Cacophony Of The Soul: Select Writings Of Zarn Ishtare

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:18 pm

USSRGirl wrote:I think I remember reading Song of the Stormcrow before. Curious, how long ago did you write it? The style/feel seems to be more mythology and less contemporary than your newer poems. Not that contemporary is a bad thing.



Yeah, you read the original post way back. You liked it, as I recall.

Whaddya think of "The Clean Mountain"?
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby USSRGirl » Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:12 pm

I like the fantasy like quality to it, particularly the last line "set back to wondering again." Ribbon in the Air has very pretty imagery too. Really captured my imagination.
User avatar
USSRGirl
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:53 pm

"The Dark is like an impersonal mother;

it holds me

and consoles me

then throws me back into the night.

The day says it cares for me

you know it says prayers for me

but it only leads to twilight.

So I'll wonder round that mother

for another reply

and if you ask me why

Maybe I'll find

a reason."

"Random And Untitled" by De Luit
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:37 am

"Oh lonely soul

I was weaned on woe

With Mother's Milk, I drank it



Like a carpet stain on a persian rug;

Like a lone window pane

I miss my frame.



I ascribe to the engenue feelings of regret

Our passing union couldn't beget

So I hid my face behind the books

And tried to dodge the dirty looks.


It was a drizzle on a dry mind

It was a dress on a steel frame

it was pointless

but all the same

...I wanted it."


"Less..." De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby USSRGirl » Sat Apr 28, 2007 12:07 pm

Oooh you're style begins to remind me more and more of T.S. Elliot. I love the chaotic, contradictory phrasing like "but all the same ... I wanted it. ...Less." and "The day says it cares for me, you know it says prayers for me but it only leads to twilight."
User avatar
USSRGirl
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:05 pm

"And every thought makes the hand move

every time the dish crack against the wall

every time my fingers bruise

their staccato echo through the hall

(it was salvation)


Oh yes, I beat myself

I can't allow anyone else to hurt me

Oh yes, I break my hands

Just so I could stand on pure white sands

(and scream!)


I was a jester, slowly cavorting

Now I'm a Prester, kicking and screaming

I was quite content with an alibie

till you came about and made it a lie


(I Danced Through Denial)

And every swipe of the purifying cloth

seems to only deepen the sinful stain

and everytime I scream at the sky

it seems only to bring on the rain!

(It was a hurricane!)


So I ran, to hide in the woods

But my axe misunderstood

it struck that wood with an extra's wrath

and heartbroken, it opened up a path before me

(the Woods)

And I flung, these flowers at the sky

but they were just weed seeds floatin' by

And I cried every time it rained

But it was no surcrease to my pain!



So now I yell these feelings at the night

disturbing everyone in sight

now I cry to try and stop the rain

Then I'll try to board this train

(to save me)


"Blake's Generations" De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Dante » Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:21 pm

It's almost got a rap rhyme, (without all dirty words) I'm really groovin with the sh rythem and U got da beat that makes the words swiiiiiiiiinnnng! By the way, whose De Luit? I love how the line about standing on white sands and screaming. Why do you ask? The pure insanity! It is someplace odd crazy and strange we've never been to before.... granted it's the funny farm, but this rhyme has the works of the phat farm you know what I mean! Good job Zarn, too bad you seem to dislike the rain in this piece... because I really like rain you know, and well... if you lived in the desert this long, you'd miss it too! (We hit 105 degrees today YAY!!!!)

Oh, and about the words prester and cavorting congratulations, I don't have a clue what they mean and that's extra points (If there are such things) for using uber hard ten dollar words... because we don't use those words enough in the english language. COME ON EVERYONE GIVE ME AN ABSTRUSE, A CACAPHONY, A BELLICOSE AND ALLOW US ALL TO LIVE IN CONCORD! yeah... probobly murdering the english language as normal, but Zarn knows how to make it work so ask him!
FKA Pascal
User avatar
Dante
 
Posts: 1323
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 8:24 pm
Location: Where-ever it is, it sure is hot!

