Shifters (new)

[Photosoph]

Yes; editing isn't the most enjoyable part of writing. Even worse, I generally end up editing more than once. >_< Several times, in fact, after I've finally finished writing a story.
I really do find your comments helpful; and thanks. ^_^ No, I don't think you're being critical of my story, but thank you for the reassurance.

Yes; I don't like characters to be too out of it for too long. Though I'm not sure if I've been able to achieve that. I forget whether his confidence lasts, or whether I inadvertently revert him back to his old state. ^_^" Ah well.

Hmm... feeling kinda blah lately, but will post the next bit up soon. I just want to write a bit more new stuff on the story, and since at the moment it seems to be a choice of editing what I've written and posting it or doing some new writing, I want to go with new writing. Otherwise I might not be in the mood to write more later. ^_^"

[Photosoph]

Well, finally I'll post some new stuff. I don't like to double-post, but if I just edit, it won't show up that I've made any changes/added anything to this thread. ^_^"


Chapter Six, continued.


The colours of the sunset dimmed as night approached. Zack sat and watched as the peach and gold clouds grew grey and subdued.
“What time is it?â€

[Esoteric]

I don't like to double-post, but if I just edit, it won't show up that I've made any changes/added anything to this thread.

Heh, yeah, I've faced that dilemma before too. Drift. Good name. It certainly reflects his character. Just out of curiosity, does 'sherbert' fizzy ice cream in Australia/NZ? Here, sherbert tends to refer to certain fruit flavored ice creams.

[Photosoph]

Hmm... that's an interesting question. For me, sherbert ice cream would mean fizzy ice cream... and I think that would be true of 'sherbert ice cream' in NZ... however I'm not sure. We have quite a lot of American products influence here, so I'm not 100% sure.
Should I describe it a little more, perhaps?

And thanks for pointing that out. ^_^ As I've said before, I appreciate your pointers. Often the writer can't see things that an independent reader can. ^_^

[Aileen Kailum]

Yay! More story! (I'm sick right now, so I probably won't get more eloquent than that.)

You're doing a good job on descriptions. And I like the name Zack picked out for himself.

[Photosoph]

Thanks. And no problem! Even a short reply is very much appreciated. ^_^

I hope you get better: I know that it can really stink to be sick. V_V Get well soon, Aileen! *Hands medicinal muffin and cookie to Aileen*

[<:3)~mouse]

can i have yr autograph for when your famous.

[Photosoph]

Aw, gracias, mouse. ^_^ And I love your cute picture-text name and sig. >_< So cute! Sure, if I become famous (in the slight possibility it happens), I'll try to get you an autograph. You'll probably have to remind me, though; I forget quite a lot of stuff. ^_^" >.<

Anyway, time to post some more! \^_^ I'm also thinking of combining everything I've posted so far into a word document on the first post, to be updated each time I post something new. I'll have to see if I actually end up doing that, though...


Chapter Seven


“You sleep [I]here.â€

[Esoteric]

For me, sherbert ice cream would mean fizzy ice cream

Fascinating...you learns something new everyday. An American wouldn't particularly make that connection. Then again, not many Americans know what hokeypokey ice cream is either. We call that candy 'honeycomb'...and sadly we never put it in ice cream.

Ung...I need a medicinal muffin too.
Oh I almost forgot to say that I'm starting to think Chase is kinda scary! *wonders if she's related to Kukaku Shiba -the high strung and violent explosives expert in Bleach*

[Taliesin]

I wish that I could world shift! but not if I met someone as crabby as Chase. She needs to take a couple dozen chill pills. that was hysterical that he thought it was just normal old ice cream and its fizzy!

