Might be leaving.

[Aedin]

Just been dealing with a lot lately. Been kindof overwhelmed with mood swings and flashbacks.Can't stop thinking about all the people who just don't like me or try to get to know me. How no matter how hard I try, all I do is cause problems and make people avoid me. I'm shy, have social anxiety, it's hard to talk to people, hard to make new friends, and it's too stressful always being the one to try to reach out and make new friends. I'm not whining, or pitying myself or anything, I'm just sick of stress and things not working out, I don't think i belong here, so I'm just posting to say, if I disappear for a while, that's probably why.

[Rusty Claymore]

Hey, sorry to hear that. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I understand.
Just reading over your struggles, it reminds me of certain Biblical precepts(?). It annoys me when people quote scriptures at my problems, but I believe these two concepts could be vital to your overcoming of those diffaculties. Note: To emphasize meaning I have changed some words to their more literal translation. Italic emphasis mine (I've always wanted to type that! n.n)

"All things work out for those who put God's interests first." - Why? I don't know. But it does. It's not instant, but you can count on it. Literally, I've staked my eternal soul on it.

"The second is like unto the first, that you treat your neighbors interests as more important than your own." - I fail here. For the majority of my pitifully short life I too have been the one that had to reach out to people. But rather than except everyone as more important than me, I often avoid those who have little quirks I don't like. Now, I'm not saying that you are doing this at all. This is me and mine, but by applying these concepts I get better, little by little.
Now, when being friendly towards others, I try to shove myself aside. I hate my problems, so I don't want to share them with others, because in no way is that in their best interest. I try and make my friendships all about them. I get used, but then I just whine to God for awhile and then stop caring if I get used or not. As long as I'm following what God commands it doesn't matter how others treat me. But I guess that comes more naturally to stubborn morons like myself, n.n/) All that means though is that I don't get as great a reward for doing it.
Good luck Aedin, if you truly leave. My final advice, if you'll take the advice of a kid n.n, is to find an old(60-90 years old) christian friend and befriend a little child. Both can give you incredible insights. The old man has done it all, and the child calls it as it sees it. (I'm still working on the old man part, though my Dad almost counts, lol!)
No matter what you do after this, keep trying! Never quit anything that seems too difficult! The righteuos man falls seven times, but the wicked fall once and are destroyed. It's not over till we die, but we only lose if we give up before then.

[acgifford]

Aedin, I know probably wont listen to me but, I dont think you should leave. I know how hard it is. I have been hurt countless times by people I tried to become friends with. It is not the end of the world, although at the time it may feel that way. Just and try again. This place is a great place to make friends. But, if you think you should, do. It's your choice. I'll be praying for you.

[GAINAX]

Since I'm currently in grad school to become a social worker, I'm always open to talking about issues or the troubles you're having. Feel free to PM at any time, I'll try to be as helpful as I can be.

[Reon]

Hey Aedin my old cellphone was stolen - wasnt able to reply to your text. I grabbed this cheap gophone thing for $30 bucks - texting is pretty whack on it. Email me when you feel like talking in the mean time (email sent in PM)

[ArellaEliora]

Aedin, I have a friend online that tells me exactly the same thing you said in your post. He thinks he tries too hard and ends up making people push away from him instead of wanting to be around him. I keep encouraging him and even though it's only been a few months since I've really gotten to know him well, he seems to be getting a little better. Not that things will change overnight of course, but I'm his friend and he knows it. I will do everything within my power to be there when he needs me (or anyone for that matter).

If you want to PM me, we can talk. I'll be praying for you though, whether or not you stay or leave for awhile.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I think patience must be a mutual development. While people must be patient with you, you too must be patient with people. =)

[Aedin]

That's true. It's just hard when there's so many memories of people being mean to me, or ignoring me, and when it feels like I'm almost alwasy the one trying to reach out to people, and people, in return (except for a few) end up being mean cause I need friends, or they ignore me or don't really try to talk back to me. Maybe this site is different now, but I just remember all the times I tried to talk to people, and most of them barely talked back to me, and it felt like there was this tight circle of friends that people like me couldn ever be part of it. Sometimes I honestly wonder if God cares how people have hurt me, or if he just blames me for all of it.

