" can damage your relationship with God. And setting God on the backburner, as Chibi mentioned, can make it much easier for anyone to fall into a sinful lifestyle. That's what I was hinting at in my last post.

Okay, you sinned, you did stupid things; we all do. But it shouldn't be a thing that's "Oh, I already messed up my life anyways, it's no use trying to stop myself from sinning."

God can forgive you, no matter what you do, but only if you want Him to. He can't do anything if you refuse to let Him help you and instead just keep pushing Him away.
Quitting something cold turkey rarely works for anyone, but you have to take that first step, which can often be very hard.
Sin is like a black hole, once you get too close, it will suck you in and you'll never be about the get out yourself. Thankfully, God has the power and the infinite love for you to pull you out, only if you let Him, though.


Long story short, stop complaining about how horrible you think you are and instead accept God's love and forgiveness. Put Him above everything else in your life and let Him take control. That's the only way you'd be able to get out of this, Roses.

And while I'm here, I agree with Mr.Rogers advice as well.
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To xblack_x_rosesx & others:

Postby Reon » Tue Apr 28, 2009 2:10 pm

Here are two daily devotionals from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. I had been praying for quite awhile about something and I truly feel this was God's answer to me.


March 24
[SIZE="5"]Decreasing for His Purpose[/SIZE]
"He must increase, but I must decrease." Jn 3:30


If you become a necessity to someone else's life, you are out of God's will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a "friend of the bridegroom" (Jn 3:29). When you see a person who is close to grasping the claims of Jesus Christ, you know that your influence has been used in the right direction. And when you begin to see that person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don't try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten times stronger, until no power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ. Over and over again, we try to be amateur providences in someone's life. We are indeed amateurs, coming in and actually preventing God's will and saying, "This person should not have to experience this difficulty." Instead of being friends of the Bridgegroom, our sympathy gets in the way. One day that person will say to us, "You are a thief; you stole my desire to follow Jesus, and because of you I lost sight of Him."

Beware of rejoicing with someone over the wrong thing, but always look to rejoice over the right thing. "... the friend of the bridgegroom ... rejoices greatly because of the bridgegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease" (Jn 3:29-30). This was spoken with joy, not with sadness - at last they were to see the Bridegroom! And John said this was his joy. It represents a stepping aside, an absolute removal of the servant, never to be thought of again.

Listen intently with your entire being until you hear the Bridegroom's voice in the life of another person. And never give any thought to what devastation, difficulties, or sickness it will bring. Just rejoice with godly excitement that His voice has been heard. You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before he saves it (see Mt 10:34).

March 25
[SIZE="5"]Maintaining the Proper Relationship[/SIZE]
"... the friend of the bridegroom ..." Jn 3:29


Goodness and purity should never be traits that draw attention to themselves, but should simply be magnets that draw people to Jesus Christ. If my holiness is not drawing others to Him, it is not the right kind of holiness; it is only an influence which awakens undue emotions and evil desires in people and diverts them from heading in the right direction. A person who is a beautiful saint can be a hindrance in leading people to the Lord by presenting only what Christ has done for him, instead of presenting Jesus Christ Himself. Others will be left with this thought - "What a fine person that man is!" that is not being a true "friend of the bridegroom" - I am increasing all the time; He is not.

To maintain this friendship and faithfulness to the Bridegroom, we have to be more careful to have the moral and vital relationship to Him above everything else, including obedience. Sometimes there is nothing to obey and our only task is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, seeing that nothing interferes with it. Only occasionally is it a matter of obedience. At those times when a crisis arises, we have to find out what God's will is. Yet most of our life is not spent in trying to be consciously obedient, but in maintaining this relationship - being the "friend of the bridegroom." Christian work can actually be a means of diverting a person's focus away from Jesus Christ. Instead of being friends "of the bridegroom." we may become amateur providences of God to someone else, working against Him while we use His weapons.
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Postby chibiphonebooth » Tue Apr 28, 2009 7:36 pm

The whole him not being Christian thing (see above, taken from a website) is what is confusing me a lot TOO.
I mean, I've been told by a couple different people that just by BEING with Matt, in ANY physical sense, is a sin- BECAUSE he's not a born-again-Christian. I mean, Matt's not... NOT religious, yknow? He's just confused, and not sure what to believe. He was Christian at one point, but a lot of stuff in his life went really wrong really fast and he found it difficult to keep faith. He still believes in God, but like me, he's just confused about what makes a christian christian.
I'm TRYING to help him through it, but its really not... my gift, I guess :p

What was I getting at....
hmm...

