CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

The Beach
The man walked along the beach, silently watching the sun set. No one else was on the beach, causing the open space to feel even lonelier. The man didn’t mind; he preferred to be by himself. It helped him to ease his mind. With the thoughts he had lately, he needed it.
Three years since it happened, and he still carried feelings of guilt and sorrow, a burden which would never go away. The shreds of his rent heart still dangled uselessly, never healing. As the time approached for yet another anniversary, he became more and more withdrawn, pulling into a shell. Unreachable.
The sound of the waves on the sand reached his ears, adding to the peacefulness. The sun set, the moon rose, and the beach was illuminated with the ethereal light of the changer of tides. The beach was the idealistic point of beauty, and held nothing but pain.

Constructive criticism and feedback are appreciated.

Nice. Not enough sentence variation though; most of the sentences start with 'The'.

Yeah, I see your point. Thanks.

It's really good. You repeat words quite abit, like "the", but I could really connect with your work and the comparisons are wonderful. You've got real talent!

Destroyer2000 wrote:The Beach
The man walked along the beach, silently watching the sun set. No one else was on the beach, causing the open space to feel even lonelier. The man didn’t mind]The sun set, the moon rose, and the beach was illuminated with the ethereal light of the changer of tides.[/B] The beach was the idealistic point of beauty, and held nothing but pain.

Constructive criticism and feedback are appreciated.

The bold part was meant to be like that. I forget the term for it...ah yes, parallelism. The entire story would be more aesthetically pleasing if it were written lke that, but I am afraid that I am not so skilled as to be able to do that yet. Having proofread, and redoing some parts, here is the update second draft...

The man walked along the beach, silently watching the sun set. No one else was out, causing its open space to feel even lonelier. The man didn’t mind; he preferred to be by himself. It helped him to ease his mind. With the thoughts he had lately, he needed it.
Three years since it happened, and he still carried feelings of guilt and sorrow, a burden which would never go away. Shreds of his rent heart still dangled uselessly, never healing. As time marched ever onward, approaching yet another anniversary, he became more and more withdrawn, pulling into a shell. Unreachable.
Whispering to each other, the minuet of waves reached his ears, adding to the peacefulness. The sun set, the moon rose, and the beach was illuminated with an ethereal light of the changer of tides. The beach was the idealistic point of beauty, and held nothing but pain.