I Need Help!!!

[Roxas2210]

That is probably the dest song on the planet. Thanx.

Yours

Roxas

[~darkelfgirl~]

I'll be praying, too, Roxas.

I've been in that 'cry-myself-to-sleep-because-I-don't-have-a -boyfriend' stage (the stimulus for a lot of my past depressions). After a while, I realized that high school is not forever (well obviously). A majority of those relationships in high school die as college life moves in. Just today, I couldn't help but hear a girl complaining to a friend next to my locker that her boyfriend is worried about her going off to college and meeting another guy.

I don't want that kind of luggage, to be blunt. Right now, I'd rather be single. I mean, I liked this one guy in my church (and I think he liked me too judging by his actions at a rehearsal of mine), but I let it die, because I know we'll be separated when college comes around.

Actually, I feel free now that I look at other people in these predicaments. Sometimes, it's just not worth the pain. Besides, I've got other things to focus on, like my career (hopefully meteorology and writing), finding my brain, and most importantly--my relationship with God. My relationship with God has grown stronger ever since I've let go of the 'boyfriend hunt'.

Like Goldie said, find Him first.

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you

Sorry for the ultra-long reply

[Roxas2210]

Thank you all for these wise and kind words. ^-^ i will try with all my might to seek and love the Lord. I realize that this world is cruel and shallow, but I cant help but see the beauty in it. Sometimes I wonder if I am in love with nature itself. I find my self spending hours and hours just staring at the beauty and majesty of what nature has provided for us. I sometimes wish I could just be with the natural animals, sights, sounds, feelings, smells, exc. but I have things in the world that pull me away from all that is beautiful in nature. I marvel at what God created in only 7 days and am so very greatfull for that. I will seek God with all my passion and all my heart, so that I may stop falling into such deep depressions.
Thankyou all for your help, but keep me in your prayers, even now. I know that my road is about to get a whole lot tougher.

Yours

Roxas

[Dante]

While looking good isn't the only thing people consider I hate to say but I believe the principle used by most humans is this.

//Assuming male looking for a cute girl... I can't speak for the opposite sex
if(individual.beauty == "cute")
{
checkWhetherTheyAreAGoodPerson();
//Note list is DEFINITELY not exclusive, add your own later
return proposeMarriage();
}
else
{
//I DON'T COMMENT ME CODE! DARN YOU BILL GATES!!!
return ignoreLikeBadFruitCake();
}

/*
*Insert evil smiley face O' Doom here
*/

In other words, because there ARE about 300 million people in the United States (and 10 BILLION people in the world), people can assume the number of friends/potential girlfriends/ect. ect. approaches infinity. They know they can't be friends with all of them, and instinctively they want to be close to those who have the most positive characteristics they have been taught since they were young. Of these characteristics physical beauty is the one most easily accessible (You just have to glance at the person casually to tell if you like how they look). Most of us go around wearing masks as to who we truly are on the inside, even to our closest friends. They can safely assume that if they don't like the characteristics of one person, they'll be bombarded with about 250 more within the next several minutes... its like looking for an image on Google... It just has to BE the right one... you know... the one you made up in your mind but you'll search through 50,000,000 pages for in order to find an actual person who took teh photograph in real life? Yeah.

We are also socialized by television, anime and other media that cute skinny people are the ones that are nice, while uglier people tend to be jerks (Even in anime, where most otakus tend to be overweight from... watching too much anime... find me an overweight main character). So much as this violates reality, human beings are what we are, and so we form predjudicial paradigms. Further more, when you're as old as I am, kids your age seem to be the only ones having any real fun or adventures... all I ever do is study study study in my room and get contraband time on CAA. In the end, does this system work? Hardly, at the current time according to Wikipedia, as much as 25% of American's lack close friends. American's have some of the weakest social networks on the planet!

Some other reasons for this:
1. Because we work too much we can't maintain relationships
2. Because we are so wealthy, we don't depend upon one another for survival, we've managed to accumulate so much individual potential that we don't need each other... so we dispense with the "problems" which sadly tends to be other people.