Ohraa. I guess BECAUSE I figure I'm sinning just by BEING with him, which I'd do regardless, I may as well have sex with him.
Yeah, I'm digging myself into a hole.

[For the record, it's rarely his idea to have sex, and its always him who makes us stop before we go too far. He doesn't.. guilt me into anything, or force me into anything. It's entirely my decision, thats why I feel so effin terrible about it, because I willingly sin. Its not even me just... falling into the "heat of the moment passion and temptation". Most of our sex acts are premeditated in my mind, which makes it so much worse. I don't know how to stop... FRIG. I hate myself.]

This entire situation just keeps getting more confusing. I mean, originally I was all "hey, I have a problem- I like sex WAY too much. It's a sin. Sex should be to consummate two people who will spend the rest of their lives together- it shouldn't be something that a young woman should be doing on whim cos she feels like it. I need to stop." But of course cold turkey has never worked for me, the whole "gradual stop" thing DOES.
But now its like theres no point in me even trying anymore.
Whatever I do I'm screwed.
Yknow, unless I break up with him, which I would never do, I'm just not going to please anyone.


I'm going to be frank here. It's not about trying to please everyone here. Its about pleasing God. If it keeps up like this, you are going to have to choose between who you want to be your "god." Do you want to live for your relationship or do you want to live for God? If you choose Him, it might cause some strong sacrifice. but you do understand that God always wants things to be the best for you. At the time you might not think its the best idea, but in the end it is.

When i broke up with my boyfriend i seriously was like, auuhhhh my life is overrrr this suckssss i hate everrythtinnggg nothing is ever going to be better again! and now that i look back, i think to myself, "ahhh man i should have broken up with him sooner!"

now i don't know your boyfriend or the dynamics of your relationship. and i'm not asking you to break up right now... but taking a break i think really is your best option.

i think you understand how delicate and dangerous this ground you are treading on is. I just don't want to see you hurt or drastically effected by this in the future. :[

Ohraa. I guess BECAUSE I figure I'm sinning just by BEING with him, which I'd do regardless, I may as well have sex with him.


this is a kind of dangerous mentality to have with things. XD if you use this to validate choices, you can say the same thing about everything. "oh, if i'm sinning because i lied to someone, then i might as well go and steal this object or kill this person." (now of course, i'm just making it intense to prove a point.)

In the end, its not about the harsh rules the bible has set up or whatever, its about God wanting to provide the best life for you here. He doesn't want to see you hurt and stumble and cry. These rules are here for a reason, so we can grow and have a great life. :]

again, i'm not trying to attack/judge you, i'm just worried and i'm trying to help you out here. I know you are confused, so i'm just trying to offer advice.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:34 pm

This may be a another stupid question, but do you think what you're doing is bad because you truly makes you feel bad? Or, do you think what you're doing is bad because others say it is o.o?

There is a difference.
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Postby ADXC » Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:36 pm

@ blackroses- Here's a picture that may help you determine what is right in a relationship. You may have seen this before, but if not, here it is.

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This may not be what the picture is for, but I have seen this in my youth group.


The groom on the bottom is your future husband and the bride there is you.
You see as the lines get closer to God(His will for your life.), you both get closer to each other.
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Postby Reon » Wed Apr 29, 2009 2:47 am

Chibi - I agree with your responses, but more than that: I can relate.

I've read all of black roses last few posts and the majority of responses (I'm not flirting when I type this, Black Roses you are beautiful - I just hope you can see that without a guy telling you it). In my two responses above I included two clips from devotionals and one 1hr sermon on dating (both which highly impacted my life - the first time I listened to the CD I set an hour of my time aside so I'd have zero distractions).

I think to better help someone I should actually give examples of my life. You don't need the full story so I'm going to keep it as short as possible without editing it.

