-Lights-

[Felix]

Alrighty, guys. This is my latest writing attempt. Here's hoping I can stick this one out 'till the end. This is the story that my RP "The Lantern Chronicles" is based off of, so I'm sure you will find some distinct similarites if you're in that RP or are have read bits of it.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy my latest work, Lights.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-




There is light, and there is darkness.
Mostly, there is darkness.

*~Chapter One~*
.darkness.

I woke up feeling sore. My eyes flicked open and required several long moments to adjust to the darkness. I could shortly see that my surroundings were remarkably dull and featureless. Rough grey stone made up the ceiling and the walls and floor. That was it.

I caught a tiny glow in my peripheral vision and turned to find a small torch burning listlessly in a brazier on the wall. It was all but extinguished, and as the granite walls stretched past its shallow reach, they quickly faded once more into shadow. I peered anxiously into the gloomy tunnel that lay beyond, and pondered my circumstances. What a queer place to wake up.

It was then that an uncomfortable realization made itself quite clear to me: I was naked. My face flushed with embarrassment before I realized that no one else was around to see me. Still, it wasn’t exactly warm in this dark and foreboding place. I shivered against a sudden chill that found its way into my marrow.

I decided then that my only option would be to press on and explore the murky depths looming before me. I crept closer into the meager warmth of the little torch and reached up to claim it as my own. Unfortunately, as the lamentable thing met my grasp, it toppled from its holder and dropped like a rock. My only light source quickly perished at the hands of the cold and cruel floor. Lifeless coals were scattered past my feet and I was plunged into deep obscurity.

Left now with little choice, I fumbled my way along the wall and deeper into the ominous cavern. A stretch of time passed in which my mind began to lose focus. The fact that I was freezing was all that kept my awareness intact.

Suddenly, my fingers brushed against something cold and slimy. I shrieked and leapt away from the wall, stumbled and crashed instead into the opposite wall where I lay still, breathing heavily in my distress. Finally, I gathered my wits and moved on. Squinting through the darkness, I could spot a distant luminance that flickered invitingly from around the corner.

Instantly I was coaxed toward it. I inched forward, but paused before I reached the bend. There could be anyone or anything at the source of that light, and he or it might not be friendly. On top of that, I was still nude. As it was, I had no other options, so I coaxed my heart back up into my chest and decided to risk a peek.

I poked my head around the corner and found myself smiling. A small lantern was lying on its side in the middle of the floor, shimmering agreeably with a pale green light. It was, of course, a strange color for a lantern to be burning, but I found it to be quite comfortable and pleasing.

I stepped around the turn so I could get a closer look, but with a start I realized my mistake and recoiled swiftly. It could still be dangerous, maybe even a trap. I might have been duped into thinking it was safe, then lured out and… snap! Lights out.

I glanced about me (there was not much to see) and settled down so I could keep an eye on the anonymous green lantern. Hidden comfortably in a patch of darkness, I watched it uneventfully until I was sure that whoever might have dropped it wasn’t going to be coming back. I slunk carefully towards it, still wary of a trap, and snatched it up in my left hand. I winced and turned my face away, half-certain that it would attack me.

It did not attack me, however. Rather, it was releasing a fabulous warmth that seeped through my skin and began to thaw my innards. I held it close to my body and sat still, listening for the sounds of anything approaching. After convincing myself that I was safe, I held the lantern up in front of my eyes and examined it.

The light was very strange indeed. It was considerably luminous, yet easy to stare directly at. It was unlike fire, but more like a brilliant orb of kaleidoscopic color. Many shades of green and aqua and white twisted and swirled amongst themselves, blending into a beautiful light green blaze.

The torch itself was simple. It was square and was crafted from a type of strong dark wood. At the top it came to a point where it was attached to a bronzy metal ring. The sides were made of thick glass, and one side had a latch and hinges, enabling it to be opened.

I smiled as I watched the light dance about behind the glass. I wanted to stare at it forever, but I knew that I couldn’t stay here, so I gripped the metal ring tightly in my hand and moved on. With the lantern’s help, I soon saw what it was I had touched earlier Here and there, long black slugs squirmed across the floor and ceiling and walls, oozing trails of gooey sludge. They shrunk away from my light as it touched them, seeming to be afraid of it. I clapped my hand to my mouth and felt my stomach twist. It was lucky that I hadn’t had a worse encounter with these creatures prior to finding the lantern. Imagine if I had stepped on one.

I slowly navigated further down the tunnel, mindfully picking my way around the unpleasant slugs. I began to feel very disheartened, however, as it seemed that this passageway would never end. Was I the only person in this creepy place? Would I be cursed to wander these caves forever?

The rumbling of my stomach reminded me that I would starve to death before that could happen. A very horrid thought suddenly ran through my head as I watched a particularly large and repulsive slug squish its way across my path. Would I be forced to eat these? Driven mad by hunger, would I even consider consuming on of these disgusting creatures? The idea made me sick, so I pushed it out of my head as I quickly bypassed the slug.

After a bit, I noticed that it was growing lighter in my tunnel. I could now see beyond the reach of my lantern’s glow, and it was heartening. My worries further evaporated as I saw that the black slugs were becoming fewer, and soon nonexistent. I rounded a final bend and could make out the end of the tunnel up ahead, where it got much brighter. I ran forward, feeling hopeful.

(continued below)

[SorasOathkeeper]

Awesome man! Can't wait to read more.