Just wonder why I'm so screwed up. Why I can't feel loved or cared about. Why I seem to always be so impossible to deal with.

[Anystazya]

But He does care about you, Aedin. That's why Jesus died on the cross. I don't know what you've been through, what has happened to you in the past, or anything; however, what Jesus went through, as an innocent man who never sinned, is far worse than what has happened to you. You are not perfect, and you have sinned. Which is the whole reason why Jesus died for you). He did that, so that you wouldn't have to.

I'm asking as an honest question, not to make a jibe or anything, but simply because I'm curious: How often do you read your Bible?

[Aedin]

I read it every night.

[Anystazya]

Okay. And what does it do for you to help? Do you ask to be shown what you need to be shown through it? That's an important part, too. God wants to help you see what you need to be shown, Aedin. I'm praying for you.

[Rusty Claymore]

Just wonder why I'm so screwed up. Why I can't feel loved or cared about. Why I seem to always be so impossible to deal with.

About the impossible to deal with bit, I don't know who you are dealing with, but there are some pretty whacked out folks out there who can't deal with anything. So I can't say much there. But,
Why can't you feel loved or cared about? Well, there are different ways people show love. Some people have to literally hang off you to demonstrate their love. Some demonstrate just by saying hi. When I care, I'll tell you what I think will benefit you most. But when I become affectionate, I get the urge to touch. Some folks show it by doing stuff, and if they aren't doing stuff they see it as they aren't caring for you. I heard about a book called, "The Five(?) Love languages" besides having a major turn off title for men, the concept seemed beneficial. Anyways, it helps you recognise what makes you feel cared for. So who knows, you might have just misread a few people's way of caring?
As for why you're so screwed up, take a look around. Everyone is screwed up roughly the same amount in their own way. At least for you its the social arena, which is confusing and unnecessarily complicated anyway. Where I'm screwed up is really pathetic, to the point where I often get sick of myself. Also, recall the verse that has beene helping me out recently. Well, here's the just of it <.<. "Who are you to say, why hast thou made me so?" God made everyone distinctly for a purpose. Someday, there is gonna be a need for a macho-oriented stubborn idiot like myself. And someday, there is gonna be a need for someone who truly knows what it means to feel alone. So the next time you feel like saying, "Why am I so screwed up?" Thump your chest and say(to quote CS Lewis, abridged for CAA regs,) "That's *cough* nonsense!" Well, chest thumping optional. But give it your best, full hearted shot. And if you don't feel like it, pretend that you do. It works!
I'm saying this as your friend cheering you on, not as some guy just telling you what to do n.n
Ooh-rah!

[Aedin]

I'm really tired and overwhelmed and crying so I'll respond to the rest later. Right now I just wanted to say I read some stuff, and remembered some stuff, that reminded me what people really think of me and people like me. So I just wanted to say sorry to anyone I've bothered.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Hey man, you're not bothering anyone We want you to stick around if you're up to it.

(It also doesn't help that I'm not very active here like I used to be xD)

[Rusty Claymore]

Don't worry so much! n.n/)

[Davidizer13]

Right now I just wanted to say I read some stuff, and remembered some stuff, that reminded me what people really think of me and people like me. So I just wanted to say sorry to anyone I've bothered.

Hey, you're not bothering anyone; from what I've read of you, you're a pretty neat guy.

Anyway, the fact is, that people are going to hurt you. People are jerks; it comes with living in a fallen world. This is the great paradox of Christianity: We're a bunch of idiots who hurt each other at the drop of a hat, and yet God loves us anyway; enough to give up His son for us. It sounds sociopathic, but it's true. Without God, we're truly nothing. We have no kindness, no love, no wisdom.

The question is, what are you going to do when someone hurts you? It's going to happen. You can't do anything about them; you can only change yourself and how you react to what they do. Do you use it as a club and continuously hurt yourself anew with what they did? Do you brush it off and move on? Do you confront them, forgive them, etc.? It's up to you, and it depends on what happened. Whatever you choose, it's not easy to completely get over what they did to you; in fact, it's one of the hardest things someone can do, and whatever you choose to do, I'll be praying for you. If you decide this site isn't for you, I'll still be praying for you. People will let you down - they're only human, after all - but God won't. Just remember that.

