Short story: The Bitter Sweet Tradgety

[teen4truth]

Yes I know...it is long for a short story. But don't worry it doesn't take that long to read. It kind of seems unrealistic in some parts...comments, suggestions, and the like are all welcome.

Fourteen-year-old Tadaki Arishima leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and his head bowed, trying desperately to hold back tears. Never had he felt so terrible, never had he felt so ashamed. He was inside Tokyo First Regional Hospital, the finest medical center in Japan. He was standing beside the door which led to the room in which Doctors and Nurses were buzzing about faster then bees in the summer, all trying to save one girl’s life.

That girl was Lorina Washington, the daughter of an American missionary in Japan. Though she was a year younger than him, he had to admit that her wisdom definately surpassed his own. She had served God as whole-heartedly as her parents, and Tadaki felt his heart shatter into a million pieces every time he thought about her loving smile. It never changed, no matter who she was talking to. There was not one person she smiled on more favorably then another. He remembered the way that she looked directly in his eyes when she talked, never casting strange or judge mental glances at the tattoes that covered his body, almost as if she did not know they were there.

Sure, she had mentioned them to him before, suggesting that some of the symbols were satanic and maybe he should try to get them taken off, but she very clearly only did it in love and she somehow had this amazing ability to always know when it was or wasn’t appropriate to mention them.

He had heard very few stories of the one they call Jesus, but of the ones he had heard, Lorina reminded him of most of them. She seemed to act a lot like this so called ‘Savior,’ and she said it was because the work he had done in heart, and that he could do the same in Tadaki’s. Back then Tadaki had thought it dumb and cultic, and absolutely hated it when she talked about it. But now… now Tadaki would have given anything to hear her joyful voice again, talking about love and hope and her supposed ‘Father.’

And who’s fault was it that she couldn’t be there talking with him now? Who was to blame for the fact that she was now lying in a hospital bed, barley hanging on? Tadaki gulped back a sob, knowing that it was none other than his own.

Just that morning at about three o‘clock, he and his friend Yoshima had ran away from home. Although they knew they would probably either get caught or run out of cash and return on there own, they decided they might as well try to cause a little trouble and get a few good laughs.

But little did they know, their disappearance was noticed long before they were expecting it to be.

By five, a full search was on to find the menacing runaways. Always wanting to be helpful, Lorina had eagerly joined the search team. After all, she was friends with the two boys and was the most likely person to know their tactics and the places that they had most likely gone.

Tadaki grimaced as his mind’s eye played an account for him of what other members of the search team who had been there that fateful morning had said to have happened.

“Here, I’ll go this way, across this field. I think there is an abandoned shack back in that grove of trees up there. I would not be very surprised if the boys were hiding out there,â€

[Esoteric]

Hmm, wow. Well done. It's not too long for a short story at all, and you've definitely got the emotions down. Perhaps a few more hints to their exact ages might be useful...I first picture them as higschools because of the tatoos, but at other times when they were called 'boys', I envisioned them as younger, especially since younger boys sterotypically hide in the woods. Older runaways (especially punk types) would hide someplace more 'fun' in the city.
But I like it. You've got a flair for writing fiction.

[teen4truth]

Thank you^^ Honestly, I really never had a specific age for them. When I first started making it I was thinking to have them and Lorena about my age-younger teenagers. But like you said, the tattoos seems more older teen. I guess I will go back and put something about the ages in the beggining. Thankx for the advice.

Update: ok I added his age plain-out at the beggining, and then right after that I showed Lorena's age without specifacly saying it. I didn't put Yoshima's age because I figured it would be assumed that he was about the same age as the other two, but if you guys think I should add Yoshima's then I will. Any other comments or suggestions are welcome^^