[Felix]

Thanks! ^_^ *takes cafcow and sips it happily*

Okay, here's the rest of chapter 1, and some of chapter 2. Hope you like it!



-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

(continued from Chapter 1)

I clambered out of my tunnel and found myself in a fairly large cavern that was lit by various torches scattered all around the outside. These were burning brightly and seemed to be well-tended.

I took to examining my new surroundings, and found that they were as amazingly drab as my previous ones. The only notable feature in the room was a large column of stone that rested quietly in the center. It was thin at the middle, and grew thicker toward the top and bottom, like a stalactite and stalagmite that had grown together. Thankfully, there were no slugs creeping along the walls. I attested this to the fact that the room was illuminated well. The creatures seemed to dislike any form of light.

I also noticed that there were several other dark tunnel mouths that led into – or out of – this chamber. That, coupled with the fact that the room clearly showed signs of some kind of recent human presence was enough to persuade me that this place was significant.

Whatever my expectations might have been, I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. A horribly creepy man suddenly appeared from within one of the tunnels on the opposite side of the cavern. He was thin and boney, and his skin was a sickly grey color. He was bald, save for a tuft of wispy white hair growing out of the top of his head, and he had long dirty fingernails and terrible yellow teeth. He was wearing a ragged cloth around his waist that barely covered his loins. Worst of all, he had no eyes. In place of them were deep black sunken pits that seemed to travel right through his head.

As he stepped into the light, he turned his head in my direction and clacked his teeth together in a sort of steely grin. My face blazed red and I screamed at the top of my lungs while trying to cover myself with my arms. It was a strange mixture of abashment and fright. The man padded toward me on silent feet, completely unaffected. I cowered where I was and heard my scream come bouncing back to me from the far wall.

The man spoke. His voice was low and somewhat hoarse, but just hearing him use English words was enough to bring a certain level of humanity to him. I felt my fear ebb ever so slightly.

“Now, now,â€

[~darkelfgirl~]

Nice story--very mysterious. At first I was confused on how Moth can get

around the tunnels without sight but then realized that he probably lived there

for a long time I guess .

You say this is an RP? I gotta check that out soon

[Esoteric]

Heh, Moth doesn't come across to me as blind at all, he may not have physical eyes, but somehow, I know he can still see....either that or he knows way more than he's letting on.
I like your writing very much. It's nicely, fluid, easy to understand and follow. An interesting start...it certainly has me curious.

[Felix]

Thank you both for your kind feedback. ^^ You're right, Moth doesn't seem to be blind at all. Very mysterious....

Anyway, I'm sorry about this, but I revised the first part of chapter 2 that I posted above. I hate making people re-read stuff, but I advise you to read that part before you continue.

As it stands, here's the rest of chapter 2, continued from above:


-=-

We traveled in and out of at least a dozen different tunnels and chambers that all crisscrossed and doubled back on each other and I was feeling hopelessly disorientated within minutes. Moth strode ahead confidently, however. He seemed to be perfectly capable of navigating these tunnels, even without his eyesight.

I gave up trying to figure out our current course and instead took a closer look at the two odd people I had found myself with. The boy was moving with an unusual stiffness in his step, as if he had never learned how to walk quite properly, or was out of practice. He was shorter than me, and his shirt nearly swallowed up his petite body. It looked sort of like he was wearing a wedding dress intended for an overweight girl. I chuckled at this.

Moth, on the other hand, was long and gangly. He walked slightly bent over with his back hunched, so that he appeared shorter than he actually was. Blue veins spider webbed along his arms and legs; two thick ones stood out on either side of his neck. His skin was thin, mottled and grey. If he flattened himself against the surrounding stone, he would have been nearly invisible.

I tried to determine if Moth was carrying any sort of lantern like mine. If he owned one, he must not have had it with him.

Silence reigned as we progressed through tunnels and halls. Every so often I spotted a black slug lurking near the fringe of the torchlight. They didn’t seem so frightening to me anymore.

I had to jog for a moment to catch up with Moth’s lanky stride. I came alongside him and was just about to ask if we were almost to our destination when he halted abruptly. We were in a small chamber with two exits. One disappeared to the left and the other traveled to the right. We had been heading for the western tunnel when Moth had stopped just in front of it. A wispy trail of light pink smoke was snaking from the tunnel’s mouth.

Moth took a step backwards, and I looked up uncertainly at him. With a start I noticed that a small amount of fear was etched in his face. I had never imagined that Moth could show fear. Whatever it was that could scare him could not possibly be good.

Moth seemed to collect himself again. He spun around and strode for the tunnel on the other side of the room. “Er, this way.â€

[Felix]

EDIT: Didn't mean to post, but I'll just reserve this spot for chapter 3.

[Photosoph]

I like this. The start was good, but it was definitely at Chapter Two that the story began to pick up. Like Eso, Moth doesn't seem blind to me... even if he just knows his way around so well, it still seems like he can actually see...
As for the silent boy, for some reason he strikes me as the blind one. Perhaps because of his silence, your description of his movement and his bland expression. Maybe also because of his un-illuminated lamp.

Just want to say that in the fourth paragraph of the second part of Chapter 2, you wrote that 'I tried to determine if Moth was carrying any sort of lantern like mine. If he owned one, he must not have had it with him.' However, beforehand you had that scene where Moth deftly caught one of the lanterns on the wall near that first cave-room he'd led the main character too. ...Had he lost the lamp since then, or perhaps passed it onto the silent boy?