[ArellaEliora]

Sometimes I honestly wonder if God cares how people have hurt me, or if he just blames me for all of it.

Just wonder why I'm so screwed up. Why I can't feel loved or cared about. Why I seem to always be so impossible to deal with.

God definitely cares about your pain, doesn't He say He keeps all your tears in a bottle? It also says God is close to those who's hearts are breaking. And He definitely doesn't blame you for it. Like Anystazya said, He died on the cross for you. If He wasn't going to blame you for all your sins in that regard, then He's not going to blame you for other people hurting you. We are all responsible for how we treat others, and we also will be held accountable one day.

Actually I see a lot of love coming off this thread, but I'm glad you spoke up because you wouldn't have known if you hadn't.

[steenajack]

Hey there Aedin,

Just want to let you know that I'm willing to listen. We are all willing to listen. And you don't have to worry about bothering us with your problems. In fact, it's not a bother at all. We care for you, and want to see you happy. God is also willing to listen, and will always be there for you.
I hope that you decide to stay, unless of course you think it may be for the best to leave. But, I do really hope that you stay.

[That Dude]

Aedin, I know that you want to grow and get past all these issues...And it's totally ok if you leave this site so you can have some time to deal with them, but don't leave this sight to run away from your problems. If you do that, things will just suck more and you'll go even deeper into depression and anxiety.

This may sound really weird to hear, but you are in a great position. You are at a point many of us need to be but never are. Humbled and broken. God can do amazing things through you.

Phil 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

If you have allowed God to take control of your life and your pain, take comfort, God will not abandon you or let you go until his work is complete in you. The only thing that you can do is slow down the process.

One thing that might help you is to pray EVERY SINGLE TIME that one of those thoughts that cause all these problems comes to your mind.

Christ suffered more than any one will ever be able to suffer. And he wants you to know that he died so he can take your pain and fill the hole left with love. All the crap that your going through will never measure up to that and all he asks is for you to hand over your pain when you want to wallow in self pity...He just wants to show you love.

Also another comforting to keep in mind is that you are not alone in your pain. There are many on this site even who've gone through the same pain and probably even worse. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

[TGJesusfreak]

Now Aedin you may or may not listen but I have to tell you this as your friend. So please understand that I only say this becuse I care. I'll still be yur friend no matter what.

When we talk you always say you don't know why they don't put up with you. I think I know why. When you and I have talked you are always focusing on the bad things in life. You laways complain to me about how "noone can put up with you" ever think that you always telling a new friend that "noone can put up with you" is a bit insulting? Many people try to be your friend and you respond with a heavy sigh and a long speech on how messed up you are. You may have problems I know. But as you've told me your PM box has been filled a few times.

Fyi, I don't even have over 200 PMs yet. You have more people talking to you then to me. You need to stop reading your old PMs/emails that make you sad and look at all of the people that are trying to help you.

You may ask what does this have to do with anything. I'll tell you. It seems to be a recurring pattern with you. You make a friend then you lose a frined. I'm sorry to be blunt about this but it comes from selfishness. You care only for yourself and what makes you happy. You care only for the amount of friends that you make and not the quality.

When I talk to you you always turn it around and say "your blaming it on me!" If I am then why not change how you act? Life IS a choice. You choose to get up in the morning. You choose to eat. You choose to forgive. You choose to be caring. You choose to accept God. You choose to accept help. You choose to listen to what we say.

So the choice may be hard but you mast choose to care for others more than yourself. You are always calling for attantion and wanting people to pay attention to you (that is normal) but do it in the right way. Instead of wollowing in the past pain CHOOSE to move on. It's so simple yet so hard. If you want to change and make more friends, CHOOSE to let God help you. If you think God can't help you then he wont because you push Him away.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself get up dust yourself off. Like it say in God's word: "This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it"
Rejoce in your pain and PRAISE God through the storm.

One of the most mighty weaponss that God gives his children is PRAISE and PRAYER

Remember PRAISE IS AN ATTITUDE:
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him"

Praise is something you CHOOSE to do.

