Creed4's Story poems.

[creed4]

This is a third category of poem I write, I always have loved narratives so here are some.

I Followed My Heart

I followed my heart
And for a while it was fun.
We saw wonders
Untold.
Dreams foretold.
But then we hit the rapids,
And went over the falls.
Now I'm lost
And doomed to die
So I asked My heart
Why he lead me this way
I found out he lies
Only to get pleasure
And does not care
The cost.

I looked and saw a man.
I thought this was by chance
He said “Follow Meâ€

[Photosoph]

Narratives -is this that sort of style? Cool. ^_^ I'm not really good with literary terms... sometimes I know generally what they mean but not their specific meaning/s.

I enjoyed this, though I feel inclined to point out that you wrote 'quacked' instead of 'quaked'. ^_^" Apart from that, only one other mistake that I can really remember; just an 'I'd' that didn't have a capital I.

Sweet, that bit of commenting is over. Now to get onto what I really want to say:
I really like what you've written. I so agree with the message about the heart; in Disney movies etc they often have the message 'follow your heart'; but the heart is deceptive. And it's cool how you've written it as a 'narrative poem'; one that tells a story. Nice work, Creed.

[creed4]

Here is a new one, I did not want to put in proclamation because its not in my point of view,

Following My Road

Following my road
I fought my own battles
Hurt and pain
Are no strangers
When will I fall
And surrender in Your arms.

Student of chance
Life of contradictions
For me nothings set.
With nothing true
How can I know my way
When will I fall
And Surrender in Your arms.

In myself I cannot win.
I hold on, but the roads to long
If there is no truth, just what I think
Then what can I count on.
When will I fall
And surrender in Your arms.

You Found me, I see you are
The warrior who never loses.
You showed me light, my eyes opened
You are the only truth
You came now my path is clear.
I fell down
And surrendered in Your arms.

[Anna Mae]

I Followed My Heart

I followed my heart
And for a while it was fun.
We saw wonders [We=my heart and I. A mi me gusta.]
Untold.
Dreams foretold.
But then we hit the rapids,
And went over the falls.
Now I'm lost
And doomed to die
So I asked My heart
Why he lead me this way.
I found out he lies
Only to get pleasure
And does not care
The cost. [*claps hands in joy* I am glad that someone is of the same opinion as I.]

I looked and saw a man.
I thought this was by chance
He said “Follow Me” [More punctuation would be good.]
His voice so peaceful
It quaked my soul. [Nice contrast. Very good.]
He led me out
Of the deadly sea.
To a home with Life. [Although this is a fragment, I can see it working well for stylistic purposes.]
I said, “Thank you
With out you I'd have died”
He said, “I sought you
To free you and give life.
I paid your debt.
Come now, be my bother.
My Father longs to adopt you. [*smiles* This reminds me of the saying, "God has no grandchildren."]
Trust what I say
For I do not lie.
And will never turn you away.”

[You have a good message here and a quality idea. I hope that everyone who reads this takes it to heart (yes, pun intended).]

[Anna Mae]

Following My Road

Following my road
I fought my own battles
Hurt and pain
Are no strangers
When will I fall
And surrender in Your arms. [Mm? So far this is not making sense.]

Student of chance
Life of contradictions
For me nothing's set.
With nothing true
How can I know my way
When will I fall
And Surrender in Your arms. [Oh, I think I understand now. So the protagonist knows that he needs to surrender, but is unsure of his readiness to do so?]

In myself I cannot win. [Good sentence.]
I hold on, but the road's too long
If there is no truth, just what I think
Then what can I count on.
When will I fall
And surrender in Your arms. [I think you should replace "in" with "into".]

You Found me, I see you are
The warrior who never loses.
You showed me light, my eyes opened
You are the only truth
You came now my path is clear.
I fell down
And surrendered in Your arms. [Nice ending.]

[An overall critique of your writing style in general is that you could use more punctuation and fewer fragments (don't be afraid of complex sentence structures) in order to make more cohesive and understandable messages. Your ideas are great, and this would help you get them across in a manner that is easier on the reader.]