Postby Peanut » Mon Dec 25, 2006 7:22 pm
A Very Of Nations and States Christmas: AKA the Losers Lounge
Narator: Ahem…twas the day of Christmas and all through Lord Kalvin’s house, not a creature was stirring not even an undead mouse. And deep in the living room, assembled with care, were all the Of Nations and Staters except those which had won. In the middles sat Lord Kalvin, with no body to boot, but he still had his beard which made him look smooth. Puritan sat on the floor with no brain in his head and Temulin sat next to him in her chair which was in the TV set. But Hakaii…Hakaii was no where to be found. On vacation he was and who knows what he would do…but now it’s time for the gift exchange…and what an exchange it will be…for Lord Kalvin arranged it with no limits to thee…
Lord Kalvin: Alright folks…it’s time for the gift exchange…
Temulin: Bah Humbug!
Lord Kalvin: Temulin! Really, where is your Holiday spirit! It’s Christmas and now is the time for us to give gifts to each other to spread the holiday cheer!
Temulin: As I said…Bah Humbug! Christmas is nothing more then a capitalistic holiday in which you capitalists use your capitalistic philosophy to get more capitalistic possessions for your capitalistic houses! Anyone who goes around saying Merry Capitalistic Chrsitmas should be boiled in their own FIG PUDDING!!!!
Lord Kalvin:…What?
Narrator: Puritan had moved away to chew on the tree, with the hopes that perhaps he could achieve a little glee…
Lord Kalvin: Puritan! No chewing the tree…that’s for my undead ninja cats to do only…
Temulin: Undead ninja cats…I haven’t seen any undead ninja cat’s?
Lord Kalvin: Exactly...Now then folks, let’s get our gifts for each other…
Narrator: Suddenly there arose from the roof quite a clatter, and immediately Lord Kalvin screamed…
Lord Kalvin: OH MY WHAT’S THE MATTER!
Narrator: And through the chimney, fell with a thump. Two Ninja Monkey Announcers and their really sore rumps.
Ninja Monkey Announcers: OW!!!
Lord Kalvin: Great Googly Moogly!! What are you guys doing here?
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Well, we figured we would show up and join you guys seeing as how we don’t have anywhere else to hang out…
Lord Kalvin: Did you bring gifts?
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Absolutely…
Lord Kalvin: Be honest…your just here because you heard I was giving out free egg nog aren’t you…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Yeah…your right…we all we really cared about was the free egg nog…
Lord Kalvin: Well then LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!!
Narrator: Lord Kalvin felt a pang of sympathy after the Ninja Monkey Announcer’s words about the free egg nog, and his want to throw them out quickly melted into sympathy and love…ah…
Lord Kalvin: Well then…please come in and have some egg nog, and do stay for the Gift Exchange…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Huh?
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Shh…I paid the all mighty narrator to let us in…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Ah I see…even Lord Kalvin cannot resist its all mighty voice of all mightyness…
Narrator: Now Lord Kalvin over heard every word the Ninja Monkies did say.
Lord Kalvin: What was that?
Narrator: But he ignored them and continued on to the gift exchange.
Lord Kalvin: Now then, you all know the rules…we will each draw a name from this hat…
Narrator: A hat without a cat appeared in Lord Kalvin’s hand…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Impressive special effects…
Lord Kalvin: And then you will give your to the person on it. Now then, everyone pick a name.
Narrator: The guests all picked a piece of paper from the hat. And on each of them was a black cat.
Lord Kalvin: All right Puritan, you first…
Narrator: Puritan pulled a gift from his cybernetic skeleton, wrapped in Temuoplutanium. And with a quick drop, the gift plopped on Lord Kalvin’s lap.
Lord Kalvin: For me…how thoughtful of you!
Narrator: Lord Kalvin used his mighty powers of undead darkness to open the gift, for it was the only way to cut through the mighty Temuoplian metal. Within it was a book…
Lord Kalvin: Maintenance of Cybornetic Components for Dummies…
Narrator: Said he with a relatively disappointed tone…
Lord Kalvin:…yes…just what I’ve always wanted…thank you Puritan. Now then, Ninja Monkey Announcer 1…your turn…
Narrator: Ninja Monkey Announcer 1 produced a poorly wrapped parcel in a poof of smoke upon Temulin’s TV set.
Temulin: Oh for me!
Narrator: With Robotic arms, Temulin opened her gift like an overly excited child on Christmas day. Only to find a pair of socks with QtheQreater’s face all over them…
Temulin: SOCKS?!
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Mama always said you can never have enough socks…Hmm…I would think my bursting dresser would prove her wrong…
Lord Kalvin: Ok…Ninja Monkey Annoucner 2…your up…
Narrator: The Ninja Monkey Announcer gave his gift to Puritan, who promptly ate it and exploded.
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Hey!
Lord Kalvin: Oh my…what did you give him…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: I gave him one of those small McDonald’s toys that say do not eat on them…
Lord Kalvin: Oh…so that’s why they say not to eat them…Temulin…your turn…
Narrator: Temulin’s robotic arms produced a gift wrapped in Hammer and Sickle upon it and handed it to the second Ninja Monkey Announcer…He opened it…to find the complete work’s of Marx and a copy of Dr. Strangemonkeylove: Or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the ZPEB which is a very boring documentary about the life, times and research of Dr. Strangemonkeylove…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Wow…how communist of you…I mean nice of you…
Temulin: There is one more part to that gift…
Narrator: With that Temulin threw a festive spork in his eye…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: OW MY EYE!!!
Temulin: BWAHAHAHAHA! AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!!! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR YOUR CAPITALISTIC SPIRIT!!!!
Lord Kalvin: Temulin…no spork throwing inside the house!
Temulin: But?!
Lord Kalvin: AH!
Ninja Monkey Annuoncer 2: CAN SOMEBODY CALL 911!
Lord Kalvin: Well…I’m the last one…
Narrator: With his dark powers, Lord Kalvin summoned up a gift that no one could ever resist…it was simply the best gift in the world…a DaRabbidRubberDuckie…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: FOR ME!!!
Lord Kalvin: Yep…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Wow it’s just what I’ve always wanted!
Temulin: Hey…how come he gets the awesome gift…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: I THINK I’M GOING TO LOOSE MY EYE!!!!
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Well, too bad…it’s mine…
Temulin: BAH! IT is not yours! IT IS THE STATE!!! AND I AM THE STATE!!!
Narrator: With that Temulin deployed her robotic arms.
Lord Kalvin: Now children play nice…
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: No…it’s mine…Lord Kalvin gave it to me…
Temulin: Well to bad! We live in Communist times Comrade…and I am your chairman…so give it to me before I sick the real DaRabbid on you!
Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: How about I give you this!
Narrator: The Ninja Monkey Announcer threw poo at Temulin’s TV screen…and soon the entire living room was enwrapped in a bitter war filled with the screaming of Ninja Monkies, the sparks of Serverbots, the begging of Lord Kalvin for everyone to calm down and not spill egg nog on the new carpet, and the screams of a very unhappy Ninja Monkey Announcer who lost his eye. Well anyway, no matter what the communist Temulin says…a Merry Christmas to all the members of Of Nations and States, and may you all have a great new year…
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