The end result of this is of course that most people suffer, and the few "nodes" of people that pass most exterior tests gain hordes of human beings chasing after them. They in turn don't mind because there is actually a vast competition set up to "be" their friend. But even they can't maintain an infinite set of relationships so that leaves an entirely different subset of individuals feeling completely empty (She's beautiful but she dropped me for the new guy of the week). (Note this is also why beautiful people also seem to gain promotions and success, if they're not total jerks to all of their friends they can gather together the ones of greatest use to them and manipulate the system to their advantage. Mind you, they may be great friends to these inviduals, but at least subconciously they realize the gains they are getting as well).

While this may seem off topic from the original discussion its not really that far from the mark. If people can't maintain friendships then they can't maintain deeper relationships, (If you couldn't get along with someone you're only around a little while, how could you get along with someone for the rest of your life in close proximity? O_o). Because of this, yes, people will sadly judge you on your looks... and they judge me on mine... The answer to this is of course the internet, because so much as it is hated its only text based. Therefore, one cannot judge others based off looks, and we will all likely give the other individual a predefined avatar image that satisfies these requirements so long as they are nice to us...

Yes... Its absolutely fine with me if you think of me as a morbidly obese, villianous character with a wicked goatee, a monacle, and a receeding hairline. For I'm not quite sure you'll like what I wrote... so as my punishement you can post a bad avatar image in your mind for what Pascal looks like X_o.

At the same time, all of this has grown rather complicated. You are 16. You are heading off to college. No girls for you, only books. (No, 18 year old girls will not be interested in dating you ... which is for the best if college for you at 16 was anything like college for me). Expect to put on approximately 50-100 pounds from stress, expect no free time and expect to just hold on 'till you get your degree.

[Roxas2210]

I thank you deeply for that and would like to return the favor in some way. I also need prayer because I am taking on a new friend who struggles with homosexuality, and I would like to help him see that the Lord is hurt by that. He dose know God, but still chooses to be "gay". please pray for him and me.


Yours


Roxas

[Chrysolite]

As it has been previously been said, almost everything relevant has been said, and I can see that some amazing and inspired things have been said. Something occurred to me while I was reading the thread, though, and I feel like I should say it.

Roxas, you seem to me like a born writer. You have a way with words and prose that is evident in your chosen language and you have an abundance of strong emotions to fuel that natural talent. You could be a poet, and don't think I'm trying to dictate your destiny, but it wouldn't surprise me if God has designed you that way for that very reason or something like it. However, something I have come to realize in my walk with Christ is that quite often our greatest strengths and weaknesses flow from the same source, which in turn can make them very difficult to deal with. For example, if you're designed to be a leader you need to be thick-skinned. You have to have a certain degree of 'callousness' in order to deal with all the people who come against you without breaking down emotionally. However, that very nature that is intended to make you strong can also work against you if you let yourself get so hard-edged that you become unwilling to listen to sound council and thus end up what the Bible calls 'stiff-necked' or 'unteachable.' This revelation goes hand-in-hand with another truth I realized: The Devil isn't stupid. He knows that the best way to lure people away from God is to attack their weaknesses while tempting them, and he's not going to tempt them with something that isn't tempting. I have little difficulty struggling with the uncertainties of love and romance because I am comfortable with my relationship with God and understanding of the Bible in this area. But the Devil tempts me with other things that are more of a pitfall with me because of the way I think and feel. He knows that my temptation is different from other people's. From reading your posts it seems to me that one of your biggest sources of strength/weakness is your emotions. As I said before, they are a huge service to your talents and character that God gave you, so I'm not saying at all that they are a bad thing. But the number one target that the Devil attacks for teenagers is their emotions. All humans have emotions and (almost) all humans value them, but teenagers have an ocean of emotions and tend to value them over anything, and that is where they tend to stumble. God created us with emotions so of course he wants us to have them and treasure them, but we absolutely cannot let ourselves be controlled by them. If you calm down and force yourself to focus on the true reason for your pain and struggle I think you'll find that it routes back to your natural human impulse to fill an emotional need. When you fail to fill that need in a way that seems pleasing to God you start to wonder on an emotional level if God really knows what He's doing, or worse, if He cares. Then your spirit who wants to stay close to God recognizes a threat to the relationship and instantly goes into conflict with your emotions, and that conflict naturally takes its toll on your heart. The devil knows that your faith is strong, but if he can keep your inner conflict going long enough your heart will grow sick (Proverbs 13:12) and then it will be easy for him to break your faith and permanently separate you from God. It's a simple process that he's used for thousands of years. He uses it because it works.

