CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

This is junior fiction, so if you’re older than 15 you may not enjoy this. I, however, enjoy junior fiction very much. I’ve sat glued to the pages of Holes by Louis Sachar, or perused great lines by R.L. Stine, and was thoroughly swept away by Richard Peck’s wild and crazy grandmother of the A Long Way From Chicago series. Sometimes I think all the real characters and stories are in the junior section of the library.



Also, in my 40s I think I’m drawn to truly enjoying kids. Listening to them speak, reading what they write, or watching them at play. My dearest friends must be entering that time of life, as well. One of my friends, having obtained her degree in finance and being a banks financial officer for many years, is now an art teacher and professional artist. My other friend, who had been a CFO, is now a kindergarten teacher in California. I think it’s the female version of mid-life crisis. Me, I’m a home school mom, of which I never thought I would do, and even mocked those who did teach at home as not all there - you know, missing a few screws and bolts.

Anyway, here is the story I had started as an idea last year, put it away and am now looking at it from a different angle. I hope you enjoy this work in progress that I will be adding to a little at a time during my summer off. Please comment if you read, I would appreciate it; however, if you don't comment, I hope you did enjoy what you read.


Juggling Plums



Juggling was easy; however, getting the plum juice out from under the refrigerator would be difficult.

This was the thought which ran through Glory’s mind as she looked over the splattery mess by her feet. Her hands were firmly planted on thin hips, a wide leather belt holding up the size 2 slim, bell-bottomed jeans.

Glory was always tall for her age, and the most recent growth spurt had given her a lanky, tall and thin look. Which could be considered model-like; but it made shopping for clothes difficult for her mom, and it made her feel odd around the other teens that she towered over. It was rare for her to find a guy who wouldn’t be shorter. However, she was starting a new school, a new grade, and had high hopes at finding taller guys, who had equal growth spurts in this new town.

[size=100][font=Times New Roman]“How am I going to explain this to mom?â€

Here's an addition to my summer project. Read if you dare. Okay, so it's boring human interest stuff, but hey, you might actually like it.

Juggling Plums, part 2

Mom was leaving for the weekend today. Her job called her to Phoenix for three days, and she was a nervous wreck. There was too much to be done, not enough hours in the day, and although she had left the kids alone before, her sister Karen was at least available in the past to spend the night with them. This time Karen was busy on her honeymoon – how untimely.
She trusted her daughter, but to place her in charge of everything was pressing hard against her heart. Was she doing the right thing? If she lost this job, which was such a blessing that she happened to find it, what other job would be out there for a 43-year-old woman who hadn’t worked in the last 20 years? She was smart, educated, but the job market was tight and unforgiving.

[size=100][font=Times New Roman] “Mom,â€

Now, I know a little bit about where this story goes next, and I'm excited to read more. ^_^ I'd probably have to read a bit more of the new POV (point of view) to tell you whether I like third person or first person better. It was a bit awkward in the old story to keep switching between Glory and Henry's POV. (I actually liked it, but I think Henry's "voice" was a little out of place somehow.) I think I liked it from Glory's POV the best so far. Like I said, though, I'd need to read more in the third person POV to tell you for sure.

I'm probably biased because I read the first one (and just now re-read it). The dialogue in the new one sounds slightly stilted, probably because you were trying to make the new POV fit the old dialogue. Also, there are some bits of the story that are from the old one, but in new places, and they don't seem to flow (such as the bit about Henry being a homicidal maniac in the making). You might want to try rewriting the dialogue in the new POV without looking at the old one. It would flow more naturally, I think. More like a river than an aqueduct.

I like the new description of the mom. I also like the new dialogue about the "dream house."

I look forward to reading more!

I'm rooting for the giant tree.... get it? Rooting? Heh.... Okay, so it wasn't all that funny.

Hi Eire, I'm glad you liked the new section, which is the second section I placed here, with the mom and Glory's conversation.

However, I hope you start to like it with the new POV only because once the tree starts going all wacky I need to change the scene from inside the house where Glory is, to outside the house where Henry and the other guy are for awhile.

I realized that I couldn't keep it with only Glory's perspective if I wanted to have the effect that I'm looking for once everything goes haywire.

Anyway, this next section will be of Henry. I'll try to not make it so stilted in the dialogue. It's only Henry talking to himself, anyway. ^__^ I will try my best to get better.

I truly appreciate your comments, because you are a great editor.

Thanks for reading it and taking the time to read it and the other version to compare. It might be better if you don't look at the other version at all, and then it won't affect when you read further with this version. I really don't want it to be in first person, and I hope you don't mind.

Thanks again, my dearest friend.

true_noir_chloe wrote:I really don't want it to be in first person, and I hope you don't mind.

Of course I don't mind! You're the author, after all. You know what needs to happen. I guess being an author is kinda' like being God... only He knows the big picture.

wow this very good. I don't see why you don't think older folks won't enjoy this, the stlye is very good detailed and readable.

hey this is cool! i like it. *sits patiently and waits for more*

"This is the best story ever!!" *grins at Chloe playfully*


But really, I do like the story. I've always appreciated stories with more focus on the characters and I love the way this story is presented. Wonderful job, Chloe! I look forward to see the rest! ^________^ I have much to learn from you!

