Might be leaving.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I don't think people are telling you not to share your problems but it seems to me that it's easy to revel in the 'woe is me' attitude and be addicted to it. The more people pay attention, the more damage is done. I have a friend who used to do this and it annoyed the crap out of me and others. At first we felt sorry for him and tried to help but he wouldn't try to help himself. It would just be back to square one. I think he took some kind of perverse pleasure in it. Sort of like how we sometimes want to stay in our sin because we feel oddly comfortable there. I'm not accusing you but no matter how much your life sucks, you have to look for the good. Go to a quality Christian counsellor or even a non-Christian counsellor. Work out what's the problem and deal with it. It's hard to be friends with someone when their attitude spells out that they don't want friends.

[Aedin]

Just lock thsi thread please, I tried, it backfired, I'm clearing out PMs so I can leave, so lets just let it go.

[TGJesusfreak]

I want to be your friend Aedin but I can't when you disrespect me. You were not a friend to me like you should have been. I'm sorry but my dad has forbidden mo to talk to you. If you can respect us again Aedin then we can talk again.

[goldenspines]

Just as a note, Aedin, if you wish to make a leaving thread in the future, please post here instead of making a new thread: http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=28454

That's exactly what I've been doing. I've mainly been PMing people, talking about interests and stuff, specifically asking them about their interests. Except I've had so many people who just don't care at all about me, if people don't reach out to me, how am I supposed to believve they care at all? And God forbid I thought I could share personal things on a Christian board without people twisting what I'm doing, or making me look like a horrible person or something. Course that's why I left in the first place, so I should've known better. All I wanted was people who would be my friend and accept me, all of me, but that's not gonna happen isi t?

Aedin, look at the past threads you've made. Just go look at them right now; don't finish reading this message until you have.


If all those loving posts made in those threads aren't "reaching out to you", I don't think any of us can help you in the way you need to be helped; no person can.
This does NOT mean that we don't care about you, on the contrary, we care for you a whole lot, hence why we are all still trying to reach out to you after all this time of you not listening to our advice.
You seem to have a deep emptiness in you, which is normal for people who are searching; for someone to love them, for someone to love. Only God can fill that emptiness you feel. People cannot, so please don't look to people for that kind of fulfillment, because you will always find disappointment.
BUT, what we can do is encourage you when you need to be encouraged and point you to God when you need Him, which you do right now.

We are also being very honest with you and I hope you can see that. And because people here are being honest with you, they are showing you tons of respect, even though you have disrespected them. Would you really want a bunch of friends that lied to you? I wouldn't think so. :\

You also seem to expect things to be perfect and wonderful right away. Unfortunately, anywhere you go in life, that will not happen. Things need time to grow. Like W4J mentioned, start looking for the good in life, rather than the bad. Okay, so not every person on the forum(or in life) will seem to care, but there are quite a few that do care a lot about you. And the more people get to know you, the more they will open up and care about you. From what I've seen, you just don't want to give us that chance.

On a final note, whether you leave or not is your deal. We can't stop you from leaving. I know some people will beg you to stay, but don't make a pleading from someone a reason to stay, leave the decision between God and yourself.
In fact, if it would help you deal with the emptiness and stress you are feeling, I would say that taking a break from CAA and the rest of the internet would be a great idea. It may give you more time to spend with God and figure out your life and discover who are as a person.

Therefore, I challenge you, for every time you think that your life sucks or if something bad happens, think long and hard to find one thing in your life that is good (it could be little too, like "the sun was shining today" or even something basic, "I have clothes to wear".) Don't shake this off; try hard to see the good in life. You may not see it at first, but like we have all been telling you over and over again, don't give up and God will bless you through your perseverance.

[Aedin]

[quote="goldenspines (post: 1376363)"]Just as a note, Aedin, if you wish to make a leaving thread in the future, please post here instead of making a new thread: http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=28454




Aedin, look at the past threads you've made. Just go look at them right now]

I don't expect things to be perfect right away. I've never expected that. It's just people have never given me the time to get to know me, before they assume a bunch of stuff about me, get mad at me, and then leave. I've also met quite a few people (on this site and on others, and in reall ife) who seem to be nice, but then turn out to be liars, and make things worse, so I have trust issues. And then I've run into lots of people who don't try to get to know me, then assume everything about me, then get mad when I don't react well, and blame me for everything. ALl while they're telling me not to blame myself for everything, but then they'll go and keep blaming me and me alone for all the stuff they caused. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't freakin take life anymore, I just can't.

