CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

A Summery of my series that I hope to turn into a Manga:

Story: In the year 21XX,On Planet Elysian, Normal Elysians and Elysian Sorcerers lived in peace with one another..or at least tried to. one day,Prof. Abel an Normal Elysian Scientist uncovered a baby sorceress inside a cave.He named the girl,Robin and rased her up as his own. as a child,Robin learned the ways of the Elysian Sorceror from Seraphi,a master sorcerer and friend of Professor Abel. Years have past and Robin grew to be a beautiful young lady,as well as a good sorceress,who was unaware of her unlimited potential. Robin had the uncanny ability to emulate her opponents Main Spell just by touching them. During the moments of peace,a radical organization of Sorcerers was secretly forming. the Group called themselves the SecPro and they hated Normal Elysians.SecPro's goal was to oppress and kill all of the Normal Elysians,than Rule the Planet in the name of all Sorcerer kind. Months later,The SecPro Began their attacks,and since the Elysian armada {made up of normals and lower class sorcerers}was no match for them,The Elysian King decided to Create a special Task Force of Sorcerers and Sorceresses called the Warlock Killers. Led by Master Sorceress,Nefertori,The Warlock Killers were succesful in destroying the Evil Organization and its members.However months later,random Sorcerers and Sorceresses started to become Wizards and Witches{evil sorcerers and sorcereses}. The New Wizards and Witches started a rampage on the Normals and killed some of them. The Evilones were eventualy stopped and killed by the Warlock Killers. However,weeks later Nefertori became a Witch and Converted most of the Warlock Killers to her side..and before Elysian knew it ,SecPro was reborn,with Nefertori as the Leader. Expert Sorceress Ophani, Daughter of Seraphi took over as leader of the Warlock Killers,vowing to destroy the SecPro and save the Normals. Robin,having a strong sence of justice,decides to join up with the Warlock Killers. Robin is given her first mission: destroy the SecPro mutant minions who are terrorising the city.

I've got more that I'll post later.

Crap! why ain't anyone replying! This is Good stuff people. Worthy of the Sci-Fi Genre.

Christisright wrote:Crap! why ain't anyone replying! This is Good stuff people. Worthy of the Sci-Fi Genre.

You seem to have slightly different tastes on what's good Sci-Fi compared to most people.

You Dissin' My Work? Don't. and besides I havent shown the good stuff yet. Oh yeah,and I appologize If I called it Pure Sci-Fi, It's actually an Action Series with a small bit of Sci-Fi.

It's still good,though.

... Perhaps it's the somewhat sickening aura of egotism that surrounds this thread, the numerous typos and/or broken sentences, and Witch Hunter Robin similarities that are turning people off?

USSRGirl wrote:... Perhaps it's the somewhat sickening aura of egotism that surrounds this thread, the numerous typos and/or broken sentences, and Witch Hunter Robin similarities that are turning people off?

Oho. She speaks the truth.

Well let's see, you have a baby becoming magical sorceress who fight for justice, truth, hotcakes and cinnabuns and all that good jazz. Not only that but she seems to have some sort of "extra-special" ability that seems to be exclusive to her. You have some organization that's battling some other organization for who knows why, and you have this special girl becoming some leader that's going to bring peace and harmony and fuzzy feelings towards the land.

It's kind of overdone.

Wouldn't wizards be considered as a fantasy convention more than a sci fi one?

Mr. SmartyPants wrote:Well let's see, you have a baby becoming magical sorceress who fight for justice, truth, hotcakes and cinnabuns and all that good jazz. Not only that but she seems to have some sort of "extra-special" ability that seems to be exclusive to her. You have some organization that's battling some other organization for who knows why, and you have this special girl becoming some leader that's going to bring peace and harmony and fuzzy feelings towards the land.

It's kind of overdone.

Yet normally I'd be merciful towards these really obvious cliches or flat-out rip-off's if the author was not posting simply to get some kind of praise and accolades for it being "sooooooo good" and don't you dare diss such divinely inspired literary perfection that would make even Shakespeare blush!

Yeaaaah.... Temulin out.

