Shifters (new)

[Aileen Kailum]

Happy belated birthday!

I'm really starting to like Drift's new personality. You're doing a good job with the story.

[Photosoph]

Gracias, Aileen! \^_^ Thank you for your (belated) birthday wishes!

I'm glad you're liking Drift's new personality so far. I hope I can continue to keep him 'in character' etc when I write and edit. ^^

Speaking of which, I'll post some more now. ^_^ Thank you once again!

With this next part, there's quite a lot of description as Drift interacts with his odd surroundings... I might have to cut this out later, maybe just to keep the plot chugging along at a good pave. However, I hope you enjoy! (And there IS some central-plot related stuff, which comes near and at the end of this bit).
I found it a little hard to describe some of the things, too; I hope the descriptions come off all right, and that you're able to use your imagination in a way that feels natural to imagine the rest. ^_^

Chapter Eight (continued again)

Lining either side of the path was a small strip of neatly cut grass. But past that, it was as if someone had grabbed pieces of land, like multi-coloured Lego, and plonked them down one after the other in a way that made his head spin.
A square of desert sand, with grains trailing into the air from the peak of rolling dunes, was followed by a rolling savannah plain right next to it. But there was no merging point between the two. The sand didn’t trickle through the tawny-coloured savannah grass, nor did the grass intrude on the baking desert scene.
“Wow…â€

[Peregrine]

oh, this is goooooood. I'll definitely be waiting for the next update!

[Esoteric]

They actually found someone there, huh? An unexpected development. The whole water/dimensional shift thing was pretty cool and imaginative. Talk about the ultimate aquarium! Anyway, I'm beginning to suspect a shifter's union strike of some sort instead of foul play.

[Photosoph]

Thanks guys! And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this, and back to replying to your comments. ^_^"

Wow; you're pretty onto it, Eso. Not too far from what's happening... though you'll see.

Also, I'm glad you enjoyed the Aquarium thing; though it's one of the scenes I know I might need to cut out later. ^_^"
But I think, even if I cut out scenes, I don't mind; I'll always know they happened, and enjoy writing/reading them nonethless.

I'll have to finally update the full document on the first post today, too... if I get around to that. ^_^" Other than that, it's time to post some more.


Chapter Nine


“After the trial, Alcanna and I…â€

[Peregrine]

YAY! An update! *jumps around* So apparently Chase is someone special. I knew it! More! More!

[Esoteric]

Bureaocracy woes are always a good twist. I wonder what Chase was on trial for.... Stockpiling weaponry without a shifter's union permit?

'Miscelaneous' shifters sounds like an interesting catagory. And 'time shifting' sounds complicated. *ponders what they can do*

[Photosoph]

Gracias, you too. ^^ Yup; I guess Chase is an important person. An annoying one, though.

Rofl! XD

Gah; actually, I've had this story idea (ideas for shifters and random plot lines and characters) churning through my head for a long time. It took me a while to finally figure everything out -as in, how to introduce everything, how it meshed together properly, etc. I think I tried to start this story about five times. o_O
Time shifting is complicated... but man, world-shifting starts twisting your brain when you really get into it. o_O So do the other types... but man. >_<

Anyway, I might need to do some heavy editing on either this next bit (which you won't notice, most likely, since I edit before posting ) or the bit after, since Drift was still in his old confused mode when I wrote it. The part is still applicable, but needs quite a lot of changing. >.<
Of course, as you remember it, try to imagine that Drift's been confident etc for a little bit longer than he has been. ^^" It will be like that when I finally get to editing more of what I've already posted, where Drift has zip personality.
It's a bit of a flashback for him -but don't worry, he'll be back to his personality-infused self at the end of it. ^^

Thanks again, guys; hopefully more will be explained as I continue to update! \^_^
(As a side note, I've started to wonder just how long this story is going to be. o_O I know I can always take parts out after writing, and I know where the story's heading... but still. )

Anyway, on we go! \^_^ And thank you for your continued readership, guys. I really appreciate it. ^_^



Chapter Ten

Gasping, Alcanna suddenly coughed and poked her partner. “We shouldn’t really laugh,â€

[Photosoph]

The exhibits flashed past like surreal, half-forgotten memories. He tried to ignore the animals within; but he was somehow both highly aware and yet totally unfocused on what went by.
The fish seemed to glare at him. Strange-looking dogs sprinted past as though trying to catch up with him. A black lion roared and lunged. Drift stumbled, but pushed himself on, running as his heart pounded and he tried, futilely, to forget.