[Aedin]

And I also just don't get people who talk about helping, and tell me to get over my issues, yet at the same time they do a ton to make my issues worse, and don't bother listening to me to find out how to help, or if they're helping at all. And then they blame everything on me, when the hwole problem is them assuming a ton, not listening to me, and then getting mad at me when they make things worse. I just don't get anything anymore, I can't take.

[goldenspines]

I don't expect things to be perfect right away. I've never expected that. It's just people have never given me the time to get to know me, before they assume a bunch of stuff about me, get mad at me, and then leave. I've also met quite a few people (on this site and on others, and in reall ife) who seem to be nice, but then turn out to be liars, and make things worse, so I have trust issues. And then I've run into lots of people who don't try to get to know me, then assume everything about me, then get mad when I don't react well, and blame me for everything. ALl while they're telling me not to blame myself for everything, but then they'll go and keep blaming me and me alone for all the stuff they caused. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't freakin take life anymore, I just can't.

I tried to get to know you, I'm still trying now. I know, you don't believe that at all. Most likely you think of me as a rather terrible person (and as a liar, perhaps, as you seem to think of everyone).
Life sucks for all of us, dude. More than you probably know or can care to realize. I, personally, am not blaming you for the bad stuff that happens in your life, but I am asking you to take responsibility on how you handle and react to it.
You don't get rid of your issues, you work through them.

With that, I will leave you to your thoughts. And I pray you will hear God's voice calling out to you.

[Aedin]

I wasn't making a leaving a thread.

And I'm not being mean, but I don't remember any time you sent me any messages or asked how I was doing or asked my interests or anything. I haven't even said anything about you, so I don't know why you're all the stuff you are.

I don't get why everyone assumes so many things about me, and why people keep telling me things take time, but then they leave me because my problems don't get fixed immediately.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Mate, you want people to stop assuming things about you but you seem to be assuming everyone at CAA are liars! Not cool. Can you see the issue here? Trust works both ways amigo. It seems to me that most (if not all) here are trying to help you. Try to accept their help and learn you are loved by God. I've suffered depression and severe anxiety and it's been tough, but you really need to look for the good and find people you can talk to about stuff. And listen to them, be open. Talk to God.

[Ante Bellum]

I believe that humans are beings of energy, and they attract the same type of energy they put out. So, focusing on this negative energy will only bring it back in. This isn't karma, doing bad things doesn't cause bad things to happen. Satan does, and looks for every chance to send those demons in. It's especially easy when there is negative energy, because all he has to do is magnify it instead of trying to break a good mood.
You are hurting yourself, but you are also hurting those that have tried to reach out. It's a big slap in the face to the good-intentioned when they see that their words are taken wrong. If they had twisted and lied but denied it, then they also have problems, and all of you need to pray and be prayed for. It can't be one-sided all the time.
It takes a long time to get to know people. I still haven't entirely figured out people I've known for years. They still don't know everything about me, either. I don't pretend to know people, but people judge me before they even talk to me, especially if they listen to the rumors going about.
By just giving in, turning from people, you can't make things better. Life is tough, I know, but you haven't lost if you still have God. He's here for everyone, but not everybody knows Him. Lying down and taking it won't help. Heck, think of the British. "Well, our city's been bombed relentlessly for a month or so now, and we're reduced to living underground in a bunch of underground tunnels, but they won't break our will!"
The best way to go and insult Satan is to resist his attacks. For however long it takes, no matter how hard it gets. Peace is all the better if you can make it through.

[goldenspines]

I wasn't making a leaving a thread.

And I'm not being mean, but I don't remember any time you sent me any messages or asked how I was doing or asked my interests or anything. I haven't even said anything about you, so I don't know why you're all the stuff you are.

I don't get why everyone assumes so many things about me, and why people keep telling me things take time, but then they leave me because my problems don't get fixed immediately.

