Love on BloodRock's Ship

[12praiseGOD]

[color="White"]Writter's note: This is probably the first story I've ever written. I wish to get some comments of it, please comment. It is about this girl, named Jena, who is kidnapped by pirates and a whole lot of stuff goes on, but I won't tell you the rest, or I will ruin the story, lol. In the end all that happens was GOD's will and it shows that out of every bad thing that happens to you, something good comes out of it. The story is not a true story by the way.
"If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you trough it"-unknown.

[12praiseGOD]

Chapter 1
There once was a little innocent, loving girl named Jena, which was me. Actually, lets replace the innocent with partially spoiled; my parents would probably give me a lot of things if I asked for them. But then again, innocent might also fit in for I do not ask for much, but whatever, my life is great at the moment. Wait, one more correction, l.o.l. lets exchange girl with crazy, psycho teenager. My dad and mom are news reporters, so we are just regular people in an awesome town. I am a pretty nice girl (psycho teen, “not being serious”), and a very strong Christian. I love church; I give many offerings and hold many events to help the poor that I can afford from my 50-dollar allowance per week. Having some money doesn’t make me a good person, my faith and obedience does. As I had said earlier, my parents would give a lot of things, especially because I don’t ask for much.

The one thing I have been planning though is to go and visit my 21 year-old brother named James that recently moved out of the country to Hungary, for college. I love my big brother, and I miss him so much. So this coming fall I plan to take a boat trip to see him, I am not only going to see him, but it will also be an adventure, sailing across the Pacific. I have been saving little bits of my allowance and hope that I will have enough by this upcoming fall. My parents are a bit hesitant with my plans for my mom, being a news reporter, is scared that I will be captured by the pirates. They have recently reported about that sail the pacific going and killing everyone on board, and taking all the treasures and supplies. These “pirates” claim to be the BloodRocks, I laugh hysterically at my mom when she says such things. Still she insists that I go by plane. She has had to report so many horrible things I think it is affecting her brain. From all of the ships that go per month, there have only been 3 attacks in the last month, she can be funny at times, or so I think.

Well anyways, today I am going to the dock with my friend Ashlynn and Julia. Ashlynn is a blond headed, blue eyed girl, that loves to laugh and make up silly inside jokes, while Julia is a brunette long haired girl that understands most of Ashlynn’s inside jokes and loves cats. We are all 15 years old, and love to laugh and hang out. We enjoy going fishing there and at times get to convince my dad’s boat captain’s son to take us for a ride to the nearby island off the Daytona beach coast, which is were we live. Not only do we like going to the island but we also enjoy seeing Ashlynn flirt with the captain’s son. Although we used to doubt he liked her, Ashlynn eventually captured his heart, and she is also the one that convinces him to take us to the island. Ashlynn and Cori, the captain’s son secretly likes each other. When me and Julia discovered this we started to flirt with him, just to see if he really liked her and that he wouldn’t fall for other flirting girls. One day, we finally convinced Cori to ask her out, she couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day. We teased them frequently, but they didn’t care, they were just happy to be together. Finally by the end of the day I went back home and lay down on my 2-story bed, with my favorite blankets and lots of pillows. Tomorrow school will start, so I best be rested, or else I will get in trouble with the teacher.

[~darkelfgirl~]

$50 a week? Whoa. *burns with envy*

Is she going using the Pacific as a route to Hungary? Traveling across the Mediterranean would be easier. (If they travel through Pacific, they'll reach Asia and have to cross land to reach their destination--some areas not very friendly territory.)

There's some run-ons in the 2nd Paragraph:

My parents are a bit hesitant with my plans for my mom, being a news reporter, is scared that I will be captured by the pirates that they have recently reported about that sail the pacific going and killing everyone on board, and taking all the treasures and supplies.

She has had to report so many horrible things I think it is affecting her brain, from all of the ships that go per month, there have only been 3 attacks in the last month, she can be funny at times, or so I think.

This seems like a diary entry, hehe. Sounds interesting ^^.

[12praiseGOD]

Thanks for the tips, I will try to post more some time next week
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

[Esoteric]

Greetings, 12praiseGod and welcome to CAA! Your first story eh? I wish you luck with it.
I agree with Elf, it does sound a lot like a diary entry...and frankly a little too self-analytical for a teenager...and stuff like [I]"I am a pretty nice girl (psycho teen, “not being seriousâ€

[12praiseGOD]

Thanks for the advise, i will try to fix it later, right now i am in a hurry.
GOD bless!!!