USSRGirl wrote:... Perhaps it's the somewhat sickening aura of egotism that surrounds this thread, the numerous typos and/or broken sentences, and Witch Hunter Robin similarities that are turning people off?

Yeah I guess was abit Egotistical, Sorry. And I'll fix the Grammar Errors. Oh and EVERYTHINGS overdone nowadays. And If Its like WHR,I appologize. It's just that that anime inspired me.I have Many Inspirations.

Yes,I realise that not everyone is gonna like my series,but I think I did a good,not great,but good job. Plus The best is yet to come.Although,MSP I appreciate your criticism. I know you didn't mean to sound Mean. and once again I wanna appologize for my breif fit of Egotism. It's just that I almost always get ignored around here. I hate getting Ignored. I'm not an egomaniac, so please don't eternaly labal me as one. I don't want any enemies here..just friends.

XD Hey it's cool. Sorry for the biting commie comments if I read any snottyness into your posts that you didn't intend. Besides far be it for me to lecture someone on egotism...

Some suggestions for your writing project: 1.) I'm a huge fan of evil, conspiracy groups and organizations but please, please, please try to develop your two factions a little better. The basic idea you have going with the opposing sorcerer groups is good, and would be great if you took the time to develop it and such, which you may have already done in the actual story since I've just read the summary you posted. 2.) Spellcheck and grammar check are your FRIENDS! Listen to them. 3.) Hm... you might wanna pick another name besides Robin so the resemblance isn't so obvious. Like just mix it up some so it turns into uh... Skaibin! Or Runa! Or something like that. XP

Sorry if I discouraged you in any way. Post up some of the actual story if you have it/when you write it, and I'd love to read it. It's hard for me to crit based on summaries, but so far your character sounds like she could be really interesting. I do like your plot ideas and hope you'll get a chance to expand them.

I would think that the best way to get the attention of the forum members, in a positive manner would be to first of all, concentrate on presentation. While we usually joke about grammer and punctuation in posts, BUT in the case of something that is so long to read, presentation is half the battle in getting any attention for a post, and an ill divided block of text that proves difficult to read is going to result in very little attention, or negative attention along the lines of "I can't read that". Needless egotism also is going to chase people away, especially when it results in being unwilling to confront criticism.

Hi ^_^

I think your idea is good; it's cliched, but it's good.

First, I'd like to start off with a question. Why do you capatalize almost every word in your sentences(ex: It's All Good In The Hood)?

Now for my thoughts. I understand that this is just a summary, but hopefully you'll find these tips helpful when you get to writing everything out.

The first thing that I think would really help you out is, as someone previously mentioned, the physical appearance of your work. Your post was a wall of text, and there's also that excessive capatalization thing that I mentioned before. It's fine if you want to type that way on regular posts and stuff, but for summaries and other creative work it would be best to only capatalize when necessary. I know this was also mentioned before, but make separate paragraphs. Your summary seems to cover many events in the story, and it would be a lot easier for people to understand it if each event had it's own little paragraph.

Next is spelling and grammar. Temmy mentioned this before and she's right. Spell-check is a great tool that makes the editing process much easier(though it doesn't catch *every* error, so you still have to be careful). Grammar can be difficult for a lot of people, especially the technical grammar(where to use commas, how and when to use semi-colons, etc.). As you keep writing, though, you eventually pick up on most of this and there are other people out there who can help you with grammar.

Now for the actual story. It's perfectly find to have a cliched story, BUT in order for it to become something unique, you need to add your own little twists, sub-plots, symbolism, etc. In fact, most if not all stories have a cliched skeleton, but because of all the extra details that the author added two stories that may have the same *very* basic plot idea will be completely different.

I've never seen Witch Hunter Robin, so I'm not sure how much you took/didn't take from this series, but judging by the other posts it appears that there are noticeable similarities(which is something you want to avoid as much as possible). If your story and an already published story has many close similarities, you could get in trouble for plagarism. It's okay to be inspired and to borrow things from the stories that inspire you(heck, *every* writer has to do that). What you do is you take so many elements from real life, books, manga, anime, T.V., movies, whatever and by the time you mix it all up you have something original. It's okay for a story to start out looking a lot like your inspirations, but as more details come to mind it should eventually be able to stand on its own as a unique piece.