I hope this helps Aedin. I will always be your friend.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

MODS: If I've crossed the line, by all means delete this, but I kind of feel like it needs to be said. Even if I am just a dude on the internet.

Instead of vying for the attention of the select few (or desiring their affections without ever even speaking with them) how about just hang out, calm down, and make what friends are attracted to you because of who you are? TG has the right of it. If all you do is disappear for a few months, and then pop in and complain about how nobody loves you, the pattern can only go so many ways: You'll get a select few who haven't seen you do it before bowing at your feet and telling you how sorry they are that you feel this way and begging you to stay, and it feels good I won't lie, but it doesn't last. Pretty soon they'll go about their business convinced that you've been convinced but you'll still want attention. You'll have to do it again, and those people who sincerely rooted for you will see what you're doing and either condemn you in their minds for it, or call you out publicly for it even though you've got a new crowd of strangers hailing you.

I have friends here, yes. Did I have friends instantly? No. Did I have friends within weeks? No. Only a couple people reached out to me at first (You guys know who you are, and you're awesome). How did I make the rest of my friends? I didn't focus on trying to get affection and attention from others. I became intent on doing nothing more than contributing to a forum community in my own way. I have things that I like about me, and it shows when I use them. I think I'm pretty funny from time to time (although I'm just shy and inconfident enough that when someone tells me that, it feels like I'm being told something I've never heard before. It's wonderful). Annnyway. So! The point is...

Aedin, I don't know you so I want you know I bear you neither bad feelings nor well wishes when I say this:

Chill out. If you want to make friends, that's great. It's understandable. But seriously... Cheer up. Don't focus on the negativo. Just talk to people. Be nice and people will be nice to you. If certain people don't like you, who cares? They're probably just not compatible with you. You'll find others who are and you wanna know a secret? You'll end up liking them a lot more than you would have liked those others.

Looking in this thread, I can pick out the people who've never met you and the people who have. Speaking for the people who have and still thought enough of you to give you a response I say this: Get over it. Clearly you're wrong and people do like you. If you keep saying people do, you're not just acting selfish, you're actively offending those people who do care about you. So you think you're messed up? What else is new. I'm completely whacked. I'm abrasive, insensitive, and more than a little tactless. Sometimes I think I'm the world's crappiest Christian because I won't fall in line with the other super christians I know, and totally cannot relate to their passion.

Hey, what about other people I know? My wife is clinically depressed. These days that doesn't mean much, but let me put it in perspective for you. Most people take medication because they're a little sad. My wife takes medication because she will literally cease functioning, and potentially kill herself if she does not. She gets by because she's unafraid to just be herself and you know what? <bleep> what other people think about her. She attracts people to her who will genuinely adore her because she is what she is and she doesn't care about those people who don't care about her. You will find far better friends out of those people. Everyone's screwed up. Stop whining about it and move on with your life. You'll feel better and people will like you better.

Again, I say this in all niceness, if you really truly feel like this community is persecuting you and that no one likes you don't talk about leaving, just leave. Don't bring attention to it. Your boycott will be much more effective for it. The guy who boycotts a product, service, or company and makes a big noise about it is usually the guy who's still using that same product, service, or company. If you're not really considering leaving, please don't post these threads. Just suck up that sadness - we all feel it from time to time so someone knows what you're going through - talk to a friend, and jump back on the keyboard. Just be the good guy you're capable of being and don't give it another thought.

[Aedin]

[quote="Davidizer13 (post: 1375998)"]Hey, you're not bothering anyone]

