Prelude to Rise of the Protector

[creed4]

This is the start of my novel, I decide to post it, because I really need feed back, so tell me if you like it, what you like about it, and if you want to see the rest.
RISE OF THE PROTECTOR
PRELUDE
It was quiet and peaceful. The night's sky sparkled in the dark. The wind blew across the field, as the owl hooted in the trees. A large castle stood on the hill. It was full of soldiers who were training for battle, yet none would venture out for the evil war lord was planing for a war.
A soft melody came from the gentleness of the night. The soldiers stopped and listen. Then when the melody hit a powerful cord, two bolts of lightning struck hitting the ground at the same place. The soldiers panicked as a blue ball appeared from the spot where the lightning struck and collided with the castle.
BOOM!!!!! was the sound heard throughout the land as the castle of the evil warlord fell. Wood, steel, stone, and glass went everywhere, the soldiers, ran in confusion, "Why is this happening, why did he attack?" went through their minds.
When the dust had cleared, and the soldiers had fled, A lone tower was left standing with a Human figure on top it. Then the blue ball came to a stop at the base of the tower and turned into a man covered in blue armor. As he stood there flashes of static waves shot from his hands to his feet, from his chin to his chest, they flashed all over his body. Without warning rockets fired out of his back thrusting him to the top of the tower. Then just as suddenly as they turned on, they cut off, and he steeped forward.
"Where is she, Quterlateral?" he yelled with a voice so deep it would turn the hair of the strongest man, white. But Quterlateral didn't even flinch.
"Who?" Quterlateral screamed back with extreme force.
"John's niece," he replied.
"Oh her, she's not here, do you think I would be dumb enough leave her here?" replied Quterlateral
"Of course not, but I knew that you would be here. Now where is she?"
"I'm not telling, ha ha ha ha ... mmm .... I know what I'm going to do. "
"If you hurt her I'll ...," replied the strange man.
"You'll what, kill me, yeah... right, you've never killed anyone. In fact, I've seen you go to help anyone who's life was in danger, even your own enemy. You are so stupid."
"You kill with no mercy, destroy people, planet anything in your way, ...."
"Yes, and now, I have the power to destroy the biggest thorn in my side, "snared Quterlateral
Quterlateral pulled out a strange weapon that resembled a gun. At the sight of it the blue man pulled back slapping his arm.
"Noooooooooo!!!! , you don't know what it will do ." replied the blue man.
"I know it will kill you , HA ,and here's the irony , the girl you're sworn to protect will be my wife ."
" No I won't let you " He jumped at Quterlateral ,and he fired at the blue man. He fell convoluted in pain .
"Now, Sparrowing, with your death ,so dies the hope of the Resistance."
Sparrowing mustered all his strength and said "No Their hope won't die with me ,because it's not in me, it's in someone stronger." He let out a bloodcurdling scream then disappeared in a flash of light.
"Now nothing will stop me from ruling the universe." ,sneered Quterlateral.

[~darkelfgirl~]

Interesting.
Hehe, I like that part when Quterlateral says "the girl you're sworn to protect will be my wife." It's like a sudden "slap-in-the-face-sish" moment.
I like it--especially how it starts in the scene of a conflict. The blue man's an interesting character ^^

[Radical Dreamer]

I can't say much about the plot since you haven't revealed much of it, but I can suggest a few things.

Remember that your tenses need to agree. That is, if the soldiers "stopped", they need to listen in the past tense, too.

BOOM!!!!! was the sound heard throughout the land as the castle of the evil warlord fell.

That's probably not the best way to describe the sound. I'd suggest something more like, "A thunderous roar was heard crashing throughout the land as the castle of the evil warlord fell." Just a suggestion. Also, you don't need more than two exclamation points, for future reference.

Wood, steel, stone, and glass went everywhere, the soldiers, ran in confusion, "Why is this happening, why did he attack?" went through their minds.

Maaassive overuse of commas. Additionally, you don't need a comma after "soldiers" in that sentence. An example of another way to word this sentence, courtesy of Fish and Chips:

"There was a splintering crash through the glass window; sparks of steel ignited the broken wood. And there was mayhem. Soldiers rushed in a state of madness. What is this? Could they be attacking so soon? Troubled thoughts poisoned the minds of the garison."

Think of colorful ways to describe the events of your story.

When the dust had cleared, and the soldiers had fled, A lone tower was left standing with a Human figure on top

Careful of your capitalization; "A" should be "a", "Human" should be "human".

As far as the dialogue goes, I would definitely consider reworking it. It sounds fairly awkward. Additionally, try to stay away from any long "Noooooo" exclamations.

I couldn't critique all of it, but I hope this helps a little!