[12praiseGOD]

okay well nevermind, My edit tool is gone, do you know were it might be?

[~darkelfgirl~]

Oh--the admins are trying to fix that, hehe. I think the edit disappears when you log off--happens when I post and log off.

[12praiseGOD]

Here's the next part of the story
Chapter 2
Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

The next morning my parents picked me up early, and took my friends and I to the dock I had been to for so many years. My dad and mom chose a very good captain, and said goodbye with a sweet kiss, and a hug. I felt nervous because I was going to be alone for weeks before we finally hit land on the other side of the world, then I would go by bus to my James’ house. There I would stay for 3 weeks and then come back by plane in one day. I have to admit I was scared so I took my favorite stuffed toy, named buddy, I know it sounds childish but it didn’t matter to me as long as I felt safe, that is what mattered. I packed in my bag with my clothes, hygiene tings, buddy, my cell, and most importantly my Bible, which brought me much comfort. I read it in the morning when I woke up, and in the evening, which made me feel safe. The room I got was nice; it had a full size bed, with two pillows, a dresser, bathroom, a TV, and a nice window to look out. The room had a flowery patter. After getting everything settled in my room it was too late to be searching the dock, so I read my Bible, watched a little bit of TV, prayed, called my parents to tell them how the day had gone, and went to sleep.

Finally, day one of what I would consider my first real trip. I began by reading my Bible, getting ready, and eating breakfast. After all this I decided I would embark on a mission to search the ship. I was on the second floor of the ship, the first being the top of the ship. Upstairs, I found the captains lounge, which interestingly held 3 barrels of potatoes; I guess he likes potatoes. Then I found the dinning room and a pool. The other levels of the boat were rooms. The ship would hold about 50 people, although at the moment it held 25 people including the captain and I. I also discovered the kitchen at the very bottom of the boat, in which I smelt delicious things that made my mouth water. I asked if I could have a bite of whatever they were cooking. I did and it was delicious, I ended up ordering it for dinner. The days went by, and I had lots of fun and took many pictures. I called my family and friends every day to see how they were doing. I found out that Ashlynn and Cori were still going out, and that Julia had found a boyfriend too. I t was my dad’s cook’s son. What a surprise. His name was Kevin, and it seemed they got along pretty well. Here I am the only single left, who would have predicted that I thought as I giggled at myself. Now who will be my lucky one? Laugh out loud is all I wanted to do. My dad got promoted to director of the news station, man! life seemed to be going great with them and I was as strong as ever in my faith.

I often hung out by the pool and fished. I became really good friends with the captain, who one day let me steer the ship. “Just keep the compass arrow going east and you will do just fineâ€

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

The next morning my parents picked me up early, and took my friends and I to the dock I had been to for so many years. My dad and mom chose a very good captain, and said goodbye with a sweet kiss, and a hug. I felt nervous because I was going to be alone for weeks before we finally hit land on the other side of the world, then I would go by bus to my James’ house. There I would stay for 3 weeks and then come back by plane in one day. I have to admit I was scared so I took my favorite stuffed toy, named buddy, I know it sounds childish but it didn’t matter to me as long as I felt safe, that is what mattered. I packed in my bag with my clothes, hygiene tings, buddy, my cell, and most importantly my Bible, which brought me much comfort. I read it in the morning when I woke up, and in the evening, which made me feel safe. The room I got was nice; it had a full size bed, with two pillows, a dresser, bathroom, a TV, and a nice window to look out. The room had a flowery patter. After getting everything settled in my room it was too late to be searching the dock, so I read my Bible, watched a little bit of TV, prayed, called my parents to tell them how the day had gone, and went to sleep.

