Purity

[Seto_Sora]

I think this is where most people are getting confused. XD "Dating" is a word that describes two people getting to know one another better, in a romantic context. People choose to "date" in different ways, whether casually or seriously. Some people date with the intention of marriage (see myself and many others), and other people date for a good time. My point is, you don't need to make a separate word so that people will know you are "Christian" dating. XD Dating is dating, but how you handle it will be what sets you apart, not a specific word you use. XD My two cents. XD

I'm going to have to say a loud Amen to this! The simple fact is, we christians try to make a holy grail of something that really is simple. and meybe I sound crazy, but this whole "courting" or whatever name you give it thing isn't a good idea. I say this coming from a homeschooler who has rejected the idea of Courting. Mostly because I have experienced all of its evil. oh boy, I'm going into rant mode. LOL
OK so this is what it is, we can't pretty it up or Christianize it. Dating is dating is dating is dating. The fact is, if our hearts are not made new in Christ and we do not love Him and Him alone, then whether we call it dating or courting, it is pure evil. The only way to sanctify relationships is not by renaming how they are performed but by making Christ the center of that relationship and loving Him first. So some of you will court, some date (I prefer dating now myself) yet if you do not do all this for Christ and His glory, it will come to naught be nothing. Call it what you will, perform it as you will, but first glorify Christ Jesus. ^_^

SDG

[Hansha]

I have a question for Htom. when you are dating with intention how far are you thinking into the future with this girl? When does it go from intentionally to just creepy? Not disagreeing with you. I actually feel the same way about casual dating but sometimes when I like a guy I'm like " is it really weird that I'm thinking about this stuff so soon? I don't want to be one of "those" girls. XD

[Shao Feng-Li]

I disagree. Otherwise we would still throw women out of the city when they're on their periods and we would stone people who break the Sabbath.

Also Hansah, we were just joking.

Like women even want to be around anyone when we're on a period anyway... XD

Also yeah, I'd say Leviticus and Deuteronomy aren't really the best places to get an idea of what's evil, because we're not under the Law of Moses anymore. At least last I checked, I'm able to wear a poly-cotton blend shirt without it being evil.

You know, I've also heard that it meant that you couldn't mix old and new fibers together, not necessarily blending. Either way though, ceremonial laws are gone.

[RefractedAhav]

For me purity hasn't been much of a relational issue. I've never been in a relationship, at least I don't think that I have. There where times when people jumped to conclusions simply because they saw me talking to some one. Anyway, while I generally agree with all the standards that you listed, AliveinHim, my struggles with purity occur mainly in my thought life. I've never been into porn or anything like that, but one can sin even without external stimuli. Needless to say for large portions of my life I have felt impure because of these things. I have even felt as if I had l lost my virginity even though I have never even kissed anyone, I can hardly bring my self to kissing some one on the cheek as it is. It took years to become reasonably comfortable with an actually hug, rather than the one armed church hug.

[Seto_Sora]

I have a question for Htom. when you are dating with intention how far are you thinking into the future with this girl? When does it go from intentionally to just creepy? Not disagreeing with you. I actually feel the same way about casual dating but sometimes when I like a guy I'm like " is it really weird that I'm thinking about this stuff so soon? I don't want to be one of "those" girls. XD

eh!? I don't mean to answer another's question, but i really think every guy should enter any relationship, even if its "casual dating" with the object and goal in mind of marrying. Quite simple, if you aren't thinking about marrying the girl, don't date her! heh my thoughts anyway (or code if you prefer). I mean lets be realistic, why date at all if ya don't want to wed?

SDG

[Atria35]

eh!? I don't mean to answer another's question, but i really think every guy should enter any relationship, even if its "casual dating" with the object and goal in mind of marrying. Quite simple, if you aren't thinking about marrying the girl, don't date her! heh my thoughts anyway (or code if you prefer). I mean lets be realistic, why date at all if ya don't want to wed?

