Advice needed, all welcome >_>

[nightblade]

Ok, consumer digest version.

-I like this girl (for the sake of giving her a name: Sally)
-Sally used to like me
-Sally and I got in a tangle and she doesn't like me anymore
-Sally and I are friends
-Sally likes this other guy
-This other guy takes her places
-Sally and I hung out meaning we went to Starbucks and then back to her house for a movie where we cuddled for a good portion of the movie, some of that kissing.

My stomach feels twisted in a knot, but that's given. Now what the deuce do I do about this? Is it ok to be kissing a friend like that casually? Usually I have good integrity and morals and stuff when it comes to this but right now I feel like I'd be fine with how it is.

[Stephen]

Hmm...I would question a girl who likes one guy and is kissing another. Whats to say that if you date her...she wont end up going to starbucks with another guy? This might just be me speaking from my butt...but I would spend some time praying about it. If you feel weird about the whole thing...its probably not right. Its hard of course since you like the girl...of course you want everything to head in a relationship direction...but somtimes its best to get a bearing on what you feel God wants you to do....rather then what your heart is telling you. I would also talk to her about it. Is she serious about a relationship, or was she just being a tease. If she blows you off on the whole thing...chances are she is just being a flirt...and thats dangerous dating someone like that. One minute they love you...the next minute they love when your not around.

[nightblade]

The thing is that I've known her for a few years, and she wasn't interested in a relationship when she liked me. The thing is, is that she's one of the most awesome Christian women I know. She says she just wants to be friends....

Odd, isn't it? (Not to mention, this isn't the first time)

[Mave]

Here's my advice: I think it's best that you clarify your position with her straight away and agreeing on what you define by "friends."

I have a very close Christian male friend whom I trust and enjoy hanging out. However, we do NOT kiss or cuddle. Personally, I think this girl has no business doing that with you if she already has another guy. Even if her intentions are innocent, I don't think her other man is going to appreciate that and you're going to be the scapegoat in this mess.

ShatterHeart has good points, which I agree with as well.

Pls correct me if I misunderstood the situation.

[nightblade]

How's this for an update?

She and that guy decided to be friends, and now she likes me. But she doesn't want a really "committed relationship" as she puts it.


This is just after 1) I decide to try and not be attracted to her and 2) I find out another girl whom I had a crush on likes me (both admitted to each other)...



This is why I read Love Hina, just to show it could get worse.

PS. I really don't like teenage-drama-crap like this, it just bloody happens T.T

[Mangafanatic]

Ok, consumer digest version.

-I like this girl (for the sake of giving her a name: Sally)
-Sally used to like me
-Sally and I got in a tangle and she doesn't like me anymore
-Sally and I are friends
-Sally likes this other guy
-This other guy takes her places
-Sally and I hung out meaning we went to Starbucks and then back to her house for a movie where we cuddled for a good portion of the movie, some of that kissing.

My stomach feels twisted in a knot, but that's given. Now what the deuce do I do about this? Is it ok to be kissing a friend like that casually? Usually I have good integrity and morals and stuff when it comes to this but right now I feel like I'd be fine with how it is.

Okay, I'd like to start by saying that the words "causal" and "kissing" in close proximity to another should be screaming "DANGER!" You're kissing this girl when you're not really even in a relationship with her. That's a bad sign, IMHO.

Furthermore, Sal-- may I call her Sal ]CHRISTIAN[/i] girl doing saying something like that! All physical dispays of affection are an act of commitment whether she realizes it or not. Be it sex or kissing, when you enter into that action, you're send a message of commitment, regardless of what you're saying with your mouth. *sigh* It's sorta sad that we live in a society where "committment" is dirty word.

So,

Now what the deuce do I do about this?

Um, I'd say-- stop kissin' this chick. She needs to get her life in order. And I think you might need to think really carefully about why you weren't bothered by "casually" kissing your "friend." What are you looking for in a relationship? When you can answer that question, ask yourself if the thing you're seeking is something that God desires that you be seeking.


Hope I'm not coming across as harsh. I don't mean to be.

[nightblade]

Please, hit me as hard as you want, because I sure as heck need it.

And also, that guy wasn't her boyfriend but rather a guy she liked.