Finally, day one of what I would consider my first real trip. I began by reading my Bible, getting ready, and eating breakfast. After all this I decided I would embark on a mission to search the ship. I was on the second floor of the ship, the first being the top of the ship. Upstairs, I found the captains lounge, which interestingly held 3 barrels of potatoes; I guess he likes potatoes. Then I found the dinning room and a pool. The other levels of the boat were rooms. The ship would hold about 50 people, although at the moment it held 25 people including the captain and I. I also discovered the kitchen at the very bottom of the boat, in which I smelt delicious things that made my mouth water. I asked if I could have a bite of whatever they were cooking. I did and it was delicious, I ended up ordering it for dinner. The days went by, and I had lots of fun and took many pictures. I called my family and friends every day to see how they were doing. I found out that Ashlynn and Cori were still going out, and that Julia had found a boyfriend too. I t was my dad’s cook’s son. What a surprise. His name was Kevin, and it seemed they got along pretty well. Here I am the only single left, who would have predicted that I thought as I giggled at myself. Now who will be my lucky one? Laugh out loud is all I wanted to do. My dad got promoted to director of the news station, man! life seemed to be going great with them and I was as strong as ever in my faith.

I often hung out by the pool and fished. I became really good friends with the captain, who one day let me steer the ship. “Just keep the compass arrow going east and you will do just fineâ€

[12praiseGOD]

what is going on!!! grrr, i try to post my story two times now and then it disapears, or any comments i post, they are gone, grrr

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

The next morning my parents picked me up early, and took my friends and I to the dock I had been to for so many years. My dad and mom chose a very good captain, and said goodbye with a sweet kiss, and a hug. I felt nervous because I was going to be alone for weeks before we finally hit land on the other side of the world, then I would go by bus to my James’ house. There I would stay for 3 weeks and then come back by plane in one day. I have to admit I was scared so I took my favorite stuffed toy, named buddy, I know it sounds childish but it didn’t matter to me as long as I felt safe, that is what mattered. I packed in my bag with my clothes, hygiene tings, buddy, my cell, and most importantly my Bible, which brought me much comfort. I read it in the morning when I woke up, and in the evening, which made me feel safe. The room I got was nice; it had a full size bed, with two pillows, a dresser, bathroom, a TV, and a nice window to look out. The room had a flowery patter. After getting everything settled in my room it was too late to be searching the dock, so I read my Bible, watched a little bit of TV, prayed, called my parents to tell them how the day had gone, and went to sleep.

Finally, day one of what I would consider my first real trip. I began by reading my Bible, getting ready, and eating breakfast. After all this I decided I would embark on a mission to search the ship. I was on the second floor of the ship, the first being the top of the ship. Upstairs, I found the captains lounge, which interestingly held 3 barrels of potatoes; I guess he likes potatoes. Then I found the dinning room and a pool. The other levels of the boat were rooms. The ship would hold about 50 people, although at the moment it held 25 people including the captain and I. I also discovered the kitchen at the very bottom of the boat, in which I smelt delicious things that made my mouth water. I asked if I could have a bite of whatever they were cooking. I did and it was delicious, I ended up ordering it for dinner. The days went by, and I had lots of fun and took many pictures. I called my family and friends every day to see how they were doing. I found out that Ashlynn and Cori were still going out, and that Julia had found a boyfriend too. I t was my dad’s cook’s son. What a surprise. His name was Kevin, and it seemed they got along pretty well. Here I am the only single left, who would have predicted that I thought as I giggled at myself. Now who will be my lucky one? Laugh out loud is all I wanted to do. My dad got promoted to director of the news station, man! life seemed to be going great with them and I was as strong as ever in my faith.

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

The next morning my parents picked me up early, and took my friends and I to the dock I had been to for so many years. My dad and mom chose a very good captain, and said goodbye with a sweet kiss, and a hug. I felt nervous because I was going to be alone for weeks before we finally hit land on the other side of the world, then I would go by bus to my James’ house. There I would stay for 3 weeks and then come back by plane in one day. I have to admit I was scared so I took my favorite stuffed toy, named buddy, I know it sounds childish but it didn’t matter to me as long as I felt safe, that is what mattered. I packed in my bag with my clothes, hygiene tings, buddy, my cell, and most importantly my Bible, which brought me much comfort. I read it in the morning when I woke up, and in the evening, which made me feel safe. The room I got was nice; it had a full size bed, with two pillows, a dresser, bathroom, a TV, and a nice window to look out. The room had a flowery patter. After getting everything settled in my room it was too late to be searching the dock, so I read my Bible, watched a little bit of TV, prayed, called my parents to tell them how the day had gone, and went to sleep.

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.
I pray this message shows. GOD bless all of you!!!!