Finally he had to stop. It wasn’t working: none of it was working. He couldn’t forget it –it just kept pushing its way to the front of his mind.
He stopped and stared down at the pavement. More images came to him: time with family and friends. Time somehow spent with them even as he’d been been meeting and travelling with Chase.
The two lines of events seemed to him as separate moments: separate lives. But at the same time, he had an undeniable feeling that they were both happening at once.

‘And yet,’ he could hear himself think, even as the colours of the world around him seeped away, seeming to drip down and leave holes in the air… ‘how can this be? How can I have two memories?
But.. I don’t it! I don’t want what’s back there!
I don’t want that pain! They can’t fix it, back home. They can’t do anything for me there.
They can’t take it away. They can’t make it go away.

I just want to stay here! Stay as Drift. Stay a shifter. Wherever I am… I don’t care –as long as it’s not there!’

Yet it didn’t matter what he wished. The colour was draining away all around him. Everything that had appeared so solid, so real… was vanishing like a dream.

He dropped to his knees, staring down at the pavement and just willing it to remain. Willing this foreign environment to stay: to block out all the memories that surged their way back.
Questions continually assailed him. Reality and illusion. What was; what was not.
Where did he stand -where did he stand in the middle of all of it?!

[i]“No!â€

[Esoteric]

Actually, a lack of personality wasn't apparent. If you hadn't mentioned that you wrote it previously, i wouldn't have guessed. Sure, the writing felt a little rough but that's because it's a draft. Wow, Zack/Drift has some serious issues with school.--Lions and tiger and bears, oh my. (sorry, couldn't help myself! )

So, am I to understand that if he returns to his own world, no time will have passed? Hmm. If that rule applied to all worlds, that could be very problematic. Perhaps a little more clarification might be in order, but I realize that time paradoxes are complicated and mind bending....I'm actually working on a story right now that deals with them. They can get your head tied in a pretzel faster than you say 'continuum'! But it's going good, Soph, keep it up!

[Photosoph]

Thanks Eso. ^_^

Ah yes; dang time travel gets confusing.
Rofl! Lions and tigers and bears -oh my! I don't think I thought of that.
Rough writing -yeah, that's all right for now. ^_^ Hope it doesn't ruffle you guys too much as you read it. That's something that'll most likely be sorted out in the editing process. ^_^

It's not quite that 'no time has passed' since he was last back home... it's more that while he's spending time here, in the Shifters' world (or 'worlds'), he's also spending time at home. Hopefully as I continue to write I'll be able to reveal more about how it works. And explain it correctly -and simply.

Sorry for taking so much time to add to this; hope you haven't missed me too much.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next bit. ^_^ We're getting closer to where I'm up to!

Chapter Eleven


The three shifters were engaged in mild conversation. Or rather, Alcanna and Alex chatted while Chase stood nearby, answering any questions that came her way in as few words as possible.
“You seem different, Chase.â€

[Esoteric]

Hey! I come back and viola, there's more to read!

The butterfly struck me as very cryptic. Are they talking about a real butterfly, or are they talking in some insider's metaphor? Actually, I think it would be a cool if it was a metaphor, but again, I get mixed signals and something tells me it's supposed to be a real butterfly they're talking about. But why talk about a butterfly all of a sudden? -that's the question I start asking. Perhaps it's confusing because it occurs in the middle of another conversational subject -that being Chase. Other than that, I don't have much to comment on, since it's a pretty straightforward transitionary section (not a whole lot happening). I wonder what they're going to do next though.