Around age sixteen started hanging around with a girl from math class. She had met me right around the same time I decided that I wanted to make some key decisions in life before I become an adult (18). So I made it a point while her and I hung out that I wasn't looking to date until I had some key points figured out in my life (it took six months). I had begun thinking there are only two things I'd be willing to go all out for - "religion" or "relationship" (I feel completely different now and realize religion is so much more of a relationship then I could have ever imagined). I felt like I was luke-warm with God and really although knowing he existed, didn't feel like I needed him. Start dating the girl finally and put everything into the relationship. Two years down the line I had dropped so many goals, priorities, important things to me that I was no longer the same person, only comfortable in my numbness. The goal I had to stay a virgin till I was married and had worked so hard amongst many challenges was lost (thanks to me making bad decisions and thinking her morals might even go up because of mine). Dreams and aspirations began to fade away, she didn't truly appreciate my creative side and I began to shove that away as well to have a "good" (lol - laughable) relationship. THANK GOD!!! Our stresses from school finally got into the relationship and a serious break happened (exactly one month after I asked her and I what our priorities were -mine were so worse off than hers and had completely changed over the two years). It hurt a lot not having someone your so used to, someone you feel comfortable with, numbs your other pains in life. In 4-6 months I was able to slowly start to get my old goals and dreams/aspirations back on track and thanks to God really heal. It wasn't until one day I truly understood the need for God that I was able to cut off connections from her. Its a much larger story but I can honestly say looking back I wish It would have ended earlier, even though I thoroughly enjoyed those two years... I could have saved myself so much pain and had a much better relationship had it been built on God. Don't kid yourself and think for a second that your ways better than Gods. As Oswald Chambers said in one of his devotionals, everytime you fall back in faith is when you think your way is better than God's way.

I took the time typing this short tidbit hoping to reach someones mind so that they can see a glimmer of what God has shown me. God bless.

Sincerely Reon.
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Postby Radical Dreamer » Sat May 02, 2009 3:21 pm

I don't normally post prayer requests on CAA, but this is a situation that could really use a lot of prayer:

A lot of you here at CAA know about my uncles, and particularly, my uncle whose partner is a transvestite. Well, I just found out yesterday that this uncle is in some serious trouble with the law right now for having CP in his possession. It's very likely that he'll end up in jail soon. Naturally, this is a situation that needs prayer on every level, but honestly I'd like to focus your attention to the next part of this request.

We all know that God works all things to the good of those who love Him, and I am absolutely in awe at what He is doing in this situation. There has been so much repentance and forgiveness in my family (something that there hasn't been much of at all since my other uncle announced he was gay over 20-30 years ago) in the last week, all because of this situation. I wish I could tell the whole story here (it would be like a novel, I'm pretty sure XD), but my uncle is being drawn closer and closer to Jesus through this whole scenario, and has repented and found true grace and mercy at the foot of the cross, where all sins are equal. He's reconciled himself to other members of my family and my grandparents, and there has seriously been so much healing in this. It's amazing--my jaw literally dropped (in a good way XD) when my mom told me all of this yesterday. XD

So while I would like to ask that all of you pray that he finds favor with the law, I'd really like to ask that you guys pray for his partner, that she might find Christ in this, not to mention my other uncle and his partner, that this might affect him positively in some way. Essentially though, praise God for being bigger than every problem my family has ever had; seeing Him work like this is seriously so mind-blowingly incredible!
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Sat May 02, 2009 3:47 pm

*Hugs* I'm glad everything worked out with your uncle ^^

I"ll pray for the others that things will all work out for them as well ^__^

(Keep us updated?)
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Postby LadyRushia » Sat May 02, 2009 3:49 pm

Corrie, that is fantastic news. Praise God indeed!
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Postby goldenspines » Sat May 02, 2009 5:33 pm

Wow, that is amazing, Corrie. Praise God indeed. He works in such awesome ways!
I'll keep your uncle in my prayers as well as his partner.
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Postby Reon » Sat May 02, 2009 5:42 pm

NekoChan_C (post: 1306598) wrote:Please pray for my family… please…
Definitely will pray for you Neko and will keep an open eye out when I'm reading by Bible for encouragement / wisdom for you. At the same time I challenge you the next time in the midst of a painful moment to just start praising God, telling him you know hes in control and always there for you even if you don't feel or see it. God bless Jessica <3 Stay strong.

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Postby NekoChan_C » Thu May 07, 2009 2:41 pm

Okay, guys... here's the deal: pray for me, please… I have recently found out that I have serious codependent issues… I start recovery group tonight at Celebrate Recovery… this is gonna be tough, but I feel like God has led me to this place so that I can begin to root out and surrender some deep-seeded issues in my life and heart. Thank you all for your help and prayers!