It's just, I'm surrounded by family who never cares, who twist things, who try to convince me everything's my fault, and almost 99% of the other people I've met, have been the exact same. I don't know how to just brush things off, it's a problem I have, I try to forgive, and if I confront people, things just get worse. I've been ridiculed, in quite a few places, for confronting people. Just my whole life, I've been surrounded by people who hurt me, and don't care, and whenever I make progress, I meet someone new who just does the same thing. I have a chemical imbalance, and a learning disability, that both combined realy screw me up. And almost every single person I've met, doesn't try to understand or care, or they just try to make me feel worse. Made it so I can't trust anyone, because even the people I trust most lie to me or betray me or do things to make me feel meaningless, and they've never cared. I try to forgive, and move on, but I've never known how to, and I've asked quite a few people (never people from this site though) and noone's actually ever told me, so I have all these self-esteem issues, self-hating issues, all the issues from my past, to screw me over, and I'm the only one that can help me, but I don't know the first thing to do, and almost every single person I've met, instead of supporting me at all, has just tried to make me feel worse, so I"m totally stuck, and I don't have a single clue how to get started onmaking anything better. And a lot of people I've gone to, to try to get support, have just treated me like a horrible person because I was having problems, or because I'm different and some things are harder for me to understand than they are for others. It just all combines to ake me hate myself, make me unable to feel loved or cared about, or trust anyone, and basically, my biggest problem in life is myself, but I've been stuck in this thing for so long with noone to help, that I have no freakin clue what to do.

[Aedin]

Hey there Aedin,

Just want to let you know that I'm willing to listen. We are all willing to listen. And you don't have to worry about bothering us with your problems. In fact, it's not a bother at all. We care for you, and want to see you happy. God is also willing to listen, and will always be there for you.
I hope that you decide to stay, unless of course you think it may be for the best to leave. But, I do really hope that you stay.

Unfortunately, I've had lots of things happen to show me that's just not true.

[Aedin]

Aedin, I know that you want to grow and get past all these issues...And it's totally ok if you leave this site so you can have some time to deal with them, but don't leave this sight to run away from your problems. If you do that, things will just suck more and you'll go even deeper into depression and anxiety.

This may sound really weird to hear, but you are in a great position. You are at a point many of us need to be but never are. Humbled and broken. God can do amazing things through you.

Phil 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

If you have allowed God to take control of your life and your pain, take comfort, God will not abandon you or let you go until his work is complete in you. The only thing that you can do is slow down the process.

One thing that might help you is to pray EVERY SINGLE TIME that one of those thoughts that cause all these problems comes to your mind.

Christ suffered more than any one will ever be able to suffer. And he wants you to know that he died so he can take your pain and fill the hole left with love. All the crap that your going through will never measure up to that and all he asks is for you to hand over your pain when you want to wallow in self pity...He just wants to show you love.

Also another comforting to keep in mind is that you are not alone in your pain. There are many on this site even who've gone through the same pain and probably even worse. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I'm trying to let God take control of everything. And I'm trying to grow. It's just like, like I posted, I've had so much happen t oscrew me up, and most of it is smy fault, I'm the main problem, and yet I've had noone to help me, that I don't know the first thing about fixing anything. I don't see any way out. I just wish I could think of some cognitive stuff to help, but almost every single time I try to reach out, people just tell me I'm wrong, and then make me feel worse.

What if the Calvinists are right? ANd I'm not chosen?

I know I'm not alone, but after years of almost every single person I know getting sick of me or abandoning me, I Just don't know how to trust anyone anymore, how to not hate myself or think I'm a huge burden. I don't know if I can reach out anymore.

[Aedin]

Now Aedin you may or may not listen but I have to tell you this as your friend. So please understand that I only say this becuse I care. I'll still be yur friend no matter what.

When we talk you always say you don't know why they don't put up with you. I think I know why. When you and I have talked you are always focusing on the bad things in life. You laways complain to me about how "noone can put up with you" ever think that you always telling a new friend that "noone can put up with you" is a bit insulting? Many people try to be your friend and you respond with a heavy sigh and a long speech on how messed up you are. You may have problems I know. But as you've told me your PM box has been filled a few times.

Fyi, I don't even have over 200 PMs yet. You have more people talking to you then to me. You need to stop reading your old PMs/emails that make you sad and look at all of the people that are trying to help you.

You may ask what does this have to do with anything. I'll tell you. It seems to be a recurring pattern with you. You make a friend then you lose a frined. I'm sorry to be blunt about this but it comes from selfishness. You care only for yourself and what makes you happy. You care only for the amount of friends that you make and not the quality.

When I talk to you you always turn it around and say "your blaming it on me!" If I am then why not change how you act? Life IS a choice. You choose to get up in the morning. You choose to eat. You choose to forgive. You choose to be caring. You choose to accept God. You choose to accept help. You choose to listen to what we say.

