Quite long rantish post:
So, today was rough. I met with my Finance prof and found out that, although I'm making As on my homework/participation/the presentation I did last week, my exams have really hurt me and I have a C in the class currently. He said there's still time to bring it up to the minimum requirement of a B --the only 2 grades we have left are our 3rd exam on the 29th and then our final. So I have to make a high B or A on both of those, pretty much.
My big issue with the Finance (Capital Management in Ag Business) class is that I understand the material when I meet with the prof and during class for the most part, but when I take the exam, I make lots of stupid little mistakes in my calculations --and all those little deductions add up. And I have difficulty recalling the steps to a few of the procedures (need to do a better job of writing up the sheet that we can use during the exam). I really am disliking this class, though my prof is excellent and the subject matter is interesting. I just hate that my test anxiety (that tends to crop up with mathematics-intensive courses) keeps cropping up --I wish I could tell it to go away so I can focus on what I'm doing instead of being afraid I won't finish in time and getting worried because others are finishing before me --and making dumb mistakes.
I'm doing well in my Equine Nutrition class --made a B on the last exam and have done well on other assignments.
And then I met with my committee chair and found out that I did not pass my comprehensive exam. My committee felt that I did not elaborate enough on my answers (I'll admit that, due to fatigue and being just plain burnt-out with school, that I did pretty much the bare minimum on that front.) But they talked to the dept. head and I get to retake my comprehensive exam in 2 weeks (the weekend of Dec. 3) --if I pass that, then I'll get to graduate with my M.S. in December.
So I really have to buckle down these last few weeks of the semester to pull this off and graduate. I don't have another semester of school in me --I can't take anymore. So I have to finish.
After I had my meetings, I took Leon to the tennis court to play for 20 min. Then we drove home. I cooked myself some food (I hadn't eaten all day and it was now near 5 pm). Then went and laid down to watch some show on the computer.
Reading technical jargon when I am so fatigued that my brain is stalling is really an exercise in futility.
I admit that I am burnt out (or very close). I've been in and out of the ER all semester, had one 3 day hospital stay and have had new health problems crop up as well as progression of ones that I already had.
I do not feel well so much of the time. I am trying --I am just so exhausted --physically and mentally. I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to finish what I started (my degree) even though it is not likely that I will wind up being able to use it (working just part-time on campus --4 hours a week--zaps me) --I want to try, at least. Even though I sometimes wonder what the point is. I've accumulated all this debt to get a professional degree --once I get it, then what? Why didn't I just stop with my B.S.?
Anyway, so yeah, if I'm not around much, it's because I'm pushing myself to try to successfully finish this semester. I just want it to be over already. Just need to hang in there for 3 1/2 more weeks.
TL:DR --I am so very tired of school. I want to be DONE. I need prayer because I am very, very close to complete tail-spinning burn out.
