Dealing with Resentment

[Mave]

Hi all,

I generally get along with ppl. However, there is one guy at my work place whom I despise. I hate to admit this but that word describes exactly how I feel for him.

We used to get along pretty OK in the beginning. But I started to work with him closely and I got very frustrated with his attitude and way of doing things. 3 things irritate me the most: 1) Asking irrelevant questions 2) Constant whining 3) Always trying to find the easy way out

Reason 3) is the most fatal. He seems to expect me to show him how to do things and then, complains about my way of doing things. E.g. I spent months trying to develop a method, staying up late nights and weekends. And he comes in from nowhere, I show him my method, he tries out the method once, and says, "Man, this is too difficult, I don't want to spend so much time doing this. Why didn't you ______ instead? You should make things easier."

I can't describe the rage that burns in me. Inside of me, I'm screaming, "I'm tired and I don't care. DON'T criticize me unless you're looking for trouble. Better still, get lost!" I don't recall uttering such awful but silent thoughts in my heart in my lifetime. I would rant further but let's stop here.

Lately, I've been ignoring and avoiding to talk to him. Everytime I see him, I get annoyed. Deep inside, I'm rotting in bitterness, unforgiveness and hatred. I've never hated somone so strongly. And I want out.

These feelings inside of me are so bottled up, it's unhealthy, I have to let it out and ask for help. I want to be healed from this. I want to learn how to let go of this resentment and my pride. I want to be more forgiving and less judgmental of others.

Please pray for me, may God's Will be done.

Thanks, guys...appreciate it.

[wiggins]

I'll pray for you.

[Gypsy]

I will be praying. Co-worker is an interesting relationship. You end up seeing these people more than your own family, and you have to work with them day in and day out. I understand how frustrating it can be to have a personality conflict with someone that is on you "team" so to speak.

While you may not want to hear this, Mave, the only way this situation is going to change is through you. Your co-worker isn't going to suddenly be agreeable overnight. Obviously from your post you already know this, but it's still a very hard pill to swallow, and a seemingly unfair pill. However, after you make it over this hurdle with God's help, you'll look back on it as a huge growing time. As trite as this sounds, it's a very character developing situation.

Other than praying for you, the best advice I can give is to make yourself relax whenever the stress levels start rising. The moment's solution will come faster and clearer if you're not boiling over inside. It's a day-by-day thing, but I'm confident that you're a big enough person to handle this. Let us know how it goes in the future, ok?

[shooraijin]

I'm praying for you, Mave. Is he an undergrad working for you, or the same level working near you on a similar project?

[Mave]

Thanks, guys. I really hate being in this situation because I'm tempted to act un-christian like. After acting this way, I always ask myself, "How am I going to tell this guy about Christianity (he's an unbeliever) when I act like a jerk around him?" I have to do something about it and your prayers will help me.

Some replies...

Gypsy: It's fine, I understand that in cases like this, I'm not going to be able to change the circumstances, but instead only myself and the way I choose to react to it. Thanks for your advice, ^_^ You're right that I need to control my stress level and learn to take things easy as well.


Shooby: He's another graduate student, on par with me and he works in my research area.

The challenge increases, after our lab move, he now sits next to me!

[Rogie]

Remember that the Bible says it's okay to be angry, but that we should forgive one another and work things out (I cannot for the life of me find where I read that, though -- I know I have it highlighted!). Anyway, you already seem to realize this, and I'm sure that God will help you through it. I'll pray for you, Mave!

[Spiritsword]

I will pray.

[YesIExist]

Mave, I think what's happening is that he needs to try different ways of doing things, and he isn't seeing how your way is functional. You've already established certain ways of doing things, but because he is inexperienced, he doesn't see why your way is a better way (at least for you).

I don't think he's criticizing YOU, he just needs to find the best way for himself to do things. You know the reasons why your methods work, but he has to try it for himself to be convinced.

What is essential is that you do not take his behavior as a personal insult. I am actually a lot like your coworker, btw.

[PotBelliedCow]

I'll pray for you my friend.

[Mave]

Mave, I think what's happening is that he needs to try different ways of doing things, and he isn't seeing how your way is functional. You've already established certain ways of doing things, but because he is inexperienced, he doesn't see why your way is a better way (at least for you).