Very good; I really enjoy your writing and this story really intrigues me. Often you come up with really amazing, exciting ideas, as with all the RPs you've started. ^^ I enjoy them immensely.

[Felix]

Ah, thank you so much! I was really excited to see that I had gotten feedback from you. ^_^
Moth is indeed supposed to come across as being able to see... but I assure you that he cannot. Perhaps he just used his ears, or even his nose to navigate? Certainly, he uses his brain, too. He's memorized pretty much all of Subterrum by heart.

Anyway, that part you mentioned in Chapter 2... it was actually a torch he had taken from the wall, not a lantern. There are torches everywhere in Subterrum (and some street lamps) but the only real "lanterns" there are belong to the citizens. Everyone has one (this will be explained more in due time)

I may have accidentally written lantern instead of torch. It sounds like something I would do ^^; I'll check it and fix it if I need to.

Anyway, thank you so much again! And I'm sorry, because I know I submit a lot of ideas here, but I don't often get very far with them. I will try to keep this one going. ^^;

[Esoteric]

Moth's uncanny skills remind me a little of Zaitoichi, the blind swordsman in so many old Japanese movies. And it's not so much his ability to navigate the tunnels that casts doubt on his vision, but primarily his interactions with the main character.
[quote]
The man spoke. His voice was low and somewhat hoarse, but just hearing him use English words was enough to bring a certain level of humanity to him. I felt my fear ebb ever so slightly.

“Now, now,â€

[Felix]

Hmm, that's a good point. I hadn't fully considered the ways Moth would have to respond, being blind.
Some things are easily explained, though. He knew that she was naked because all of the "newborns" are naked. (That's part of why it's Moth's job to fetch them. It saves them embarassment, since he can't see)
As to how he knew that she stood up straight, let's just say that perhaps he has a bit of a 6th sense.

I actually have considered the night/day cycle thing carefully, and I assure you that there is a good explanation for it.
Though the differences between night and day are for more minor than they would be on a surface world, there is a way for light from the surface of this world to get down to the underground, which makes it lighter during the day, and so they don't need to use torches.
Torches are really only used at night, since without them it is nearly pitch dark in the caves.

I'll get around to explaining these things more as the story progresses. I want to keep it somewhat mysterious, and reveal things as I go along.

I'm very glad you're enjoying it! I'm struggling with some descriptions in chapter 3, but I should be able to get it up soon.

(Also, on a side note. I just noticed that you have a wonderful site with fiction and art. I hadn't checked it out before, but it looks fabulous, and I look forward to seeing what you have there ^^)

[Photosoph]

Hey, no prob -it's cool to read your ideas. And yup, it's good to hear you'll try to stick with this one. But don't worry; I've got quite a few stories that just lie around unfinished on my computer... ^^"

[Esoteric]

I'll get around to explaining these things more as the story progresses. I want to keep it somewhat mysterious, and reveal things as I go along.

Fair enough. And yes, the role of Moth is becoming more apparent as the story progresses, so your story telling is certainly working. As to the whole 'blind reactions' thing, it's really not a big deal. When I critique, I simply like to let people in on my 'thought reactions' so that hopefully they can get a better feel for potential reader reactions.

(Also, on a side note. I just noticed that you have a wonderful site with fiction and art. I hadn't checked it out before, but it looks fabulous, and I look forward to seeing what you have there ^^)

Ah, well it's a small site right now. I wish its content could grow faster than the current rate of two drawings a month, and a new story about every six, but that's still progress. I'm glad you like the look of it though! ^_^

[Felix]

Fair enough. And yes, the role of Moth is becoming more apparent as the story progresses, so your story telling is certainly working. As to the whole 'blind reactions' thing, it's really not a big deal. When I critique, I simply like to let people in on my 'thought reactions' so that hopefully they can get a better feel for potential reader reactions.

Oh, certainly. I understand. It does really help to get your thought reactions, because I can't always predict how people will think when reading my story, so if I can get input about it, then I can make the necessary tweaks to help improve the story. Thanks ^^

Ah, well it's a small site right now. I wish its content could grow faster than the current rate of two drawings a month, and a new story about every six, but that's still progress. I'm glad you like the look of it though! ^_^

I do! And hey, two drawings a month and a story every six isn't so bad at all! I mean, at least you're sticking with it and not falling behind. It's much better than I can do.

[Felix]

Here's the first part of chapter 3 (not the whole thing. Maybe about half of it. I'm not finished yet)

I struggled quite a bit with my descriptions in this part, for some odd reason, so I would appreciate it if you would tell me if some parts of it are hard to visualize or seem awkward. Thanks ^^;

Hope you like it!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

~Chapter Three~
.the arbiter.

The passageway swallowed me in darkness as I entered. I could faintly hear Moth’s footfalls ahead of me, but I couldn’t see him. I lifted my lantern high, but it did little to clear the inky air. Sensing the boy enter the tunnel behind me, I turned and identified his small dark form silhouetted against the towering entryway. With a low rumble, the gates came to life and slid slowly together. The light narrowed until it was just a tiny slit, and then it shut out completely with a soft bang and all I could see was the faint glow of my lantern where I clutched it beside me.

I remembered that the boy had no working lantern, so I waited until he had caught up with me, and we both went on together by the light of mine. The walls here were straight and smooth, carved from the same midnight colored stone as the gate. The air was unbearably thick and sultry; it stifled my breath.

