In need of advice please...

[TopazRaven]

I'm addicted to way to many things now that I think about it. Anime, books, movies, video games, TV, animals, FB...I think I need help. xD

[Furen]

wow, how topics go astray... XD

[ABlipinTime]

back on topic:
Just a suggestion, but if you can find another guy (who doesn't "like" you) to hang around, someone who would be willing to speak up if this guy starts giving you problems, it gives some competition. Then you could always have this nice guy tag along whenever and if you ever meet up with this... this... idk.

Then again, distancing yourself is a good idea.

But more importantly, pray about the situation. God will take care of you.

[TopazRaven]

I know, nice how I lead my own board off topic right? *Facepalm*.

Ok, thanks everyone for the advice, but I think the issue may be as good as solved for me now as I have a plan of action. Lol, I don't really have any male friends other then him. I guess you could say my best friend's boyfriend is my friend though.

[K. Ayato]

My two cents. When you tell him how his actions make you feel, don't sugarcoat it. Be very specific on anything you may like or don't like.

I'll give an example. Last fall while I was still dating the man I later married, I used to go to a Bible study on Friday nights for young adults. There was a guy there, a few years younger than me (actually he belonged to the 18-25 group). He was a friendly person, energetic, but he always seemed to seek me out and light up when I was around. One night we sat in the same row and he put his hand on me. I had told him earlier that I had a boyfriend, but it didn't really come across.

Finally I had to confront him. I pulled him aside during fellowship one night and said "Hey, you're pretty cool, but a few things bother me. I already have a boyfriend, and you may not mean for it to be this way, but everytime you come up to me and tap me and all that other stuff makes me feel like you're flirting with me, and I don't like that."

He was surprised for a moment, then he apologized.

I can't say it's the same for you and this fellow, but I would still suggest you give the benefit of a doubt. He may not even think what he's doing is flirtatious, then again, maybe he does. Still, tell him what he does that bothers you and how it affects you. And as ThatDude said, if he keeps coming at you, dismiss him. No friend is really worth keeping close to you if he/she can't respect your feelings.

[Roberts]

Yes. Everything K. Ayato just said. Just... yes, that.

[TGJesusfreak]

Seriously though I can't think of any useful advice. I honestly don't know what else you can do at this point other than just stop being friends with him entirely until he learns better. I know he's your friend, but if you're constantly telling him to stop, have physically harmed him when he's crossed the line, and he's still doing this stuff, then he's not going to get it until you give him the message "I refuse to continue our friendship until you respect me more."

If nothing else, tell him this. Tell him "Until you respect me, I do not wish to talk to you or hang out with you anymore." If you do this and he still continues, remind him of this, and tell him the police will become involved if need be. It may be harsh, but if he's really your friend and really cares about you, he'll respect that.

If, in spite of everything you do to say that you don't like him, he continues flirting and trying to win you over, there's really only one thing that you can do...Cut it off. He may be your friend, but he will never learn if there isn't consequences for his actions. I've learned over these last few years that the only real way to have a guy get over you is to crush all his hope of ever having anything. We guys will hold on forever if we see even the slightest opening. So...What I'd personally do in this situation if I were you would be to set up some guidelines and give him one more chance to respect them, and if he doesn't, completely cut him off for as long as it takes for him to realize it's time to move on. It doesn't sound nice, but trust me, it is the most loving thing that you can do for him.

^that. No point in putting my wall of text in. Nate and that Dude said everything I would've said. Seriously though, if he wont respect what you want... temporarilly cut it off until further notice. Pray for God to give you guidence. I know He will.

[TopazRaven]

Thanks everyone. Nice to get everyone's insight on my situation. I don't think I'll have that hard of a time cutting him off if I need to. xD That will teach him I'm sure!

[Phantom_Sorano]

Hmmm...an interesting topic.

Miss Topaz, first off take a deep breath. It is commonplace sometimes for friends to feel more for each other than friendship, such as this gentleman is doing. You obviously care about him in a friend-like matter, so if he expresses he likes you stronger, don't be too upset by the idea. You seem to be a very nice young lady. My advice though, is if you feel uncomfortable, take a stand and be straightforward about these thoughts and concerns. Let him know your stance on the situation. I don't think it'd be a bad thing if you two went out AS FRIENDS and had a swell time. There is no sin in hanging out with a friend. if he makes you uncomfortable, address it then and there and be firm.

You are young, so enjoy yourself a little and don't put down too many walls and hurdles for people to try to get to know you. Go and see a movie as friends. Who knows? Never put down too many limitations on yourself. Have safe fun, dear.

[Yamamaya]

Wow, my second thread today. Is everyone sick of seeing me yet?

Actually I love reading your posts.

Anyway though, I'm feeling a bit confused right now, so I could use some advice. I'm going to be going to see a movie and have dinner with a male friend tomorrow night, more then likley alone. One of my fellow female friends said she would come so as to save me from the awkwardness of being alone with him, but she's acting all weird so I'm sure she's not coming now. This guy likes me. He has since we where in 10th grade. So that's about 5 years he's had some sort of strange attraction to me. He's asked me out more times then I can even count. I've always said no. Why? I never felt anything more then friendship for him. Yet he kept asking and asking and pestering me and he tends to make semi-perverted commants sometimes. It got to the point where I was being quite mean and cold to him to try and make him not like me and leave me alone. He must like mean women because it only seems to make him like me more. -_-

Anyway, a few months ago I attended a friend's party that he went to as well and one of his friends kept badgering me telling me to stop being a snob and give him a chance. I felt a bit harrased. Am I really being snobby? I've been sure to let him know that tomorrow night is NOT a date, but I've come to the conclusion I don't know how I feel about this anymore. I think for some reason I might be starting to like him and I don't know why. He's kind of an idiot. Anyway, I'm not so sure what I should do now. I mean, I've actually punched this guy in the face before because of something he said to me. So I'm not afraid to be alone with him, he knows I'm cabable of beating him up if I need to, I'm just well confused...