My best friend (Acraine) slammed me pretty hard for this, and basically I'm going to have to talk to her and tell her how its going to go down. Which is basically for me going to be, "Sorry, I can't be doing this. I need a committing relationship and not simply a booty-call."

Booty call is not how I feel about her, but more or less that seems like what's going to happen. Thanks mangafanatic ^_^;

[Mangafanatic]

And also, that guy wasn't her boyfriend but rather a guy she liked.

If she's going places alone with this guy, he probably thinks he's her boyfiriend. For this reason, his feelings need to be considered by her. It's not fair to play him. (I can't say she's definitely playing him, but if she's not telling him that she can't be more than a friend to him-- well, yeah, she's not being honest. And he deserves honesty.)

Thank you so much for taking my word so openly. It's very adult of you.

[nightblade]

She and that guy decided to be friends, and now she likes me. But she doesn't want a really "committed relationship" as she puts it.


This is just after 1) I decide to try and not be attracted to her and 2) I find out another girl whom I had a crush on likes me (both admitted to each other)...

I'm not sure if you saw that above. Also, she and that guy decided to be friends, that's it. It's very weird.

So is being called very adult. I just tend to humble myself to an insect when I know I'm screwing up somewhere

[Mave]

Yes, I appreciate your openness to advice from us about this too. I won't say furthermore though since I agree with what Mangafanatic has already stated whole-heartedly. I'll pray for your situation that you may follow what God wants you to do. May you pick the decision which strengthens your relationship with God and your sexual purity ^_^

[Mangafanatic]

Oh I see.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with her for a while. I would also encourage you to be very tender with the hearts of these two young ladies. Treat this with the respect and decency you would a want a sister (or if you have no sister, think mother or some other female who you feel nothing but platonic love for).

Also, think very carefully about how you are and where you stand in your walk with the Lord. Will a relationship with one of these girl put anything between you and your growth? Also, do you have the self control to put boundaries in your relationships? These are all just thinking spots and they are not meant to be an attack. Please understand that.

[Destroyer2000]

Nightblade, how old are you?

[nightblade]

I know, it's really difficult because I'd rather just be hurt in the end and save the two, but part of the problem is that they're both friends and we all go to the same church, and we're all youth leaders in our church's youth choir.

I do have self-control to put boundaries in my relationships, as I have in every relationship I've had in the past. Both of them are awesome people that are strong in their faith (relative I suppose but anyways), and wouldn't put a damper in my growth, though one would need a little bit more self-control physically on my part (not that she's more attractive, but rather she has a more touchy-feely personality in general).

Also, I am 17 years old, a senior in High School, and I turn 18 on Feburary 20th.

[Fsiphskilm]

I think it's most

[true_noir_chloe]

Also, think very carefully about how you are and where you stand in your walk with the Lord. Will a relationship with one of these girl put anything between you and your growth? Also, do you have the self control to put boundaries in your relationships?

These are the perfect questions to ask. And I have to add, "THESE ARE GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRLS?!" What the heck is going on these days? Somehow, stringing guys along and kissing, just to check out the options is now ok for a Christian? Ah, if only we had more young girls like Osaka around.

I think loyalty is the most important thing, when my freind Erica got a boyfreind she stoped calling me "K-chan" and "adorable", now that's loyal, made me feel a little lonely but I respect her decision.

See, this is how a girl should act. With respect and not constantly tugging at a poor guys heart strings. Erica was wise not to do or say anything that would make Volt hopeful or longing for her. She was treating Volt with kindness, which is what a young woman of God should do.

I really question these girls being leaders in any kind of Christian group. Sheesh. Forgive my outbursts; but, I really shake my head with some young girls behavior these days.

BTW, I will pray for you, also. ^_______^

[nightblade]

Actually, it's just one of them. I think you guys would like to know I went on a date with one of them (not Sally) and I had a great time. We met at Starbucks and I bought a Carmel Apple Cider for both of us, and we talked for almost an hour and a half before she had to leave for a drama team rehearsal at church. She even told me she enjoyed herself and that she'd like to go out again (what girl doesn't when you treat her to Starbucks.... just kidding )

I know what decision has to be made, but the problem is telling Sally that I won't do that, and that I cannot accept that type of relationship. Unfortunately, I still want to be friends with her (strictly friends, nothing of the above sort). Any ideas on how to break it gently?

