Being Single is Awesome!

[TGJesusfreak]

Here is my opinion of being single. Stay that way until GOD directs you otherwise. I have this girl I really really like. I've NEVER had a GF or kissed or anything like that ever. I'm saving it for the one person in my life whom GOD sees fit for me.

Now this girl likes me back but I'm not getting in any relationship right now. We agree that we shouldenjoy our friendship and let God lead us where he sees fit. I want to stay friends and live for God and mature in my faith before ever getting in a relationship.

It's how I view everything in life. Let God be your guide and no matterhow tough the road, things will end well ultimately. I beleive this with every fiber of my being and I apologize for ranting. I'm very passionate about this sorta thing...

[Yuki-Anne]

With emotional stuff like this, sometimes it's hard to detect the Lord's leading. My one relationship that I ever had really felt like it was God's doing. Some of the things that happened were downright serendipitous. I prayed a lot about it, and it seemed like I got the go-ahead. But in the end, the guy broke my heart.

It's easy to say, "Follow God's direction and all will be well," but I think sometimes that just isn't the case. For all I could tell, it was God's leading that I ended up in that relationship, but it left me broken and hurt. I grew up a lot through it and now I'm okay, but, and forgive me for saying so, that attitude seems a bit simplistic. Yes, we should trust God. Yes, it's good to wait until you mature in your faith. Yes, it's good not to rush things. But sometimes, you think God had this one person in mind for you, and everything seems to point to that, then your world comes crashing down and you wonder why you even trusted God when He lead you into such horrible heartbreak.

The night that guy broke up with me all I could pray was, "I trust you," because I just couldn't muster the strength to say anything else to God.

I think that relationships and everything that goes with them are more complicated than a lot of Christians think. But this is coming from one of those Christians who didn't get lucky and find someone right off the bat.

[Ante Bellum]

To be honest, I think that a lot of people also get the wrong idea from movies, TV shows, etc. Not that I watch a lot, but really, most of the time it seems that the young couple get together on accident, date, have some troubles, make up, and then marry. All within a couple of months. Not to mention that they seem to spent the rest of their days in permanent youth-like bliss. Sure Hollywood, way to muck up the truth even more. Isn't it bad enough that you already messed up history?
I mean, sure, you can't cram a complicated relationship into 2 hours. Usually. But it's still annoying to look through movie summaries and see that the same basic formula is followed almost every time.

[Yuki-Anne]

Oh, don't even get me started on movies. I think we can all agree that they're a completely inaccurate portrayal of real life.

[Ante Bellum]

Yeah, that was kind of pointless, wasn't it?

[Yuki-Anne]

lol, well, actually, it's a good point. Because of Disney, we're really raised to think of ourselves as princesses (girls, of course, although I suppose you can think that if you're a guy), but then real life comes crashing down and reminding us that we are not, in fact, princesses. We're just one more average-looking girl whose dream guy ends up with somebody else. Usually somebody a lot prettier.

[Nate]

I'm with Yuki. The one girl I dated, it really did seem like God's will. We both prayed about it, we both felt led to go forward in the relationship, we both felt like this was what God wanted. And then we broke up. Despite the fact that both of us had felt like God was telling us "You need to be together."

So again, while it's theoretically nice to sit there and say "Wait until God leads you to someone!" well number one, humans aren't the best at hearing God's will, no matter how fervently you seek it or how hard you pray (she and I prayed a LOT, talked a LOT together about it, and all that). Plus, in the end, God's will may be "Hey, get in this relationship and screw everything up and have a bitter terrible breakup that's going to tear you two apart because that's my plan for your life." It may sound harsh, it may sound unfair, but God's will isn't always clear to us humans, and God isn't going to always give us the things we want.

And sometimes, being hurt badly is really necessary for us. I know I learned a lot about myself in the failed relationship I was in, things I never would have learned otherwise. I learned a lot from the breakup, things I couldn't have learned UNLESS she broke up with me. God's will is rarely as simple as "You will find one person and have a relationship with them until one of you dies." God sends us through a lot sometimes.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

TGJesusFreak, definitely look and listen for God's leading but also don't expect God to drop a girl or guy in your lap. He's a God of grace but he's also given us brains to work things out for ourselves. He's not a genie.