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Sun Apr 29, 2007 10:24 am

A Cave

There was a storm outside the cave

there was a

Boy inside the Cave

Sitting still

Sitting dry.


And outside

The storm raged outside

And the wind banged

and the clouds bobbed

And sitting still

The Boy Inside

he did not cry


And inside

the rocks dripped

the cavern yawned

and inside of it

sat

a silent child


Into the cave

Came a frosty wind

biting toes

snatching fingers

Catching claws

older than mountains


And outside sat an old man

who perched precariously

serenely

upon the windswept rock

And with

Raised hands

He cried out

smiling

"My Arms Are Heavy Laden!

My Eyes Are Pools Of Memory!

I Am My Father's Son

I
Am
Suffering!"


And the wind carried away his words, along with his

precarious perch

and the boy sat

quietly

and quite still

replied to the old man:

"My Will Is My Will".


"Human Symmetry" De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:22 pm

More beautiful poetry from the Zarn! \^_^

"Random and Untitled"; I really liked the idea of this poem, and how you've formed and created it too. The difference between day and night, and the deeper meanings I barely glean, yet still see slightly, are really excellent.
For me, it kind of speaks of how we reject what's good and go after what's bad, wanting it to be good, or something like that.

"Less..."
The first two verses are really excellent. Especially with the second, they could almost be short pieces of poetry on their own.
I really loved that second verse; "I missed my frame." I'm not sure quite why, but I really like that line. I think it's just a really interesting thought -a window pane missing its frame; very cool personalisation.
"It was pointless but all the same... I wanted it." I loved that -a really excellent ending; not just as and ending, but I mean it's just good overall. You come up with really neat thoughts and ways of phrasing and putting together your thoughts and ideas; like this line. ^^

"Blake's Generations" -is this a reference to something I don't know of? Perhaps a historical figure? I'm not sure -please elaborate if so. :) I'd like to know more about it. It might shed some light on some of the themes/imagery etc in the poem.
Anyway, I'm not sure what a 'Prester' is... that's just a title/word/reference I don't know. :)
Your poem seems to echo with quite a few of the feelings/theme/ideas of the other poems you've written -not in a bad way, but they just remind me of the feelings of some of your other pieces. Like throwing flowers at the sky, but they're only weeds... it reminds me of some of your poems of how what we have to offer to God is so little and unworthy. ANd how we try to do our best, but fail.
Very deep emotion, and I love how you've... I'm not sure... how do I say it? Um... 'formed' his poem. The style of it. -With the lines between parenthesis like extra thoughts or cries. A very moving poem -the emotion flows freely throughout it.

"Human Symmetry"
Very cool. I mean, it reminds me of Elijah in the cave at first, but turns towards something very different. At the end it brings me back to reminding me of how we want to stay doing what we do; we don't want to change. We want to be 'masters of our own destiny'.
Through the poem, I really liked how there was that distinction between the roaring cacophany and movement outside and the still, silence and emptiness of the cave inside (the dripping from the rocks really helped to create that atmosphere, too).

It's excellent to be able to read more -excellent to know you're still writing! (Not that I doubted that you were... but it's just a good thing. :D )
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:29 pm

Thanks.


Personally, I think "Human Symmetry" is the first poem where the last line has been decent: It is very hard for me to end a poem on just the right note, and that "My Will Is My Will" line just fit so perfectly.

Blake's Generation's was inspired by William Blake, a famous poet, and the poem, "Mock On, Mock On, Voltaire, Russaeu".


Prester means Preacher.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby USSRGirl » Sun Apr 29, 2007 4:05 pm

:lol: *Seconds Pascal's comment* Oh yeaaah, got all the angst and inner turmoil of a popular rap song... minus the dirty words (thankfully).
User avatar
USSRGirl
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Thu May 03, 2007 9:53 am

the earth vibrates as
a platinum string
strummed

How sweet it thrums
The earth-guitar
and how sweet the hand
which sings the sound!

But sweeter still
the able will
which guides the hand
twill keep the still
from consuming land.

