Monologue written for a friend

[meboeck]

I wrote this for a friend of mine. Our church participates in a Fine Arts Festival, and he will be performing this for that. It has a theme every year, and this year's theme is "one life, one chance." It's not a very good theme, but I managed. There are two parts, but they are both played by the same actor.

The Yesterday Show

Note:
Robert’s last name is Archenleind, and the host keeps mispronouncing it.

Host: Hello, I’m David Davidson, and you’re watching the Yesterday Show, where we talk with former celebrities who are desperate to get on TV one last time! Today our guest is Robert (looks at note card) Archenlined. Or is that Arkenlined? (whispers toward off stage) Did I get that right? You may recognize him from some famous… infomercials! Today we will uncover his reason for suddenly leaving his successful career behind. He has a shocking secret! But before we bring him out, let’s look at a few video clips:

Robert: This is a very special offer on the Limited Collectors’ Edition Disney Doorstops, Series 3! This is a once in a lifetime chance to get doorstops in the shapes of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and many others! Call now and get Series 4 free for only ten dollars more! Remember, this is your one and only chance! Buy it now before time runs out! Don’t miss this amazing opportunity, or you may regret it!

Host: Wow! What a great salesman! Such natural talent! And now, here’s a clip from his most famous infomercial!

Robert: Tired of having to remember all those dental appointments? Well those days are over! You too can be your own dentist! This is a once in a lifetime chance to buy the home dental care kit! It comes complete with drills, fluoride, this handy mirror, and Novocain for pulling teeth! Remember, this is your one and only chance! Don’t miss this amazing opportunity, or you may regret it!

Host: Wow! Now I want to buy one of those! He is really amazing! And now, here he is, the king of infomercials, Robert (looks at note card again) Arkenland. Archenland? In moments, he will tell us the shocking story that changed his life!

Robert: Hi. I really didn’t want to do this. I don’t care about being on TV anymore. But this message is too important for me to pass up this opportunity. A few years ago, I was hired for what I thought was a very strange job. It was an infomercial for bibles. And they were giving them out for free. I couldn’t imagine why someone would spend the money for an infomercial just to give out free bibles. Until I read the script for it. I’m a Christian, but I’m ashamed to say that I never bothered to talk about my faith. I had never really thought about the meaning of the phrase “one and only chanceâ€

[Linksquest]

yay! Nathan: mixes humor, truth, and Narnian trivia that only avid fans would understand and laugh while people are like "i don't get it..."

Awsomness!

If John gets featured then i think it would really be a message to everyone at FAF!