[Ante Bellum]

lol, well, actually, it's a good point. Because of Disney, we're really raised to think of ourselves as princesses (girls, of course, although I suppose you can think that if you're a guy), but then real life comes crashing down and reminding us that we are not, in fact, princesses. We're just one more average-looking girl whose dream guy ends up with somebody else. Usually somebody a lot prettier.

I'm trying to remember what my friend said about Disney Princesses...I think it went something like "They tell little girls that they will be a beautiful princess and that they'll marry a prince and live happily ever after, but then it never happens because it's a LIE."
Lucky me, I didn't actually grow up thinking this.

[Sheol777]

Well I have skimmed this tl;dr for a bit now.

I am married, and have been married for 10 years now. I also have a 7 year old boy.

I love being married and I love my child. I consider my family my number one ministry in the universal church. If any other ministry gets in the way of that one....then it goes on the back burner. The same goes for whatever hobbies I might have.

So you might be able to branch out more as a single person in ministry. Also your time can go more to hobbies if you wish.

Once you marry your time is not only your own, but also your spouses.

Do I wish I had more time for my hobbies and such? Sure I do.

Would I trade having a wife and child for it? Nope.

[Yuki-Anne]

And sometimes, being hurt badly is really necessary for us. I know I learned a lot about myself in the failed relationship I was in, things I never would have learned otherwise. I learned a lot from the breakup, things I couldn't have learned UNLESS she broke up with me. God's will is rarely as simple as "You will find one person and have a relationship with them until one of you dies." God sends us through a lot sometimes.

Yes. I learned so much about myself, and like I said, I grew up so much because of it. After the fact, I looked back and realized what personality traits I had that ultimately led to him breaking up with me, and I've since taken care to fix them. I'm glad I know about them now. I'm sad that it took misery to show me, but I think who I am now is way better than who I was then. Oh, if only I'd known then what I know now. But then, I wouldn't know what I know now if I hadn't learned it the hard way. There are some things you just can't learn by being told.

You also have to account for human will. Sometimes you do everything right and follow God's will, but your spouse still decides to cheat on you. That's not God doing that. That's pretty much all the spouse. Because guess what? You married a human, and humans do stupid stuff like that.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I understand what you're saying. Are we Disney princes and princesses? No! But we are princes and princesses of the King of Kings, which is pretty awesome!

[Yuki-Anne]

Even as a child of the King, I have trouble thinking of myself as a "princess." It actually kind of bothers me a little, because I feel like I'm here to serve, and not to be served. I mean, Jesus showed us that service is the most princely behavior, and it's crazy that the God of the universe washed feet. But I still... I don't know. I think of myself as a daughter, but not as a princess, because to me princess implies that I rule over someone and have servants and whatnot. And... well, I don't.

EDIT: Although my crown if I was a princess would TOTALLY be a computer monitor. BEST PRINCESS EVER.

Also...

[Quote=Nate]I'm with Yuki.[/quote]

THIS IS ONE FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS.

[TGJesusfreak]

So again, while it's theoretically nice to sit there and say "Wait until God leads you to someone!" well number one, humans aren't the best at hearing God's will, no matter how fervently you seek it or how hard you pray (she and I prayed a LOT, talked a LOT together about it, and all that). Plus, in the end, God's will may be "Hey, get in this relationship and screw everything up and have a bitter terrible breakup that's going to tear you two apart because that's my plan for your life." It may sound harsh, it may sound unfair, but God's will isn't always clear to us humans, and God isn't going to always give us the things we want.

This is very true. People tend to have their judgment clouded. Which is why I'm waiting years before I get into any relationships. I don't ever want it to be for temporary pleasure. I'm young and naive. I shouldn't act or assume like I know what love is, and therefore I will wait.

Plus, you never know. Maybe God wants me not to get married. Maybe he'll want me to be a missionary in a far off country. I don't know. I'll just use my judgment that God gave me

TGJesusFreak, definitely look and listen for God's leading but also don't expect God to drop a girl or guy in your lap. He's a God of grace but he's also given us brains to work things out for ourselves. He's not a genie.

And yes, I totally agree with this. God might also give us many choices too. it's up to us to use our brains.

I just beleive that in all things you should trust in God. I never said not to use our brain and judgment.