So the choice may be hard but you mast choose to care for others more than yourself. You are always calling for attantion and wanting people to pay attention to you (that is normal) but do it in the right way. Instead of wollowing in the past pain CHOOSE to move on. It's so simple yet so hard. If you want to change and make more friends, CHOOSE to let God help you. If you think God can't help you then he wont because you push Him away.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself get up dust yourself off. Like it say in God's word: "This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it"
Rejoce in your pain and PRAISE God through the storm.

One of the most mighty weaponss that God gives his children is PRAISE and PRAYER

Remember PRAISE IS AN ATTITUDE:
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him"

Praise is something you CHOOSE to do.

I hope this helps Aedin. I will always be your friend.

For the past two weeks, I've been suicidal, struggling every day to not just give in and OD on pills to put myself in a coma which I hopefully would never wake up from. And I just wanted someone to listen. Just like I was willing to listen when you needed someone to talk to.

the only reason I have more pople who talk to me, is I try to reach out and make friends, and in the end, most of those people will either get sick of me, or stop talking to me anyway, so what does that matter?

"You may ask what does this have to do with anything. I'll tell you. It seems to be a recurring pattern with you. You make a friend then you lose a frined. I'm sorry to be blunt about this but it comes from selfishness. You care only for yourself and what makes you happy. You care only for the amount of friends that you make and not the quality." You don't know me nearly enough to saY whether that's true or not, and that pisses me off. If I was so selfish, why would I Keep asking you if you need to talk/ Why would I keep trying to find ways for us to do stuff together? I care a lot about people, I like it when people share, and I like it when I can help them. Sorry I'm so "selfish" that I needed a friend and someone to listen to. That's what I don't get about people, they all act like I'm so horrible, just because I"m honest about needing the same thing they need. I always tell them they can talk to me if they need someone to listen, yet they don't share, even before I talk about my problems, or i try to talk about other things, like games and stuff, and they don't talk back to nme. Yet somehow that's my fault? Their unwillingness to talk to me makes me selfish?

"When I talk to you you always turn it around and say "your blaming it on me!" If I am then why not change how you act? Life IS a choice. You choose to get up in the morning. You choose to eat. You choose to forgive. You choose to be caring. You choose to accept God. You choose to accept help. You choose to listen to what we say."

That's because before you take any time to understand anything I'm trying to say or dealing with, you start to constantly say things that make it look like everything's my fault. JUst like a couple nights ago, I needed to talk, and instead fo listening or letting me explailn anything, you just kept going on and on and on, mostly saying things that made everything look likem y fault, when you didn't even know what I needed or wanted help with? Yet I'm the selfish one who only cares about myself and my happiness? Yeah, I care about my happiness, forgive me for being tired of depression and feeling the urge to kill myself. I am caring, you're just ignoring that. I don't know hwo to forgive, or accept God, and noonw will help me figure out how. I choose to accept help, except most of the people who try to help me, end up lieing to me, hating me, and betraying me. I guess that's my fault too.

"So the choice may be hard but you mast choose to care for others more than yourself. You are always calling for attantion and wanting people to pay attention to you (that is normal) but do it in the right way. Instead of wollowing in the past pain CHOOSE to move on. It's so simple yet so hard. If you want to change and make more friends, CHOOSE to let God help you. If you think God can't help you then he wont because you push Him away."

I do care about others, just as much as I care about myself. Just because you choose to ignore that doesn't make it untrue. I want real friendships, where we can both discuss things we need to, and talk about common interests, yet somehow it's my fault most people aren't willing to give me that, or put up with me. It's a little hard to move on and let God help me, when I don't know how to od either of those, and noone will help me figure it out. Yet I guess that's my fault too. I love how so many Christians are willing to tell you what to do, yet refuse to help you figure out how to do any o f it, and then t hey abandon you when you need help.

I just wanted friends who wo0uld listen to me and support me, and me them. Where I would just be accepted. That's sure as hell not gonna happen isi t?

[Etoh*the*Greato]

A good friend will tell you when you're wrong. Becuase they love you.

[Aedin]

A good friend could do that without twisting things and judging me and making me out to be a horrible person.

