CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hi everyone,

For the past two years or so, my dad and sister have been arguing all the time. They never agree with each other, and neither of them want to change their attitudes or actions. They've had several talks promising that they'll change, but my sister remains stubborn and my dad remains close-minded and uncaring. My dad always yells at my sister and takes away her laptop when she gets bad grades on tests. And when my dad goes to work, my sister just finds her computer and goes on it until he comes home.

I personally feel like my dad goes around looking for things my sister does wrong just so he can nag and scold her. I've even noticed that when I do some of the same things he nags my sister for, he doesn't seem to notice or just says nothing about it.

My sister is constantly yelling at him to leave her alone, and when she and I are talking, she even calls him stupid and annoying. I really hate to see this, not only because it's tearing them apart, but also because God says to obey your parents and my sister isn't really doing that. I'm afraid that my sister might one day get harmed or, God forbid, killed. I agree that some of the things my sister does I don't agree with, but at the same time, some things that she does I don't find wrong.

I know that some of what my sister is doing is wrong, but she doesn't really have anyone else to talk to her or be her friend. I feel that if I start telling her about what she's doing wrong, she might run away or commit suicide. I try to gently tell her that she has to obey our dad, but at the same time, I try to be on her side.

I just really want my dad and sister to get along. I want my sister to be obedient and stop being so stubborn. And I want my dad to stop being so judgmental, unfair, stubborn, and close-minded.

I'm sorry for such a long-winded and wordy prayer request. I'd really appreciate some prayers or advice or something. And I'm sorry I've wasted your time if this was really long.

God bless you all, and thanks.

Okay, so a couple of questions here. How is your sister older or younger than you? Many times parents are much harder on older children than they are on younger ones. Why are you afraid your sister is going to end up getting harmed or killed or possibly commit suicide? I'm really not seeing this connection here. Having issues with your dad is not going to to cause any of those things. Now if she has depression, or if she's into drugs or various other things that you didn't bring up then I could see where you're coming from with that, but with what you mentioned, I don't see the correlation. And as far as the obedience to parents thing, yes, children should be obedient to their parents, but in all honesty if your father is trying oppress her for some reason, then I don't really see what she's doing as wrong. She shouldn't have to just take getting knocked around and stepped on because of a line in the Bible that could be interpreted to mean a couple of different things.

Regardless of these things, I do hope things work out between them and that you find a way to not be as caught in the middle as you seem to be.

Praying for your family.

It's a tough situation to be in, but sometimes... even if they're family, people don't necessarily get along. Your sister and dad are two individuals with their own unique personalities and life experiences. My mom and I were in a similar situation. Things didn't get better until I moved out and was able to grow up on my own outside of the house.

Calling your dad stupid and annoying isn't disobeying him (though taking her laptop back after it's been taken away is). Respecting and obeying parents isn't the same as liking them, which is an important thing to keep in mind. There's also no connection between not liking your dad and killing herself (unless she's already into risky behaviour or depressed). But if your dad is actively bullying her for things that wouldn't be an issue otherwise, then she does have a right to not like it and stand up for herself. She's just going about it the wrong way.

It's possible that both of them have gotten stuck in a rut with their behaviour as well. Would it be possible to set up the behaviour equivalent of the 'swear jar'? Without reminders - often physical ones - promises are easily forgotten.

There are also tactful ways to tell people that what they're doing is wrong. However, it sounds like your sister might need more of a confidant than anything else to let what's on her chest out. You don't know *why* she's acting out, really, and unless you know that then you're at risk of making things worse.

Praying.

I'm praying too!