For more fearsome is silence
than any sound
in pools of quiet
music drowns

And sweet the tones
and the shadowed sounds
of the noiseless whispers
of crumbling ill

but sweeter still
is the sound of song
that defeats the still


And yet sweeter still
is the singers will
the song that bursts
from a hand that tills
or a voice that chills

And silence is empty
it's stomach is spacious
while song is of plenty
and music is gracious




"Silent are the dead

But loud are the rightious

who with throbbing voice

and steady hand

guide the song

and in place of sacred land

the song is home."-Quietus.


"Song And Silence." De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Thu May 03, 2007 10:18 am

Golden

Like honey

a liquor

flowing slow.

"Yellows Flow" De Luit.




The Frozen Heart

The Heated Face

The Dreadful Place

IT was THE place

the place of our breaking

the place of my brokeness

where first tears

fell from pools of memory

my eyes

and the last place

I remembered you.


"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Thu May 03, 2007 10:55 am

Pray consider

how the trees wither

And understand

this hand

will write no more

of the sacred land

until poetry

becomes reality.-"Thought On A Tree, Unfinished."
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby USSRGirl » Thu May 03, 2007 11:08 am

Thought on a Tree was nice but short. I like your ryhmes better than free verse/descriptive like in Yellow Flow.
User avatar
USSRGirl
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...

Postby goldenspines » Thu May 03, 2007 2:36 pm

Great writing as always.
"Yellow Flows" was very short and I ended up wishing for more in it. It was descriptive though and gave me a clear picture.
"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" was wonderful. Even though it was short as well, it still portrayed the emotion in it very well.
I liked "Thought On A Tree, Unfinished". It has a nice tone and tempo.
Like USSRGirl said, I prefer your rhyming poems more than your free verse poems as well.
Image
User avatar
goldenspines
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2007 8:42 am
Location: Up north somewhere.

Postby Photosoph » Sat May 05, 2007 4:19 pm

Very beautiful; up to your excellent standard. ^^

I do like your rhyming poems, but the freeverse have an openness about them that introduce a subject and let me ponder on it.

I'm not feeling very wordy today, but suffice to say: I loved your additions. Beautiful 'Song and Silence'; the contrast or look at the difference between the two. At first reminded me of earthquakes since I'd been watching a documentary on them, but that impression quickly faded. ;)
"Yellows flow" ; Reminds me of drink or liquor.
"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" -Very cool. I liked it bringing back to a theme common to your poems; the grief and rememberance, or something like that, after quite a few different-themed pieces. :)
"Thought on a Tree, Unfinished"; that title really rocks! I love it! I do like the poem too; but it just seems a little ironic, considering I expect that you'll write more. ;) However, I understand that feeling; that feeling of ceasing, I think. Ceasing at least for a time.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Sat May 05, 2007 7:46 pm

I see the tree

it has thrown its withered bones

skyward

the frozen claws

a proclamation.

"Thoughts On A Tree, Continued." De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Sun May 06, 2007 2:58 pm

Ooo, very nice. I like the idea; and although the last word fits with the whole theme, for some reason I was expecting something different at the end. o_O
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Tue May 08, 2007 7:12 am

"Ant

Your death will be lonely

and your grave

will be hidden under the microwave

where you found the food you tried to steal

your corpse will be scented with camamile

the soap that washed the counters

will cleanse your antish stain.


And when you die,

Oh lonely ant

your family will not mourn

but take your place to steal my food

until from this world, their torn.
(By the exterminator coming in the morn!)"


"The Fate Of An Ant In My Home In Summer" De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Wed May 09, 2007 2:41 pm

Rofl!
You know, it's a neat poem -and has some interesting aspects to consider. But I just love the fact that it's about a dead ant -that makes me smile. :grin:
As said before, though; it's great. I laugh not because it's simple; I laugh at the concept, for it is cool. *Nods sagely*
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Tue May 15, 2007 8:05 am

"I gaze upon the mound of dirt

that looked upon the shining moon

Curious eyes from the mud

embraced the sight of Luna's womb

as it

gave birth

to starlight."
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Tue May 15, 2007 4:15 pm

