CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Yeah, well... this Monday, I got no work... went into work late... boss was mad at me, sent me home... I suck... I go in late all the time... wonder why I haven't been fired yet. I have so much trouble keeping jobs...

Anyway... I went into town today to apply for food stamps, and don't have an interview appointment until mid-month... and I withdrew some money to get some much-needed groceries... my mom's going to start charging me rent to live here (at the house) pretty soon... as she and my father are retired and up at their retirement house and need my brother and I to pay for utilities... they cannot just charge him and not charge me... out of fairness...

But... he makes more money than I do... SITTING ON HIS BUTT.
He gets disability for his mental problems. I do not. (And... he mooches off the groceries that I BUY, because he can... he's... like that.. and if I were to ever accuse him of being selfish/not sharing his stuff, he'd come back at me that he does share what he cooks sometimes - he does, but it's not much...and he'd guilt-trip me on something... he's an expert emotional manipulator).

I have not reached that point of giving up on my ability to work yet, so I don't get disability. Very soon, I'm going to be having to pay 200 dollars a month in rent... right now, I don't even have that much in my checking account... and my current part time job gives me VERY FEW hours and is very iffy... I only get work when there is work for me to do.. it's a contract job... almost like freelance.

GARRRGAGGHAGGAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

I'm seriously desperate... I job-hunted yesterday... everyone says that they aren't hiring until after the first of the year...

I also have my problem of waking up in the morning and not wanting to face the world... just wanting to stay in bed. I'm as lazy as... I don't know what... and it's been my downfall. I also don't have much self-confidence at all to do anything...

I do need work... I need it badly. I am... thinking... if my financial situation continues to be bad.. if I don't get work... you see... I feel like I'm a burden on people, just a worthless, annoying burden. I dislike pain, am not brave enough to do it yet, and I don't want to make my nieces and nephews cry, or my mom and dad stressed out... but I get thoughts like... maybe I ought to just cut my wrists or something and end it all if I don't get out of my financial binds...

I'm also in debt. Student loans... and some credit card debt... the student loan is the worse one...

It's that... I just think things might be a lot easier (for me) if I were dead.. but I don't really want to die yet... I'm just confused and... garrggh... I need money... I need work... feeling deseperate.

Hopefully things will be looking up soon for both of us. . .the head mod over at CF is mad at me, and I'm most likely being fired as soon as he gets around to it

I'll pray for you.

Ok.

I'll pray for you as well.

Much as this would be hard for you to take, have you considered finding just something temporary to pay the bills? Something like that wouldn't unduly kill your future career ... or have you already tried looking at part-time and entry-level type positions?

I will pray for you...

I'll pray too.

I've been looking temporary, too... I'm wanting anything. Well, I'd rather not have to go back to working fast food, but I'm even considering trying that again.

You'll certainly be in my prayers. Be sure to keep us informed, ok?

same here, ill pray for you.

I'll pray for you too.

Hey I will be praying for you! Life is tuff but I know you can get through it just keep looking up!

Have you tried banks?

It must be hard finding work in Arizona. My mom's been out of work for around a month and can't find work over there. She lives in the Tempe area. I'll definitely be praying for you.

Shadsie, God really does care, as much as you feel He hasn't heard you or you're just not worth it - that's just not true. I care too and please don't keep everything inside. You can always pm me and talk if you like. I can't buy any of your animal heads because my daughter has a severe fear of skulls and taxidermied animal heads. I have no idea where she gets that from. It does make it very hard to eat in restaurants in the southwest. *hehe*

Sorry, I really will pray for you and hope the best.

I will pray for you, Shadsie.

I'll will pray for you as well.