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Would anyone like to rate my artwork? ...warning could be toxic!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 5:32 pm
by Liger'smane
Hi. I was wondering if anyone would be good enough to rate some of my artwork. These are the first few pages in a slightly christian (hint- it won't say God directly but it will talk about him... in another name). Please tell me what you think needs work (don't comment on the first pages disjointedness, it's suppose to be that way), example: artwork, story, ... Oh, and a pic of conseption art. Thanks
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:02 pm
by Warrior 4 Jesus
Your artwork is good and its improving as you draw, which is always a plus. I can't comment on the story as its hard to read the speech bubbles. You've scanned in the pages far too small or something. If you fix that up then I (and others) can read it and comment on the story.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:13 pm
by Liger'smane
Thanks for the tip. I resised them, they should be easier to read. Oh, i wrote them in english format, not japenese... silly me. Yeah, reading them left to right should help you a little.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:20 pm
by Warrior 4 Jesus
The story is good, but its too early on to rate it. Your character style seem to be influenced by Egyptian mythology. Am I right? Also instead of the tall creature saying X amount of miles, it sounds better if you had him say something like "14 day journey" or something.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:22 pm
by Liger'smane
Ummm, Egyption mythology is something like it but really I saw a picture of a creature alot like this and... kinda... expanded on it. Thanks though.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:54 pm
by Warrior 4 Jesus
If you don't mind, I've fixed up a bit of the wording, polished it a little to make it more natural. You may wish to use my suggestions or not.
1) = refers to the first person talking in the frame
2) = refers to the second person talking in the frame
-Page 1-
Frame 4: Hmm... Is this mine?
Frame 7: Meanwhile...
1) Here, let me repeat myself. Or-ac-le!
2) So we're looking for an oracle? Why?
-Page 2-
Frame 4:
1) What?!! Why didn't you wake me?
2) You were near death!
1) So? I need to figure out my identity!
Frame 5:
1)You'd rather run yourself into the grave than rest?
2) Well, um... no.
1) Anyhow you have a visitor.
-Page 3-
Frame 5:
1) How is this oracle supposed to help me?
2) She may know who you are.
1) Where does she live?
2) Far from here.
1) How far?
2) About a 14 day journey.