EDIT: Also, one more thing. I'm 17 and a senior in high school, and she's 19 and a sophmore in college (she's in a local Cal State college and living at home). Love is not bounded by age is what I've heard, but what do you guys think?

[nightblade]

Ok, I suppose I owe you guys an update. Basically long story short, Sally asked me to go to the movies (and yes, she called it a date).

I'm ripping my hair out in frustration because now she's starting to want a committed relationship and says, "I can't stop thinking about you since we got in an argument on Sunday" and blah blah blah.

*runs in circles ripping hair out*

God must be preparing me for some ultimate frustration or something >_> I can feel it coming...

[wilson1112000]

Boy, this is a tough one. The main thing to worry about is if you can trust her. In every relationship, one of the most important things is trust. If you cant trust her, then your relationship wont work. Now, also another important thing about relationships are communication. Listen to everything she talks about. Your relationship can be strengthened by listening to her. Thats just my two cents.

[Fsiphskilm]

See, this is how a girl should act.

[nightblade]

Thankfully I have two things in my life that God has provided. One is my best friend Dan, and the other is you guys. Thanks to both, and your courage to tell me what I needed to hear rather than what I wanted to hear, I called Sally and told her how it was going to go down. I stopped it right there. My breath was rather ragged from shaking from being so nervous, but I got through it. Thank you all and God Bless!

[Mangafanatic]

Ah, if only we had more young girls like Osaka around.

You're so sweet, Chloe!

And Nightblade, I'm really glad you decided that this isn't the time for dating! It may be tought right now, but the Godly woman who is your future wife is very thankful, I assure you.

[nightblade]

O_o

Actually, perhaps I didn't add everything *checks quickly*

I am sorta dating a girl from my church who I've known for a few years, except she's a sophmore in college (she's 19 and I'm 17). Because we've both come out of relationships in a poor way more or less, we both feel quite vulnerable, so we agreed if our feelings go anywhere, it'll be slow because neither of us wants to be hurt again. So yes I'm dating, but I'm not running in with my head down, I'm praying and I think God is telling me to take my time, because by nature I'm generally aggressive, reckless, and stubborn. So God is trying to make me wait and think about what I'm doing, and prayer is helping. Thanks again guys.

[Mangafanatic]

O_o

Actually, perhaps I didn't add everything *checks quickly*

I am sorta dating a girl from my church who I've known for a few years, except she's a sophmore in college (she's 19 and I'm 17). Because we've both come out of relationships in a poor way more or less, we both feel quite vulnerable, so we agreed if our feelings go anywhere, it'll be slow because neither of us wants to be hurt again. So yes I'm dating, but I'm not running in with my head down, I'm praying and I think God is telling me to take my time, because by nature I'm generally aggressive, reckless, and stubborn. So God is trying to make me wait and think about what I'm doing, and prayer is helping. Thanks again guys.

The whole legal-ness of this relationship (you know, she's legal and you're not) aside. . .

I plead with you that if you think you need to "consider" dating-- do it away from a dating relationship. If you're in a relationship with a girl, and you're stil trying to figure out what you think about dating-- the likelihood is that you're going to be severely biased in your decisions.

Whether you feel you are running with your head down or not, it seems you're both crawling to eachother as some sort of a rebound relationships. And they don't world. The best couselors will tell you that you should stay away from now girlfriend/ or boyfriends for a while right after a break up, because the things you're looking for right after a painful relationship aren't the same things that you really are looking for in the long run. (A girl who just god out a relationship might look for someone who's very physical with their displays of affection when, in the long run, she might not want someone drooling all over her.) It just doesn't bode well.

And, nightblade, my friend, this may hurt a little, but I think it needs to be said. In the course of this tiny thread you've bounced around 3 girls. And that's not fair to you, and it's especially not fair to them. You either need to stay away from them right now, as I strongly advise you to do, or you need to stick to your guns and actually ride out one of these relationships(once more, the latter is probably not a good idea).