I barely spotted the dead end in time to avoid walking straight into it. A nearly invisible black wall rose before us like a murky sentinel. At a loss, I stood still and stared dumbly up at it. Where had Moth gone? How were we supposed to continue?

Something on the wall gleamed in the lamplight and caught my intention. I leaned closer with my lantern and examined it. It was a brass knocker, shaped like the skull of a horned animal, and with a metal ring in its mouth. This was another gate. I glanced at my companion, eyebrows raised.

“Should we knock?” I whispered.

He tilted his head in a nod.

I gripped the ring in my sweaty fist and tapped it against the gate. The chink of metal on stone echoed down the hall, but nothing else happened. The dead end remained as dead as ever. I turned away and raked my fingers through my hair. “What do we do now?” I asked the darkness.

As if to answer my question, the boy whisked past me and crouched down next to the gate. His eyes held a determined look that I had never seen in them before. He felt along the midnight colored rock until his fingers located a deep square-like groove in the middle. He lifted his lantern to his face and traced his finger around the outside of it. He looked back down at the hole, then promptly shoved the lantern into it. It fit perfectly, and a loud click could be heard from inside the stone.

The boy straightened and looked expectantly at me.

Was that it? Was that the trick? It seemed so simple. Feeling sheepish, I stepped forward and tried the knocker again. Immediately, the ground growled with a sound like distant thunder and the gate grunted to life. It split down the center and the two halves trundled sideways and disappeared into their respective walls. The boy’s lantern dropped to the ground with a clunk.

I had to squint and turn my face from the brightness and heat that swept over me. It felt like I had stepped into a furnace. I let my watering eyes adjust and warily peered through the doorway.

What I saw was both majestic and frightening. The huge room was shaped like an upside-down funnel, or the inside of a hollowed out volcano. The path in front of me turned into a narrow bridge which snaked dangerously out over a rolling lake of lava. The searing magma below leapt and tore at the spindly legs supporting the fragile catwalk. It stretched across the lake to the other wall where it wound around in a spiral, climbing higher and higher until it connected with a wide circular platform that was held up by a spider web of short stone beams. A dark shape was huddled against the underside of the platform.

To my relief, I spotted Moth standing at the edge of the rock with his hands clasped behind his back. He appeared to be staring down at the hungry lava that was licking the wall beneath him.

He turned his sightless face towards us as we entered, “Ah, you made it. Sorry for the little test…” He gestured with his hands towards the narrow trail, “Shall we?”

I blinked several times and licked my lips. “What?” I croaked through my dry throat.

Moth ignored me. He turned and started across the treacherous pathway. I crept nervously toward the edge and looked down at the lava lake. Thick curls of steam rose up and wrapped around my legs. I was sweating profusely now, and was far less fond of my thick warm shirt.

I attempted to send the boy a confident look, but it must have come across as a fearful one because he lifted his eyebrows slightly and said, “Don’t worry.”

Ashamed, I steeled myself. If he could be brave, so could I. I gulped and stepped out onto the catwalk, trying not to look down at the bubbling magma. I focused on placing one foot in front of the other, and before I knew it I had made it safely to the other side of the chamber. The trail bent sharply to the left and climbed steeply, hugging the wall.

My back to the cool stone, I sidled upward. The path began to widen, and I relaxed a bit. Now that I was in contact with something stationary, I felt relatively safe. I edged away from the wall (but kept a hand on it) and climbed a little quicker, hoping to catch up with Moth. I glanced over my shoulder to see if the boy was still behind me when-

“Yah!” I yelped and jerked away from the wall, nursing my hand. Something had burned me, but I didn’t get the chance to see what it was.

When I jumped back out of reflex, I also lost my footing, and the next thing I knew I was teetering over the edge of the trail, staring wide-eyed at the blazing lake far below. I uselessly flailed my arms to try to regain my balance, but I was too far gone.

I heard myself scream as I toppled from the ledge. My side struck hard against the stone and then I was falling. Through my panicked and cloudy senses I saw something large and dark appear above me, and I heard the heavy beating of wings. Before I knew what was happening, I was grabbed roughly by the shoulders and my plummet came to an abrupt halt. I looked up in shock to see that it was two large claws that had caught me. Attached to them were thick sinewy legs, and beyond them was a huge winged shape that I couldn’t make out.

With a whoosh of wind, I was hoisted upwards. The cavern passed by me in a blur, and then we were above the stone platform and the network of beams. The claws released me and I dropped to the rock and stumbled onto my knees. I had a nasty bruise on my side where I had struck the ledge, but other than that I was fine. Stunned that I was alive, I spun around to get a better look at my savior.

What I saw hardly seemed like a savior. At first glance it appeared to be a huge brown bat, but then I noticed that it was much more than that. Its head was like a dragon’s, with great yellow-green eyes. It was leathery with a long snout and had a row of fierce curved horns on either side. The horns crept down the back of the head and all along the neck, which was long and thick and coated in scales. It had massive bony wings which were covered in dark brown skin, and it had two skinny clawed arms beneath the wings.

Its midsection was a fright. It had no skin or hide, only bones. Its skeleton was half hidden beneath a long black cloak - the only clothing the creature was wearing. Behind its thick rib bones, I thought I could see a faintly glowing purple light.