Interesting. I like the imagery -and though I doubt it's what you intended, I get the picture of poppy, cartoon-like eyes sticking out of the mud. I think I've just watched too many cartoons with random things like mud monsters etc in them. ^_^"

Beautiful; though I can't quite grasp or get into this poem as much as the others. The idea of 'mud' seems to speak of uncleanliness or unworthiness, but at the moment my head's not quite in the state for figuring more than that. Just one of those days where my brains a little slow, that's all. :P
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Tue May 15, 2007 7:46 pm

[quote="Photosoph"]Interesting. I like the imagery -and though I doubt it's what you intended, I get the picture of poppy, cartoon-like eyes sticking out of the mud. I think I've just watched too many cartoons with random things like mud monsters etc in them. ^_^"

Beautiful]


read the first poem in this thread, then read it again.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Thu May 17, 2007 9:33 pm

Hidden behind the window pane

I consider your face; blurred by rain

eyes brimming with fright

seem beautiful; from this side.


I contemplate the shattered sounds

and mutilated tones

erupting from a mirror, darkly.


I look at all the people


not looking at each other.


"Dark Musings, Essa One" De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Sun May 20, 2007 8:42 pm

Ah, now I see it better. ^_^ It makes a lot more sense now. I didn't realise it was tied into the first poem; but now I see. :)

Wow; so expressive of a feeling I know: where you can see the turmoil, yet it seems dim and far away... the last lines ("I look at all the people - - not looking at each other") were especially effective. They have a powerful feeling about them -summing up what's said in a powerful manner (yes, please forgive the repetition of that word :sweat: ).
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Mon May 21, 2007 2:20 pm

*Begin Message: Play? New Message:652-427-0021 Called at 6:24, Monday, 21st, 2007



Sweet lady

I have Kissed you

but in the crevice of your mouth
a tainted
tongue defiled me
and your hands
like
rushing waters
tic'd across my shoulders
and held me down
drowning me in your caresses
Cage-embrace

I have lain side by side with you
Posessive, nothing left to hold on to
and nothing left to do
but use us as a pillow
try to
make room on a twin
bed



you spoke more words to me but

they were just

and only

words.




When I reached your car they
held me back and said to me don't

look it's quite aweful and not how you would want
to remember her at all




So stone is what I'm speaking to today
and your face stares out from the
porcelain plate with eyes of china white
hammered into the granite
but you don't talk anymore
even as
your painted mouth frames a
question.




and when I wore black to your
wake
It wasn't for you
It wasn't for me
It wasn't for our love
It was...
It was for...
It wasn't for...
I don't know anymore.

*End Of Message. 652-427-0021 Called at 6:24, Monday, 21st, 2007.*

"I found this on an abandoned answering machine, once."




"Found On An Answering Machine", De Luit.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby Photosoph » Wed May 23, 2007 5:18 pm

It's quite different, unusual how you've gone about it as a message on an answering machine... but it does make for an interesting change.

You know, you use a lot of imagery in this one as well, but its meaning and 'story/plot/idea' is a lot more straightforward. I like how you've described it; and lead the story and theme from the beginning to the end. In that way, it tells a story of its own, helping to bring the idea through and keep my attention.
So many beautiful lines; 'painted mouth frames a question'... 'procelain plate... china white...' really well done.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Zarn Ishtare » Thu May 24, 2007 4:10 pm

“In the battered State

On my china plate

My philosophic meal

Emphasizing imagination

Disregarding the tassel

Which hangs from my brow

It seems education is second
to prestidigitation

(the speaker of the Estate, the man of Consequence, the Real Politico)



It seems all of this

Four walls, a breakfast nook

The private butler, the private cook
(myself)

must make do for now.â€
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby USSRGirl » Thu May 24, 2007 4:33 pm

Hmm... very interesting. Question - what was the symbolism behind your choice of colors? You use red in a few lines and then several colors in the third line of your last stanza. The crimson banner reminded me of a war-zone... ya know died in blood kinda thing... but maybe that's just my twisted mind.

Eh... anyway. Nice work!
User avatar
USSRGirl
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...

Previous Next

Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 102 guests