Postby Anna Mae » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:11 pm
The love of a rose The title immediately draws readers in because they wonder what it means.
as i fall i hear you call my name
calling me over my cries of shame
saying "come to me and you are forgiven" This establishes that it is a religious poem, but still leaves the reader anticipating.
when i heard those words You change tenses from present to past here. Is this intentional?
i was filled with hope
and cried with joy I would change this 'with' to 'for' so that you don't use 'with' twice in close proximity.
i then knew i was loved by
The Rose of Sharon This graces the title, but leaves me wondering the exact meaning of the title. I anticipate finding out if the title is to describe the love the rose has for you, or the love you have for it.
he took my sins
as his own
gave me salvation If you start this stanza as a continuation of the sentence ending the previous one, I would suggest applying some punctuation to the end of the previous. Or, you could give this line a subject and convert it into its own sentence.
when i never deserved it
i wish that all could experience I would change 'all' to 'everyone' or say 'all people' to enhance sentence fluency by making your meaning readily apparent.
the joy of the love from the rose Ah, and here the reader's curiosity is sated.
the Great i am.....
my Father
My Savior
and my Friend
who has stuck by me
no matter the danger
of sin and death Nice ending, but I would suggest adding something that harkens back to your theme of the rose in order to give the composition a more completed feel. I really like your theme.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