Then I'm curious, what kind of thread were you making? I'm sorry I understood wrong, would you mind explaining?
I am only speaking about what I have read of your posts and heard you talk about in the chat back when you were a newer member.
Of course, if you cannot remember our long convos in the chat, I'm beginning to understand why you cannot remember people being nice to you in your past threads.
Though, you are being rather disrespectful by not listening to us, but instead complaining how much your life sucks over and over again. Honestly, we have been listening to you and we all totally understand that you have panic attacks and feel constantly depressed, but you also need to understand that we can't fix that. Every past encounter I've had with you is you wanting us to fix your life, and when we can't (because we are not God), you get more depressed, which discourages us and makes us think that you aren't listening to what we are saying to help you. How would you react to someone who you just can't get through to? Imagine you have someone you want to help so much, but they push your advice aside as worthless and just keep complaining like they didn't even hear you. That is what you're doing to us.

Also, didn't you read my last posts? You can't rely on people to fix your life for you, rely on God, who will NEVER leave you, ever.

[Dante]

Greetings again young one.
*Pascal smacks Aedin with a large trout and then ruffles his hair*

You know, there are a lot of heavy things on this page. It is true that people probably do stereo-type you before they even get to know Aedin; why I saw the name and thought it most amiable. Short, friendly kind of had a nice ring to it. I mean, sure I wouldn't let you hurt my other friends (if you were my friend I wouldn't want others to hurt you)- if you started being mean, but... I've got 1k post counts and been here quite a while and have yet to learn of an anti-Aedin committee of doom. I'm afraid people aren't out to get you as much as you think, or at least they never inform me.

All the same, I cannot deny that you may have painful problems, weakness that causes you to perhaps say things you don't really mean or that might perhaps hurt others. So your obsession with justice, your lack of trust of others and conviction of the world will convict you to a lifetime of isolation and us to a lifetime without you - no Aedin for me, no Aedin for any of us, but no one for you. Is justice really worth forsaking yourself and others - to exile the world? And are we not granted mercy to free us from that great oppressor?

Then forget about justice, all the vengeance in the world will not repay you one penny of your past sorrow - I assure you this. Embrace your mercy, the realization that you and others have both a dark and a light side - it as a gift and curse that none of us are perfect. Learn the art of forgiveness and start with yourself, all those terrible crimes you convict yourself with in your heart and mind.

How no matter how hard I try, all I do is cause problems and make people avoid me. I'm shy, have social anxiety, it's hard to talk to people, hard to make new friends, and it's too stressful always being the one to try to reach out and make new friends. I'm not whining, or pitying myself or anything, I'm just sick of stress and things not working out, I don't think i belong here, so I'm just posting to say, if I disappear for a while, that's probably why.

Just wonder why I'm so screwed up. Why I can't feel loved or cared about. Why I seem to always be so impossible to deal with.

I have a chemical imbalance, and a learning disability, that both combined realy screw me up.

Forgive them Aedin, if no one else can solve them for you in a way that retains you, then how could you? And if someone can, including perhaps you, then in that day I am sure you will take advantage of it. Any evils you cause aren't something you want, they are simply something that is.

Then, forgive others,

Can't stop thinking about all the people who just don't like me or try to get to know me.

It's just, I'm surrounded by family who never cares, who twist things, who try to convince me everything's my fault, and almost 99% of the other people I've met, have been the exact same.

A good friend could do that without twisting things and judging me and making me out to be a horrible person.

Forgive them. Because you cannot make friends among a field you sow with seeds of hatred. And you can not do what is hardest of all, without truly forgiving others, you cannot ask for forgiveness, so that every mistake or accidental phrase or deed you do will forever mark your record as you mark others. A twig and a tree hit the ground, both will feel the same force against one another as the other feels, but it is the twig that will snap beneath the pressure.

So then, ask for yourself the gift of forgiveness and seek true repentance with every "sorry", so that you might lift the weight of the world from your shoulders. This will be the most difficult and time absorbing task of all. But take heart at every "I forgive you" that you receive, as you should know by this point from personal experience, how difficult this is to say.

Think not also, that forgiveness is weak. For the armies of the world can wage war and sacrifice the lives of millions in the name of a little Justice. But mercy and forgiveness can end the whole affair with two simple words.