I don't think he's criticizing YOU, he just needs to find the best way for himself to do things. You know the reasons why your methods work, but he has to try it for himself to be convinced.

What is essential is that you do not take his behavior as a personal insult. I am actually a lot like your coworker, btw.

I keep myself open to that possibility and therefore, also ask for prayers about my pride and that God may open my eyes if I'm in the wrong. No matter how annoying someone may be, I realize that I could be just as annoying to him or someone else as well. Either ways, I have no right to act like a jerk. Thanks for your input. ^_^

[starstoryteller]

Hiiiiiyaaaa Mave I'm that strange person called Clar on that tag-board(yes my real name is Clarissa but Clar is easer to spell and my parents call me Clar).
I had to deal w/ someone like that @ my school (he annoded and teased me) and you know what i did, i asked my teacher if he could move me. the kid asked why i moved i told him why. After awhile i got uesed to him and he no longer bothers me. Maybe you can ask your boss if you could work w/ someone else or maybe you can talk to (the guy) and try to work something out. Say to him something to the aftec of "You know it relay annoys me when you ask irrelevant questions." Or "please don't criticize my way of doing things because I am doing best I can." who knows it just might work but most of all see him w/ Jesus's eye's. What does He see? maybe he feels inaquet in comsion to you.
Hey God loves you and don't ever forget that that sounded very cheesy oh well take care X)

[Mave]

Hi Clar ^^ I remember you!! XD nice to have you here in CAA!

Thanks everyone for your prayers and input. Just a quick update on this, I'm learning to deal with and forgive my co-worker. I've no longer hold that horrible resentment feeling towards him and actually, try to help him in his work.

I've become less sensitive to his comments even though he made it pretty clear that sometimes he does all this just to annoy me for fun (no kidding!). Oh well...*laughs*

There was one time before this got resolved when I am in the middle of an intense experiment and out of the blue, he suddenly yells, "TELL ME.." I swirled around and yelled in his face, "WHAT???!!!!!" There was silence for 5 seconds (which felt like forever) and I turned my back, back to my experiment. In my mind, I was fuming..."Why does he always have to talk that way, it's so rude and why bother me in the middle of my experiments? Gah!!" But the Holy Spirit convicted me to apologize.....My fleshly pride was screaming "NoWay!!!!Why should I??" But after struggling in my spirit for 5 minutes, I finally said, "Hey _____, sorry about that."

"About what?"

(argghh, dang it, did you have to ask??!! Duhhhh!)

"For yelling at you"

"oh...it's OK, I shouldn't have talked to you like that too"

Well, after that, I learnt to communicate better with him, telling him more honestly what bothers me about his ways. Most of the time, he cooperates with me and spares me the stress but sometimes he doesn't really care. LOL I would safely report that things are getting better and I appreciate everyone's prayers in this matter. *bows to everyone* Once again, thank you, everyone. ^______^

(However, if you still have prayer space for me pls pray for my research progress and committee meeting tomorrow [see other thread])

Forever grateful
Mave

[Mave]

Gee, sorry for all these sudden updates, I tend to do things in one big bang. But I feel like I really owe it to those who prayed for me.

I no longer hate my lab partner even though he may still annoy me from time to time. I've learnt how to be more patient and to gently tell him off if he does something that irritates me. I now see him as one of God's children and even sympathizes with his problems. I no longer have malicious thoughts running through my head. Wow...I'm amazed and relieved.

Get this, everyone. We even talk about God and the Bible at work. He's been enquiring about the Christian faith. 0.0;;; If there's one last prayer request for this thread, let it be this: Please pray for wisdom and courage in the words I use when I speak to him regarding our faith. Thanks!

[agasfas]

Did i come to late? Well i just pray anyways to prevent further anger . I know how you felt, the people i work w/ complain about every little thing and that really really annoys me. But that's what people are like (or most americans). People now days tend to be lazy and try to find an easy way out of everything. Not many want to get their hands dirty. A little off topic, but i think i somewhat relates.
Anyways i hope for the best.

[Swordguy]

James 1
5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

i will pray