[Nate]

This is very true. People tend to have their judgment clouded. Which is why I'm waiting years before I get into any relationships. I don't ever want it to be for temporary pleasure. I'm young and naive. I shouldn't act or assume like I know what love is, and therefore I will wait.

You completely, completely missed the point of my post, dude.

First of all, age doesn't make you automatically smarter. I was 24 when I got into my first relationship. I had been in the military for six years. I had been in college for a few months. I was experienced, I wasn't young or naive, I had been trained to fight in wars and I had been alive for a little over 1/4 of the amount of time most people live.

I had seen enough failed marriages and relationships in my time to realize love wasn't a feeling. I had witnessed enough heartbreak to know it wasn't easy, it took work.

And I still failed in the relationship I was in. Age has nothing to do with it. If I got in another relationship now, when I'm almost 30, I'd almost assuredly fail again. Why? Because age has nothing to do with relationships. I'm not saying 14 year olds should totally go out and date. But, I had a friend in the Navy who was with his wife since they were 15 years old. They got married at 17. They had been happily married for five years when I left the Navy, and were expecting their first kid. Again, age has nothing to do with it! It isn't common, sure, because most kids are inexperienced and immature, but that doesn't mean it never happens. And likewise, being older doesn't automatically give you experience or knowledge.

Second, did you not read the part you quoted? XD Maybe God WANTS you to have a miserable failed relationship. Maybe it's God's PLAN for you to be an idiot and make your girlfriend mad or upset to teach you a lesson. To assume that God's going to make your first relationship your only one and make it work out seamlessly is assuming too much. While I'm not saying to go into a relationship thinking "Well God could cause us to break up at any time," I'm saying that to assume "God won't allow us to break up because I waited for His timing and His will and therefore this is really it!" That kind of thinking hurt me a lot when my girlfriend broke up with me, because that's how I thought.

And to assume every couple that breaks up did so "because their judgment was clouded" when they got together is pretty judgmental and arrogant. Like I said, it might have been God's will FOR them to break up. God MEANT for them to have a terrible relationship. God's DESIRE was for them to break up for whatever reason to do His work. Assuming that you won't have a failed relationship "because my judgment won't be clouded because I waited" is again, pretty arrogant and condescending to those of us here who have had failed relationships.

[ShiroiHikari]

Right. Don't think that you'll never have a failed relationship just because you waited or because it's God's will or whatever. You WILL have failed relationships, period, be they romantic or platonic. It's just the way things are. The key is being able to learn from these painful experiences and apply those lessons to your life. God doesn't always protect us from pain.

[Yuki-Anne]

Also, I think "waiting for God's will" can be a dangerous excuse for people who aren't brave enough to take risks. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't follow God's will, or that you're a coward for not asking that girl out. But I believe there are some decisions God leaves entirely in our court, because either way we could serve God. If, for example, your walk is healthy, and you're presented with a choice, and neither choice is sinful, God will probably be behind you on whichever you choose, without putting a bit in your mouth and driving you either way.

Or there are some decisions that God does want you to make, but for whatever reason, you're not going to get a neon sign telling you to make that decision. I wish life worked like that, but most of the time it doesn't. Sometimes you just have to step out of the boat and hope that you walk on the water.

I'm just saying, don't let your tombstone say, "I waited to know exactly what God's will was, and I'm kind of still waiting." Because most of the time God's not going to tell you His whole plan. He may not even tell you any of it. But part of God's guidance is providing us with passions and desires. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." The more you serve God, the more what you want in life will line up with what He wants. But it's not like a neon sign.

[Warrior4Christ]

Here is my opinion of being single. Stay that way until GOD directs you otherwise. I have this girl I really really like. I've NEVER had a GF or kissed or anything like that ever. I'm saving it for the one person in my life whom GOD sees fit for me.

I see this as a common viewpoint (mostly from younger people)... and it sounds quite spiritual and all that. But how does it work practically?
I know some people have the gift of hearing God specifically, and have strong certainty that someone will be their future spouse after meeting them once or whatever (and it turns out to be right). However, I would not say it's common or the norm.
How does it work for the rest of us? Do we forever wait for the divine nod, or do we actively seek at some point?

(I do appreciate the fact that the younger ones are keen to trust God, and that they do have time to take it easy and not worry about chasing relationships. Their advice is usually not as appropriate for older peoples (25!).)