Its legs I was already familiar with. They were large and muscular, each one nearly twice my height. They bent backwards at the knees and ended in long curved claws that looked like a bird’s talons. The whole thing was about fifteen feet tall, but its wings were far wider.

The beast soared up to the pinnacle of the room and after a moment of awkward flapping, sunk its claws into the ceiling and let itself hang upside down from the rock. It wrapped its wings protectively around its chest, and I found myself thinking once again that it looked very much like a bat.

The chamber was narrow up here, the 30-foot platform I was on taking up most of the width of it. Dozens of squat stone beams connected the platform to the surrounding walls except for where the end of the path came up from below. The conical ceiling was about 50 or so feet above me. The air was also quite a bit cooler and draftier up here. It made my sweat feel cold against my skin.

At that moment Moth came running up the trail and vaulted over the edge of the platform. For the first time that I had ever seen, he looked totally clueless. The boy appeared behind him a few seconds later, worry written on his face. He came over beside me and to my satisfaction I noticed that he was watching the creature with a look of fear.

“A-arbiter! What- what happened?” Moth stammered, flustered.

The creature, which must have been the Arbiter, twisted its neck and stared at Moth through slit eyes.

“You!” It spat in a strangely accented voice, “You left a fledgling unattended. Not for the first time, either. Is your duty not to watch over and guide the new ones?”

Moth shuffled his feet like a naughty child caught in the act. “It is. But, I thought that it would be good for them-“

“Life is too valuable for you to think,” the Arbiter cut in with a hiss. “You know as well as I the fragile state that we are in.

Moth composed himself and bowed his head, “Indeed, I do.”

The Arbiter must be an influential being, I thought. I had never seen Moth so humbled.

(Continued below)

[Esoteric]

I thought the descriptions were pretty good. I could envision the volcano room very nicely. But am I to understand that the dragon/bat thing is the Arbiter? When Moth runs up to the platform, it's not clear (from the description) that he's speaking to the beast on the ceiling, nor that it was the beast which answered (although I arrived at that conclusion when no other creatures/persons are mentioned).
[quote]
Moth shuffled his feet like a naughty child caught in the act. “It is. But, I thought that it would be good for them-“

“Life is valuable and mysterious, Moth,â€

[Felix]

I thought the descriptions were pretty good. I could envision the volcano room very nicely. But am I to understand that the dragon/bat thing is the Arbiter? When Moth runs up to the platform, it's not clear (from the description) that he's speaking to the beast on the ceiling, nor that it was the beast which answered (although I arrived at that conclusion when no other creatures/persons are mentioned).

Ah, I think you're right. I had conisdered changing that a bit, but I wanted to move on so I just left it. Thanks for pointing it out, I'll try to tweak it ^^]Hmm, I think the Arbiter's response needs a little work. It sounds very sage, but it doesn't directly rebut Moth's response. I should almost imagine the Arbiter to begin by saying, "Do not presume to think!"
Of course, having just met the arbiter, I cannot predict his character, so that response may be wrong for him too, but it does need something...[/QUOTE]
Hm, yeah. I think you're right. The Arbiter does speak in rather strange terms, but perhaps that's too canned and cliche. I'll think about changing it.

[Felix]

Okay, I edited chapter 3 a small bit, and tried to correct the spots you mentioned. Let me know if it's a little better, now.

-=-
(continued from Chapter 3 above)

“Actually,” Moth continued, tilting his face up at the ceiling, “There is something I came to tell you. It, ah… pertains to the… the poison.”

The Arbiter shuffled on his perch, rustling his great wings. He blinked at me, then at the boy. His eyes refocused on Moth, “So, it is spreading, then.”

It wasn’t a question, but Moth nodded his head, “Yes. It was close to the birth tunnels... I fear that they will be lost within a week.”

“Grave,” The Arbiter said with a shake of his spiked head, “But let us get to the matters at hand first.” He unfolded his wings and let himself drop from the ceiling. He flipped over gracefully and landed on the platform with a thud. He crouched down and once again wrapped his wings around his chest.

“Fledglings,” He boomed in an important sounding voice, “Welcome to Subterrum… my kingdom and your new home. I am called The Arbiter, and it is my job to name you, judge you, and place you into the cogwheels of our world.

“First, have you prepared a name?”

My stomach dropped like a rock. It had completely slipped my mind to think of a name for myself. What a ridiculous thing to forget! I frantically scrambled my brain to try to come up with something. If I didn’t, I knew that the Arbiter would pick one for me, and I didn’t think I wanted that.”

Beside me, the boy said, “Tory.” Was that the name he had picked? Tory?

I heard the Arbiter again, “Welcome, Tory.”

I was aware that his eyes swiveled in their sockets to rest expectantly on me. “Tory” and Moth were also watching me. I wilted under their collective stare.

Finally, a name lodged itself in my mind and I instinctively blurted it out.

“Welcome, Roseanne.” The Arbiter said pleasantly.

[Photosoph]

Ah, very nice. ^^

Sorry, I saw the update but didn't read it straight away. It's very good though -man, you've managed to add more exciting elements and twists to this story. ^^ I really like the Arbiter: very cool appearance, and an interesting, intriguing character.
Great writing, Felix. \^_^

Edit: For quite a while I was wondering whether or not the main character was a girl, though I though she was. With the name, things are finally clear. ^_^

[Esoteric]

Yes, the changes you made are good. I like how you worded the Arbiter's response now. Very nice.