Then let the oceans calm so that you can take your voyage, so that you might embark on the journey of discovering others and yourself (now accepting that you will find great overlooks as well as dark forests within all). But take patience with heart and water those fertile fields you encounter with nurturing and kindness, for a harsh wind leaves a land barren but a gentle breeze blows through the forest. Treasure your pain and sorrow together and not as something you feel alone and learn the true nature of your humanity. Not as a curse, but as double edged swords, your weaknesses as opportunities to need others and your strengths to likewise protect those you have come to cherish.

Seek understanding and mediate on what you desire in friendships, search the whole dictionary if you must to put words to your feelings. Then plant these seeds, I know that I at least must do that also. But perhaps you at least know who you are, I have to rediscover me. I don't even know that anymore.

If all of this makes you cry, please send me a few tears. I told a psychologist a few days ago that it has been years since I last cried, I don't know how to anymore, no matter how much I might wish. My grandmother died and in sickening honesty, I simply stared forward into the void of numbness. I said goodbye over a cellphone. But I also captured a lifelong dream a while before that, and when I grasped the prize, felt the same... numb, nothing. Me, I am simply the mist in the air, and these writings simply reflections of a mirror. I cannot even hear my own advice. So please, send me some of your sadness, it sounds strange, but I'd oddly like to feel it once again. I'd like to feel sad for what I've done to myself in life - because maybe then I could feel truly happy later on.

I hope you don't do what you say Aedin. You say I am leaving CAA, but I hear I am exiling myself from life. If you stay, you can post "I am crying on your shoulder" and someone might say "hugs Aedin with a blanket and comforts him". But if you leave, the silence will only laugh at you and become the archetype of your worst fears. You won't even have words, just the cold dead silence. Even though the world is harsh, I hope you don't punish yourself with such an unjust and cruel end. Maybe then, if we're feeling down one day, when we truly do need it, maybe you'd do the same for us.

That is what I would add here, and that is all,
Pascal

[Makachop^^128]

I'm sorry You didn't like CAA. I think I understand why your leaving, but I'm sorry it didn't work out. I would still like to be friends with you though.


Reading through this thread, not to make offense to anyone but some of these replys are uncalled for. Everyone has their problems. Lets not be the judge for Aedin, God would not wont that.

[Lynna]

Aedin
Please Forgive us if we're doing this all wrong, we're just trying to help
Honestly we are.
I don't know what to say that will help you, because I can't say anything. I'm just human. I can't solve lifes problemes
I will pray that if you do decided to leave, you will return to us.
I promise I will pray for you every day, forever. Promise
If I ever break that promise, it will be because I'm human, and can make mistakes, not bacause I don't care about you.
Only God can solve your problems. He loves you, far more than anything else. His love for you is vast and never-ending, like the sky, even if it's covered in clouds, it's still there
God want's you to be happy, more than anything. He thinks you are a really cool and amazing person, and he loves you so, so very much.
You seem to be searching for answers, we all are really. But God is the only answer.
God Bless you brother.

[TGJesusfreak]

[quote="goldenspines"]You seem to have a deep emptiness in you, which is normal for people who are searching]She's right Aedin.

We give you advice and try to help you. We've known eachother for about a month now. You always say that you don't know how to change. If you truly want to change Aedin then wouldn't you try as hard as you could to do so? How much do you want to change? Try as hard as you can to chage, rely on God to help you through the storm. But you have to choose to accept His help rather than just being sad about what others have said.

Agreeing with what Pascal has said, You have to forgive those who've hurt you. If you can't forgive them then you're going to have a lot of trouble in other areas.

[Aedin]

It's been pretty clear this is beyond fixing. That everything I say, people will just find new ways to twist it or make it make me look bad. So I have only one question to ask.

Why do I have to ask multiple times for this thread to get locked?

Actually I do have one last thing to say. We haven't talked much, but Pascal, you seem to be a really smart dude.

[Radical Dreamer]

Thread locked by request. Sorry for those of you who may be writing long responses right now; feel free to PM them. I will say, though, Aedin, I'm a little confused as to why you'd want the thread locked when you made it because you wanted help and advice, which people have been giving to you by the gallon. Anyways, feel free to take it to PM.