SDG

I think if you read through the older posts, it's because people see dating as a way to get to know the other person, to find out whether you would want to marry them.

I know that dating is my only way of getting to know guys- I don't see the ones I like often enough on a casual basis to know whether I want to marry them. So I ask them out so I can find out.

[Nate]

You know, I've also heard that it meant that you couldn't mix old and new fibers together, not necessarily blending.

I've heard a couple of different explanations for it. I've heard one theory that it was because sometimes a clothing-maker would use two different types of material in something but claim it was 100% whatever, which would increase his profits since the second material would be something cheaper to obtain.

I've also heard that it was just meant to be symbolic in the sense that the Israelites weren't supposed to mix themselves with other races or with the rest of the world.

Lots of theories about it though, yeah.

[Hansha]

eh!? I don't mean to answer another's question, but i really think every guy should enter any relationship, even if its "casual dating" with the object and goal in mind of marrying. Quite simple, if you aren't thinking about marrying the girl, don't date her! heh my thoughts anyway (or code if you prefer). I mean lets be realistic, why date at all if ya don't want to wed?

SDG

No, its cool^^. It's just sometimes I catch myself going " Yeah, he would definitely be a good husband b/c of this...and this and....AHHHH, you're not even dating the guy yet! Whats wrong with you!":eh:

[Seto_Sora]

I think if you read through the older posts, it's because people see dating as a way to get to know the other person, to find out whether you would want to marry them.

I know that dating is my only way of getting to know guys- I don't see the ones I like often enough on a casual basis to know whether I want to marry them. So I ask them out so I can find out.

Well that makes sense, but I mean, seriously, if I'm dating a girl she should know that I want to get to know her better because I am considering her possibly as my future wife. I'm not talking heavy seriousness like ring in my pocket madness. Rather, i'm saying, if I ask a girl out its because marriage is on my mind.
So I guess i am confused by your original question. Or are you saying that couples go out on dates without thinking that they mey be marrying this other person. Is marriage not on their mind?

SDG

[Atria35]

Well that makes sense, but I mean, seriously, if I'm dating a girl she should know that I want to get to know her better because I am considering her possibly as my future wife. I'm not talking heavy seriousness like ring in my pocket madness. Rather, i'm saying, if I ask a girl out its because marriage is on my mind.
So I guess i am confused by your original question. Or are you saying that couples go out on dates without thinking that they mey be marrying this other person. Is marriage not on their mind?

SDG

It's not that marriage isn't on their mind, it's that they don't know yet whether they're even compatible with the other person.

You're going
Dating = Marraige

I'm saying
Dating = Compatible? = Marriage

I don't even think about marriage before I know whether or not we're compatable people peronsality-wise, belief-wise, and whatnot.

[Seto_Sora]

No, its cool^^. It's just sometimes I catch myself going " Yeah, he would definitely be a good husband b/c of this...and this and....AHHHH, you're not even dating the guy yet! Whats wrong with you!":eh:

Heh, then as a guy I'm totally guilty of that.... ^_^ So I think its normal. I mean, if you don't think those things, how are ya gunna think, "Yeah, I like that person and I'd like to go out with them." Seems to make logical sense.

SDG

[Seto_Sora]

It's not that marriage isn't on their mind, it's that they don't know yet whether they're even compatible with the other person.

You're going
Dating = Marraige

I'm saying
Dating = Compatible? = Marriage

I don't even think about marriage before I know whether or not we're compatable people peronsality-wise, belief-wise, and whatnot.