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

[12praiseGOD]

next part of the story, first be GOD
ready?
Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to be there for the night, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were having a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends. We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.
hope to post later....GOD be praised!!!

[12praiseGOD]

Well finally the day arrived, I convinced my parents to go on the boat trip, and my bags are all packed. I leave tomorrow at sunrise. My friends and I hang out for one last time. They ask me to come to Julia’s house. I decide to spend the night over there, I planned to go to sleep early so I could enjoy my trip to the fullest, but little did I know they were hosting a party for me. There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas

[12praiseGOD]

There I arrived with my bright red Japanese kimono pajamas already on, for I was late and didn’t want to waste time getting ready. I was so embarrassed, my friends told me I turned red as a tomato. I hurried to the bathroom and changed into some regular clothes. I received many hugs and kisses, plus some gifts from all my friends. There stood Ashlynn and Julia, the masterminds of this whole plot, Cori, Ashlynn’s boyfriend, Katie, our newest friend, and Julia’s cat Sophie. I felt lucky to have such great friends.

[12praiseGOD]

We ate cake and snacks, watched a movie, and prayed for GOD’s will to be done, for me to have a safe trip, and that He would protect me from all evil. After about three hours it was time to sleep so, Cori left, because it was a girl’s night, and we painted toenails and went to bed.

The next morning my parents picked me up early, and took my friends and I to the dock I had been to for so many years. My dad and mom chose a very good captain, and said goodbye with a sweet kiss, and a hug. I felt nervous because I was going to be alone for weeks before we finally hit land on the other side of the world, then I would go by bus to my James’ house. There I would stay for 3 weeks and then come back by plane in one day. I have to admit I was scared so I took my favorite stuffed toy, named buddy, I know it sounds childish but it didn’t matter to me as long as I felt safe, that is what mattered. I packed in my bag with my clothes, hygiene tings, buddy, my cell, and most importantly my Bible, which brought me much comfort. I read it in the morning when I woke up, and in the evening, which made me feel safe. The room I got was nice; it had a full size bed, with two pillows, a dresser, bathroom, a TV, and a nice window to look out. The room had a flowery patter.

[12praiseGOD]

After getting everything settled in my room it was too late to be searching the dock, so I read my Bible, watched a little bit of TV, prayed, called my parents to tell them how the day had gone, and went to sleep.

Finally, day one of what I would consider my first real trip. I began by reading my Bible, getting ready, and eating breakfast. After all this I decided I would embark on a mission to search the ship. I was on the second floor of the ship, the first being the top of the ship. Upstairs, I found the captains lounge, which interestingly held 3 barrels of potatoes; I guess he likes potatoes. Then I found the dinning room and a pool. The other levels of the boat were rooms. The ship would hold about 50 people, although at the moment it held 25 people including the captain and I. I also discovered the kitchen at the very bottom of the boat, in which I smelt delicious things that made my mouth water. I asked if I could have a bite of whatever they were cooking. I did and it was delicious, I ended up ordering it for dinner. The days went by, and I had lots of fun and took many pictures. I called my family and friends every day to see how they were doing. I found out that Ashlynn and Cori were still going out, and that Julia had found a boyfriend too. I t was my dad’s cook’s son. What a surprise. His name was Kevin, and it seemed they got along pretty well. Here I am the only single left, who would have predicted that I thought as I giggled at myself. Now who will be my lucky one? To Laugh out loud is all I wanted to do.

[USSRGirl]

Konichiwa! Sounds like you've got a good story going so far! I like your first-person diary approach. Also, the theme of everything being God's plan is a really important message, and something I've been trying to convey with my stories. Hrm... Pirate romance coming soon? XD Maybe? Hehehe.

Some crit: Jenna seems a bit too unrealistically devoted to me. She's kind of over pious for a teenager. We get that she's a sweet, kind of naive Christian girl who loves God, but you don't need to keep telling us that she read the Bible and/or prayed at the start of every day. Once was enough. But I'm guessing you're emphasizing this because she's going to have some trials ahead of her that might shake her faith some and make her a bit more human.

The other thing, and I don't really know why, but this bugged me - what is Buddy?! XD You just said "stuffed toy" and it left me wanting a visual of some kind. Like stuffed bunny or stuffed teddy or stuffed cthulhu. That was one of my favorite scenes so far (the packing, goodbye party, ect.) because she seemed like a believable teen whose never been away from home before and starts packing the kind of random sentimental things most teens would if they were leaving on a boat trip.