[Aedin]

MODS: If I've crossed the line, by all means delete this, but I kind of feel like it needs to be said. Even if I am just a dude on the internet.

Instead of vying for the attention of the select few (or desiring their affections without ever even speaking with them) how about just hang out, calm down, and make what friends are attracted to you because of who you are? TG has the right of it. If all you do is disappear for a few months, and then pop in and complain about how nobody loves you, the pattern can only go so many ways: You'll get a select few who haven't seen you do it before bowing at your feet and telling you how sorry they are that you feel this way and begging you to stay, and it feels good I won't lie, but it doesn't last. Pretty soon they'll go about their business convinced that you've been convinced but you'll still want attention. You'll have to do it again, and those people who sincerely rooted for you will see what you're doing and either condemn you in their minds for it, or call you out publicly for it even though you've got a new crowd of strangers hailing you.

I have friends here, yes. Did I have friends instantly? No. Did I have friends within weeks? No. Only a couple people reached out to me at first (You guys know who you are, and you're awesome). How did I make the rest of my friends? I didn't focus on trying to get affection and attention from others. I became intent on doing nothing more than contributing to a forum community in my own way. I have things that I like about me, and it shows when I use them. I think I'm pretty funny from time to time (although I'm just shy and inconfident enough that when someone tells me that, it feels like I'm being told something I've never heard before. It's wonderful). Annnyway. So! The point is...

Aedin, I don't know you so I want you know I bear you neither bad feelings nor well wishes when I say this:

Chill out. If you want to make friends, that's great. It's understandable. But seriously... Cheer up. Don't focus on the negativo. Just talk to people. Be nice and people will be nice to you. If certain people don't like you, who cares? They're probably just not compatible with you. You'll find others who are and you wanna know a secret? You'll end up liking them a lot more than you would have liked those others.

Looking in this thread, I can pick out the people who've never met you and the people who have. Speaking for the people who have and still thought enough of you to give you a response I say this: Get over it. Clearly you're wrong and people do like you. If you keep saying people do, you're not just acting selfish, you're actively offending those people who do care about you. So you think you're messed up? What else is new. I'm completely whacked. I'm abrasive, insensitive, and more than a little tactless. Sometimes I think I'm the world's crappiest Christian because I won't fall in line with the other super christians I know, and totally cannot relate to their passion.

Hey, what about other people I know? My wife is clinically depressed. These days that doesn't mean much, but let me put it in perspective for you. Most people take medication because they're a little sad. My wife takes medication because she will literally cease functioning, and potentially kill herself if she does not. She gets by because she's unafraid to just be herself and you know what? <bleep> what other people think about her. She attracts people to her who will genuinely adore her because she is what she is and she doesn't care about those people who don't care about her. You will find far better friends out of those people. Everyone's screwed up. Stop whining about it and move on with your life. You'll feel better and people will like you better.

Again, I say this in all niceness, if you really truly feel like this community is persecuting you and that no one likes you don't talk about leaving, just leave. Don't bring attention to it. Your boycott will be much more effective for it. The guy who boycotts a product, service, or company and makes a big noise about it is usually the guy who's still using that same product, service, or company. If you're not really considering leaving, please don't post these threads. Just suck up that sadness - we all feel it from time to time so someone knows what you're going through - talk to a friend, and jump back on the keyboard. Just be the good guy you're capable of being and don't give it another thought.

"Instead of vying for the attention of the select few (or desiring their affections without ever even speaking with them) how about just hang out, calm down, and make what friends are attracted to you because of who you are? TG has the right of it. If all you do is disappear for a few months, and then pop in and complain about how nobody loves you, the pattern can only go so many ways: You'll get a select few who haven't seen you do it before bowing at your feet and telling you how sorry they are that you feel this way and begging you to stay, and it feels good I won't lie, but it doesn't last. Pretty soon they'll go about their business convinced that you've been convinced but you'll still want attention. You'll have to do it again, and those people who sincerely rooted for you will see what you're doing and either condemn you in their minds for it, or call you out publicly for it even though you've got a new crowd of strangers hailing you."