I think you hit it exactly. for me, I like to try to get to know a lady before I would say, will you go on a date. I don't know why, thats just how I flow. Its in the back of my mind, "you have no business stringing this girl along if you aren't interested in marrying her". So meybe that is something of a decision we all have to make on a personal level. I can't tell anyone else that my thought process for dating is the supreme right way to date (other than the fact that it ought be Christocentric which is Biblical and not my own philosophy). So if that is what you are thinking, I won't say its wrong. But I don't think its wrong for me to think what I do, I just thought it was normal is all! ^_^ Heh, I've never actually been on a real date. LOL

SDG

[Shao Feng-Li]

I've also heard that it was just meant to be symbolic in the sense that the Israelites weren't supposed to mix themselves with other races or with the rest of the world.

Well yeah, that's the meaning of it in the end, regardless of what "mixing fibers" meant.

[K. Ayato]

Whether or not this falls under the umbrella of dating, I feel it's very important to see the person you're interested in within the context of a group setting. Bunch of friends going bowling or something of that nature, before you decide to go one-on-one. Even if you're not officially seeing each other, it helps a lot in the long run to see how they respond in an environment that encourages you to be yourself.

Granted, there will always be those who put on a mask at any stage of developing a deeper relationship with someone. But with prayer and a strong relationship with Christ and a supportive network of friends, things can proceed a lot more smoothly at any stage .

[Cognitive Gear]

I find it interesting that so many people who prefer courting seem to also think that dating is somehow a "worldly" thing. To be honest, I'm not quite sure that I understand why.

Dating has no connotation other than that two people are linked together in a romantic way. Outside of that, I don't think that most people make assumptions about it.

Is it so that there is a "Christian" way to find your spouse? If so, I really don't think that has any Biblical backing (though I would be open to hearing it), and am pretty sure that there isn't really any reason to need a "Christian" version. After all, "dating" is just our modern word for "courting".

[Seto_Sora]

Whether or not this falls under the umbrella of dating, I feel it's very important to see the person you're interested in within the context of a group setting. Bunch of friends going bowling or something of that nature, before you decide to go one-on-one. Even if you're not officially seeing each other, it helps a lot in the long run to see how they respond in an environment that encourages you to be yourself.

Granted, there will always be those who put on a mask at any stage of developing a deeper relationship with someone. But with prayer and a strong relationship with Christ and a supportive network of friends, things can proceed a lot more smoothly at any stage .

I think its circumstantial. For instance, in my circumstance, such a helpful environment as group activities would be hard when one is surrounded by over-protective brothers or psychotic homeschool moms... with very strange ideas. I dunno... or I could just never get married. that would solve the problem quite simply. yeah, I'd be bachelor all my life and then I wouldn't have to worry about all this.
On a second note, the best preventative you have against a mask is trusting the Lord. Sometimes masks can last well into a relationship, even matrimonially directed relationship. And indeed sometimes one is so blinded by what they think is love that they can't see who is truly behind that mask. But your surest protection from ending miserably is trusting the Lord to lead and care for you.

SDG

[shooraijin]

I find it interesting that so many people who prefer courting seem to also think that dating is somehow a "worldly" thing. To be honest, I'm not quite sure that I understand why.

It might be people associating it with "playing the field," which is something I never particularly enjoyed and stopped doing. It seems shallow and you were thrust into a one-on-one situation with someone who might just fail every core requirement you have in a future spouse, requiring a messier back-out than something more casual.

That said, I've never seen much practical difference between carefully selected dates and courting. You'd have to go out on a date to court, right?

[Hansha]

Yeah, someone describe courting exactly. The only one I've seen nowadays is that Duggar boy and his wife off of 19 kids and counting and they had to have an escort go with them.

[Yuki-Anne]

It's not that marriage isn't on their mind, it's that they don't know yet whether they're even compatible with the other person.

You're going
Dating = Marraige

I'm saying
Dating = Compatible? = Marriage

I don't even think about marriage before I know whether or not we're compatable people peronsality-wise, belief-wise, and whatnot.

Thisthisthisthisthisthisthis...

If you talk about marriage and the other person is dating you but isn't sure, you're gonna freak them out big time. Speaking from personal experience, here.