[Felix]

Thank you both! I'm glad it works better now. ^^ Don't hesitate to point out anything and everything that seems off to you, so I can fix it.

And don't worry, Soph. I don't mind if it takes you a while to read it. You're doing me a favor by reading it at all!

Yeah, her gender was supposed to be somewhat indeterminable at first, but now it's clear ^^/

I've been away this last week, but I should be able to get an update soon. Thanks for reading! ^^

[~darkelfgirl~]

It was very surprising that the bat-like creature was the Arbiter ^^. It's getting interesting...

[Felix]

Okay, I've got another little chunk for you. Again, I want to thank you all for reading. ^^;
I'm very nervous about how well I explained about the lanterns, so please critique me well on that part if you can. Thanks, and I hope you like it!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Chapter 3 (continued from above)

Roseanne? Had I actually just said that?

The Arbiter shook his wings again, “Roseanne, Tory. Have you your lights?”

He must have meant the lanterns. A nauseous feeling crept through me. Surely I had dropped mine during the recent panic.

To my great surprise and relief, I felt a familiar weight in my left hand. I hadn’t even noticed, but I was still gripping my lantern tightly in my fingers, as if I might die if I let it go. What had caused me to so instinctively cling to my lantern? If I had dropped it, I might have saved myself from falling, but the idea of letting go of my ‘light’ seemed… horrible.

I lifted my lantern above my head, and saw that Tory did the same. The Arbiter glanced lazily at mine, and I thought I heard him mutter, “Green.”

His eyes flicked over to Tory’s empty lantern and a curious expression came over his face. He blinked, “Moth?”

Moth was standing silently by the edge of the platform. He stiffened, “Yes?”

“The boy’s light.”

Moth craned his neck as if trying to look at Tory’s lantern. “Yes, he has it.”

“No. He has only an empty shell. There is no fire. Did you not notice?”

This seemed to be news to Moth. “No fire? But… that’s impossible.”

The Arbiter rubbed the side of his face against his shoulder and repositioned his wings around his body. “Impossible? Apparently not.”

One of the Arbiter’s skinny arms snaked out from between his wings and plucked the lantern from Tory’s hand. With two claws he gingerly held it up in front of his face and squinted at it. His other arm shot out, unlatched the side of the lantern and flicked it open, causing the small glass pane to swing wildly on its hinges.

The Arbiter took a long clawed finger and poked it through the lantern’s vacant innards. He peeked over the top of the lantern at Tory, watching for a reaction.

Tory glanced at the Arbiter, then at Moth, and then at me. Confusion was written on his face. Plainly, he hadn’t known that something was wrong with his light. Though realistically, I hardly considered his lantern being unlit to be a terrible crisis.

The Arbiter snapped the lantern closed and handed it back to Tory, who clutched it protectively to his chest. The Arbiter made a strange noise in his throat, clearing it perhaps. “Very curious,” he said. “We will continue under the assumption that Tory’s light follows the same rules as the others. Moth, would you care to explain the rules?”

Moth stepped forward with his hands clasped behind his back, “Okay, listen up. As you may or may not recall, Earlier I told you that your lantern is the most valuable thing that you will ever own. Now I’ll tell you why.” Moth had adopted that monotonous speech tone that he used as if he was reciting boring facts.

“Your lantern is your life. Trapped in that little wooden box is the very essence of who you are. The only way you can die is if your lantern is destroyed, or if the light inside burns itself out.”

I stared at Moth as if he had sprouted a second head.

“Don’t believe me?” He went on, “Allow me to illustrate.” From somewhere on his person, Moth procured a long sharp stone knife. He grinned in my direction, spun the knife in his fingers and plunged it into his chest.

I screamed. Moth pretended to fall back, but caught himself and straightened up, smiling grimly. He pulled the knife from his chest, revealing a clean and bloodless wound. Before my eyes, the wound closed itself up and fresh skin grew over the spot.

I gaped in amazement. “D-didn’t that hurt?”

“Nope,” Moth said. “You could even lop off my arms or my head and it wouldn’t hurt, though the repairing process is admittedly more complicated.”

I was stunned. Tory was too. Moth, meanwhile, flipped the knife in his hand and returned it to somewhere on his backside. He continued his explanation, “So as you can imagine, there are some rules attached to these lanterns. Obviously, you don’t want it in the hands of someone you don’t trust. Preferably, you should keep it to yourself at all times.

“Another option is for you to keep it locked up in a safe place, but the tricky thing about that is that you have to be mindful of where you go. If you stray too far from your lantern, the light may just flicker out, and…” Moth drew his forefinger across his throat.

“No one is sure how far you can stray from your lantern before it goes out, But if you get close to going too far, you will begin to feel weak and fatigued, and you’ll know that you must turn back.

“Your lantern can get knocked around a bit without being destroyed, but you will feel quite queasy for a while, or contract a dreadful headache. There are certain degrees to which your lantern can be damaged without your dying, but these boundaries are undetermined. If your lantern is destroyed… well, no one who has experienced it has stuck around to tell the tale, but I can imagine that it’s quite unpleasant.” Moth grinned qickedly.

He rubbed his chin in thought, “Hmm, I think that’s it. …Oh wait, the colors. Right, each lantern has its own coloring, which supposedly reflects the owner in some way. That’s all.”

I glanced at Tory. What could it mean in his case? Was the color of his light invisible or something? I guess he did have a sort of… unseen personality.