[Photosoph]

Hehe, thanks guys. ^_^
Hmm... perhaps I'll need to put the adjective 'fizzy sherbert' in somewhere, if I haven't already (*is being lazy and not checking right now* ~_~") just to make the 'fizziness' of an ice cream clear for American readers. =^_^=
...You've even heard about hokey pokey ice cream? I congratulate you! \*o* It's so nice that someone out there already knows some New Zealand-related things. =^_^=

Lol, thanks Taliesin. ^^ Yeah... I'd love to world shift too. It's an ability/idea I've had for previous (unfinished or just plain unwritten) stories in the past. It'd be cool to be able to go to any world you could think of; one of thousands and thousands of places to explore and investigate. ^_^
Yes, Chase needs chill pills. *Nods.* There's a definite reason why she's so crabby, but she should still get over her troubles and chill. But then again, she's a bit more interesting as a moody character. And she's mostly harmless, unless drastically provoked.
Oh, and I haven't seen Bleach, so I'm not sure about the character you referred to.

Sorry for taking a while to reply; firstly your replies didn't bump up this thread in my subscribed threads section (I'm not quite sure why o_O), and secondly, fatigue and stress have been in the picture a bit.
But thank you. Your replies have encouraged me. They're making me feel like writing again -so I won't actually have to push myself into writing, like I need to do quite often. ^_^" (Though I usually end up enjoying the writing process after the initial struggle to get started )

Gracias for taking the time to read what I've written, and comment too. ^^ And on that note, I'll leave you here and post some more.

Warning: this chapter contains one instance of mild bad language -the word 'cow' is used to refer to someone. Just who, I'm sure you can guess.



Chapter Seven, continued

After a little while Drift ventured outside once more. Within a few steps he met up with Chase, standing on the beach. Again her demeanour had changed. When she regarded him now, it was with a cold, emotionless stare; like that stare of a shark, jaguar, or lawyer.
“You can go to bed at your convenience,â€

[Esoteric]

'Cow' is bad language? Hmm, well I suppose it might offend a cow.

I while I dislike Chase's abusive side, I can forgive her if it was partially to help him learn. And she did get what she deserved anyway...

[Photosoph]

Hehe, definitely got what she deserved.
I don't really consider 'cow' being too bad, but thought I'd put a warning there just in case anyone would be offended by it.

It's strange; Chase isn't really evil or anything, but she does come off badly due to her actions. But it is her fault. Still, makes her interesting to write, as I've said. ^^

[Peregrine]

Heh, great chapter. As they say "it's all fun and games untill some one loses and eye" XD Can't wait until the next one!

[Felix]

Just wanted to drop in to let you know that I haven't forgotten about this, I just haven't had the chance to read the latest bits yet. I'll catch up soon, you bet!!

[Photosoph]

Thanks, Peregrine and Felix. ^_^ And that's fine, Felix; seriously, I understand. Time, other things, etc, come into the picture. We all have (or should have ) lives outside the internet, and CAA.
Aw, and Peregrine: your avatar is so cute! X3

Sorry for my lack of posting; just been a bit 'blah' for a little while. I'm feeling better today, though, so I'll try posting some more. ^_^

Chapter Eight

[i]“You hungry?!â€

[Peregrine]

Ooooh, I liked that chapter. Poor Chase, poor Drift. Keep it up!

oh, and thank you! I like my avatar too ^^

[Photosoph]

Wow! That was a fast reply, Peregrine. I'm glad you liked that chatper; I was wondering a bit about the quality of it. o_O But I think that's just general writer insecurity/perfectionism/all those other random things that effect us and the way we view our work. :grin;
Thank you, Peregrine. =3

Oh, and I'm actually going to edit the first post of this thread and attach a document containing everything I've posted of 'Shifters' up to this point there. I'll try to keep it updated as I continue to add to the story.
*Goes off to do that now*

[Felix]

Wow, this is amazing o.o I'm loving this story so much! I really like Chase's character. She's so interesting! Know what? I bet she's lonely, but doesn't want to admit it :] She wants Drift to stick around, or that's just my theory.
Anyway, wow. You're such a talented writer, I don't even know what to say. Keep up the great work! I seriously think you could get this published if you were in the right place at the right time (but that's the trick, isn't it?)
Good job!