It's not that they can't see marrying you ever. It's that they don't feel comfortable enough with you yet to give it serious consideration. To be honest, if one of my guy friends asked me out, then on that first date said something like, "Don't get me wrong, I could definitely see this ending in marriage," I'd probably freak way the heck out. I'm out with him because I like him and I would like to be closer to him, but it's too early to talk about marriage. Have I thought about it? Well, probably, but there's no way I'd even consider getting engaged to a guy after less than a year. Why? Because I have seen too many of my friends (male and female) marry somebody (a Christian) too fast, and end up miserable.

I'm not sure what all the hurry is, anyway. Sure, we can't have sex. I can understand if the temptation is getting really strong. But if some guy wants to marry me quick so he can have sex with me faster... Well, that just doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy marriage to me.

All's I'm saying is, it's okay to take your time and not put the pressure of looming marriage on a relationship. We can acknowledge we're not dating each other just for kicks, but it's okay to not be sure just yet if you want to marry the person you're dating.

[Seto_Sora]

Yeah, someone describe courting exactly. The only one I've seen nowadays is that Duggar boy and his wife off of 19 kids and counting and they had to have an escort go with them.

There are different forms of courting based on who defines it (usually defined by the dad or brothers of a lady). But I'll try to give as general descriptions as i can. For those of you who court and don't do it one of the ways I describe, pleas enlighten us to your form. ^_^
So the loosest form of courting is quite simply dating just like most of you who have never "courted" just dated have described. Its basically going out with a girl with the intent on marrying her. Pretty basic, pretty innocent.
The next form of courting is the "group" date. Where several people all go together. However, in stricter circles, this proceeds a very serious committal almost engagement with nothing inbetween.
Or you have the chaperoned dates (typically by a brother, meybe father and mother). However, this is probably a much more dangerous version of courting because, no matter how you proceed, it is a matter of complete parental control. In this form, typically the father and mother or one or the other have absolute and tyrannical control over the relationship. They control how fast it progresses, when they couple marry, how the couple spend time with eachother if at all. It is extremely hard to start a relationship under this form because he has to meet an often impossible scrutiny by the father. And this scrutiny does not end until the wedding day. The father could pull the plug at any time.
The worst and most evil form of courtship is the instant engagement, sometimes called betrothal. In this form, the couple do not get to develop a romantic relationship whatsoever. They are held at arms length from eachother and told to keep their emotions in check. The man presents his proposal to the parent who then approves or disapproves without the lady ever getting involved. through the whole of the engagement, complete control is exercised over the couple by the parents, usually however just by the bride to be's parents. Marriage is set and the couple are stuck with it whether they found out they were compatible or not.
I am sure there are other variations out there. But this last one is the most wicked there is. I should know, I was almost completely trapped by it.

SDG

[Seto_Sora]

Thisthisthisthisthisthisthis...

If you talk about marriage and the other person is dating you but isn't sure, you're gonna freak them out big time. Speaking from personal experience, here.

It's not that they can't see marrying you ever. It's that they don't feel comfortable enough with you yet to give it serious consideration. To be honest, if one of my guy friends asked me out, then on that first date said something like, "Don't get me wrong, I could definitely see this ending in marriage," I'd probably freak way the heck out. I'm out with him because I like him and I would like to be closer to him, but it's too early to talk about marriage. Have I thought about it? Well, probably, but there's no way I'd even consider getting engaged to a guy after less than a year. Why? Because I have seen too many of my friends (male and female) marry somebody (a Christian) too fast, and end up miserable.

I'm not sure what all the hurry is, anyway. Sure, we can't have sex. I can understand if the temptation is getting really strong. But if some guy wants to marry me quick so he can have sex with me faster... Well, that just doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy marriage to me.

All's I'm saying is, it's okay to take your time and not put the pressure of looming marriage on a relationship. We can acknowledge we're not dating each other just for kicks, but it's okay to not be sure just yet if you want to marry the person you're dating.