Once again, I don't mean to cruel or condecending, but I'm really worried about you and I'd hate to see any of the people mentioned by you in this thread end up hurt.

[nightblade]

Just a few things to clear up >_>

First of all things, there's 2 girls. The second is that I've already tried to rebound (2 months ago or so) and took about a two month break until this came up. I just feel vulnerable because God completely broke me like a twig and I've been rebuilding myself, slowly regaining the joy and confidence I once had. Aubree (the girl I've gone out with once) feels unsure of herself because of something that happened in her previous relationship (which I know about but will not speak of) that ended over five months ago. She also has spent time reflecting upon the relationship and what she has done.

One of my greatest strengths is the courage I have (in my opinion), because I always have the courage to speak my mind no matter what consequences I might face. That's how (despite going pink while doing so) I was able to admit my feelings to her. It's also how I was able to come here and tell people my struggles. But I feel I'm willing to take a risk here, and I believe God is prodding me gently towards this.

Also, I'm not ignoring your advice, but rather taking it into consideration. Please do not feel that you have been wasting your time with me, because every word has made me think and consider what I have been doing and has helped me grow. I've seriously gone from a daily ":mutter::waah!:" to a ":thumb::grin::jump:" because of the help you've given me. I love and desperately needed the advice you've given, but because of the awkwardness of asking for advice, I forget to include the pieces of information seem so basic to me that my friends know but you guys haven't. Simply, I'm absentminded sometimes and forget you guys don't know me inside and out. This is not a critisism but rather a fault of mine for not realizing that.

Also, addressing the legal-ness thing, it isn't illegal unless we... eh... yeah.... So there really isn't a problem there. Plus I'll be "legal" in two and a half months ^_^

It would be my prayer that you guys would pray for me, and (no matter what you're opinion of what I do is) wish me the best in my decision. One of the things I wrote recently in my journal is this,

"and I pray that it [prayer] helps build a foundation laid with God, trust, and love. I think I'll ask ask her to pray with me for that.

When my best friend pulled my journal out of my hands and read it (as we sometimes do because as guys we have a problem of admitting stuff to each other) he was quite impressed with it.

Who knows, perhaps I'm maturing through this, but God knows it's reluctantly

[Mangafanatic]

We will gladly pray.

[CobaltAngel]

Well, you'll be in my prayers. I believe that God alows trials to come into our life so we can be prepares for the future. ^^ Reading through this thread its impressing to see how much your views on dating have changed, and I admire your open-mind.

[nightblade]

Well, I've been asked to keep this updated, so I might as well.

I invited Aubree over for hot chocolate and tree-decorating, so she came over after babysitting and we decorated our tree (two full boxes of ornaments and probably two dozen shiny red balls O_O) and hot chocolate. We looked through one of my photobooks (no idea what to call them, but basically me from when i was born through 1994 in pictures my parents took). After that we decided to watch Hook (the Peter Pan with Robin Williams), which he held hands and cuddled a bit through.

We were just talking after the movie, but we went out to her car at about 2:45-50 (yes, AM), only to find a light on and her car unable to start (battery died).

Without my six months up, I woke my mom and she drove her home (she left about 3AM). That's the honest-to-God truth, nothing else happened, we just happened to stay up rather late. (Yes, we both went to church the next morning)

After helping out at church until about 3PM she drove her mom's car home to get her dad and I went home, then she came over, jumpstarted her car, and her dad left and she stayed at my home for about an hour while her battery recharged. So we read Christmas books (Bernstein Bear's Christmas Tree and a "Twas the Night before X-mas" book with cute little mice) to each other, then she went home to get started on an essay.

So there's an update, though I suppose everyone who's read this is probably thinking I'm full of myself.

[Destroyer2000]

Well, my question concerning your age no longer has relevence, as I can see that you most likely understand the difference between love and infatuation.

Originally posted by true_noir_chloe:
Ah, if only we had more young girls like Osaka around.

That'd be kind of scary...XP

[Mangafanatic]

Originally posted by true_noir_chloe:
Ah, if only we had more young girls like Osaka around.

That'd be kind of scary...XP

Hey!!! I resemble that remark. I mean-- I resent that remark.