[Photosoph]

Aw man, thanks Felix. That's really great encouragement. ^_^
The main thing is, I enjoy writing. About publishing... I will do it (in fact I've edited one of my stories about... hmm... four times, and it's finally ready to send off to the publishers. I just need to print it out and package it up now! ^_^" ), but being me I like to edit and edit it quite a bit to make the sentences and etc flow a little better. ^_^" So it takes a while for me to finally say "All right: I'm happy with it the way it is now." And all that's after I finally finish a story. ^^"

But you know, whether my story/stories ever get published or rejected, I love writing and so I'll continue to write. I've heard stories of people with really great stories who were rejected multiple times too, so that's another things. ^^

Eh, I can't really think of anything else to add to that subject. o_O

Yup, you may be right about Chase... but I can't give it all away just yet. And I'm glad you like her character; she's one of my favourites so far. X3
And being in the right place at the right time is the trick. ^^" ^_^

[Esoteric]

Okay. I read this chapter the other day and have been thinking about it. I'm afraid I'm going to sound a bit like a spoil-sport since everyone else is loving the story thus far, but my interest in the story has been diminishing a little bit and I've finally put my finger on why. I'm getting impatient, and a little annoyed with Drift. ...but hold on now, let me explain myself. Take a deep breath... Ready?

The impatience is due to the fact that eight chapters in, we know very little more about these two characters than we did in chapter three. We know Drift came from an unhappy place, but why and where have not even been scratched at yet. We know Chase is a moody world shifter with lots of experience, but what has she been doing with her life? We've heard about this Guild of Shifters...but who are they and why haven't we encountered any of them yet...wasn't Chase even expecting one earlier when they met? Lots and lots of plot and world related questions have gone unanswered even though I'm dying to learn something, or at least some more clues.

My annoyance is due to the fact that Drift is still so...so...dependent. He doesn't even seem very happy. When he gave himself a new name, I hoped we would see a striking new side to his personality...some confidence and joy at getting to start his life over clean. But he still hasn't even really embraced his ability yet and is still rather confused or surprised all the time. Here I am the reader saying "Wooo, I'd love to do that, be able to shift and go exploring!" Yet Drift is passively standing around digging his heels into the sand. Chase was right to give him a boot out of the 'nest' and I'm a little disappointed that she let her sympathy get in the way. I certainly hope wherever they are going next will provide some answers or even better, some danger which will force them to work together and get Drift to take some initiative.

Whew. There, I said it. I love your story and it's got wonderful potential, but it's starting to develop some pacing flaws. Your other readers may disagree with my analysis and that's fine, but I know I'll only be able to help you with your writing if I'm completely honest.
I am very impressed at how you are perservering with a story of this length. And I know from experience than it can be even harder to continue after someone has given negative feedback. But please, keep going, Soph!! Get this first draft finished! Once you've got the story down on paper, rewrites allow you to polish out all these little flaws. All us writers are in the same boat and we have to help each other. I only hope that I have.

[Photosoph]

(I've highlighted some points in this post so that I'll be able to see them easily in the future. That way I won't forget them )

Actually, thank you sincerely for that feedback, Eso. ^_^ I really appreciate the in-depth discussion of different things. And I know that it's definitely important to push through and finish the draft -major edits etc can come after that point. I don't feel upset, discouraged or anything -which I'm actually quite surprised at. Maybe it's just because you put it really nicely, or maybe it might be that I handle constructive criticism better than I though. _O Perhaps it's got something to do with me deciding a while back that I just write because I love it; whether I'm good or not so good doesn't matter: all the more since the more I write, the better I'll get. Or perhaps a little of both.

When Creatureart was reading this story, she got somewhat annoyed at how long they stayed on the island; I think the pacing issue is part of this. However, perhaps because I'm focusing more on Chase and less on Drift, maybe that's why he hasn't developed so much. Hmm... I haven't really done a great big think about his personality besides his background; but I do have something roughly put together in my mind about how he acts.
The next chapter will bring us more information on the guild of shifters, but I do agree that a lot of questions have gone on unanswered for a long time.