[12praiseGOD]

thanks for the comments, and by the way you are right about the emphazising. The reason I am emphazing this is because she is going to have some really tough and awkward trials. Oh, and the stuffed toy is a dark and light brown puppy with long ears and really big, beady eyes. i hope you'll like the story USSr girl.
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

[12praiseGOD]

My dad got promoted to director of the news station, man! life seemed to be going great with them and I was as strong as ever in my faith.

I often hung out by the pool and fished. I became really good friends with the captain, who one day let me steer the ship. “Just keep the compass arrow going east and you will do just fine” he told me. He actually left the room for an hour, I as terrified, but luckily I didn’t steer us to the North Pole. When he returned I found out he had had it in automatic gear all this time, now isn’t that nice. Anyways, what a trip it had been so far, but little did I know it would not last very long.

One Friday morning I got up and did my usual routine, get up, read the Bible, get dressed, and eat breakfast. Later on around 12 I went out and hung out by the pool. It was a nice day, yet I had a strange feeling now. The sun seemed to start burning even more my tanned body, and my head started to hurt a little, so I decided I would go and hang out in the lounge, which strange enough help 4 barrels of potatoes, did the kitchen run out of space to store things I wondered. Strangely enough the lounge lead to the captains room. It felt good, the air-conditioning I mean. I sat there on one of the “sink when you sit” couches and rested while my headache went away. Strangely after hours I had seen no sign of the captain, nor anyone else, was there an event going on. I knew that the captain had it in automatic steer, but still wouldn’t he come to check everything was all right? So I got up to see what was going on. I looked out his main window and what I saw terrified me. I saw vicious pirates had invaded the ship and were killing all on board. I couldn’t believe my eyes, out of all the ships they had to pick this one. I then saw the captain

[USSRGirl]

Oh, and the stuffed toy is a dark and light brown puppy with long ears and really big, beady eyes.

Ah ha! Thanks for clearing that up. XD Kawaii!

Oh wow. The pirates came sooner than I thought. Wouldn't the captain have sounded an alarm or something? Maybe he didn't have time to. o.o;; Good update!

[Esoteric]

Yes, I also found it odd that there was no alarm or sort of commotion which would have clued Jena in that something was seriously wrong. Alos, there is a distinct overuse of the word 'strange/strangely' in that last paragraph. It's still sounding like a diary entry too, I'm afraid. It's hard to become engrossed in a story which sounds like a recap.

[~darkelfgirl~]

Wow, that girl has such a fairy-tale life, hehe.

Whoa--that's sudden. Wow, I wonder why the pirates would kill everyone on board? Don't they just want money and stuff? Hmm, seems like there's more to this than meets the eye...

[12praiseGOD]

yeah, I know it is sudden, and the reason I didnt say about the alarm is because... well I didnt think of it... thanks for the comments and great ideas, there is just one problem my edit button is gone again!!!
Oh, and the reason that they kill all on board is first, they like to kill people, second it gains them a strong reputation, and thrid... well I dont know it just seemed fit, they dont want any witnesses. And anyways, they are going to die anyway... so why not just end their missery... I know it sounds harsh but I'm saying it from the pirates point of view not mine.
Please tell me what makes it sound so much like a diary entry and why doesn't it let you get involved in it,.. how would I correct that.
Again thankiesss
GOD bless you!!!

[12praiseGOD]

I then saw the captain stand up to one of them and get stabbed a few times. I did not stick around to see if he lived or died for I knew these pirates must be the bloodrock’s I have heard so much about at home.

I quickly emptied out a barrel of potatoes and placed it lying on its side behind the other 3 barrels. I go in it, and prayed that GOD would protect me, and for his will to be done. A few seconds after I got in place I heard someone at the door, slowly turning the knob. My heart skipped a beat, and my breath I held as the person entered the room. I could see him from a small hole in the barrel; he was a tall, skinny man. He looked around 16 years old. He had a handsome face, yet by his left ear he was scared. He had one eye covered and his hair was at eye length. It was a dark brown, I didn’t know if it was the dirt or his actual hair color. I know that is mean to say but you weren’t there, take my word, he was dirty. Behind him followed two other older men, that looked just as scary as him, they were all holding a sword, daggers, and what appeared to be poison. I was terrified, all I could do was pray. The younger man searched the room, yet he didn’t spot me. He ordered the other men to leave, and he began to search the room. He looked through every door and every space, except in the pile of potatoes. Just as he was about to leave, I think I might have taken a loud breath of air, and I think he heard me. Out of the silence came that scratchy young voice, “ Come out, or you will suffer much more if you don’t when I find you,â€

[Esoteric]

Please tell me what makes it sound so much like a diary entry and why doesn't it let you get involved in it,.. how would I correct that.