EDIT: Yuki got in before me...

[ShiroiHikari]

Also, I think "waiting for God's will" can be a dangerous excuse for people who aren't brave enough to take risks. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't follow God's will, or that you're a coward for not asking that girl out. But I believe there are some decisions God leaves entirely in our court, because either way we could serve God. If, for example, your walk is healthy, and you're presented with a choice, and neither choice is sinful, God will probably be behind you on whichever you choose, without putting a bit in your mouth and driving you either way.

Or there are some decisions that God does want you to make, but for whatever reason, you're not going to get a neon sign telling you to make that decision. I wish life worked like that, but most of the time it doesn't. Sometimes you just have to step out of the boat and hope that you walk on the water.

I'm just saying, don't let your tombstone say, "I waited to know exactly what God's will was, and I'm kind of still waiting." Because most of the time God's not going to tell you His whole plan. He may not even tell you any of it. But part of God's guidance is providing us with passions and desires. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." The more you serve God, the more what you want in life will line up with what He wants. But it's not like a neon sign.

Hear, hear.

[TGJesusfreak]

You completely, completely missed the point of my post, dude.

First of all, age doesn't make you automatically smarter. I was 24 when I got into my first relationship. I had been in the military for six years. I had been in college for a few months. I was experienced, I wasn't young or naive, I had been trained to fight in wars and I had been alive for a little over 1/4 of the amount of time most people live.

I had seen enough failed marriages and relationships in my time to realize love wasn't a feeling. I had witnessed enough heartbreak to know it wasn't easy, it took work.

And I still failed in the relationship I was in. Age has nothing to do with it. If I got in another relationship now, when I'm almost 30, I'd almost assuredly fail again. Why? Because age has nothing to do with relationships. I'm not saying 14 year olds should totally go out and date. But, I had a friend in the Navy who was with his wife since they were 15 years old. They got married at 17. They had been happily married for five years when I left the Navy, and were expecting their first kid. Again, age has nothing to do with it! It isn't common, sure, because most kids are inexperienced and immature, but that doesn't mean it never happens. And likewise, being older doesn't automatically give you experience or knowledge.

Second, did you not read the part you quoted? XD Maybe God WANTS you to have a miserable failed relationship. Maybe it's God's PLAN for you to be an idiot and make your girlfriend mad or upset to teach you a lesson. To assume that God's going to make your first relationship your only one and make it work out seamlessly is assuming too much. While I'm not saying to go into a relationship thinking "Well God could cause us to break up at any time," I'm saying that to assume "God won't allow us to break up because I waited for His timing and His will and therefore this is really it!" That kind of thinking hurt me a lot when my girlfriend broke up with me, because that's how I thought.

And to assume every couple that breaks up did so "because their judgment was clouded" when they got together is pretty judgmental and arrogant. Like I said, it might have been God's will FOR them to break up. God MEANT for them to have a terrible relationship. God's DESIRE was for them to break up for whatever reason to do His work. Assuming that you won't have a failed relationship "because my judgment won't be clouded because I waited" is again, pretty arrogant and condescending to those of us here who have had failed relationships.

Oh ok. I understand. And you have some awesome points in that. God wants us to go through hard times. And in all things things will fail. I suppose that one's maturity will have nothing to do with it.

I also think that if you put God in a relationship that even if it turns out bad that God will bring the good out of it. I actually agree with everything you said.

I also think that getting everything out in the open first, before a relationship. It's a really good idea not to lie to yourself as well. this is all probably really obvious.. I'm kinda telling it to myself.


I want to thank you Nate. You actually helped me with a lot of my own subconcious questions.

Also, I think "waiting for God's will" can be a dangerous excuse for people who aren't brave enough to take risks.

on a personal note. I'm not like this and am willing to take those risks.

ALL I am saying is that God should be there with you no matter what happens.

that's my only point. I have never said that God would just give you sombody on a silver platter. that would be stupid and presumptious. Life has it's bumps in EVERY area. to assume that it would be perfect in a relationship simply for trusting in God would be an incorrect assumption.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Excellent post, Yuki. You make some very good points. We shouldn't use our faith as an excuse for not taking godly risks in life.