I think I need to start moving Drift into his more confident self; something I should have done a while ago. That's something I'll definitely try to do now where I'm writing, even if it may seem sudden when it comes to reading it, since I'll need to go back and edit for him to start that personality earlier.

Any tips on how to fix some of the issues? I mean, I like the whole island thing, but I will definitely need to go back through it and actually give Drift some personality, etc. Maybe I'll need to take out a couple of scenes; that's hard to do, but sometimes it needs to be done.

I think, maybe because I want to avoid any lengthy conversational discussions that I find so boring, perhaps that's why I haven't explained a lot of things. But I will have to add more clues, give Drift his personality earlier on (lol ), and perhaps shorten the time on the island so that we can get closer to the answers a little sooner, not be left hanging on.
But is there anything else you can think of that could alleviate the issue?

I think my main question/concern is now how to impliment what I've learned from this into my writing -what I've already written, and what I'm going to write.

[Esoteric]

When Creatureart was reading this story, she got somewhat annoyed at how long they stayed on the island; I think the pacing issue is part of this. However, perhaps because I'm focusing more on Chase and less on Drift, maybe that's why he hasn't developed so much. Hmm... I haven't really done a great big think about his personality besides his background; but I do have something roughly put together in my mind about how he acts.

It sounds like you've figured out underlying issue pretty well by yourself. --You haven't been thinking about Drift so he hasn't changed or done much for five chapters. It's good that you're aware of that. The better you can self-analyze, the easier your job will be. Being the writer, you may have a good sense of who Drift is, but the writer must always remember the reader knows nothing until he is told by one means or another. As the writer, it's our job to help the reader become as familiar with the main characters as we are. The hard part is doing that in a way which is a pleasure to read.

Any tips on how to fix some of the issues? I mean, I like the whole island thing, but I will definitely need to go back through it and actually give Drift some personality, etc. Maybe I'll need to take out a couple of scenes; that's hard to do, but sometimes it needs to be done.

Chopping pieces out is certainly painful, especially if you've spent considerable time on something. But sometimes throwing out luggage is necessary to get the plane to fly, if you know what I mean. I've had great ideas for scenes in stories that simply wouldn't fit cohesively into the rest of the plot. With sadness, I'd tear them out and assure myself it's for the good of the story.
Concerning the island, perhaps you'll be able to rearrange and condense some of the events when you edit, trimming down the timeline and the repettative nature of certain conversations.

As for pacing...writing a story is very much like building a roller coaster. The ups and downs of a coaster represent 'exciting parts' and 'relaxed parts' The main difference is with a roller coaster, the largest hill must come first due to the nature of gravity, and each subsequent hill is slightly smaller than the last until the ride is over. This keeps momentum and the coaster moving. With a story, you want to reverse this. Each hill, each conflict, should be a little bit bigger than the last, until the climax--which is the biggest conflict of all. This keeps the reader's interest, his 'momentum' in the story.
Also if you space your hills too closely and make them too high, the reader is going to get whiplash and possibly nauseous from the joltiness of the story. If your hills are too far apart and too low...the reader will lose interest or fall asleep from boredom. Now this isn't a solid rule of course (some authors can effectively mix big hills and little hills so to speak), but it's a good guideline for crafting plots.
Oh look, I've gone and done it again... Sorry, I tend to make such long explanations!!! I wouldn't be surprised if you fell asleep! XD

[Photosoph]

No; actually the long explanations are wonderful. I appreciate all the help you're giving me; your hints will help me with my story writing, so I'm more than happy to write and recieve them. ^_^

True. But consciously I'm not sure if I can create the 'hills' (or plan them out). But, in general, I know that my story is building towards the highest hill (the climax); the biggest scene is yet to come. ^_^
...And have you noticed how long it can take to get to and write certain parts of the story, and get the resolution, after the climax, is usually so short? Well, not short short, but definitely nowhere near as long as when you're writing scenes near and at the climax.
Although then again... sometimes the climax can seem to be over in a moment too. o_O

Anyway! Yup, when I edit before posting the chapter/parts of chapters here, I'll edit them to include Drift's character. So the next post will probably have a sudden change in him; but I'll just have to go back and re-edit all the chapters later to make it smoother, more natural.

