CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hey. I wrote this poem forever ago, and I was going through alot of my old threads, so I decided to re-edit this one. I've learned alot since those days, and hopefully that shows through. Enjoy.

"Words For The Universe"

The moon is falling, the sun is calling, Singing of the break of day.
The Stars are shining, the Clouds are crying, weeping out wind and rain.
The world is moving, but are we improving, for what we are is not what we say.
The Earth is turning, and the Souls are yearning, to speak what only hearts can say.


Wind and Rain, sorrow and pain, they are of an equal kinds... But if Rain is tears, and Sorrow is fears, then what will the Spirit unwind? For we are wrapped up merrily, in all the things we say, But how can the heart bare it, to lie and lie this way? I Went to seek Answers, and yet all I found were Questions.


Or Will I Sleep In Obscurity?
-Zarn.

(Note, that last line before my name is my signiture question/goodbye, not apart of the poem.)

"Words For The Universe"

The moon is falling, the sun is calling, Singing of the break of day... I would suggest making a line break in the places where you have an elipse. This makes it more fluent, easier reading. The Stars are shining, the Clouds are crying, weeping out wind and rain...The world is moving, but are we improving, for what we are is not what we say.
The Earth is turning, and the Souls are yearning, to speak what only hearts can say.Very intriguing. This stanza expresses interesting thoughts worth pondering.


Wind and Rain, sorrow and pain, they are of an equal kinds... But if Rain is tears, and Sorrow is fears, then what will the Spirit unwind? For we are wrapped up merrily, in all the things we say, But how can the heart bare it, to lie and lie this way? I Went to seek Answers, and yet all I found were Questions.The way you break out of the rhyme scheme at the very end is effective. A good poem, overall. As I mentioned, it forms interesting thoughts with a maurading conclusion.

I really like that one! I like the rhythm at the beginning... it carried me to the end. Really nice images as well!

Not grave-digging, I'm actually wanting to use this as a comparison piece for my critics, to see if they like the edit or not. I'll let it sink quickly as soon as I can get a few opinions.