Superb food for thought Anne. I agree with you whole heartedly. I'm not stupid... but that would be a very funny romantic scene in a story. Imagine it, a couple go out for a nice dinner (meybe a bit extravagant for a first date). The lady is nervous, "why did he have to dress in a suit," she thinks to herself. They step outside, before he leads her to her car. He leans on the wood fence as he gazes up into the clear, beautiful night. The moon almost seems to smile back at him and the stars in unison seem to sing the joys of his heart. She looks at him awkwardly, leans also on the fence and looks up. "Ya know," he says abruptly, "I think you and I would make a great husband and wife! How many children will we have!?" (OK, so I am going to let you ladies fill in the emotional response here. LOL)
But what you said about the guy wanting to hit the sack and wanting to marry you to hit the sack was funny but sad. I agree with you. i used to be of the thought that one should get married asap. however, I am of the complete opposite opinion now. One should really get to know that other person. So that said, I don't advocate just telling a girl "I am doing this simply because I want to marry you." No, I'm just saying that should be the guy's mindset in going on a date. Let me put it to you this way, do you really want a guy taking you out on a date without ever even considering you to be his spouse possibly one day? I think not, it would be cruel and insensitive of him. But He's just an idiot if he says anything about it on the first date... or many to follow.

SDG

[Nate]

The man presents his proposal to the parent who then approves or disapproves without the lady ever getting involved.

Which, interestingly enough, is how marriage was done in the times of the Old Testament.

Fortunately, we now treat women as human beings, and so we don't go this route any more since women are people too and need to have some say in who they're going to end up with. Other countries do still have arranged marriages though, but usually arranged marriages are done for political or business reasons. And when you have a reason like that, love isn't really what's important to the people arranging the marriage.

Actually now I'm remembering Ai Yori Aoshi where Aoi was set to marry Kaoru and had been trained her whole life to be his wife to the point where she was completely devoted to him because she had learned to love him. I like the series a lot but it makes me a bit uncomfortable that there might be people out there who think that you can "make" someone love you in this way.

Anyway I'll keep my mouth shut about the Duggar family because otherwise it'll get ugly fast.

[ShiroiHikari]

If you talk about marriage and the other person is dating you but isn't sure, you're gonna freak them out big time. Speaking from personal experience, here.

It's not that they can't see marrying you ever. It's that they don't feel comfortable enough with you yet to give it serious consideration. To be honest, if one of my guy friends asked me out, then on that first date said something like, "Don't get me wrong, I could definitely see this ending in marriage," I'd probably freak way the heck out. I'm out with him because I like him and I would like to be closer to him, but it's too early to talk about marriage. Have I thought about it? Well, probably, but there's no way I'd even consider getting engaged to a guy after less than a year. Why? Because I have seen too many of my friends (male and female) marry somebody (a Christian) too fast, and end up miserable.

I'm not sure what all the hurry is, anyway. Sure, we can't have sex. I can understand if the temptation is getting really strong. But if some guy wants to marry me quick so he can have sex with me faster... Well, that just doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy marriage to me.

All's I'm saying is, it's okay to take your time and not put the pressure of looming marriage on a relationship. We can acknowledge we're not dating each other just for kicks, but it's okay to not be sure just yet if you want to marry the person you're dating.

I hate to be trite, but...

THIS. All of it.

[Hansha]

Anyway I'll keep my mouth shut about the Duggar family because otherwise it'll get ugly fast.

XD Sorry, it's the first thing I thought of when I heard courting and no kissing felt it needed at least one mention.

[Seto_Sora]

Which, interestingly enough, is how marriage was done in the times of the Old Testament.

Fortunately, we now treat women as human beings, and so we don't go this route any more since women are people too and need to have some say in who they're going to end up with. Other countries do still have arranged marriages though, but usually arranged marriages are done for political or business reasons. And when you have a reason like that, love isn't really what's important to the people arranging the marriage.