Basically what I'm saying is that your emotions are strong and precious. That's all the more reason to keep them in check. If you start to stumble or struggle because of an emotional issue, first reason it through on a spiritual level, and then you will have the composure to search for God's answers without your feelings taking your reigns. Remember, God can use your emotions to guide you as well, but he will never use them exclusively. The Bible and The Holy Spirit are the physical and spiritual resources God has given to check if our feelings are right. And what wonderful resources they are!

Well, that's my speech. I hope I've said the right things and I hope you find in God the strength you need to break the Devil's hold on you and be free to experience God's peace, joy, and love unhindered. God bless!

[Mave]

I thank you deeply for that and would like to return the favor in some way. I also need prayer because I am taking on a new friend who struggles with homosexuality, and I would like to help him see that the Lord is hurt by that. He dose know God, but still chooses to be "gay". please pray for him and me.

Yours
Roxas

Pls help him to see that God is hurting WITH him and wants to help him overcome. I also have a dear friend who is struggling]what God wants for you to do in life[/U]. It doesn't feel like it but that's more important than the quest of finding a life partner. Life is far more meaningful and purposeful than that! =)

Focus on other relationships that are equally important. Your friends, your parents, teachers, colleagues etc. Do various activities that you wouldn't do otherwise if you were dating. Explore the area that God has placed you in and see where else you can bless those around you.

Once you find that there's more to life than just romantic relationships, you'll feel very liberated and joyful. Trust me - I've been there.

EDIT: Erm, I've been informed that I've made a grave error in assuming your gender thus, the editing. But nonetheless, I'm leaving the parts, which I think are still relevant. My intentions are sincere as ever.

[That Dude]

A quick and easy definition for love is that it is putting others ahead of yourself. Putting their best interests ahead of your interests. Of course there's no better example of this than Jesus. He was constantly putting others needs ahead of his own. The ultimate example being the cross.

Honestly one of the best things that you can do is to go out of your way to show love to others. It'll get your attention off of yourself and on to what really matters, serving God and others.

One more suggestion, why don't you try reading through 1st Peter for devotions, I think that it could be good for what you're going through.

[Roxas2210]

Thank you again for your wise and helpful words. I do admit that I had thought about asking him out, but that would be furthering his struggle with being "gay". I have struggled with that and have suffered numeous consicuenses because of it. I also have found that I love to help other people with things that they want to overcome, and expect nothing in return. I have always wanted to help people in need, but have found that they are not trusting of me. Sometimes they are right to not trust me when I am hitting on them and making them uncomfortable. But over all, I just want to help them, not myself.
I have started reading the Bible, and am enjoying the enlightenment that comes with it.

"Roxas, you seem to me like a born writer. You have a way with words and prose that is evident in your chosen language and you have an abundance of strong emotions to fuel that natural talent." I do love to write, and I do my best work with a pen and paper. I am writing a christian novle right now about a young man who is struggling with the loss of his bestfriend/lover, while battling an evil Emperis in a world parallel to our own. I am currently looking for a publisher and am hoping to inspire many a young folk.

I again thank you for your kind and wise words and wish to return the favor in some way in the futrue.

Yours

Roxas

[Chrysolite]

I'm writing a Christian fantasy novel like that as well. I hope it goes well for you! And, as I've said before, I wish you the best of God's love and protection in your struggles.

Remember these verses; they will help you!

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
--1 Corinthians 10:12-13

[Mr. SmartyPants]

A quick and easy definition for love is that it is putting others ahead of yourself. Putting their best interests ahead of your interests. Of course there's no better example of this than Jesus. He was constantly putting others needs ahead of his own. The ultimate example being the cross.

Honestly one of the best things that you can do is to go out of your way to show love to others. It'll get your attention off of yourself and on to what really matters, serving God and others.