*in her wisest voice the middle-aged Chloe speaks* Young padawan, Mave, I will try my best to teach you all that I know. LOL

Wow, thanks for reading it Rachel. I still have to get used to your new name; although, it is your real name, right? ^___^

Starstoryteller thanks for reading my story. I see you're fairly new and I hope you're enjoying it here at CAA.

Icarus, as always, I am pleased you read my stuff. Thanks. ^__^

I'm running out of time tonight, so I'll probably post the next installment tomorrow. I have to do another quick edit on it.

Today is yesterday's tomorrow so I'm placing this new section. Again, please comment if you read - it wil bump up my story. HAHA

Juggling Plums, part III?:eyebrow:

Henry sat at the edge of the canyon, looking out. He thought over dad and where he was at the moment. Was he on a dig like him? Did he even think of him any more? The curvature of the earth made clouds sigh along with Henry as he looked off to the horizon…. Ah well, back to digging.

Henry knew there were many Indian tribes which had lived in this canyon before and he knew he could find some really neat artifacts or remnants of extinct animals. Then, he’d give them to the museum and begin his career as a well-known archaeologist – Henry McCaslin, Ph.D – just like dad.

There were some dark clouds in the distance, meaning it would rain tonight. He’d have to dig soon or he might be caught in the rain and then Glory would throw a hissy fit if he tracked in mud.

[font=Times New Roman][size=100]“Man,â€

hola. this is cool. i like it. yeah

Hey Chloe ^_^,

I remember reading this story the first time...I'd always hoped you would finish it. It is so full of imagination....I LOVE the tree ^__^!! Will definitely be back to read more. I can't wait to see how it goes.
*hug* Keep writing.

Very cool, my friend. ^_^ I love the part where he's having a conversation with his shovel.

Oh wow, Chloe! I was hoping you'd show us some more of your work. This is great stuff! Henry reminds me of my little bro when he was younger (Although we don't fight quite as much as Glory and Henry do).
Please write more. You know how it is; you keep writing, I'll keep reading .

Thanks Rachel, Icarus, Eire, and MIMICHAN IS BACK! 0___0, and Kesshin for reading my story. I'm placing the next part tomorrow. Actually, she told me she was going to visit and I'm so happy Mimichan did. ^_____^ *hugs*

Okay, I know it's been quite a few days and tomorrow came and went, but here it is. This is a conversation to move the story along, introduce characters and generally it's light-hearted. I hope you all don't fall asleep. The next part has action; but, sometimes you must walk through valleys before you reach mountains. Hehe, so that's really corny - whatever - here it is.

Juggling Plums; Section VI

The doorbell rang. Glory walked over and looked through the peep hole. The eyes were blue, the hair brown and the smile spectacular. A hotty was just outside her door.

[size=100][font=Times New Roman] Glory jumped back. “Oh my gosh,â€

(cont.)

[font=Times New Roman][size=100]“I mean, it’s not like they die, they just move out after a month or so.â€

(darn, it was too long. Here's the rest.)

[font=Times New Roman][size=100]“Say,â€

Great section, Chloe. And don't worry about how long it takes to get to the action. A really talented writer/mom once told me that stories need more than action to be good. ^^ And your story is wonderful, there's no doubt about it.

Hehe, thanks Kesshin. ^___^ I wonder who that mom/writer was?

She's a lady I met on some Christian anime forum. And she's the nicest person....

So, when are you going to post more, Chloe?

Kesshin wrote: So, when are you going to post more, Chloe?

I hope to within the next week. It may be difficult, since I'm a bit busy and not on CAA much. Thanks for reading and being so kind in your comments, Kesshin. I'll go check out your story and comment over there now. Ta-ta. Oh yes, hi Icarus.

this story is so cool chloe...you are truly a most excellent writer

*bumps up thread*
>>>this story is so cool chloe...you are truly a most excellent writer<<<

Isn't she, though? *sits down and waits for Chloe's next installment*

*coughbumpcough*
I know you've been busy, Chloe so I won't pressure you for more. But whenever you're ready, I'm here.

Thanks Kesshin. I'm waiting on my proofreader - ahem, my daughter - to read the next section and give me her thumbs up.

Anyways, an interesting fact about the previous section - coasters. I have this thing about coasters.

I have a set of coasters in the family room and kitchen area, also near the living room. I have a set near each of the kid's computers - wouldn't want condensation to mess up their expensive systems. I have coasters in the game room - don't want to mess up the game systems. I have coasters at the top of the stairs in our reading loft. I have coasters in my office. And you know what? I still have to tell my son as his drink sits right next to the coasters and drips all over my fine wood, "Coasters! USE THE COASTERS!"

So, I'm a little obsessed with coasters.

Anyways, this is why I wrote the last section about coasters. Okay, do any of you have moms this obsessed with coasters?