Once again, I really appreciate all your help, Eso. Thank you so much for taking the time to analyze these things and help me! I'm looking forward to writing more; and giving Drift some character should be fun. ^_^

[Esoteric]

True. But consciously I'm not sure if I can create the 'hills' (or plan them out). But, in general, I know that my story is building towards the highest hill (the climax); the biggest scene is yet to come. ^_^
...And have you noticed how long it can take to get to and write certain parts of the story, and get the resolution, after the climax, is usually so short? Well, not short short, but definitely nowhere near as long as when you're writing scenes near and at the climax.

hehe, yeah. It does seem to take a while to build to the climax properly. People love the gradual buildup of suspense and intrigue. Then, bam! --It's over, or something like that. Hehe, and well, usually there isn't much after the climax because it's usually...well, anticlimactic. There's usually just to tie up loose ends and such. That's classic story telling tried and true. And you know to be honest, I don't think about 'hills' much when I'm writing either. It's only when I try to analyze something that I think of it in terms of 'hills'.

I'm glad you find my small offerings of advice helpful. Truly, I can't wait to see the new Drift!

[Photosoph]

Great!

Don't worry; I've already started to use the new Drift in my newest writing. Now... sorry it's been a while, but hopefully I'll be able to edit some more and post it here soon. ^_^" I just seem to be tied up with quite a few things; especially since I just joined deviantart. XP

[Photosoph]

Very sorry for how long it took me to do this. ^_^" I hope I haven't lost your interest by my break, guys.

Actually, I've just been tired and somewhat bogged down lately, so that's why it's taken me a while to post. But never fear! \*o* Drift actually has some personality now! XD

It's a bit short, but hopefully I'll get onto editing some more soon. ^_^ I'm trying to plan my week around the different things I do -one day for CAA, one for drawing/writing, and another for doing something else. Or something like that. Might help to keep the 'workload' for each day down. XD
Oh, and please let me know of any editing tips, etc. I don't think my editing will be quite as good as before, since I'm adding to what I've previously written for each new chapter as well as editing it. So any mistakes you let me know of will be appreciated.


Chapter Eight, continued

They were in some sort of building. A very modern looking one, as far as Drift could tell from the sloping, glass window looking out onto a soft green field, and the white, incredibly tall wall to their left. Curving slowly inwards all the way up its length, the window finally connected with the wall to form the ceiling.

“So this is the Shifters’ Union,â€

[Peregrine]

ooooOOOOOOOooooo. What will happen next?

[Esoteric]

Gasp! The shifters have shifted!! An empty union, eh? I smell trouble and that's good! (well, not for them maybe). Drift's new personality expresses a comfort with his surroundings, and especially with Chase in the way he teases her. Naturally, it felt a bit strange to have him acting that way at first, but once you go back and work the personality transition in, it should work great! Yay!

I know how it can be hard to schedule time for everything. A week certainly isn't too long a gap between updates. Look at me...I only update once a month!

*Oh! It's your birthday today?! Wow. Happy birthday to you and your sis!*

[Photosoph]

Aw, thank you, you two. ^_^ Yeah, t'was my birthday! =^_^= Thanks for the well-wishes; it was a nice day. ^^

Yup, I wanted Drift to be more comfortable, friendly, but a little impulsive. ^^ Or that's how I plan. And I'll definitely go back to make sure that comes through earlier, so it's not so sudden, like this.

Yes, you may smell trouble... And thanks. I'm glad it wasn't too long between this and the last update. ^_^"

I know what will happen next... and soon you guys will, too.