One more suggestion, why don't you try reading through 1st Peter for devotions, I think that it could be good for what you're going through.

Amen, brother. Seriously. Amen.

[Roxas2210]

You all are truely blessed with wisdom and kindness. Thank you all for your help. I wish again to help you in some way in the futrue.

God bless you all!

Yours

Roxas

[That Dude]

You are quite welcome Roxas, and I think that I am saying this for all here, if you ever need to unload or ask questions about your faith feel free to send up a PM.

[Roxas2210]

I have been struggleing with the temtation of going online and looking at Yaoi. I know that it is wrong, but something inside me tells me to do it anyway. what can I do to stop this for good? I have been reading my Bible, but it is still coming out.

Troubled

Roxas

[Chrysolite]

I think the best thing for you to do (other than continue in prayer and reading the Bible, which you're already doing) is simply continue to resist the temptation. It seems now like it's too strong for you to handle, like it will never go away; that's the way temptation works. But I guarantee that if you resist it long enough, it will go away, or at least numb in intensity considerably. If you cave into it, however, it will be a lot harder to break away.

P.S. It should be noted that I don't know what Yaoi is (some form of Japanese hentai, it sounds like?). This is just my general advice on handling temptation.

[Azier the Swordsman]

P.S. It should be noted that I don't know what Yaoi is (some form of Japanese hentai, it sounds like?). This is just my general advice on handling temptation.

Yaoi is male/male hentai.

Anyways, the best possible solution for internet porn addiction: cut the internet for three months. Extreme, but the best possible way to kill a temptation is to not have it sitting in your room 24/7.

[K. Ayato]

Second that. Plus finding something more productive to do with your spare time. By productive, I mean benefiting others and not just yourself.

[Roxas2210]

But if I cut my internet for three months, all my classes will be cut aswell. I have all my classes online and it just makes it all the more difficult to resist.

[Sheenar]

Have you tried installing an Internet filter? You can download an internet filter for free. I Googled "Free Internet filter" and this one looks promising:

http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
You can browse around and find a program that works for you.

Some programs have a password system to "override" a restricted site, but you can have someone else choose/change the password, so you don't know what it is, and thus cannot access those websites that you are tempted to visit.

I know for many people struggling with porn, a filter has been a tremendous help in overcoming the addiction.

Let me know what you think.

[Mave]

Practical: One of my most effective ways is to keep my door open and have the screen facing towards it. Anyone who walks by will know what I'm viewing online and that helps to me to tackle temptation.

It also helps if I'm sharing a computer with someone. If you're freaking out when someone explores your hard drive or past websites you've been visiting, you know it's time to clean the slate.

Spiritual: Pray to God for help in this matter and to obey the Holy Spirit when prompt. Earnestly ask him to help lead you to activities that are joy-giving and soul satisfying, which are usually selfless in nature and a blessing to others.

The defining moment in victory here is always whenver I stop focusing on Me. Me. Me. Freakin' Me. Seriously.

And oh yes, ask yourself WHY you should stop doing this? Is it to save yourself from hell? Is to free yourself of guilt? Or it is because you don't want to hurt God anymore? Or you don't want to keep feeding your selfishness and stump your character molding? Or don't want future loved ones to be hurt by this in the future (you may think it doesn't hurt anyone but......)?

Another defining moment in victory is holding firm to the reasons of quitting and letting that override the temptation.

Will pray for you~ Don't give up trying to overcome.

[Roxas2210]

I have done well! I went all day without looking at such things all yesterday and today! Thank you all for your help! Continue praying for me so that I may never do such things again!

Yours

Roxas

[minakichan]

ROXAS I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS YOU. Romance, like Otherkinism, is something that I look at and immediately feel depressed about. What is this giant waste of time?! How can people in this world be so stupid about this?!

The sucky thing is that I read way too much shoujo manga, and it makes me want the warm fuzzies of it while underlining the fact that that kind of romance just doesn't exist in the world.

I used to think about it a LOT, but I think I've gotten better about it. I guess I'll just share some of the techniques and experiences I've had in overcoming these weird feelings.