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Postby Reon » Thu May 07, 2009 2:55 pm

Neko great job at taking a step forward in your life! The fact your feeling God has led you to this pace is a great feeling isn't it? Remember where your at and why your there and push through!
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Postby shooraijin » Thu May 07, 2009 4:44 pm

NekoChan_C (post: 1309969) wrote:Okay, guys... here's the deal: pray for me, please… I have recently found out that I have serious codependent issues… I start recovery group tonight at Celebrate Recovery… this is gonna be tough, but I feel like God has led me to this place so that I can begin to root out and surrender some deep-seeded issues in my life and heart. Thank you all for your help and prayers!

~Neko


I'm really glad to hear that. Good job in recognizing the problems and starting to work them through. Well done.
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Postby NekoChan_C » Sat May 09, 2009 4:06 pm

so... CR is the best thing I have ever done. I truly felt like I was accepted and it has already helped me to begin identifying some issues that I have been in denial about for literally decades. The only downside is that as I heal, it will separate Ichi and I, since he's still deeeeeeeeep in denial about his own sins. Please pray that God softens his heart and pulls back the veil from his eyes.
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Postby ShiroiHikari » Sat May 09, 2009 4:14 pm

I'm glad to see your situation making some progress.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Sat May 09, 2009 10:04 pm

I'm glad things are starting to look up for you, Jessica ^^

I'll be praying that Ichi comes around as well :)

Just rememeber, what is meant to happen will happen :hug:
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Postby Reon » Sat May 09, 2009 11:06 pm

NekoChan_C (post: 1310430) wrote:so... CR is the best thing I have ever done. I truly felt like I was accepted and it has already helped me to begin identifying some issues that I have been in denial about for literally decades. The only downside is that as I heal, it will separate Ichi and I, since he's still deeeeeeeeep in denial about his own sins. Please pray that God softens his heart and pulls back the veil from his eyes.


Now this might not be necessarily true, but in the past few months it seems to be a common occurrence in stories I hear. I CONSTANTLY hear Christian couples (dating, age 16-22 etc) say God's working on them - a lot of the time it is an issue where they should have said "me". Most these couples say there not dependent on one another but that seems to be far from the truth in the way they act (after being in a two year relationship where my goals and even morals changed because of dependency I've gotten a glimpse of what it looks like). Onto the example that might not be necessarily true but atm until I learn other wise will be my advice. Sometimes God needs to separate a couple and work on them individually. I know one Christian couple who are now engaged, had been sexually active. The guy early on the relationship said he heard from God saying this women is going to be your wife. They ended up breaking communication COMPLETELY for three years, no phone calls, no texts. Now there engaged (obviously as stated before) and are great Christian examples in my life with hearts on fire for God. I don't like being single in the fact you don't always have someone there (when in fact God is ALWAYS there even when you think he doesn't even exist because you don't "feel" a presence). Sometimes God has to tear a life completely apart before he can rebuild it (break ups etc). If a tower doesn't have a solid foundation, repairs won't cut it. You have to tear it down and give it a STRONG foundation. In a relationship or in your life, that foundation is GOD. Feel free to comment on this advice (CAA Community) as I'm very much interested in feedback not to argue but to see other points (1 Cor 8:2-3). I sincerely (HIGHLY) suggest anyone whos looking to further understand dating and marriage to listen to this 1 hour sermon. You might have to register and if you seriously want to take this to heart, put an hour aside with NO DISTRACTIONS. Open your ears and pray God shows you what he wants to show you.

http://www.imeem.com/behindblueeyess/music/mP3_3MqL/dating-mr-mrs-right/

God's plans aren't to harm us . . . "Every time we fall back in faith is when we think our ways better than God's way" (Oswald Chambers paraphrased). JEREMIAH 29:11-13
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Postby shooraijin » Sun May 10, 2009 7:15 pm

NekoChan_C (post: 1310430) wrote:so... CR is the best thing I have ever done. I truly felt like I was accepted and it has already helped me to begin identifying some issues that I have been in denial about for literally decades. The only downside is that as I heal, it will separate Ichi and I, since he's still deeeeeeeeep in denial about his own sins. Please pray that God softens his heart and pulls back the veil from his eyes.


I hope that happens, but if it doesn't, you still have to be willing to walk your own path regardless of whether he comes along or not (notice I didn't say follow: he, also, needs to repair his own issues for their own sake, not simply to keep a relationship).
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