Women pursuing men

[shooraijin]

Myself, I think we're a little off topic anyway. Back to girls chasing guys.

[Riggidig]

Myself, I think we're a little off topic anyway. Back to girls chasing guys.

That sounds like the plot of a typical anime episode shoo...

[Yamamaya]

The whole "wait for your prince" cultural value is one of the reasons we don't see as many women pursuing men. It's the whole idea of being passive and just waiting for Prince Charming to come along and sweep you off your feet. While it certainly does have that romantic appeal, it also has some unfortunate sexist implications.

@Riggidig. I thought the same thing.

[K. Ayato]

Nothing wrong with praying for God to answer a specific prayer, including one for a lifelong mate. Problem is, as Yama alluded to, way too many singles are content with just sitting and waiting. It's okay to have plans. Be out there where people come in contact with each other. Spend time with friends. The list goes on. I've no doubt God will answer a single's prayer for a mate, but personally, if all that single does is wait, wait, wait, it's gonna be harder and probably longer for that prayer to get answered. Or worse, they get so stuck on waiting that they completely miss the answer when it comes.

[Sapphire225]

I think women should pursue men just as men pursue women, but keep in mind that there are two things that can prove as a hinderance:

The traditional view of that mainly men should pursue women and that should a woman pursue a man, it will sometimes comes off as desperate, a stereotype.

Also, depending on the male individual, will be viewed oddly by him due to the fact it is a break of cultural norms and may weird him out (think about the ratio of men that propose to women than women that propose to men). Which is more likely to result in rejection.


Or that what I've noticed among my family.

[ShiroiHikari]

Maybe we should just stop expecting people to read our minds and just be direct and to the point.

"Hey, do you mind if I pursue you? No? Okay, I am now officially pursuing you then."

[Riggidig]

I don't know about you guys, but I think the main problem (myself included) is when you are actually looking TOO hard. Basically every couple I know said they met each other while NOT looking for someone. I think a lot of people (both guys as well as girls) kindof become obsessed with finding a life partner. Not only does this, in my eyes, smack of desperation, but it can be a real turn off when you DO meet someone and you're constantly in their face (again, this counts for guys as well as girls). I think everyone should first be comfortable with themselves, because I think a lot of people want "that special someone" because they lack something in their lives and they want another person to fill that gap. For years I myself jumped from one short relationship to another. Things were awesome in the beginning, but after a short while that emptiness just returned. So it wasn't fair to the other person that I was basically using them for my own needs. That's not what a relationships about.

So anyway, I believe we have to not "be on the prowl" for a partner. Be vigilant, yes, but make sure you're happy with yourself, because another person won't make you happy on the long run. Only you yourself can.

[Yuki-Anne]

So anyway, I believe we have to not "be on the prowl" for a partner. Be vigilant, yes, but make sure you're happy with yourself, because another person won't make you happy on the long run. Only you yourself can.

I think you mean "only Jesus can." Because if only I can make myself happy, I am pretty much doomed to be messed up and depressed for the rest of my life.

[Riggidig]

I think you mean "only Jesus can." Because if only I can make myself happy, I am pretty much doomed to be messed up and depressed for the rest of my life.

I did actually want to say that yes, but I was afraid of getting chewed out for mentioning that, since we're not allowed to talk about theology in here...

[Atria35]

I did actually want to say that yes, but I was afraid of getting chewed out for mentioning that, since we're not allowed to talk about theology in here...

You're taking it a little to the extreme. This is a Christian board- you can mention Jesus in the General section. It's not allowed to debate theology or get extreme with the discussion, but talking about Jesus and which denomination you are is okay. Otherwise the mods would have locked these threads already.

[shooraijin]

Right. Most of the time we've been drawing the line at when people start interpreting or throwing out (requiring interpretation) verses to support their viewpoint, or as cases warrant. Yes, we're being stricter about that, but otherwise, what she said.

[Nate]

I think you mean "only Jesus can."