[Photosoph]

Thanks, Eso. ^_^ Yah, it's a pretty straightforward thing.
The butterfly... it's going back to Chase's thing of coming up with weird metaphors. But since she's in more of a serious mood, and doesn't exactly want to say everything she's feeling explicitly, it's a more serious metaphor.
Could be out of place... in editing I'll have to re-read the section and see how it goes.

Thank you for your comment. ^_^ Don't let this make you feel obliged to comment every time I post -but having others comments really helps me to write. When there are no comments, I remember that I write for enjoyment, not to show off and get praise and some 'feel-good' feedback; because that's truthfully how it is. XD But then I start thinking that if people are reading, I'll probably need to get onto writing on the story sooner, rather than later. =P

At the moment I think I'm feeling a little down about writing -but no doubt that is greatly affected by current circumstances (haven't been feeling too well lately, and that affects my mood a lot). But I've always tried to write stories that are... well... a lot less serious (though this isn't the most serious stories, it is more serious than about 80% of any other stories I've seriously worked on). Since my previous stories were more comical, it was easier to wrap them up; they finished sooner. This one's word count has gone beyond my usual one -and I'm a little worried about that. Am I stretching the plot out, etc?
I'm not too sure about that. I know that when I edit I'll no doubt take some things out/change it to make it better. A friend once said to me: 'it's easier to write a lot and take out chunks when editing than try to add chunks of writing to a story after you've written it' -or something to that extent.

At least I do know where the story's heading, and have got the events planned out in my mind. ^_^ So I'm not wandering aimlessly through a plot.

I'll try to get onto editing and posting some more soon. ^_^ Thank you for reading.

[Peregrine]

I've been reading, just lurking. I really like the story, and I'm eagerly awaiting new developments. Yay!

[Photosoph]

That's Peregrine. ^_^ Thanks for letting me know that you're still reading. Lately I've been a little absent since I'm working on another project, etc, but I'm definitely going to keep updating -and hopefully I'll keep the updates reasonably regular.

[Photosoph]

All right: finally some more. *Wipes forehead*

Actually, in posting this we've finally reached the point that I had written up to when I first began posting in this thread. o_O Hopefully, things will get better from here. ^_^ I'm going to try to take all the hints and suggestions you guys have given me, and work on them as I write more on where I'm currently up to and also when I edit what I've written to post it here.
I'll try to update the file at the start of this thread, too... hopefully I'll actually remember to do that and not just forget.

And on another note, perhaps as I post I'll take out some of the 'un-needed' and space-wasting text, if I find anything that can be discarded easily etc. Anyway... here we go!



Chapter Eleven -continued

A flat plain of knee-high grass dissolved into view. Drift watched while hills rolled up and away from him like waves, as the new world encircling them spread out to conquer the landscape. Finally, the old scene of the Shifters’ Union zoo had disappeared entirely.
Drift turned to Chase with raised eyebrows. “It never looked like this when you shifted before,â€

[Felix]

Ahh! I'm behind, I'm behind! Gomenasai! It completely slipped my mind *bows* I'll catch up very very soon, I promise! ^_^;

[Photosoph]

Hehe, no problem mate. ^_^ Take your time -I'm not worried. And you can always use the microsoft word doc. I attached to the first post so you don't have to search through all the pages, if you like.

[Photosoph]

Very sorry for the long absence! ^_^" I hope you guys didn't notice too much. XP

Anyway, thank you all for reading -whether you comment or not; and I'm pleased to add more to the chapters growing here on CAA: the last part of Chapter Eleven.

For those who don't know, 'anthropomorphism' is the giving of human characteristics to animals. It covers all sorts of styles and degrees of a human/animal combination, from a mouse standing on its hindlegs brandishing a sword and wearing a military outfit (such as in Narnia), to people with animal characteristics -girls with cat ears and whiskers, for example.
There may be a dividing line somewhere which separates animal/human crosses into different categories... but that's the basic definition of 'anthropomorphism.
So if I use a word like 'anthropomorphic' etc in this chapter, that's the idea I'll be referring to.
(On a side note, anthropomorphic creatures are often called 'anthros' or 'furries').

