"Unleashed"

[SageRock]

Well, I've been kind of saving thhe story up for some reason (maybe fear, maybe laziness, maybe...not...wanting to). This was the aforementioned "Gelmon", and even though the background that I gave you before is part of this first installment, it's cleaned up, rearanged, etc. The name is very subject to change, so hold on to your horses, cows, goats, or any other livestock you may have. Before I take the four seconds to Copy and Paste it on here, I would like to announce my appreciation for the kind critizism coming from all of you critics, for my sake and for the betterment of all the rest of us...and you! Anyway, here's the story...


UNLEASHED

After the betrayal of the Incredules and Gelmon races (who now by influence of the human colonial culture called their joint civilization the Kingdom of the Arakort Coalition), the fleeing colony leaders abandoned multitudes of colonial soldiers; most bands of soldiers were tracked and massacred by Gelmon hunters. The Gelmon had by now displayed themselves as formidable warlords and subsidiary armed forces in any terrain, able to adapt quickly and become familiar with their environment hastily...you could nearly claim it supernatural. An assembly of political leaders within the Incredules were suspicious of Gelmon plots to make a conquest of the Incredules half of Arakort and force militaristic control over the populated world in its entirety, and even then move out and attempt to spread further; though these accusations were few and far between, and were quelled before any internal harm was done.

The Incredules took a more political and spiritual view on every matter; they were altogether the more thoughtful race, slow to anger but quick to “justiceâ€

[SageRock]

Two days later, the thief had regained consciousness and was taken out of the medical house where he had resided under a nurse’s care, and traveled through many clay hallways and corridors below the city into a large holding cell of iron and rock. It was lighted only by a small open square in the massive wooden door at and average human man’s eye level, and two portholes approximately a foot in diameter at the top of the cell covered by rusted metal grates, which let sunlight through in narrow columns, often interrupted by a passerby citizen or guard; they were underneath a street. Two guards shoved the thief into the cell and slammed the hatch shut. One, the biggest and ugliest, yelled after him: “Don’t get comfy slime-bag! The general’s coming for questioning. Maybe you should practice a sing-and-dance routine, ‘cause you’re not gettin’ out alive any other way!â€

[SageRock]

***I'm going to steal Gypsy's way of titling her sections, so this is now 1_3***


Suddenly a series of rattling clangs came from the metal lock on the door, and the previous guards could be seen outside, with two more men behind them. Gyde assessed their build: there was the primary guard, brawny yet obese, who carried a wooden spear slung over his shoulder. His attire was made up of the standard loose red shirt, with a green vest and brown pants. The next stood no more than five feet from the ground, and was leaner than the first guard. He grasped a short, broad sword in his right hand and a length of rope in his left. The other two men were too far behind the guards to get any sort of view of, yet he could make out that one wore black, and the other white. As the door finally opened, another character added themself like a breeze, unbeknown to the rest.

“Get up scum! Show your esteem to the captain of the regional guards...he’s taken a special interest in you two! Say boy, drop that rock or I’ll stick you in your face!â€

[SageRock]

* * *

“We couldn’t catch him sir. He ran into Forest Gilgalad.â€

[Thomas J. R.]

Well, It looks pretty good to me. The overall plot is good, and the character development and attention to minute detail is also pretty good. There are a few spelling and gramatical errors, but they don't really matter as long as they are not too severe. The main character is an interesting one, following the unusual path of a thief. Yet his character seems redeemable, so he makes a good good-guy. Great Job, keep up the good work.

[SageRock]

“Magic...â€