I disagree with this...sort of. I think it depends on how you define "happiness" and in what capacity. The reason I say this is well, we have plenty of people here who are Christians, and are depressed and hurting. If Jesus brings us happiness, then He's not doing a very good job because there are lots of unhappy Christians.

On top of this we have the non-Christians who may even be happier in general than Christians are. There are plenty of people who deny or don't believe in Jesus who are perfectly content with their lives and comfortable and happy. I guess you could argue Jesus is bringing them happiness despite their rejection or denial of Him, but that seems to be a stretch to me. XD

And finally, we have Genesis itself. Genesis 2:18 to be exact, after God has laid down the rules for Adam. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.â€

[K. Ayato]

Nate drives home a good point. It's true that God will provide for us and never leave us, He's the Comforter, etc. I believe all that myself. However, I admit there are still times when I need something tangible.

[Riggidig]

You're taking it a little to the extreme. This is a Christian board- you can mention Jesus in the General section. It's not allowed to debate theology or get extreme with the discussion, but talking about Jesus and which denomination you are is okay. Otherwise the mods would have locked these threads already.

I'm sorry Atria. I don't mean to come off as extreme. It's just that, a couple of days ago, here in the general section, I mentioned that I would like God to lead me to the right woman for me, and I got scolded and told theology isn't meant to be discussed here, so I'm not really sure what I may or may not say here

[ShiroiHikari]

I disagree with this...sort of. I think it depends on how you define "happiness" and in what capacity. The reason I say this is well, we have plenty of people here who are Christians, and are depressed and hurting. If Jesus brings us happiness, then He's not doing a very good job because there are lots of unhappy Christians.

This. And if anyone says "Well OBVIOUSLY that means you're not praying hard enough" I will fly to your house and punch you in the kisser.

[Makachop^^128]

I feel like my opinion is kinda different then a lot of people here >< but.....me personally I don't like pursuing guys, I think its something special when a guy pursues you. I think God put a desire in all women the want to feel special and wanted. I'm not saying showing a interest is bad, but I'd feel like there was something wrong with me if I was playing the "guys part" Maybe its just me :/ I have a really shy kinda geeky Boyfriend, I'm a lot more outgoing then him, but when I let him pursue me like when we weren't going out it seemed to make him feel important and more adult and respected and I liked doing that for him He got more confidence, while my friends said he was to shy and I needed to pursue him, I gave him the chance to. Later he thanked me saying most girls that have liked him flirted with him like crazy and it felt like he was controlled.

[Sheenar]

Nate drives home a good point. It's true that God will provide for us and never leave us, He's the Comforter, etc. I believe all that myself. However, I admit there are still times when I need something tangible.

I couldn't agree more. There are times when you just need somebody with skin on --someone who is physically present with you. It's really hard when nobody is there --especially on holidays for me. I've grown to really dislike holidays b/c I am usually alone (family break up -long story.)

As for Christians being depressed and sad, we do all live in a fallen world and Jesus Himself told us we would suffer --this is not our home. I take comfort in that all the pain I experience here is only temporary in the grand scheme of things.

[Yuki-Anne]

Note how I said "Jesus can" not "Jesus will."

Those are good points, though.

This is why I think it's a bad idea to do things out of some misguided belief that it'll "make me happy." Finding a spouse won't necessarily make you happy, and it's not fair to put that expectation on somebody.

[Nate]

Yeah, I agree, if you're trying to find a spouse or significant other because "They'll make me happy" then it's pretty clear it's self-serving, which love is not supposed to be.

[shooraijin]

(meta-mod)

I'm sorry Atria. I don't mean to come off as extreme. It's just that, a couple of days ago, here in the general section, I mentioned that I would like God to lead me to the right woman for me, and I got scolded and told theology isn't meant to be discussed here, so I'm not really sure what I may or may not say here

If you're referring to Midori's post in "Guard your heart," it wasn't directed at you. But why not PM the mod in question if you're not sure of why a particular order was made? If it was something else, PM me rather than taking up more space in this thread.

[Thunder Caya]

Girls pursuing guys....

