the day

[Althaia]

a poem that goes along with holy week

the day
the day my lord died on the cross
i thought all hope was lost
but then i felt an overwhemling sense of joy

and i realized he died so we could not die for our sins
he died so we would not be on the cross
atoning for our many sins

as i stand at the cross i think back to the days of old
where christ and his disciplies
where loved by the people and hated by the phrasies

and i realized that thourgh Christ so many were healed
such as mary magdalen and the blind man
and the woman who was nearly stoned

but he said before the could
"those without sin cast the first stone"
and i wonder

are those who are without sin really without sin?
or do they lie to themselves and others about their sin
but i know they cannot lie tothe Lord for the Lord has seen and heard all

on that day i was saved
saved from sin
and saved from a life without hope

thats the end critique how you like constructive critique apperciated

[Anna Mae]

the day
the day my lord died on the cross Do you have a specific reason for the noncapitalization and general omission of punction?
i thought all hope was lost
but then i felt an overwhemling sense of joy This part leaves the reader wondering what prompted the change.

and i realized he died so we could not die for our sins Could not?
he died so we would not be on the cross
atoning for our many sins

as i stand at the cross i think back to the days of old I am usure from where in Holy Week this poem is being narrarated. At this point are you returning to the site after the fact?
where christ and his disciplies
where loved by the people and hated by the phrasies Pharisees

and i realized that thourgh Christ so many were healed Typographical error
such as mary magdalen and the blind man
and the woman who was nearly stoned It feels odd to be given one name and two descriptons. What if you were to replace Mary Magdalen with another description?

but he said before the could Crowd, I assume.
"those without sin cast the first stone" The way this is written, one might think he was addressing the crowd at the cross.
and i wonder

are those who are without sin really without sin? Odd mental connection, seeing as no one threw anything
or do they lie to themselves and others about their sin
but i know they cannot lie to the Lord for the Lord has seen and heard all But your point is still valid

on that day i was saved To which of the two days to refer?
saved from sin
and saved from a life without hope

I appreciate your message. Your personal narration is nice.

[Althaia]

heres another poem by me

the voice
the moon full
i am watching
the clouds roll across
i hear a roar
i begin to run
i don't know what i am running from
i just run as i continue
i hear a voice calling out
"don't be be afraid i will protect you"
i stand my ground
a thing of pure evil steps out into the moonlight growling
a light shines from within
the thing runs and cowers in the trees
as i get closer it burns
ever so slowly
it burns so not even
the bone is there
the voice again calls out saying
"help me shine brighter by using your gift"
and at that i sing
i sing of this light i hear and see and feel
as the darkness ebbs
i feel a sense of calm in the air
thats when the voice says
"thank you my daughter"

constructive critisume apperciated

[Althaia]

oh thanks by the way anna i had trouble spelling Pharisees since i had no bible on hand to look it up on but thanks for the critique