One more thing; as a writer, you really want to be humble when you're presenting your work. No one can really "strut they're stuff" until they've sold a best-seller that millions of people have read(and there are a couple authors who have made it big yet have no "stuff" to "strut," if you know what I mean). If you have an atittude that's like, "My work is the best thing in the world and no one will ever beat me!" then you can put yourself in a not-so-desirable position. I know that you apologized earlier for coming across as big-headed, but the next time you show someone something that you've written, you must be *very* modest. As others have mentioned, that atittude drives people away. Just be more careful in the future and you'll be just fine

Writing is an art that takes practice, and the only way to improve is to listen to what other people say about your work and keep writing.

~Rushia

LadyRushia wrote:Hi ^_^

I think your idea is good; it's cliched, but it's good.

First, I'd like to start off with a question. Why do you capatalize almost every word in your sentences(ex: It's All Good In The Hood)?

Now for my thoughts. I understand that this is just a summary, but hopefully you'll find these tips helpful when you get to writing everything out.

The first thing that I think would really help you out is, as someone previously mentioned, the physical appearance of your work. Your post was a wall of text, and there's also that excessive capatalization thing that I mentioned before. It's fine if you want to type that way on regular posts and stuff, but for summaries and other creative work it would be best to only capatalize when necessary. I know this was also mentioned before, but make separate paragraphs. Your summary seems to cover many events in the story, and it would be a lot easier for people to understand it if each event had it's own little paragraph.

Next is spelling and grammar. Temmy mentioned this before and she's right. Spell-check is a great tool that makes the editing process much easier(though it doesn't catch *every* error, so you still have to be careful). Grammar can be difficult for a lot of people, especially the technical grammar(where to use commas, how and when to use semi-colons, etc.). As you keep writing, though, you eventually pick up on most of this and there are other people out there who can help you with grammar.

Now for the actual story. It's perfectly find to have a cliched story, BUT in order for it to become something unique, you need to add your own little twists, sub-plots, symbolism, etc. In fact, most if not all stories have a cliched skeleton, but because of all the extra details that the author added two stories that may have the same *very* basic plot idea will be completely different.

I've never seen Witch Hunter Robin, so I'm not sure how much you took/didn't take from this series, but judging by the other posts it appears that there are noticeable similarities(which is something you want to avoid as much as possible). If your story and an already published story has many close similarities, you could get in trouble for plagarism. It's okay to be inspired and to borrow things from the stories that inspire you(heck, *every* writer has to do that). What you do is you take so many elements from real life, books, manga, anime, T.V., movies, whatever and by the time you mix it all up you have something original. It's okay for a story to start out looking a lot like your inspirations, but as more details come to mind it should eventually be able to stand on its own as a unique piece.

One more thing; as a writer, you really want to be humble when you're presenting your work. No one can really "strut they're stuff" until they've sold a best-seller that millions of people have read(and there are a couple authors who have made it big yet have no "stuff" to "strut," if you know what I mean). If you have an atittude that's like, "My work is the best thing in the world and no one will ever beat me!" then you can put yourself in a not-so-desirable position. I know that you apologized earlier for coming across as big-headed, but the next time you show someone something that you've written, you must be *very* modest. As others have mentioned, that atittude drives people away. Just be more careful in the future and you'll be just fine

Writing is an art that takes practice, and the only way to improve is to listen to what other people say about your work and keep writing.

~Rushia

Thanks,Rushia. The Intro I just Posted is in what I call the Beta-stage. I The Final Intro and Story is better. I'm learning how to become a better writer On-Line.

Thanks,Rushia. The Intro I just Posted is in what I call the Beta-stage. I The Final Intro and Story is better. I'm learning how to become a better writer On-Line.

Okay. Yeah, beginnings and summaries always tend to be the weakest parts of a story at first. The stuff that happens in the middle is always the best and most interesting.

Yes, writing classes are good. On-line tutorials are great and all, but if you get the chance you should learn in a classroom setting.

Thanks again,Rushia. Oh and MSP, The story is much different than you think. and I apologized for my attitude earlier. I don't hate you, so there's no reason for you to hate me. I don't want or need any enemies here.