I have done my fair share of pursuing and it rarely worked out. Why? Because I was chasing guys who weren't interested in me. Once, a guy said yes, but it wasn't because he liked me, too; he got caught up in being pursued by a girl and tricked himself into thinking he could like me. He couldn't.

At the same time, I have been pursued by a few guys, and it didn't work out because I wasn't interested in them. Really, it doesn't matter who's doing the pursing. What matters is mutual interest.

When I met my boyfriend, there was an instant connection. Love at first sight? No. It was two months into the relationship before I could say I loved him. But the interest was there, and we both knew it. I flirted, and I flirted HARD. (I don't mean I hoochied myself out of anything, but I definitely did the arm touching, tried my best to be witty and clever, took every opprtunity to spend time with him, and IMed him every time he was on line.) In the end, he was the one who asked me out officially... but I was the one who invited him to sit on the stairs alone with me, giving him the opportunity to do so~

[Dr.Faust]

I've been perused by girls(and Guys :/) and like most have said it depends if you into them or not. For me I'm not intersted in any of the people who perused me so I did/will not go out with them. And the same for the girls I perused they were not into me so nothing happened. I will say that people will not catch a hint and will keep flirting with you even after you have made it clear that you don't like them that way at least with the girls that flirt with me.

[broly146]

I was never really pursued by a lot of girls because of the fact that I locked away my emotions. I have pursued girls before, but it never worked because they would all go after the "popular" guys. So, I don't have much advice to offer here...

[Lynna]

I feel like my opinion is kinda different then a lot of people here >< but.....me personally I don't like pursuing guys, I think its something special when a guy pursues you. I think God put a desire in all women the want to feel special and wanted. I'm not saying showing a interest is bad, but I'd feel like there was something wrong with me if I was playing the "guys part" Maybe its just me :/ I have a really shy kinda geeky Boyfriend, I'm a lot more outgoing then him, but when I let him pursue me like when we weren't going out it seemed to make him feel important and more adult and respected and I liked doing that for him He got more confidence, while my friends said he was to shy and I needed to pursue him, I gave him the chance to. Later he thanked me saying most girls that have liked him flirted with him like crazy and it felt like he was controlled.

I think it kind of depends on the guy I guess...

[Makachop^^128]

I think it kind of depends on the guy I guess...

Maybe, I still think though girls deep down rather be pursued then do the pursuing, Maybe its just me :/

[Thunder Caya]

I don't see how you can make that call for every girl in the world.

[broly146]

No one can make a call for all the people in the world. It just depends on that person's preference. I prefer to be pursued by girls (just my personal preference).

[Maledicte]

Maybe, I still think though girls deep down rather be pursued then do the pursuing, Maybe its just me :/

"Deep down?" Like, guys around them aren't doing the pursuing, so the girl is like, "Ugh, fine" and relegates herself to be the pursuer? I can only speak from my own experience, but I freak out at the prospect of a relationship I don't want. I am much more comfortable knowing who I am interested in, and giving the other person the option of turning me down, rather than having to worry about possibly breaking someone's heart or getting them upset with me.

Also I've been the object of unwanted (and unpleasant) advances before, and that is not a position I don't want to be in ever. I'm probably not the only one.

[piffle]

As a girl, I like for guys to do the chasing. I don't say this because I'm really shy- I'm more just reserved than shy. I think that many girls are over-anxious to have a relationship, and feel like if they don't step up, they won't get one.
But girls- if the guy you want doesn't feel like you're worth the trouble of gathering the nerve to ask you out, do you really want him?
I can't speak for all girls, of course, but my kind of man is the kind I know can stand on his own two feet. If the man is supposed to be a pillar of spiritual strength and discipline in a marriage, shouldn't he to have the maturity to ask someone he likes out? Of course, girls shouldn't be teases, but I don't think it's healthy for either parties for the girl to be easy to get.

[Thunder Caya]

Just because a girl does the chasing doesn't make her "easy" to get with. She can be just as picky about who she dates. We're not talking about a girl who chases every guy she meets. We're talking about a girl who tries to initiate a relationship with a man she's interested in.