I have massive social anxiety. I've been on the verge of panic attacks all day everday, for the past two weeks, if not longer. I'm physicall shaking as I write this. I've only disappeared once, for almost a year, because of how cliqueish and uncaring most members of the site were. I've only done it once, and it's not a pattern. And God forbid I need help. How isi t a pattern when I've only done it once? ANd I don't care about people telling me they're sorry I feel this way, Ijust want people who will care and be my friend anyway. You're making me out to sound like some horrible person when I haven't done a single thing. And how am I supposed to be convinced when most people constantly just stop talking to me out of the blue, even if I haven't talked about my problems with them? Besides, people who seem to care, then "just go about their business" and ignore me, I don't want them as friends anyway.

"I have friends here, yes. Did I have friends instantly? No. Did I have friends within weeks? No. Only a couple people reached out to me at first (You guys know who you are, and you're awesome). How did I make the rest of my friends? I didn't focus on trying to get affection and attention from others. I became intent on doing nothing more than contributing to a forum community in my own way. I have things that I like about me, and it shows when I use them. I think I'm pretty funny from time to time (although I'm just shy and inconfident enough that when someone tells me that, it feels like I'm being told something I've never heard before. It's wonderful). Annnyway. So! The point is... "

That's exactly what I've been doing. I've mainly been PMing people, talking about interests and stuff, specifically asking them about their interests. Except I've had so many people who just don't care at all about me, if people don't reach out to me, how am I supposed to believve they care at all? And God forbid I thought I could share personal things on a Christian board without people twisting what I'm doing, or making me look like a horrible person or something. Course that's why I left in the first place, so I should've known better. All I wanted was people who would be my friend and accept me, all of me, but that's not gonna happen isi t?

"Chill out. If you want to make friends, that's great. It's understandable. But seriously... Cheer up. Don't focus on the negativo. Just talk to people. Be nice and people will be nice to you. If certain people don't like you, who cares? They're probably just not compatible with you. You'll find others who are and you wanna know a secret? You'll end up liking them a lot more than you would have liked those others. "

I've been doing that. I've mainly been tralking to people about interests and happy stuff. I just made the mistake of trusting a few individuals, and believing I could post personal things on a Christian board, without people twisting things and judging me, and now it's biting me in the ***. Always a great sign when people judge you when you need help and understanding the most. God forbid I just wanted to make friends who would accept me and care about me.

"My wife is clinically depressed. These days that doesn't mean much, but let me put it in perspective for you. Most people take medication because they're a little sad. My wife takes medication because she will literally cease functioning, and potentially kill herself if she does not. She gets by because she's unafraid to just be herself and you know what? <bleep> what other people think about her. She attracts people to her who will genuinely adore her because she is what she is and she doesn't care about those people who don't care about her. You will find far better friends out of those people. Everyone's screwed up. Stop whining about it and move on with your life. You'll feel better and people will like you better."

I've been suicidal for nine years, and on meds for years. everyone who gets to know me lies to me, betrays me, or abandons me. How am I supposed to not be afraid. I'm not whining about anything, and I'm so ****ing sick of people who say someone's whining as soon as they're not perfectly happy and contecnt. It just shows how little they care. I be myself, and this is what happens.

[Aedin]

"Again, I say this in all niceness, if you really truly feel like this community is persecuting you and that no one likes you don't talk about leaving, just leave. Don't bring attention to it. Your boycott will be much more effective for it. The guy who boycotts a product, service, or company and makes a big noise about it is usually the guy who's still using that same product, service, or company. If you're not really considering leaving, please don't post these threads. Just suck up that sadness - we all feel it from time to time so someone knows what you're going through - talk to a friend, and jump back on the keyboard. Just be the good guy you're capable of being and don't give it another thought.[/QUOTE]"

God forbid I wanted people to know what happened in case I disappeared. And that I wanted to believe people cared. If I was trying to boycott this place, disappearing quietly wouldn't do anything, because none of you would care enough to notice. It's funny how you say to just talk to a friend, yet this whole thread has been full of people basically telling me when I'm upset and have rpoblems, don't talk about them to anyone.

I'll try my best not to make the mistake of trying to be open and honest and find carnig people or friends here anymore, or let anyone know what happened if I disappear.

[Aedin]

I posted this topic for a specific reason, a few people twisted it into something else. Will someone just lock it?