Depressed with low self worth. (long rant)

[heero yuy 95]

Hello, again, guys. Lately I've been very depressed, more depressed actually than I have been in a long time. I've gone to college for a year and a half trying two different career fields I was interested in and neither seemed to pan out. So since Christmas I've been taking some time off from college. I moved out in January and I've been living in an apartment with a friend of mine.

I wish I knew the exact reasons, but for the past few years, since I graduated high school, really, I've dealt with low self esteem. I just feel like no matter what I do, I'll fall short and my friends and family will be disappointed. I sit in a room with a group of pals and more and more I just feel so replaceable. It's gotten so bad I've been getting depressed over it, finding it harder and harder to ease up and get in a good mood.

I almost feel guilty for feeling this way, because, well, my life hasn't been too hard. I grew up in a loving nuclear family with a mother and a father. There haven't been any terribly traumatic experiences I've suffered in my lifetime. I just feel like a loser. I think I need challenges in my life or something cool like that.

Has anyone here felt this way?

[Okami]

I've been there, too...you're not alone when it comes to depression. I've had two extremely rough patches in the past three weeks, and both times I had to "tough it out" on my own. It's not easy to look beyond the weight of trial, and even harder still to be positive amidst such a feeling of being crushed.

Our emotions always seem to have some sort of desperate calling for introspection where we need to step back and re-evaluate everything, running to God and the Scriptures to really dig into how God's people handled things (typically not very well.) which then allows us to know that we're not alone, and He still has compassion on us despite our shortcomings. One such example of this is Isaiah 55; God is abundantly good, and comes closer to us when we're suffering than it seems in any other time. (Okay, the passage doesn't really have much to do with what I said, but it's still an awesome chapter on mercy )

I'll be praying for you! God speed.
Okami

[Davidizer13]

I almost feel guilty for feeling this way, because, well, my life hasn't been too hard. I grew up in a loving nuclear family with a mother and a father. There haven't been any terribly traumatic experiences I've suffered in my lifetime. I just feel like a loser. I think I need challenges in my life or something cool like that.

Has anyone here felt this way?

Dude, I know the feeling; I've gone through basically the same thing, living life with an unbroken, loving, middle-class family, never needing anything or going through any huge shocks, never truly questioning my faith or having to overcome hardships like depression, etc. I mean, in hindsight, I've gone through challenges, and so has my family, but somehow, it felt like they didn't affect me. It finally hit me in a class in church one day, where I finally broke down about it in front of everyone there, feeling like I hadn't grown spiritually or anything, and that I felt powerless to change that. It's a weird place to be, almost like you're seeking out misfortune just so that you can feel like you're doing something.

Then it hit me, as I was sitting there feeling sad about how lucky I was: I realized how much I had really grown over the years when I hadn't felt anything. My outlook had been completely changed through that time, from simply seeking a physical feeling of closeness to God, to seeking to serve Him and having a direction for doing that. It sounds cliched, and you've probably heard stuff like this before, but when you feel the most spiritually dry, that's when you grow. You just don't realize it until you're done.

Don't give up yet!

[Kunoichi]

Been there. Even if according to others I have a "reason" for my depression, doesn't really matter. When you are in it, you are in it. Trying to convince and run from it saying that you "Shouldn't" feel a certain way will only compound it. Sounds messed up but that's how it works for me. Its only when I've chosen to accept I am what I am, do what I can and give the rest to God to give me the strength to get through it. Consequently, I'm going through a severe depression episode right now. So you are not alone in this.

Praying and God bless!

[ABlipinTime]

Matt 10: 29-31 says:
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny ? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

Just some words of encouragement:
God cares about you, and He does have a plan for your life. Trust Him and follow Him, and even though you life may appear to be a rough start, remember that God seems to like rough beginnings. For pete sakes, He was born in a stable to a poor carpenter in an area of the world the most "civilized" people of the time (the Romans) considered the wilderness. Now how does one become world famous starting there? God did! And it's not just because Jesus was God. He emptied Himself of power, but He still had God the Father. So do you: you also have God the Father, and he'll make something of your life, whether it be leading a corporation or taking care of people in the back-alleys of some trashy neighborhood.

For the time being, also remember to be kind and take care of the guys you are currently with, both because they're friends and because such kindness pleases God.

God bless you, man!

[airichan623]

Hello, again, guys. Lately I've been very depressed, more depressed actually than I have been in a long time. I've gone to college for a year and a half trying two different career fields I was interested in and neither seemed to pan out. So since Christmas I've been taking some time off from college. I moved out in January and I've been living in an apartment with a friend of mine.

I wish I knew the exact reasons, but for the past few years, since I graduated high school, really, I've dealt with low self esteem. I just feel like no matter what I do, I'll fall short and my friends and family will be disappointed. I sit in a room with a group of pals and more and more I just feel so replaceable. It's gotten so bad I've been getting depressed over it, finding it harder and harder to ease up and get in a good mood.

I almost feel guilty for feeling this way, because, well, my life hasn't been too hard. I grew up in a loving nuclear family with a mother and a father. There haven't been any terribly traumatic experiences I've suffered in my lifetime. I just feel like a loser. I think I need challenges in my life or something cool like that.

Has anyone here felt this way?

That my friend, is the story of my life, except im still in high school.

[Furen]

Yes, though I've not graduated.

[Nate]

Are you me?

[ShiroiHikari]

I'm 28 and have done nothing worthwhile with my life. Jobs never work out for me, I'm not on the path to any sort of career, I don't have a degree, and the few moves that I've made have been lateral ones. People ask me what I do; I have no answer to give except "housewife". I'm married, but I don't consider that an achievement, as anyone can get married if they really want to. I can't seem to finish anything I start. I fail utterly in most social situations. I feel like nobody is ever around when I really need them the most-- many times when I feel depressed or upset, my calls and text messages don't get returned.

I've had moderately good health, have never had surgery or needed to be hospitalized. Nothing especially tragic has ever happened to me, except maybe my parents' divorce, I guess. My basic needs are met-- I have a place to live and food and clothes. I usually end up getting a lot of the material things that I want, too, though it usually takes a while.

Still, I can't shake the feeling that my life is completely and totally meaningless. I feel like I'm worthless, and that nothing I do matters in the slightest. Even when things are going okay, I sometimes still feel this way. When things do happen to go awry, I often just wish I was dead.

So I think it's safe to say that I know how you feel.

[heero yuy 95]

Thank you all very much. Hearing that others out there have gone through the same thing makes me feel better. I'm feeling better but still working on it.