There was a guy that I had a crush on in high school, but even while I had those feelings, I knew in my head that it was all "temporary insanity." I think that that was my strength; yes, I had the "heartache yadda yadda" and I thought about him at night all the time, but I just repeated to myself that I was being stupid, high school relations don't work out, he doesn't even like me, etc, etc. It took some time, but it worked. I was into him because I liked his personality (and his kung fu? SO HOT), but you know what? There are tons of "nice" and "cool" people out there. I sort of feel like that's not the way to judge a potential partner because if there are always other fish in the sea, monogamy doesn't really... work. What do you base romance on then? Well, I sort of get the feeling that no one knows. Think about it-- 50% of couples in the United States divorce today; I'm not inclined to believe that the other 50% are all happy couples. This means that the MINORITY of couples end up satisfied with their marriage, and this doesn't even include casual relationships and the like. If you can't find it, it's no big deal-- very few can.

If you want to find someone to love who will love you back for who you are, it doesn't have to be romantic. There's also no shame in being celibate, or, dare I say it, a "career woman."

[Yojimbo]

Well I completely agree with what several people said. Especially Mave. I know what temptation is about believe me. Just today I felt like I was tempted almost beyond what I could bear but 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells me otherwise...

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

My advice to you would be find someone you can be accountable to. You need to spill it all out to someone. Definitely a strong Christian rooted in their faith. People on CAA can only help you so much there. You have to do it, it's not easy making the first move but the Lord commands us to confess our sins to eachother. I've made myself completely accountable to my brothers, roomates, and it's not easy but it's necessary. The temptation still comes of course it's not just going to go away but it's easier to manage and stop.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
-James 5:16

Prayer of course is the number one thing you can do. Do it constantly, all the time, everywhere doing anything. You don't have to be alone and deep in thought to talk to God. Praying constantly can help keep you in a Godly mindset that won't leave you getting distracted and falling into sin. This goes along with your reading your Bible and spending quiet time with God. Do that everyday if possible.

[Roxas2210]

HELP MEEE!!!! I am soo weak! I need help and prayer and advice! I have met someone and I think I like them, but I dont want to! He is nice and good hearted, and I think I really like him, but it gose against everything I believe in! I am supposed to be helping him get over this, yet I am being dragged into it! What do I do?! I am balling my eyes out because I have taken a step backward and I have failed my friends, especialy mathgrant. I have failed myself. what do I do?

Troubled and brokenhearted,

Roxas

[chibiphonebooth]

Roxas, i think right now you should take a step back and stop talking to this kid. If he is making you stumble, then you should probably stop talking to him for a while. I know you are just trying to help him out, but if he constantly drags you back into this- it would be wise to stop. Right now you should be really pressing into God. Read the bible every night- try a chapter of psalms and a chapter of john. also, try to pray every night too. At this point in time, when you are your weakest, you need God the most. I know cause i've been there for other problems.

Just tell this kid that you need a hiatus. You might be able to start talking to him again later, but as of now- he's doing nothing but causing you to stumble, unfortunately.

[mathgrant]

*huggles tight*

Be strong, Roxas! And if you can't be strong, be safe! Block this person from your IM, or turn off the computer, or whatever you need to do. I understand your desire to help, but if you can't be strong enough to resist this temptation, then the most helpful thing you can do is to stay away. Falling into temptation will only hurt both of you.

I'm praying for you. D=

Edit: I agree with chibiphonebooth. <3

[Roxas2210]

thank you all again. I just talked to my mentor and godmother and I feel a lot stronger now. You all did help me. Thanks a bunch!

[Roxas2210]

I think I am falling for him again, this time not for the things he said to turn me on, but for who he is. This is most troubling, because I only tell someone I love them when my heart tells me I love them. What am I to do?!

[chibiphonebooth]

Like i said before, he is causing you to stumble. you should probably just stop talking to him. I know it hurts because you like him- but you are going to have to push through that if you want to get over this.

You have your answer, and you probably know deep down what to do, now its just your choice if you want to follow it or not.

[mathgrant]

>.> Seriously. I agree. Roxas, you must block him. You cannot stop your feelings for him, but if they're leading you on a road you do not wish to be on, you must block that road!

If anything else happens, I will feel like the crappiest person alive. >.>