[Esoteric]

Most curious that we meet a novel exception to the 'lantern rules' immediately after being introduced to them...hmmm. But the rules seemed to be explained clearly enough.

[Photosoph]

I think you explained them well. I understood the principles, and importantly, it wasn't boring. You inserted personality and moments of action (Moth and the knife) as well as the Arbiters response, etc. to keep it entertaining. Very nicely done. I often wonder about long descriptions in my own writing; try to keep them interesting without side-tracking too much, etc. But you've created an interesting and informing description.

Oh, just one note: you've accidentally written 'qickedly' instead of 'wickedly' near the end. (At the end of the third-to-last paragraph)

[Felix]

Most curious that we meet a novel exception to the 'lantern rules' immediately after being introduced to them...hmmm. But the rules seemed to be explained clearly enough.

Yes, most curious indeed. ^^]I think you explained them well. I understood the principles, and importantly, it wasn't boring. You inserted personality and moments of action (Moth and the knife) as well as the Arbiters response, etc. to keep it entertaining. Very nicely done. I often wonder about long descriptions in my own writing; try to keep them interesting without side-tracking too much, etc. But you've created an interesting and informing description.

Oh, just one note: you've accidentally written 'qickedly' instead of 'wickedly' near the end. (At the end of the third-to-last paragraph)[/QUOTE]
Thanks so much! ^_^ I did try to keep it interesting, so I'm glad that it was. And for what it's worth, I think your descriptions are fantastic, and are always very interesting. ^^/

Oh! Thanks for pointing that out to me. I'll go change it.

Edit: Hmm, CAA won't let me edit my previous posts in this thread. It must have something to do with the upgrades, so I'll just have to leave it for now ^^;

[Felix]

Here's the small amount I wrote this evening. I don't expect comments or feedback, but I'm posting it to keep things manageable and easy to keep up with. It's always nice to have things in little bite-sized chunks. ^_^


--------------------------------------------

Chapter 3 continued from above.


The Arbiter’s posture changed slightly. “Good. Do you both understand?”

Not really, but neither Moth nor the Arbiter appeared particularly eager to explain further, so I kept my mouth shut. Besides, it did make a weird sort of sense, like somewhere inside I had already known this; known that it was normal.

The Arbiter rocked back on his feet, stretching his wings out a little in order to maintain his balance. “Take Miss Roseanne back to the city and assign her a caretaker. She is to be in Division 3 of the Faust Faction. Make sure that she gets fitted and set within 11 hours. Detain Mister Tory for further inspection, please.”

Further inspection… that couldn’t be good. What would they do to him? It didn’t seem fair at all. He hadn’t done anything wrong. I shot a sympathetic look Tory’s way before I was smartly and unceremoniously led away and down the spiraling path. I caught one last look at the Arbiter over my shoulder before we descended below the platform.

I was careful to keep away from the edge, though it felt safer with Moth right in front of me. My mind drifted back in time. Something had burned me, which is what led to my fall. What was it? The air steaming up from the lava lake was warm, but not hot. Up this high there was no molten rock that could have scalded me.

I suddenly spotted what it was, and I had to restrain myself so I wouldn’t leap back and right over the edge again. A long slug clung to the wall just in front of me. It was a dark speckled red that was nearly identical to the rock surrounding it. Its skin was steaming and sizzling.

“What-?”

“Oh,” Moth said, turning around lazily. “That’s a Blister. Those aren’t that common, so I must have forgot to mention them. Don’t touch them.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” I mumbled. “Are there any other friendly critters I should know about?”

“Oh yeah, loads.”

(continued below)

[Felix]

Here's tonight's chunk. I'm moving slowly, but at least I'm writing something.

Do you find it better for me to submit small chunks as I write them like this? Or that I post them in larger sections, like by the chapter or half chapter? I can do either, but I like being able to keep fresh material flowing in. ^^;

----------------------------------------------

Chapter 3 continued from above.

I waited for him to explain or list them. He didn’t, merely strolled cheerfully on. I ducked around the slug and tried to keep up with him. We uneventfully arrived at the bottom of the chamber and navigated back across the lava lake. We approached the black gate that needed a lantern to get through. I looked at Moth. He must have a lantern somewhere on him. How else had he gotten in here ahead of us earlier?

I didn’t get the chance to find out if Moth had one or not. Apparently, you didn’t need a lantern to get out of the room, only to get in. On this side of the gate there was no lantern shaped depression, and no knocker in sight. There was, however, a square chunk of black stone that stuck out several inches from the rest of the smooth wall. Moth pressed the stone flat with his palm and the two halves of the door slid smartly aside.

We backtracked through the other gate, past the silent and serious guards, through the underground chambers, and back up to the city. A young man with red hair was waiting for us when we arrived. There was something familiar about him… then I realized that it was the plump guard that I had met outside the city earlier. He wasn’t wearing his silly armor anymore, and looked much more normal. He was wearing a simple cloth shirt and rough white pants above leather boots. The shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, and his forearms crawled with curly hairs. His head was topped with a shaggy mop of tangled red hair, and his round chin was ripe with crimson whiskers. He had pleasant smile lines around his eyes and cheeks.

I looked up at Moth, whose ears twitched momentarily toward the man. “…’lo, Barne.” He said.

The young man, who I inferred must be Barne, smiled at Moth, showing white teeth. “Hi, Moth. Long time no see.” He spotted me, “And what name did this one pick?”

“Roseanne,” Moth said.