Actually now I'm remembering Ai Yori Aoshi where Aoi was set to marry Kaoru and had been trained her whole life to be his wife to the point where she was completely devoted to him because she had learned to love him. I like the series a lot but it makes me a bit uncomfortable that there might be people out there who think that you can "make" someone love you in this way.

Anyway I'll keep my mouth shut about the Duggar family because otherwise it'll get ugly fast.

Heh, dude, you're right on! Every word, I agree with it. Except the Dugger family, I honestly don't know anything about them. LOL So I can't say if i agree or not. But yeah, i agree with ya bro about the whole forced love... by the way, wasn't that a manga? I thought I saw it on a shelf once.

SDG

[animefanatic777]

I think this is where most people are getting confused. XD "Dating" is a word that describes two people getting to know one another better, in a romantic context. People choose to "date" in different ways, whether casually or seriously. Some people date with the intention of marriage (see myself and many others), and other people date for a good time. My point is, you don't need to make a separate word so that people will know you are "Christian" dating. XD Dating is dating, but how you handle it will be what sets you apart, not a specific word you use. XD My two cents. XD

WHERE'S THAT STINKIN' LIKE BUTTON. I NEED IT. RIGHT NOW. NAOW. LIKE LIKE LIKE.

XD lol But fo' reazies, you're totally right :3

[Nate]

Except the Dugger family, I honestly don't know anything about them.

You're one of the lucky ones. I can't think of a single pleasant thing to say about them. You can google them if you like though, but just the thought of them makes me feel violent urges.

by the way, wasn't that a manga? I thought I saw it on a shelf once.

Yep, it's an anime and a manga. The manga has way more nudity than the anime though. While there's lots of fanservice in the anime, I think they avoid showing full nudity, but the manga just shows everything. XD I think I like the anime better though. It has pretty good music and it just seemed more real to me than the manga did. Don't get me wrong, the manga's great. I just...I dunno, I felt things more when I was watching the anime.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Purity is not what you do or not do with your body. Purity is where your heart wills just one thing.

For us, I believe that is willing God. Embodying love.

[Seto_Sora]

You're one of the lucky ones. I can't think of a single pleasant thing to say about them. You can google them if you like though, but just the thought of them makes me feel violent urges.

LOL heh Thanks but its enough for me that someone else I know, or used to know, really likes them for me to have the same feelings you do about 'em. LOL

Yep, it's an anime and a manga. The manga has way more nudity than the anime though. While there's lots of fanservice in the anime, I think they avoid showing full nudity, but the manga just shows everything. XD I think I like the anime better though. It has pretty good music and it just seemed more real to me than the manga did. Don't get me wrong, the manga's great. I just...I dunno, I felt things more when I was watching the anime.[/QUOTE]

Huh, I just remember picking up the book, don't remember any of that stuff, just that some guy started moving in on the relationship... which made me really mad. Didn't read any more than that. Don't know if its the same lol probably is though.

SDG

[Nate]

Moving in? I don't think you're thinking of Ai Yori Aoshi. The story of that is Aoi is in love with Kaoru and wants to marry him despite the fact that her family disapproves of it...it's from a failed arranged marriage; she's the daughter of a wealthy corporation and he was too until he left that family, which meant that Aoi's parents canceled the marriage. However she still loves him and runs away from home to be with him and lives with him in his apartment for a while, until she gets tracked down by her caretaker.

They then move into a large mansion, but to hide a possible scandal from the public she pretends to be the landlady of the mansion and he's just a tenant, and they can't be seen romantically involved. They are soon joined by two friends that Kaoru knows from his college (both female of course) and of course hijinks ensue as both girls have romantic feelings for him and he wants to remain faithful to Aoi but he can't be with her for fear that the other girls will see. There's no other guys involved...I mean he has a couple of male friends at his college but they're not main characters or anything.