I would recommend being as straightfoward as possible. This guy obviously isn't showing a lot of respect for you. The best way is just to let him know that you don't appreciate this. He probably still thinks that you're only playing hard to get, or that you really like it. It might be best to let him know that if he continues this behavior then you can't be his friend anymore. Not to mention going out with him is a VERY VERY bad idea. He'll take that as a positive signal.

No offense meant to you, but sometimes shy girls can be very very hard to read, to the point where I don't know whether to continue "pursuing" them or to just give up.
I'm in no position to judge this guy as I've done some stupid things in my attempts to pursue girls before(luckily I learned from them. Although I have never believed that "no" means yes).

[TopazRaven]

Actually I love reading your posts.

Whoo! Nice to know. xD

I would recommend being as straightfoward as possible. This guy obviously isn't showing a lot of respect for you. The best way is just to let him know that you don't appreciate this. He probably still thinks that you're only playing hard to get, or that you really like it. It might be best to let him know that if he continues this behavior then you can't be his friend anymore. Not to mention going out with him is a VERY VERY bad idea. He'll take that as a positive signal.

No offense meant to you, but sometimes shy girls can be very very hard to read, to the point where I don't know whether to continue "pursuing" them or to just give up.
I'm in no position to judge this guy as I've done some stupid things in my attempts to pursue girls before(luckily I learned from them. Although I have never believed that "no" means yes).

I can understand where you're coming from. In all honesty I have never done the whole 'hard to get' thing. What is the point of that anyway? Though he probably doesn't understand that. We aren't going to be alone though. It's going to be me, him and another friend now. I'm very well...I don't like conflict and confrontation. I really don't. I've shown great displeasure at some of his commants before so he should understand in least a little by now I would hope, but if he still doesn't get the picture and does or says something that makes me uncomfortable when we go to see the movie tomorrow then he's going to get a full on lecture. In front of our friend. If that doesn't do it I don't know what will other then not talking to him anymore.

[Furen]

I agree Topaz, I think if he doesn't get it after you tell him, that's the only real way you may get him to realize it, and if that doesn't work... well I'm running out of options other than higher authority like parents, pastors, teachers, principals and if all else fail law enforcement... (I'm not one to suggest this quickly either)

[K. Ayato]

I don't like conflict and confrontations much either, but there are times when they can't be avoided. In your situation, you'll have to show this guy you've got guts to stand your ground and tell him you won't tolerate his behavior toward you. He may not like it, he may even continue flirting, but if you hold your ground and not ease off even if you think he's coming around, I guarantee he'll begin to think "Wow, this girl's got guts. She means what she said. I'd be stupid to think I can still tease her now." In due time, he'll have to respect that.

Conflict and/or confrontation is never easy, but if you've got faith to take control of the situation as best you can, people in time will see that and respect you for it .

[TopazRaven]

Once again thank you everyone! I think the situation is as good as solved. I feel really embarrassed now. I talked to him last night and asked him if he could please stop saying the stuff he says because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't want to talk to him when he's like that. He responded that he was just kidding, but that he would stop...I feel really stupid like I over reacted now. It seemed to me like he was serious sometimes.

[Hiryu]

Could be true. But sometimes people use that as a cop-out in order to avoid confrontation.

In any case, tell him to cut it out if it bothers you.

[That Dude]

Let us know how your hang out time with him goes, if he listens to what you told him and all that.

[TopazRaven]

I will! The movie is at 7:30 tonight. I'll let you all know how it goes once I get home. Thanks for all the support, you all are so awesome! xD

[Tsukuyomi]

Try to have fun and if he really does like you, he'll respect you and get to know you as a friend first ^__^

[TopazRaven]

Alright everyone, I'm back! For the most part things went fine! We all had fun. The movie ended up being really gross in some parts, I guess I should have figured that because it was rated R. Anyway though, he did seem to try and behave for the most part. The last few minutes of the night he did make some jokes, they weren't that bad I guess but I was stuck between feeling ok with it and wanting to smack him over the head with my shoe.

[Rusty Claymore]

stuck between feeling ok with it and wanting to smack him over the head with my shoe.

...wait, those are mutually exclusive?

[TopazRaven]

...wait, those are mutually exclusive?

Another words I'm still confused. I'm not smart, ok? No need to mock me.

[Rusty Claymore]

Ack! No! I was mocking myself! I was just kidding that to me feeling ok and wanting to hit someone with a shoe go hand in hand.
99.83% of my posts are puns/jokes/goof-off, and if they are in any way derogitory it's only me insulting myself. It's been awhile since I've been active here so I've forgot the XD rule...

[TopazRaven]

Ahahaha! Ok. I'm a bit on the moody side sorry, I have attitude problems. 0.o