“Roseanne,” Barne repeated. “I like it. …Say, where’s the other one?”

“He got held up by some unusual circumstances.”

Barne’s forehead wrinkled. “Oh, I see.”

Moth took me by the wrist and led me over to Barne, passing me off like some kind of slave, “Here she is. See to it that she gets fitted. Faust Division 3.”

Barne took my hand. He had a gentleman’s grip. “Okay. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Got some stuff,” Moth said with a dismissive flip of his hand. He strode quickly away and disappeared down an alley.

Barne shook his head and looked down at me. “He’s such a slippery fellow, but I like him.” He gestured with his free hand. “Welp, come on.”

Barne was pretty tall, and I had to trot to keep up with his long strides. I twisted my neck to look up at his kind face. “Um, where are we going? Are you my… caretaker?”

Barne chuckled. “Yup. I’m off duty for the rest of the night, so I volunteered to take up the job. Where we’re going… well, I thought I’d take you on a little tour, show you some things. You gotta still be pretty confused.”

He had that right.

“The Arbiter used to explain everything pretty thoroughly,” Barne went on while watching a shop sign sway gently above its respective door, “but he’s gotten kinda lazy lately. Mind you, you didn’t hear it from me, but these days he leaves most of the work up to the caretakers. All he really does is take people’s names and put them in a division… and settle the odd dispute now and then. Though even those are mostly taken care of by the FTM, now. That’s the Federal Terrum Militia.”

[Photosoph]

I like what you've written. The story's progressing nicely, staying interesting and easy (as well as enjoyable) to read.
I do like longer bits... but shorter ones as well. A medium length is nice; a bit longer than the shorter bit you posted... more along the lines of the second post. Long posts can seem daunting to read, while short ones don't satisfy the reader 100%. But it's not too big of a deal either way.

[Felix]

Thank you! You're always so encouraging, and it really helps me ^_^.

Okay, thanks for the feedback!

Here's tonight's chunk. ^^; I think I should have ended chapter 3 a while back, but I can't really find a good breaking off point, so I'm just going to continue to list this as chapter 3. I may go back later and reorganize and reformat things.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Chapter 3, continued from above.)

The buildings here were interesting. Some of them were carved out of great lumps of stone, and looked like some sort of nicely furnished multilevel caveman dwelling. There were houses built of logs, and other houses made of patched together sheets of wood. These looked rather ramshackle and grubby, and I guessed that these must belong to the poorer citizens.

Nicest of all seemed to be the green brick buildings. The bricks had a funny mossy appearance, as if they were organic. Most of the shops and other public buildings were made from this material.

The street was primarily just flat grey stone, but in places it was cobbled and set with variably shaded rock panels. Mildly decorative signs and streamers dotted the sides of buildings or stretched across the street.

The air was a bit chilly, and it was still dark. It could have been due to the torches scattered all along the roadside, but it felt like it was a little lighter now than before.

We were moving out of the backstreets and back into the main flow of the city. There weren’t an overwhelming number of people, but there were certainly quite a few for the middle of the night.

Or I guessed it was the middle of the night. That’s what Moth had said, though I didn’t see how there could be a difference.

Barne was examining the sign above a building that looked to be a restaurant. Nice smells were wafting from behind the open doorway. I felt my stomach rumble.

“Hungry?” Barne asked.

I nodded quickly, which seemed to amuse him. He chuckled lightly, “Haha, okay. Let’s see how well you enjoy some native Subterrum dining.”

We ducked inside. It was cozy, a sort of bar setting. There were long wood tables laced with gnarled wooden chairs, and a low-hanging chandelier that burned with dozens of bright candles. The room was bright enough, but flickered with the candles and cast dim shadows across certain parts.

The place was empty; save for a young lady behind the counter who was leaning against the wall with a dish towel slung over one shoulder. She was wearing a clean white smock with yellow flowers on it. She had curly blonde shoulder-length hair and a smooth, pretty face. She smiled at us as we entered.

We both took our seats at the bar. “’lo, Madeline.” Barne said, “Doing well this evening?”

Madeline stepped forward, swinging her arms. She leaned over and rested her elbows on the counter. “Oh Barne, you charmer.” She said warmly. “I’m doing awfully good. Who’s the young lady?”

“She’s a new one,” Barne replied. “I’m looking after her for a while. Her name’s Roseanne.”

Madeline’s eyes sparkled. “That’s a fitting name, Miss Roseanne. It’s as pretty as you are.”

I blushed and twisted my finger through my hair. “Thank you, Ma’am, but I’m not that-“ I stopped abruptly, stunned. I didn’t even know what I looked like! I stared down hard at the bar, twiddling my fingers together. “Ah, never mind. Thank you.”

Madeline watched me with interest for a moment.. She pushed herself away from the counter and rocked back on her heels. “So, what’ll it be?”

Barne studied his palm, “Hmm… you still making those magical Butternut Toffee Biscuits?”

She nodded, “Mhm.”

“Done.” Barne said. He looked at me. “Any idea what you’d like?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know.”

He scratched at his chin scruff, “Lessee, then. Better keep it safe. …I bet you’d like a nice stack of Pomelberry Pancakes. Fruity and delish.” He winked.

I felt my mouth water, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Pancakes it is, then!”

“Comin’ right up.” Madeline said as she scribbled a note down on a piece of paper. She stepped out of sight into the kitchen, and I could hear here getting pans out.