That being said, let's move on.




Chapter Eleven, continued


A soft swishing came from the pipe behind. Sitting in a leisurely, cross-legged pose, Chase slid down the pipe with a calm, composed expression, her hands resting in her lap. She reminded Drift of how people sat in a school assembly -listening drowsily while speakers droned on and on.
The tunnel curved upwards and spat her into the air. She sailed over Drift’s head with her hair streaming backwards like flame. The black-strapped, silver-edged goggles resting atop her head seemed more at home, in the air.
Her height came to its peak; then she began to descend. Unfolding her legs coolly, she glided towards the ground. The distance between her toes and the dirt quickly diminished. At the last second, she flicked her toes forward and landed with a scraping ‘kiish’ . Tiny specks of dust rose into the air like smoke, creating a trail where she’d skid across the earth.

Letting her hands fall to her sides, she stared back at the awed, inhuman crowd. Then, tucking one of her hands into her pockets, she tilted her head to the left, blinked once, and finally spoke.
“Hey.â€

[Felix]

Rofl! Ahahaha! Omigoodness, I absolutely love this scene XD You wrote it so well! It's downright hilarious! The description of the rabbit-people jumping on Drift was so great, hahahaha. I loved it! ^__^
I think things are going to get much more interesting now that Fly is around!

I'm so glad that you updated this story! I had actually forgotten to catch up like I said I would, but seeing that you posted reminded me to, so I went back and did so, and now I'm all caught up and I can't wait to read more! Like I've said before, I totally love this story. Great job ^___^

[Esoteric]

Ah, I was beginning to think you'd given up completely! Yay, you haven't! Let's see now...

We seem do a little bit of a rewind in the first paragraph, since I remember last reading how they dropped in among a bunch of creatures, and here it reoccurs. I do like your descriptions of Chase floating through the tube better in this telling however.

But who would start the attack?
Uneasy, Drift just watched. But he hardly needed to wait. Before he or Chase could react, the clown-sized feet of the strangers suddenly kicked off the earth. With no further warning, both Drift and Chase were dogpiled.

Knowing absolutely nothing about these critters...I thought it was actually a violent attack! Personally, I think you should take out the word 'attack'...it's a little too subjective coming from the narrator, and without it I'd be less likely to assume to that it was a vicious attack, unless that's what you truly intend the reader to assume. If so, then I would play it up more to where Chase and these critters have a history of mock-wrestling and Drift completely misunderstands the situation.

But it's good to see you working on this again--even if it has reminded me of the writing projects I'm supposed to be working on!

Oh! ~BTW I wanted to mention that I saw your Comix35 entry. Very cool how it turned out!!

[Photosoph]

Aw, thanks guys. ^_^

Felix -seriously, no problem. With the number of things that slip my mind, I totally understand. ^_^ Just thanks for reading -and I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. ^_^

Whoops -did I repeat myself? Hmm... though I think perhaps I might know the reason for that problem. In the last part of the chapter I posted (the one before this most recent one) I wrote that Chase had slipped out from under Drift (or something to that extent) as he was sliding down the tunnel. So he came out first -in the chapter part I posted before this one -while she came out after him. That might be where the repeat lies... but I'm not sure. Glad you like the second description though. ^_^

Wow; it's good to know that. Hmm... I wanted Drift to seem on edge: not knowing just what the intentions of the rabbit-people he has come across are. So I might play up the 'vicious intent' as you suggested; that might help bring it out. Thanks!
Although the case is more that the rabbit-people have this crazy fascination with humans. As we find rabbits cute... so they find humans cute. Think of extreme furry fandom: that's their take on humans. XD Hence the 'hug' dog-pile. This will be explained further in the next chapter, but that's the case.
In light of this, can you think of any suggestions of how to edit the scene where they jump on Chase and Drift? I'd just be interested to hear your opinion (as always. ^_^ ).