Well, that's hard to answer specifically, but I'll try and point out a few things.
Please don't take these criticisms the wrong way. Learning to write well is a long hard process and I used to make many of these mistakes as well...

For one thing the story moves too quickly, skimming over each scene with barely a thought or description. You do try to describe things, but your character typically 'feels' like she's in a hurry to do so and get to the next action...that and she has a tendency to use the same words...

Later on around 12 I went out and hung out by the pool. It was a nice day, yet I had a strange feeling now. The sun seemed to start burning even more my tanned body, and my head started to hurt a little, so I decided I would go and hang out in the lounge, which strange enough help 4 barrels of potatoes, did the kitchen run out of space to store things I wondered. Strangely enough the lounge lead to the captains room. It felt good, the air-conditioning I mean. I sat there on one of the “sink when you sit” couches and rested while my headache went away. Strangely after hours I had seen no sign of the captain, nor anyone else, was there an event going on.

I count 4 'strange/strangely's in this paragraph. And two of these sentences should have question marks...good punctuation and grammar do matter.

I sat there on one of the “sink when you sit” couches and rested while my headache went away. Strangely after hours I had seen no sign of the captain, nor anyone else, was there an event going on. I knew that the captain had it in automatic steer, but still wouldn’t he come to check everything was all right? So I got up to see what was going on. I looked out his main window and what I saw terrified me. I saw vicious pirates had invaded the ship and were killing all on board. I couldn’t believe my eyes, out of all the ships they had to pick this one. I then saw the captain

6 of these 8 sentences start with 'I'. Now, I realize it's impossible to write in the first person an not use the word 'I'. But keep in mind that every time you use the word 'I', it separates the reader from what's happening, because they are reminded that it's happening to the narrator, not to them. Also, the more it's used the more the character is 'talking about itself' that can make the character sound conceited. Try to minimize the 'I's.

I then saw the captain stand up to one of them and get stabbed a few times. I did not stick around to see if he lived or died for I knew these pirates must be the bloodrock’s I have heard so much about at home.

Gosh, that's kind of cold--she completely lacks an emotional response toward watching someone she knows get murdered. Instead, she just runs for cover. She is emotionally detached from what's happening, so the reader also feels detached. I have trouble relating to someone who isn't behaving like their filled with abject terror at what's happening.

My dad got promoted to director of the news station, man! life seemed to be going great with them and I was as strong as ever in my faith.

Where'd this come from? She's on a boat and her family isn't there, right? Again the last part sounds like a boast. It's hard to like a boaster.

All I could do was nod my head, so I did. Once again I asked myself, what will my future be, will I be tortured for the rest of my life, and have to live in silence with this guy forever, will I die and make mistakes, will he have me treated in the worst conditions, I don’t know but whatever happens, rescue doesn’t seem the answer now, or ever. Did GOD put me here for a reason? If he did I pray that I will be used at his will.

Frankly, your character is just too up-beat to be realistic. "I'm probably going to be tortured, abused, and die a miserable death. Ah, but that's okay, as long as it's in accordance with Gods will." Now, that may be a theological truth, but no one in that sort of situation ever feels that way. They normally feel cursed, abandoned, completely desperate or at the least, terribly confused. Jena seems to have the piety of a Catholic saint. She is not a normal teenager, and I cannot relate to her cast-iron devotion. She makes me think of a song lyric:
~Is your faith so right, are you so blessed?
~Everybody wanders in the forest.
~Is your heart so right, are you that good?
~Everybody wanders in the wood.

Creating good characters takes time and practice. Again, I've certainly made the same mistakes in the past, so don't feel bad. But try to learn from them and be observant about how people would really tend to think and act in all different sorts of situations.