[ABlipinTime]

Sounds like everyone's chipped in advice, so here's my .02
No matter what's been happening in your life, pray. Pray. Trust God and love Him. He'll make everything work out. It's not like you have to know His plan for your life even a day in advance. Some people don't know that God wants them to go to college until maybe only a few months prior to the date.

My life has been full of such things (Twice I didn't know I would be going to (and returning to) the school that I'm at right now. I thought I'd be somewhere else). I think God wants this or that, and then something else happens. No matter what though, He keeps leading me on and as I go further, I can look back and see how all the pieces of the puzzle are fitting together to shape me into the person that he wants me to be.

"All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes." (Romans 8:28)

So don't worry about marriage. Go out and meet people, all kinds of people, with the intent of doing to them exactly what God wants you to do to them: love them, in accordance with what He commanded us.

God bless you, guys (and girls)!

[Akane]

Here is my opinion of being single. Stay that way until GOD directs you otherwise. I have this girl I really really like. I've NEVER had a GF or kissed or anything like that ever. I'm saving it for the one person in my life whom GOD sees fit for me.

Now this girl likes me back but I'm not getting in any relationship right now. We agree that we shouldenjoy our friendship and let God lead us where he sees fit. I want to stay friends and live for God and mature in my faith before ever getting in a relationship.

It's how I view everything in life. Let God be your guide and no matterhow tough the road, things will end well ultimately. I beleive this with every fiber of my being and I apologize for ranting. I'm very passionate about this sorta thing...

Two big thumbs up for you!

And what do I think 'bout bein' single, personally?? I think that you should just let God lead you to that "someone" (if you are intended to have someone) and to not spend time lookin' for 'em. Timin's everythin'. Gods' timin's best. Yep, yep. I want to know who I am before I ever get involved with anyone. 'Tis very important to me to know who I am and who God exactly is to me. That is the most important relationship...my relationship with God. All else will fall into place. I have a lot of stuff to work through 'nways and I have friends n' fam n' all that jazz. Just goin' with the flow, yo. I choose other kinds of currents to swim 'gainst, but not the relationship stream, lol.

[Nate]

I think that you should just let God lead you to that "someone" (if you are intended to have someone) and to not spend time lookin' for 'em. Timin's everythin'. Gods' timin's best. Yep, yep.

I do not agree with this at all, given everything I've posted so far in this thread, but...

I want to know who I am before I ever get involved with anyone. 'Tis very important to me to know who I am and who God exactly is to me.

I do agree with this 100%.

[Akane]

I do not agree with this at all, given everything I've posted so far in this thread, but...

I do agree with this 100%.

Vous êtes libre, monsieur.

[Doubleshadow]

I think I never cared for being in a relationship because of two things:

Fear (can you say vulnerable?)
Disgust (a wife means behaving like that?)

But, I'm now out of the hormone addled stage and I've gotten the chance to witness and investigate many schools of thought, and I think if the frame work is right, I'll grow as a person and Christian. I'll never be a conservative house wife, and I don't believe in becoming Mrs. His Name Here. I disagree and outright hate some things the church tells women that are totally culture driven, and I'll probably get major flack for not conforming to church subculture mores, but hey, I'm answering to Christ, not them.

Seriously, people spaz because wedding dresses aren't white. Sheesh.

[Atria35]

@ Doubleshadow - lolz. My aunt (former Air Force pilot) got married in a blue wedding dress because she loved that color more than anything. Everyone loved it.

And after coming from a family where my mother is not only equal partnership but dominant over my father, partly because of necessity but also because of a very late realization that my father is a sexist jerk, I know that I could never be the housewife that one of my nearest and dearest friends want to be. So I make sure that in my search for a church means that I'm not looking at ones where me being single and not dating in my early twenties won't be frowned upon, and if I think about a guy as a potential dating prospect, then I try to find out his views on that sort of thing. There are a very nice amount that don't mind, and have grown up in households where mom and dad were equally in charge and the mom wasn't a housewife.

[AJV]

I'm Single and proud of it!
I believe when (or if) God wants me to get into that kind of relationship I know he'll guide me there. -^^-

[ShiroiHikari]

Seriously, people spaz because wedding dresses aren't white. Sheesh.

Isn't it ridiculous?

[Htom Sirveaux]

When my sister got married, her wedding dress was black. With a flame pattern all along the hem at the bottom.