Thank you both for commenting; it does help me to become more inspired to write further, and also helps me to adjust and learn things about writing, story-telling and character portrayal too. ^_^

Ah -you saw my comic? Sweet! I'm glad -and happy that you like how it turned out. It was really neat to finally finish a comic project. My others are more of the long-term type: longer story, etc.

[Felix]

Okay, glad you understand! ^_^ Yeah, I know what you mean.

Personally, I like how the scene was written to make it seem like the rabbits were actually attacking Drift and Chase with malicious intent. I think it made it all the more funny when you realize that they're actually just glomping them affectionately XD

You're welcome! I'm glad my comments inspire you to write more, because I always love to read more!

Oh- What comic is this? I don't think I've read it, but I would love to! Where might I find it? ^^;

[Esoteric]

Whoops -did I repeat myself? Hmm... though I think perhaps I might know the reason for that problem. In the last part of the chapter I posted (the one before this most recent one) I wrote that Chase had slipped out from under Drift (or something to that extent) as he was sliding down the tunnel. So he came out first -in the chapter part I posted before this one -while she came out after him.

Ah, okay, I figured it out now, my mistake! I thought she had already come out when he called to her previously.

[~darkelfgirl~]

I like this story. the characters are very interesting. i like Chase too, she's very "in-your-face". the places are very original too (that floating water thing with the fish in it is cool). just some positive feedback
I know everyone's talking about your avatar--but i think the monket is winning hey, eventually the crab's arm is going to cramp up and it has to let go....any minute now...

[Photosoph]

ROFL! Heh heh... perhaps I need to draw a new avatar with the 'aftermath' of the struggle. XD

Thanks guys; glad you like the characters. ^_^ Hmm... as for the comic, it's one I did for the ICCC2007: the International Christian Comics Competition 2007. You can find it hosted in a few places (aw... thanks so much to the people from CAA who hosted it on their sites. ^^ ), but one of them is at christianmanga.com . It's called 'Look Up'. Here's a more direct link, if you'd like: http://contest.christianmanga.com/?issue=issue5 . ^^

Eep! Right now I'd like to get onto finishing some characters for the mascot contest; I'd better get onto it, seeing as I'm pretty sure that the due date is tomorrow. ^^"

[~darkelfgirl~]

I know this is the writing section but nice comic! very professional. i liked the ending hehe

[Photosoph]

Hehe, thanks. ^_^ Glad you liked it. That last panel was fun -though I was a little anxious about how to draw it for a while. ^_^"

Y'know, when I wrote that last post I thought the mascot contest ended on the 25th of JUNE, not July, as it does. ^_^" Anyway... here's some more story. ...Onto chapter twelve! \^^

Oh, just a note: 'lapine' and 'lapin' are the French words for rabbit. I like putting a few French words into my stories for names and such, where I can.





Chapter Twelve


[i]“Chase!â€

[Esoteric]

Oh, I forgot to comment on this new section! I really like the dialog in this section, and I like how Chase pulls a 'disappearing act' on Fly. Hmm, I can't really remember what else I was gonna say except...I was surprised that Chase suddenly wanted to sleep.... Sure, she has a proven track record of crazy spontaneity, but couldn't she have slept more comfortably at home? I thought she had urgent business with Fly, but apparently it's not that urgent? Just something to consider perhaps....

[Photosoph]

Thank you. ^_^ Yup, it is something to consider... however, yes: it's part of Chase's crazy track record. Actually, it's more because she's come into contact with someone who's bringing some bad experiences back to mind... so really, she just wants to take a break with her thoughts. Does that come through enough? I appreciate your comments and suggestions -perhaps I should go back and put that in... maybe where Fly is talking about her.

Once again, thank you for your feedback! \^_^ It's always nice, and useful too.
By the way, when do you think the next update on your Workbench Epic will be? ^_^